She thought that being popular would bring contentment. She never felt like she was enough. She believed the success equation was: work 24/7 + more work. She chased bigger and faster and more more more. Her marriage began to crumble. Yet, she believed she couldn’t slow down. If she missed a minute on social media, she might miss something. She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, just what she had to do to keep up. She chased an elusive standard of perfection and she MISSED HER LIFE. She was me. I chased my tail until it all began to crash and burn. If you have been feeling restless lately, so badly wanting things to change, but believing that it’s impossible, I know one thing for sure: there is a way out. It didn’t happen overnight or without buckets of painful decisions and facing my mess in the mirror and then… having it ALL covered in grace.
Hi, friends! Welcome back to Part 2 of 2015 Goal Setting. If you are new, be sure to read Part 1 here to get started. Today we are going to step into the imperfect to cultivate what matters together. Ready?
STEP FOUR: If you stopped chasing “perfect”—or whatever you’ve been chasing that is wearing you out— how would your life change? What does your perfectly imperfect “Messy 2016” look like? And… what if you stepped into this year armed with buckets of grace?
Grace upon grace.
As my friend Emily says, “I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perection.” What would that look and feel like for you? Would it be scary at first? Freeing? Both?
My Messy 2016 is about letting go of control. It will look like more listening because I won’t be so rushed–and I won’t be rushing everyone else. (A tip: Write “will” instead of “would” as you share your answers. This will help you commit to making it happen!) I will be able to hear and see more of the blessings right in front of me. Like right now. Ari and I have been up since 3am with two sick littles, which is why this post is so late getting up. But we are choosing to rejoice in the mess anyway! They may have thrown up all over the bed (and us), but they are still loving each other right now.
My Messy 2016 looks like a family of six because I count our expectant mama as part of our forever family too. Having a child with a different skin color than us may bring questions from strangers and friends… but so many opportunities to share the gospel and His love story in this little one’s life. We are so grateful! My Messy 2016 looks like passionately loving my husband and encouraging him in his faith. It looks like praying a lot. On my knees. In the kitchen. In my office. In the car and the shower and on the floor of my closet. (Watch this movie, by the way. It changed our marriage and faith in the span of an hour. And use code MOVIE75OFF for 75% off your rental from now till Monday!) My Messy 2016 looks like stepping away from a growing business more to sow love into my family. It looks like homeschool prep, playing outside, nursing two littles round the clock, not sleeping a whole lot, giving a whole lot more, saying no, and letting go of the need to have a plan all the time. It looks like simple faith and being small (I love my friend Val’s post today.) It looks like less stuff so I have less to clean up in our house. It looks unrushed and undistracted and gloriously full of life.
“Because a messy house is better than a messy heart. And my heart was messy. Mucked up with distractions and misplaced priorities. I retreated to the back porch to be with Jesus. I let the breeze touch my skin. Let His Word fill up the rooms in my mind. Prayer pierced through my preoccupation with self and soon praise poured from my lips. And the miraculous thing? Time expanded. There was time to do the one thing needed and time to do most of the rest. And in the end, the undone stuff didn’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with a clean house—shiny sinks and sparkling toilets can speak love and hospitality when prepared unto God. But if I’m choosing between the state of my home and the state of my heart, I know the better choice.” These words from the Naptime Diaries Make Room devotional by Becky Keife have been ringing in my heart since early December.
My Messy 2016 is about giving up my PRIDE. So much pride. I like to fix things and keep things in order because I fear not being enough–or that things will fall apart. And when it comes down to it, that means I’m not trusting God. Wow, it’s freeing to do this goal uncovering work with you! The simple act of writing my honest thoughts helps me to see clearly, and I hope it does for you too. When I grasp the reins of control tightly, I edge out intentional, messy, purpose-filled, awe-filled living.
Do you know how you grow big fluffy beautiful peonies in your yard? You break through the soil, place the bulb in the ground with some nutrients, get your hands dirty as you cover it up, and besides watering in the hot months, you let go. You wait. You trust that God will provide sun and water and that the earthworms will aerate the soil.
You take a leap of faith. And you let God do His thing.
You trust that when the plant loses its greenery in winter, it will bloom again at just the right time. After winter always comes spring. I can’t force a peony to bloom in the winter when it’s dormant. The bulb needs to rest and transform and store up energy for spring. And when that bulb finally sprouts again and the booms unfurl, you get to drink in the ruffled petals and marvel at what making a mess and trusting can do!
Where do you need to let go in life and trust? What does your Messy 2016 look like? What if you coupled breaking new ground to plant good seeds AND letting go? Because, we can’t do it all and we don’t have to. We just have to plant good seeds, tend them well, and trust—as hard as it is! But, trying with all your soul, might, and strength to trust is worth it. It’s worth that moment when you surrender the reins and watch God cover your entire life in grace upon grace.
