mnb h v vg drcvvv txcv eeeeeeeee nncxvccccccccccccc eeeeeeeeeeeeeee  – Love, Gracie

I love her.  More than I could possibly explain.  I told my life story to 30 new friends yesterday and when I got to the part about having a baby, I was speechless.  All I could say was, “everything changed.”   I am so grateful to have friends like Gina who capture Grace the way I see her.  Oh, this melts my heart!  Last night at the Casey-Isaacson house…

Now, you can see why it is going to be sooooo hard to leave this afternoon for the next week for the Making Things Happen Tour.   Emily, Gina and I kicked off the 2012 Tour yesterday here in Chapel Hill and are headed to Atlanta, DC, New York and Boston now.  I haven’t been away from Grace overnight ever, so y’all give me extra hugs when you see me on the road!  But, I have to say that I wouldn’t even dream of leaving her for this long if I didn’t know with all of my heart that the work we do is important.  It’s that important.  I can’t wait to see everyone and watch your journey’s begin!  The 2012 May Tour is completely SOLD OUT, but there are a few seats left for the fall.

And, to kick things off, we launched a NEW Making Things Happen website yesterday!!!  Yahoo!!!

Fast forward an hour now and Grace is happily napping while I finish work and pack.  She’s so cute when she sleeps!  A little peek into what’s been goin’ on around these parts:

Grace is nearing 6 months old and grows faster than kudzu!  I write daily letters to her here.

Oh, my heart!

She is my favorite.

My family came to visit last month, too.  This is my 94 year old Grandma Bunny!

Emily Ley and I have been hard at work with Making Brands Happen, our new Power Sessions…

…and doing branding webinars.  We only have 4 client spots left for the year, by the way.  Read all about it here and win a seat to our Summer Branding Series!

We’re in the beautiful thick of print prep for our fifth issue of Southern Weddings, aka V5.  Emily Ayer and the SW ladies and I are SO excited about the editorial content we have cookin’!  Our calendars are packed with exciting shoots this summer.  It’s going to be our best issue yet!

I finally buckled down and wrote my first digital book, The Challenge!  I took the very popular Challenge series and put it into an active workbook format. I’m just releasing it for clients right now and am so excited to have it complete!

Aaaaaand…. I’m working on my own new site, blog and brand!  You can get a behind-the-scenes peek into my inspiration for the brand on my Pinterest.  It’s been a long time coming and I can’t wait to share the goodness ahead! On my front porch yesterday with Em.

Phew!  OK, time to pack.  God is good.  Really really good, friends.  Thank you for all the encouragement you give me to just be me and follow the narrow path.  I’m so grateful and can’t wait to hug many of you this week on tour!

photos top to bottom: Nancy Ray, Gina, Gina, Nancy, Emily March, my iPhone, Emily March, my iPhone via my new favorite app, VSCO Cam.

If I was going to do this post right, I’d have fireworks and a confetti shower to accompany it.  No really.  I would.  My life’s work is to help people make big things happen.  In business.  In life.  In every moment.  When I started the Making Things Happen Intensive three years ago, I never imagined just how much of a 180 my life would take.  Just read my blog from three years ago.  You will SEE the change.  Some of you have been readers and friends since I first got into weddings almost a decade ago.  What a remarkable decade it has been.  I’m 32 and I can honestly say I have done everything I ever wanted to do.  All I want now is to know God more and more every day.  I want to give my all and share my experiences to help others until I have nothing left.  That’s it.  I want to give my all without fear.  CUE THE FIREWORKS!!!

During the last 32 cities that we’ve visited, I’ve met some pretty incredible people who have gone on to do some pretty remarkable things.  From leaving full-time desk jobs to pursue their passions to finding balance in their lives, witnessing transformation sets my heart on fire!  Mind you, the MTH alum have made big things happen because they did the hard work on their own.  Nothing magical happens in the workshop.  MTH is just the spark that lights the fire.  They showed up, dove in and made. life. happen.  CUE CONFETTI SHOWER!!!

