Ten days till my due date. Every night I get in bed and think, “This could be it.” I’ll be honest, these nine months have been a blur. I kept this at a slight distance from my heart. I didn’t want to go through loss again and I didn’t want to make those who might be grieving or longing feel sadness. This all felt different than before. More private. More sacred. More still. We didn’t decorate a new nursery. I didn’t read any books. But soon, Lord willing, there will be a little person laying on my chest.
When I had Grace, life was turned completely upside down and it changed everything. Our marriage. Our faith. We began to learn what surrender means. And now… all I know is we are about to be beautifully broken again. Anticipating that is so hard to put into words. Before Grace I thought about baby announcements and newborn pictures. Now all I can think about is the story God is writing.
I have no idea what to expect, but I know for sure that God is real and He is in this. Finding out we were pregnant the day we finished our adoption paperwork was just one of the thousands of little clues along this path that have shown us there is a bigger picture.
We don’t know what that is but we are willing and ready and so imperfect and we just feel so small. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but that’s my heart lately. Expectant. Surrendered. (A little nervous to experience labor again.) And Grateful. Up next, Lord willing, I’ll be sharing his name when he arrives… whenever the Lord decides that it’s time : )
I welcome your encouragement and any helpful scriptures as I move into this new season and get closer to labor. What has helped you?
Last two photos by Emily March from our recent session in the garden.
“Peace, perfect peace” – this was my breath prayer throughout my entire labor, and particularly when I felt completely exhausted and worn. I would simply whisper it aloud, inviting the Holy Spirit into my experience with me knowing I wasn’t capable without His help. My favorite quote (about life, in general, and also how it relates to the birthing process and the new life & joy that comes as a result of our labors) is: “…but the purpose for which we have been created shows us the path along which we should go, perhaps strewn with many thorns, but not a sad path. Even in the midst of intense suffering it is one of joy.” *pier giorgio frassati* As you know, labor is full of thorns and suffering. And yet joy can be there in the midst of it all. Blessings to you for a healthy, joyful, spirit-led birth, – Holly
Sending prayers your way for you and your family as y’all go through the next few weeks! It’s an exciting time, and I hope you are all filled with peace.
Your reflection of Him in all of this is so encouraging Lara. Praying for you!
Like Kyla said, you pointing to Him throughout this journey is beautiful! You have put words to how I’ve been feeling this pregnancy. We lost our first at 26 weeks and my entire pregnancy was documented and shared on social media. I feel this pregnancy is more sacred, like you said. It isn’t about our family planning but how God is writing His story in our lives. Thank you for sharing your heart. I have no words for labor as I went into very unprepared. I will pray–the best thing I can do 🙂
Daily, when my 1 yr old wakes up, I sing “This is the day the Lord has made” to her. I pray that the song resonates with you as you anticipate your little one’s birth day!! Praying for you and your family!
Gorgeous Lara… I too was going to recommend “This is the Day”, and it’s extra special to me as it was sun at our wedding. I walked down the aisle to “All Things Bright & Beautiful” which is gorgeous – find the John Rutter version and you will cry!
Hebrews 10:35-36 – “So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! [A baby!] Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.”
Romans 15:13 (NIV): 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I love this verse so much, and it gives me so much comfort. Praying for you and your little family! <3
Awwww…this is sooo beautiful! I just had my second one almost 8 month. The first one, I was constantly frazzled and obsessing over the little things, with the second one, I had no clue what was going to happen but just surrendered. You will make it through better than you’ve ever thought possible! 🙂 Congratulations!
This is so amazing!!