I just came back from an amazing shoot in WaterColor, FL It was a very eventful and inspiring trip that will be fully blogged asap. Till then, check out the shoot previews on the SW site here and here.
In my travels I did a lot of thinking (I had about 24 hours in the car by myself) and spent some time with great friends and my family. There are a very small handful of people in my life who can just look at me and see right through me. I had a long convo with my good friend Jeff Holt this past weekend that really got me thinking. We talked about #TruthDay… a concept brought up by my other amazing client, Jeremy Cowart. Jeremy’s idea: “I think there should be [Truth Day/Truth Thursday] where we all tweet our insecurities, imperfections and mistakes. How amazing would that be?” I think we all have a deep need for confession in our lives. We want someone to see us as we are and say “you’re OK. I love you just as you are. I understand you.” I won’t get preachy on you, but the only one who can really do that fully is God. However, there are some people who do that for us in our lives as a reminder of that. Sometimes it’s not what the people closest to us say; it’s what they don’t say.
So, here’s my #TruthDay, a little early:
I’ve been really sick since I got home Friday and confined to my bed (dream bed above). My mom thinks I have Swine Flu. I think I just have a fever and a cold. I miss my mom when I’m sick.
I’m a really positive happy person. But, when I don’t work out every day and sleep enough, I am 100% not myself. The couple weeks before I left for WaterColor, I finally started to feel like “me” again after a month of no travel. I started training for a marathon, sleeping a lot, and focusing on my relationship with myself and God. It felt good. After I get over this Swine Flu, I’ll hit the gym again. A great quote from Deepak Chopra: “Affluence, abundance, unboundedness are our natural state. We simply have to remember who we are.”
I rarely cry, but I cried for a good solid hour yesterday morning.
I’m turning 30 two days after Christmas. I’m not sure how to feel about that yet.
I could spend several days completely alone in my office and be happy. Many times I do.
I fully exhaust myself before I realize I should slow down. I like taking on a lot at once because I get bored really easily. But, when I cross that fine line, I probably should have stopped 10 steps before that.
I know I have the power to make big things happen for people. I forget that when I let myself listen to other people’s negativity.
I know I’m not using even 10% of my potential. I haven’t always felt this way. This is new and I want it to change now.
I can own a conference room, but I’m not good at being vulnerable. It sometimes takes me a long conversation to finally say what’s really on my mind. I wish I didn’t have so much fear and could just say it.
I recently wrote my will. Should have done it a while ago. [I was supposed to do it when Ari did his before he left for Iraq. We got in a silly fight and I ended up going shopping instead of to the lawyer’s office on base.] It was hard to do, but very revealing. I’m embarrassed to say, it’s locked up on my iPhone of all places. I know, I know.
I like driving fast and speeding into turns.
If I had three wishes: 1. to be closer to God. 2. to be closer to me. 3. to be closer to my brother.
I’m taking a Twitter/Facebook sabbatical. I’m on day 3. I feel the need to pull back, reevaluate and come out fresh. I’ve also turned my phone on vibrate, turned up the music, deleted a bunch of useless apps on my iPhone, cleaned out my computer, and installed LeechBlock for Firefox on my Mac which gives me only 12 minutes a day on Google Reader and several other sites that make my mind wander. Getting focused is not my problem. Getting re-focused and looking at my work and my life with fresh eyes is my new goal.
Chapel Hill doesn’t have an ocean or mountains. Ari has 4 more years of rad residency. Till the end of my residency widow days, I’ll keep looking for a second office in WaterColor. I know Kath, Em, and Whit would like that too ; )
I’m not good at asking for what I want or saying what’s really on my heart. I’m a people pleaser. My friend Fred Egan said this weekend “we often don’t get what we want because we seldom ask.” That struck a chord in me. The first step is knowing what you want… clarifying and defining. After that, asking is easy. Admitting what we really want (not just what we’re supposed to want) is tough. And freeing. (by the way, be sure to visit Fred’s new style blog, Unabashedly Prep, which launched today.)
I don’t fear failure in my business anymore. I’ve been through a heck of a lot. I fear not being perfect. I’d rather fear failure.
I like to ignore red flags.
I added up some numbers today and I’ve spent over $49,000 on something this year. Kinda shocked me.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to pray and ask for God’s help. Typing that out sounds really silly.
I love surprising people. I’d like to be surprised one day. I feel like that sounds selfish.
I’ve been looking into taking a solo vacation, a retreat, some sort of escape. I know that’s not the answer. I need to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Although, a week at Miraval sounds mighty good right now.
What’s that phrase about shrinking so others feel better about themselves? I do that. A lot. I shouldn’t.
I’ve been lied to several times lately and I’ve let it slide without saying anything.
I am somewhat scared to publish this post. (please refer back to “I am not good at being vulnerable.”)
Some positive truths:
image :: our labor of love
I’m really proud of my husband. I don’t tell him that nearly enough. I could never do what he does.
I made a financial commitment this week that should scare me, but it doesn’t. It’s growing pains. It’s a big leap and I’m taking it.
I love my consulting work. I am helping people a lot.
I have just scratched the surface with my rep clients. I have a huge list of plans for them and am finally finding the time to put them in motion. I’m so thankful for their patience. They will soar. Nothing excites me more.
I think I’ll be a really great mom one day and I’ll love it.
I celebrated my dad’s 70-somethingth birthday last week with my parents. They are so loving and cute together. I feel so thankful to have celebrated with them and seen my dad so happy and proud of me. I’m proud of you, Dad. I love my family more than words. I’m so blessed to have parents who believe in me.
I’m a great singer. I never really sing except on long car rides. And you wonder why I drove to WaterColor.
I’m a “doer” AND a “closer”. Whatever that means.
My favorite place is anywhere I’m working out. My favorite time of day is right before I go to sleep. My favorite thing to do is sing old hymns. My favorite gift to get is music and little love notes.
I feel most alive on skis and encouraging people.
I get a lot of really nice emails every week. I’m grateful and humbled.
Things that make me swoon recently: thunder and lightning, hot showers, film photography, seeing people do what they love to do and Architectural Digest.
I have the greatest team in the world. Emily, Katharine and Whitney are such a blessing in my life. They say and do things that still make me pinch myself and say “wow, how did I get so lucky to know these women?” They’re so sharp and brilliant that sometimes I don’t know what to do with them. Being back in the office feels ridiculously good. They make me so happy and excited about the future.
I’m honestly proud of my businesses. I haven’t always felt that way. Even though we have a lot to do and big hurtles to climb, I finally feel proud.
I have the ability to make choices every day that lead me down the right path.
Our next issue is going to be off the chain. Yes, I just said off the chain.
I know I have the power to make things happen for people.
We’re currently listening to “Jump for Your Love” in the office and all singing along. These are the moments I relish.
Well, there are all the things I am allowed to say in a public blog post. I encourage you to give #TruthDay a try on Twitter this week or make your own list. I made a private one too. Don’t censor yourself or judge your thoughts. Just write freely and burn it afterward if you have to. But take a moment and let those truths sink in before you light the fire. Most of the time, the truth isn’t as scary once it’s out of your head and on paper.