You know how important my family is to me.  Time with Grace is my number one priority.  So, setting out on a 10 city tour this year was a huge decision. And one I have zero regrets or fear about. Oh, yes, I will cry when I leave.  For sure.  But, I’ll survive because this is the work I am supposed to be doing.  It is worth the sacrifice of being away.  For me to say that is huge.  I hope it shows you just how important this work is to me.  This work opens doors, challenges self-imposed limits and makes people make things happen.   It brings people together.  It makes collaboration happen.  It makes creativity happen.  It makes balance, peace, friendship, marriage, and life happen.  It makes happy happen.  And it makes me take big scary life-changing action, too.  Emily, Gina, Natalie and I get just as much out of giving the Making Things Happen Intensive as the attendees do.

Double bonus? So many of the MTH alum are now my closest friends. Making things happen isn’t just about coming to a workshop one day.   That doesn’t do anyone any good.  It’s about accountability for a lifetime.  It’s about community.  It’s about being supported AND supporting others just as much. It’s about being surrounded by like-minded passionate creatives who want to take things to the next level.   It’s about doing the hard work. If you want to make things happen, you have to decide to do the work, but there will be a huge community of people doing the same things right along side you. They will cheer you on. They will lift you up. They will remind you why you do what you do when you forget. And you will forget. I do sometimes and there are always friends there to lift me back up.  They will text you just to tell you you CAN do it. They will shower you with high fives. They will also offer to shower you with confetti when you do a scary speaking engagement (thank you, Michelle Edgemont! HA!). The MTH alum are the best encouragers around, hands down! I’m so grateful to be a recipient of such awesome encouragement on a daily basis.  Hi friends! I love you!!!

The intensive itself is pretty simple. We spend a day talking in a small group. We talk about our fears, our dreams and how we are going to make them happen. We spend a good 8-10 hours together, so we really get to know each other. When you spend a day talking about your fears and dreams with someone, it challenges you to take the leap.   Whatever that big leap is for you.  We hold each other accountable.  And the incredible thing for me is that, as I grow, so does the power of the intensive.   I know the same is true for Emily, Gina and Natalie as well.  Oh, what incredible progress we’ve made in our lives since this all started!  We are so grateful!  I’ve been through it in the last year.  My heart is more focused than ever. My companies are on the most grounded clear path they’ve ever been on. Things are at a whole new level. I can’t wait to share all I’ve learned and all I’m doing to simplify my life and make what matters happen.

People ask me all the time if we can do an online version of Making Things Happen. It’s like picking out a wedding dress from a catalog.  You could do it, but there is nothing like feeling the magic of slipping into that gown in person. OK, for the guys (or gals, too!) out there… it’s like fantasy football. Awesome, but not at all the same as being there on the sidelines. You can’t phone Making Things Happen in. You have to sit in the seat and look in the eyes of the person next to you.  You have to take a risk and be present.  You have to sit in the seat to really harness the change you want in your life.  Quite simply, you have to show up.  As you are.  Fears and all.  Everyone else is in the exact same boat. We tell people to come in comfy clothes.  No heels.  Leave the decked-out duds at home.  MTH is a place to come and just be yourself.  It’s the greatest feeling to just let go with people that get you.

As usual, we’ve chosen cities for the 2012 Tour that are easy to travel to.   Registration is now open for ALL 2012 CITIES! The Spring Tour: Chapel Hill, Atlanta, DC, NY and Boston! The Fall Tour: Austin, Phoenix, LA, Chicago and one last city yet to be determined.Every intensive (except NYC) will be by the airport, too, for convenience. About 60%-80% of attendees fly or drive in from another state to attend. Lucky you, if you happen to live in one of these cities!  By the way, people are always looking for roommates if you want to share.  You might make a friend for life, as I know so many alum have done!