There is that popular phrase, “She believed she could, so she did.” I know a deeper truth. A freeing truth.
She believed she couldn’t, so He did.
Cultivating what matters means letting go, surrendering, trusting when everything feels impossible, and knowing that you don’t have to make it all happen. God wants to do extraordinary things through our surrendered hearts and hands.
Where you can’t, He can.
Grace upon grace.
My Write the Word journal above : )
Now, on to the next step! Every garden I’ve ever tended has had weeds. It’s not that I’ve planted them—they simply come compliments of the dirt. Appearing in different shapes and sizes, they will choke out what’s supposed to be growing if left unattended. So it’s important to address them. In the same way, to make things happen we must deal with the resident issues.
STEP FIVE: What hasn’t been working in 2015? What hindered you from living on purpose? What areas of your life need to be tended, watered, or soaked in sunshine? Don’t just write or say, “Everything.” Get specific and list your greatest challenges—the places that feel overgrown with impossible weeds right now. I know you want to make this your most purposeful year yet, so don’t let negative self-talk paralyze you as you make this list. Write the facts and move forward. Each thing you write down is a potential area of your life you could surrender to make completely new.
A page from my PowerSheets:
Three highlights for me:
Comparison. I used to get very discouraged when I looked at other wedding magazines. I didn’t have their budgets or their stylists or their prop houses. When reading other people’s blogs, I would get depressed by comparing my writing, organizing, or business acumen to theirs. I would see happy couples, and though my marriage was improving greatly at the time, I resented all the mess my husband and I had to wade through. Other people were reading large portions of the Bible while I had a hard time reading two paragraphs of an e-mail without getting distracted. Other people were better, faster, smarter, and more successful, and their lives seemed perfect. Ugh! I wanted to be like them. Well, until God shed some light on this for me—a giant million-watt spotlight. Comparison is coveting. And I can see why God felt that strongly about it and forbade it in the Ten Commandments. Comparison makes me ungrateful, which is ignoring God’s gifts to me. When I want what everyone else has, I am blinded to the blessings right in front of me. Comparison isn’t only the thief of joy; it’s the thief of everything. If you are comparing your business, work, kids, marriage, finances, spiritual maturity, smarts, or __ [insert whatever it is for you]__ to those of any other human being on this earth, you will continue to chase your tail, and you will miss your life. I chased “big” and “more, more, more” and “the best” and “more followers” and—you get the picture—for way too long. Until all those things I had worked so hard to build by comparing myself to others started to crumble. Living on purpose turns comparison and coveting into compassion and cheering on. When you are living on purpose, it doesn’t matter what someone else’s journey looks like. All that matters is that you are going to the same place for eternity. You want to help other people get there. So why not be happy for people when they find success or joy or when something comes easier to them than it does to you? If God is glorified, the success is yours, too, my friend. We are all in this together.
Worry. Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want. Seriously, God taught me a thing or two about this in 2015. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” Luke 12:25. When you look back at the things you worried about this year, did the worry help you, or anyone around you? Me either.
Waiting for so long to deal with unresolved feelings or hard things. When you realize how broken you’ve been, and how much grace has lavished on your imperfections, you start to overflow with a desire to give that same grace to others. If I have been forgiven of so much junk, how could I hold forgiveness from another human being? In my maternity leave with Joshua, I did a lot of praying and read a lot of scripture in the sleepless nights. In all my reading and praying, I felt a strong pull to reach out to those I didn’t have the closest relationships with, and to reach out to new friends too! It was incredibly fruitful. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Eph 4:32
Once you have your list of what didn’t work in 2015, name three lessons you learned and an idea for what to do about it. For example, if you found yourself lost in worry a lot, perhaps the lesson is to cultivate trust more, little by little, and have a list of encouraging scriptures handy—on your desk, on your bathroom mirror, or by your bed—for times you feel worry coming on.
What about you? What challenges did you face this year and what did you learn from them? Perhaps you are still in the thick of some challenges and have no idea yet what they are supposed to teach you. That’s okay! Wherever you are, let’s share the hard things and encourage each other in them. Leave your thoughts in the comments and help encourage others as well.
STEP SIX: Who helped you cultivate what matters in 2015? Looking back at your list of what worked in 2015, and all that you’ve written so far in this series, who helped you to live on purpose this year? Who encouraged or inspired you? Download your own free printable and make your list here!
I don’t have a printer here at my parents house, so I had to type on mine. This is just one page of many for me!