We have are so passionate about this work that we have given a lot of partial scholarships in the past. We want people to be able to make things happen, no matter their financial situation. So, to give EVERYONE the chance to get a partial scholarship, if you enter the contest below, you will automatically get 50% OFF until the regular rate, just for telling us what you want to make happen! (West Coast cities have till July 4 for early-bird registration at the same 50% OFF rate.)  We also have very flexible payment plans.  Just email Marissa to get set up with one. 

We want to make this easy for you.  Y’all, I’m going to push you on this because I believe in this work so very much. If you think this is right for you, do yourself a huge favor and apply so you can either win a scholarship or get the half-off rate. Save the other half to invest in your business or your family or whatever sets your heart on fire. You will thank yourself. And register before your city sells out. I’ve been doing this for three years and it sells out every time. I want you to make things happen with us. I want to get to know you. Really, I do. Because your story will teach me something and I hope mine does the same for you.

Want to know more? Read the post that started it all and take The Challenge and read and this and this and this or any of these posts from alum.  Ask an alum about their experience.  I can’t wait for you to be inspired to make big things happen!

We have had some very generous alumni step forward and donate to a full scholarship fund yet again. Year after year, the generosity of so many amazes all of us!  So, we’ve decided to match that and give two full scholarships this year.

Two ways to enter:

The Alum Scholarship: Leave a comment here an tell us what you want to make happen.  Also, please tell us the city you would like to attend. Anyone who applies for a scholarship will be given the ability to register at 50% OFF if they are not chosen. So, you have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain by entering.

The MTH Match Scholarship: Leave a comment here telling us what you want to make happen AND spread the word! Tell your friends about Making Things Happen, too! Tweet, Facebook, Blog, Pin this, send smoke signals… whatever you want to do to tell people about Making Things Happen and just link to this post.  Leave a separate comment here telling us you did so. We will pick a random winner for this second scholarship, so the more entries you submit, the better!

Deadline: You have until midnight on April 1st to apply. Again, if you enter to win a scholarship, you’ll still be given the chance to register at 50% OFF the regular rate if you aren’t chosen.  We want you to be able to make this happen no matter what!

It’s a remarkable coincidence that I’m posting this on Leap Day. Today is your day to take the leap, my friend. I have goosebumps typing finishing this post because I am genuinely so excited to read your entries.   We all are!  I never cease to be inspired by what makes people really come alive.  So, what do YOU want to make happen?  Join us!

P.S. We’re working hard behind-the-scenes on a brand new Making Things Happen website as we speak! So, the main site is currently offline for a major overhaul.  Yeah!!!  Get ready.  It’s packed with phenomenal inspiration and incredible alum stories!  Your story could be next.

P.P.S. THANK YOU for the outpouring of support and encouragement I received from my last post.  WOW.  So many notes and messages and letters and open hearts.  I am sincerely grateful.  Your kind words helped me and so many others.  You just never know how much even a blog comment will encourage someone else.

UPDATED:

If you want to be inspired, just reading the scholarship entries below will do it. This was such a hard decision for us to make. There is so much fire and determination in every single entry! No matter what, all of you are destined for great things, regardless of if you attend MTH or not. Just your words alone, and your ability to share so much of your true selves, shows your passion and your drive. Thank you all for sharing your hearts! Amazing!

Making Things Happen started in the spirit of paying it forward and, after 30 cities, we are just overjoyed to continue on this track! So, if you are not the main scholarship winner, don’t fear. You may be getting a phone call from us in the next day or so. Check your email and check that voicemail over the next few days!

CONGRATS to everyone who entered! If you applied for the scholarship below, you get 50% off registration! Email Marissa@laracaseyreps.com for your special registration code. The tour is almost sold out now, so let Marissa know ASAP if you need a payment plan as well.

Congrats to scholarship winners, April Foster and Emily-Claire! (email Marissa to get your registration set up) We CANNOT WAIT to see everyone in a few short weeks! Time to make big things happen, friends!

The first weeks of motherhood were not what I expected when expecting.  I never thought I’d be writing a post about how I weathered the baby blues and postpartum depression and how it changed me for the better in a billion ways.  I’m so grateful that this challenging journey has a very happy outcome.  It taught me more than any other period in my life.  But, 99% of me does not want to write the first part of this post.  It’s hard to write about a time you want to forget.  I just want to tell you, I went through a rough time and here’s what I learned...  I want to just skip to the good stuff.  But, there is this little voice – that 1% left over – that hopes writing this will help another new mom not feel like the only person on earth who experienced life with a newborn like I did.  So, the 1% wins.

Every new mother’s experience is different. There are lots of moms who have had a much harder time postpartum than I did and there are lots of moms who experience none of this.  No matter what you are feeling, if it doesn’t feel normal, talk to your doctor. Talk to your loved ones. Ask for help. This is just my experience and I hope and pray that sharing this will help you or someone else know that they are not alone. There is a great light at the end of the tunnel that smiles and coos and sleeps for six hours a night on occasion. As a wise friend once told me, motherhood does get better. A lot better.

I don’t remember a lot of the chronology, but I remember intense feelings. To list them all would take me the many weeks it took to get through them. So, this is just a very small collection of my experiences with some of my personal photos and a few from Nancy mixed in.  The pretty ones are Nancy’s; the blurry ones are from yours truly via my iPhone : )

Early in my pregnancy, I remember moms saying that they loved everything about being pregnant. I thought they were nuts when I was going through morning sickness. I just kept thinking, Never again! We’re adopting from now on. But, when I turned the morning sickness corner, I started to get it. I genuinely felt happy all the time. Joyful. Radiant. Hopeful and centered on what mattered most. I became one of those women. I loved being pregnant. Everything about it. Even despite any complaints I may have had about having to pee every 20 minutes round the clock. I felt great. I was in the gym every day until the day before Grace was born. I ate well and never really had any crazy cravings. Business was booming. Ari and I were closer than ever. I just felt very well and very grateful.

As Grace’s arrival grew closer, my deepest fear was postpartum depression. I went through a bout of depression early in college. I fought it hard with a great therapist and major changes in my thinking (i.e. learning how to become an “imperfectionist”). Over a long span of time, I kicked depression to the curb. I work hard to continue to build joy and focus in my life. It has not been easy. So, post-baby, I just didn’t want to go there. I feared losing the bliss of pregnancy I had come to be so grateful for. I feared things falling apart.  I tried to set myself up for success before Grace’s arrival. I pre-scheduled weekly therapy sessions again, got the house in as much order as I could, turned my email off, read every book I could find, etc. Well, it hit me like a Mack truck and no amount of preparation could have helped. God had a greater plan.

I remember those first days in the hospital, feeling like my strong healthy body was suddenly very fragile. The aftermath of my painful labor felt like recovering from major surgery and an emotional trauma at the same time. I couldn’t walk around well, I was dizzy, tired, dehydrated and I just felt off.  My center of gravity had completely changed. There was a bunch of loose tender skin where there used to be a kicking baby.  And I was sad.  It was an odd feeling. I kept thinking, This is supposed to be the most blissful time in our lives. This is supposed to be the happiest occasion ever! Why do I feel so off!? I tried to focus on the positive: my healthy baby, my caring husband, my wonderful family. God had blessed us immensely.

We would stay up all night watching Grace, making sure she was OK. She ate round the clock. Nurses would come in and out and, between that and the hospital PA system blaring pages all night, I think I got 20 minutes of [interrupted] sleep at a time. We both really wanted to go home, so we only stayed two nights. We were ready for Thanksgiving (Grace was born on November 22) at home with my family and our own bed.

The first days at home. Oh, those first days! We genuinely survived by the grace of God. I had a lot of really irrational thoughts, hormone drops and countless moments where I said to myself, “This is not normal.” People will tell you that feeling all of the “typical things” is normal. Normal? No. Common? Yes. Rarely discussed? Yes.