Write the names of those you are grateful for and WHY. And then… do something about it. Thank them for the specific things they helped you with or inspired in you! Some examples from my list:
Gina. Gina and I have been friends for six years and I count her as my most prayerful friend. She has prayed fervently for my marriage, health, focus, family, adoption, and every aspect of my life! In that, I’ve been blessed by her genuine prayers, but also by her example as a prayerful faithful friend. She is also one of the only people who can get a genuine smile out of Ari on camera : )
Rhiannon. She loves our family generously and has become one of my closest friends. We pray, laugh, love, wipe runny noses, and change lots of diapers together. And we make each other tea on the many days that we just can’t do it all. Rhiannon, I praise Him for you every day!
Marcia and Talia. These two wise women are in our church family group, and have become dear friends and mentors to me. What’s unique about these women is that they fiercely pursue my faith. What does that mean? When Ari and I have a challenge in our marriage and I ask them to pray, they pray… and they call, they come over, they don’t let me get away with “I’m fine.”
Jess Connolly. Jess is a wise woman and has encouraged my faith greatly this year. I love reading her truthful words each day, and I am grateful to have her as a friend. Sometimes I wish I could show up at her door just to give her a bear hug and say, “Thank you for speaking truth today.”
Nicole. She wants to know the real answer when she asks how I’m doing each morning. She is a really good listener, and even though I have overloaded her with my big crazy ideas more than once this year, she has continued to pour out grace and joy. I’ve learned from her calm, positive, innovative, giving, and passionate spirit this year. I am so grateful to do my days with you, N!
I loved hearing all the things many of you did to encourage someone else in Part 1! I’d love to hear from you here too. How are you saying thank you to the people who have helped you to cultivate what matters?
OPTIONAL* BONUS STEP: Get visual! Let’s call this “2016 garden planning!” As a creative, visual person, imagery really lights my heart on fire more than anything. Great photographs and colors can make my heart sing and help me clarify my vision. If you are like me, you will really love this step. Make a Pinterest board of images that will inspire a purposeful year. What do you want to grow? Title your board “Make it Happen in 2016″ so we can search for each other’s boards! Now, one word of caution. I rarely use Pinterest (like, twice a year) because it can be the black hole of distraction and discontentment. The goal isn’t to have a Pinterest-worthy year, so pick images that have deep heart, not just pretty things. Here’s my board from last 2013 and from 2014 and 2015. I’ll be pinning images for 2016 here.
*I made this step optional for a reason! If Pinterest distracts you too much, skip this step! There are no rules here. Do whatever will help you to make what matters happen.
Okay, I’ll be back on Friday for Part 3. Friday’s post will be a single powerful step, and I can’t wait!
Need an extra kick in the pants? Welcome to the Ultimate New Year’s Giveaway! There are lots of prizes and fun ways to enter. Most of all, though, I hope you comment with your answers from each step as we go through this series. One person who comments with answers to every step in this series will win a bonus prize: A (spiral bound) One-Year PowerSheets Workbook. Yep! I have two left in the office, and one of you is getting one! I’m determined to motive you to dig in with me on these powerful steps : )
1. A set of 2016 PowerSheets with a Make It Happen binder and colorful tab stickers
2. Five prints of your choice from the Lara Casey Shop
3. The Finishing School by Valerie Metrejean
4. The Make it Happen audio book, recorded by yours truly!
5. A Journaling Bible (NIV)
6. Five Make it Happen journals
7. Artist’s Loft Fundamentals Watercolor Set
8. Two tubs of Vega Protein and Greens + a Vega shaker cup. Bonus: sign up for a free Vega account to get $15, and I’ll get $15 too!
9. Ashley Brooke Too Legit water bottle
10. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?! 10 2016 Simplified Planners (pineapple daily edition). Yes, TEN of them! Lots of chances to win!
11. What good shall I do this day? sign from Best Made Co
12. Five Make it Happen books
13. Jonathan Adler Grapefruit Candle
14. The Write the Word journal collection – volume 1, 2, and 3!
15. Val Marie Paper Prayer Journal
16. Naptime Diaries print of your choice
17. In the Wait study by Holly Holt
18. Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin
19. How to Study Scripture E-Book by Jane Johnson
20. Make it Count 2016 Bible journaling kit from Illustrated Faith
Enter below and be sure to leave your answers to each step as you go through the series with me!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Giveaway ends January 13th. Winners will be announced on January 15th here on the blog. Shipping some of these items can get costly, so hard goods are for US entrants only. Lots of digital prize options though for my international friends! If you don’t claim your prize within 48 hours, another winner will be selected, so mark your planners and stay posted! : ) Also, this post contains some Amazon affiliates links. No extra cost to you, but it helps us raise funds for Love One Another Project!
Ready for part 3? Here you go!