I remember just wanting my mom. She and my dad and brother had to fly back to Florida four days after Grace was born. The day they left, I felt like my life was over. Really, I did. While Ari took them to the airport, I sat in the living room with Grace in my arms and just cried and cried and cried. How am I going to do this by myself? I have no idea what I’m doing. What if I mess up!? I’m not cut out for this!!! Ari came home and tried to console me. He just kept reminding me that this was just my hormones changing (“baby blues”) and it would pass. When you are in the thick of it, it’s hard to believe it will pass.

Giving birth and all the emotions that followed left me feeling my most vulnerable ever. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to retreat. I wanted to protect Grace. I wanted to protect my very vulnerable heart.  I felt a strong sudden need for privacy. I didn’t want to share pictures of Grace at first or talk about her except to Ari and my mom and dad and close friends. I couldn’t write and I missed it terribly. I was really torn. I felt like I couldn’t share any of this at the time. I had a lot of social anxiety. Sweet friends would text me and I just had to ignore them all. I didn’t want to burden people with how I was feeling.  I kept hoping it was temporary – just the typical “baby blues” and it would pass in a day or so.

It didn’t pass.  I started to feel like I wasn’t meant to be a mom. When Grace cried, I felt like I was doing eternal damage to her because I didn’t know how to make her happy. I cried more than I ever have. I blamed myself. I felt helpless. I couldn’t just make it better. I couldn’t “fix” her. I remember feeling very protective. I didn’t trust anyone with her. The first weeks, I would stay up most of the night just watching her and making sure she was breathing. I’d be up every two hours or so to feed her, too. “Sleep deprived” is an understatement.

All of the “pretty” photos of me in the blue shirt were made possible by a lot of makeup and Ari watching Grace for two hours so I could shower and blow dry my hair for the first time. Grace cried for 90% of the session. I so badly wanted those cute newborn photos that everyone else had. I wanted the picture in my head of “normal”. But, I learned many weeks later that what I got was actually better. These are very real moments captured. Some of these are the “outtakes” that ended up being closer to my heart than the pretty ones. This is just how it was.

The first diaper I ever changed was Grace’s when she was three days old. I was scared I was going to do permanent emotional damage to her if I messed up her diaper. Seriously. I remember my hands shaking as I changed her for the first time. I was petrified of Pampers.

Just six days after giving birth, I was back in the gym. Before you call me crazy, I’ll do it for you! I didn’t need exercise. I just needed “normal”.  I pushed Grace around the track in her stroller at a snails pace. We could only go for about 25 minutes before she would have a meltdown and I’d be in the gym bathroom trying to nurse her to calm down. It was awful. I cried in the gym bathroom every time. I felt like I’d never ever get my life back.

It felt like my body deteriorated overnight.  The stretch marks were more like stretch gashes.  I cried over the loss of my “youth”.   I felt like I’d never be happy in my skin again. It made me feel hopeless. It ended up, like all of this, teaching me so very much. Letting go of my old self ended up giving me more true confidence than I’ve ever had.

Nursing was a huge challenge for me. It was so painful. And after my painful labor, you’d think I wouldn’t consider anything painful.  I cried when I nursed her. I was so desperate for relief. Ari took me to see the lactation consultant at the hospital, I read everything I could get my hands on and we bought everything under the sun to try to help me. Nothing helped.  I felt like a failure even though I knew I couldn’t do anything about it.  Rational thought didn’t matter to me at the time.  Being the perfect picture of what a mother is “supposed to be like” was all I focused on.  I felt weak and like I wasn’t meant to be a mom.

And then, just a week after Grace’s birth, in the thick of the worst part of the sleep deprivation and recovery, I got the flu.  Man, looking back on all of this, I am so grateful it’s over!!! I hadn’t been sick in years. And I got it bad. I didn’t get out of bed for two days. I couldn’t sit up to eat. Ari had to bring me food in bed.  I passed out in the shower.  I’m so grateful that Ari took such great care of me during that time. I don’t know what I would have done without him. Between the flu and everything else, nursing just became an impossibility in my mind. So, Ari rented me a hospital grade pump and Grace has been happily bottle-fed since. I felt such mommy guilt having stopped nursing so early, but it was the biggest blessing in disguise for so many reasons.

The day after my fever broke, Ari had to go back to work. He had paternity leave for just one week and we have no relatives near us, so I dreaded the day I’d be alone with Grace for the first time. I was so afraid to be alone I literally would not leave my bed except to get Luna Bars (because I could eat those in bed). I was afraid I was going to make her cry more or hurt her by putting her down somewhere to even take a 3 minute shower (which now terrified me having passed out there the day before). I would spend much of the day worrying and texting Ari about how hopeless I felt. Emily, Natalie and Gina were huge helps to me, too, during those weeks. Emily would text me encouraging verses every day to reassure me that this would pass. I am so grateful for that.

I would hear new moms talk about not having time to get dressed or eat or brush their teeth. I didn’t believe it. All the books say to prep easy food ahead of time and freeze it before you have a baby. I thought I had that in the bag. It only took me a couple minutes to fix some food for myself anyway, right? Well, showering became a luxury, Ari ended up having to make up huge batches of food for me and freeze it so I could eat during the day (my appetite was huge!!), I lived in my PJ’s and there were many days I didn’t get to brush my teeth till noon.

Grace looked just like daddy which was wonderful at first. I felt very connected to him. But, after a while, I started to wonder if this was really my child. I couldn’t connect with her. Newborns grunt and cry and eat and sleep. That’s about it. They say the first three months are the “Fourth Trimester”. They are. I felt like we suddenly had a little alien in our lives who couldn’t communicate with us. Every moment was like a crap shoot, trying to blindly guess what was going to make her happy. I always liked being a confident leader. I relished the ease I felt in business. There was no such confidence or ease for me in the early days of motherhood. No one really tells you that your child won’t show a whole lot of love for you until about three months. This was so hard for me. It was like loving a brick wall. A brick wall that cried a lot. But, then this thought kept creeping into my heart: that’s exactly how God feels about ME. He loves and gives and nurtures and soothes and sometimes I just don’t even acknowledge Him. But, He loves me unconditionally anyway. He gives and gives and gives, no matter what I do. That was a huge lesson that I am now really grateful for.

I wanted to be like all those moms I saw on Facebook (being on Facebook was my first mistake) who were posting pictures of their adorable little newborns and saying how grateful they all felt. I did not feel that way in the least. Those moms made me mad. Those moms would say to me, “Isn’t motherhood the greatest thing ever?!”  No.  It wasn’t at the time.  I was depressed and felt like I was the only mom on the planet with a baby I couldn’t connect with.

Truth be told, I was on Facebook because I felt alone. I was in bed all day long feeding Grace and trying not to make her cry. I desperately craved the comfort of friends and family. But, I didn’t call anyone for fear I’d wake her up or make her upset. I Googled everything under the sun to try to find help, including things like, “new mom blog when will I sleep again???”. That’s when I found this post entitled, You Will Sleep Again… Someday, and instantly wanted to high five this lady. Finally, someone felt like I did! And she had a sense of humor about it. Speaking of, I like to title the two photos below, “Yeah, Mommy Feels That Way Too” and “Lara vs. The Boppy”.

I am an INFP (introvert). I like writing because it’s just me and the computer. I work by myself most days in my office because I crave solitude.  Solitude is very different than feeling alone.  It’s a sense of peace.  Solitude, for me, is how I recharge. I need time to process thoughts. I need time to just be and let my guard down. The gym would give me this, too. I’ve always loved being there with my thoughts, headphones in, letting my mind unwind. Suddenly, there was no solitude. I had to learn to fight for it.

Marriage before Grace’s birthday was blissful. It had been our best year ever in a billion ways. Marriage in those early weeks with baby was a huge challenge. We were both sleep deprived and trying to figure out our new roles in life. Deciding what to call ourselves was weird, too. Suddenly you have new foreign titles: Mommy and Daddy. We started awkwardly referring to ourselves in the third person. Mommy is really tired and wishes that daddy could produce milk, too. It was just weird. In the desperate moments, in the wee hours of the night, completely exhausted, I remember wishing we could turn back time and go back to the pre-baby days of our marriage. I remember thinking that people who haven’t had babies would think we were insensitive or didn’t love our child for even thinking that. The moms and dads out there would get it. God sure had a plan here, though, friends. Our marriage is stronger than ever now. Imperfect but centered on what matters most… this beautiful little girl who now lights our hearts on fire.

I remember going to see my doctor for my five week postpartum checkup. Kathryn, the nurse, gave me an Edinburg postpartum assessment to fill out. As we waited for Dr. Evers to come into the exam room, Ari said, “Lara, you better be brutally honest filling that out.” Trust me, I planned to. Dr. Evers read it over and told me how surprised he was. “You are one of the happiest patients we’ve ever had. I’m surprised to read your answers.” Yes, I was surprised to be feeling those things, Doc. We talked for a while and I explained to him what I’d been feeling and that I was talking to a therapist weekly already. He thought I’d be fine with time as long as I also started to get more sleep. Agreed. Ari and I made some big changes after that. I had been staying up all night with Grace, feeding her every two hours AND pumping, so I was up for at least at hour at a time every two hours. I was miserable. The “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice didn’t work for me. I wish it had, but I am just not wired to take naps during the day. And I had to let go of feeling like I had to be up making sure she was OK every five minutes.  I had to put my trust in God 10000%. I made myself sleep with earplugs in again (I’d slept with ear plugs every single night for the last decade up until Grace was born) and we changed things so Ari was getting up to feed her and I was getting up to pump, cutting my time awake in half. This sounds like an obvious solution, but it was tough to implement. Ari had to be bright-eyed for work the next day and those early weeks took a toll on him, too. All of that left me feeling guilty that I wasn’t Super Woman. I just had to get over that. I couldn’t stay up all night with Grace without feeling like a basketcase the next day.

On top of all of this, lest I forget… I had a busy business to run. Yes, I was “on maternity leave” but, as any small business owner knows, you can’t just hang up your work hat completely and walk away for three months. As much as I worked my tail off to clear my plate 100% before Grace’s arrival and as much as my staff worked really really hard to handle things without me (they were awesome!), the realities of being the boss were still there. I took my work email off my phone, but I had to crack my laptop open a few times a week to make sure things were running smoothly. Even the tiniest work concern becomes a mountain when you are sleep deprived.  I tried to ignore it at first, but I found that tackling it made me feel better than just letting it go.

One thing I fervently avoided those first weeks though, was making big business decisions. I genuinely feel like that is one of the biggest benefits of taking maternity leave – to avoid making dumb decisions on two hours of sleep. I’m still on maternity leave and things have changed and grown beautifully. I’m still not checking business email except from the ladies in my office and I’m not taking meetings, but I am working very hard behind the scenes to streamline the business in powerful ways. I’ve never felt more sure of our path ahead. I’m so grateful for this time to be with Grace and build things from the ground up…. from a renewed place of focus and confidence.

There were, of course, miraculously beautiful moments in those first weeks. Those were the moments we relished because they somehow “erased” all the rest temporarily. I loved the way Grace smelled. Her little head smelled like Heaven. Her skin was so soft. That was one of the first things that struck me when she was born. Baby soft perfection. Grace was wonderful. She was healthy. I had nothing to complain about and everything to be grateful for when it came to her. The thing that is hardest to explain about all of this is that my depression really had nothing to do with the baby. It had everything to do with my expectations and control of my life before her. It had everything to do with my heart needing to change to be able to let her in.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… – Ephesians 2:8

There’s a lot more to those first weeks, but it’s time for the good stuff now!   “The past is an anchor holding us back. You have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.” On to what I learned (and some happier pictures from just a couple weeks ago when Grace was 2.5 months old.):

I’ve learned that the stretch marks are badges of honor. This body is just my earthly tent anyway.

I learned through all of this that I need solitude to be happy and I have to fight to get it. It it means putting Grace in front of the TV for an hour to watch Baby Einstein, then that’s what I do. My image of the “perfect mom” whose child didn’t watch TV had to be tossed out the window. Taking time to reset my mind gives me the ability to be a mom the other 23 hours a day.

I’ve learned to be much more compassionate and aware of others. I want to hug every woman with a stroller that I see at Target. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. - Plato  I also learned to be so much more compassionate with myself.  Done is better than perfect.

I learned that I need help. Therapy helped my thoughts settle. I’m so grateful for that. And I needed physical help, too. I needed to be able to take a shower every day. I needed to feel like a human again. I needed time to get our lives in order so I could transition to work well and be a great mommy. I needed to recover. So, I started searching for someone to help me a few days a week.  I wanted to find a nanny/assistant who could help me be the best mom possible. Financially, it was a huge decision for us and the thought of trusting Grace with anyone besides my mom and Ari (and even that was hard sometimes) seemed like an impossibility at first. I still struggle with this. But, I had to learn to face reality: Grace will not have permanent emotional damage if I leave her with Susan to take a shower or work on our family budget (so we can continue to afford said nanny) or lead my staff meetings so the business stays booming. I had to let go. Big time. I have kicked and screamed all the way there, but I have let go a lot. And I have a long way left to go, but I have become a happier more balanced confident mom in accepting the fact that I cannot do all of this alone.   Having help doesn’t solve everything though.  I still have anxiety on occasion and I fight the sleep deprivation and feeling like a failure when she cries. I get overwhelmed. I get tired of being a mom. I worry. I fight the mommy guilt off with a big stick. But, life is much much better. I am not depressed anymore.  Thank you, Lord! I am taking action even when I “fail” over and over. Fall down seven times, get up eight.  Every day as a mom holds a new challenge and a new joy.  I’m learning. I don’t feel like I have to just put on a happy face. I’ve become much more honest with myself and brutally honest with others and I feel less of a need to please people. My motto now: Honesty, Humility, God’s Peace. My happy is coming from within again and from a truly new place.  And everything is better because of it – business and life.

I learned that there are no shortcuts to any place worth going. A huge transition like this takes time to settle. Gaining mommy confidence takes time. It takes letting go every day, not just once. There are layers upon layers that have to unfold and, as much as I like fast change and quick results, I have learned that God’s timing is perfect. I just have to listen to Him and nothing else.

I learned I need community. Ari and I learned that we are not an island. We started getting involved in church more. We made new friends. We strengthened relationships. I worked hard to build support networks. Speaking of, new moms, feel free to join the New Moms group I started. Join even if you are just pregnant and want to have a supportive community around you! We even have women in the group who are just thinking about taking the leap into motherhood. I can only relate my own personal experience, but I would love to be a support to you if you need one. I’m so grateful for my dear close friends who helped me.

This is a big one. I’m learning how to say NO. And I have to say no a lot. Saying no to one thing is saying YES to another. I’ve been using the majority of maternity leave to simplify our lives so I can work less hours.  I’ve been on a warpath to simplify, streamline how we approach business and save money in radical ways (thank you, Dave Ramsey) so I can refocus my time and energy on my most important job: being a mom. This involves me saying no to a lot of opportunities and choosing my clients very carefully and setting very strong boundaries on my time with others and letting go of things I really do not need.  I’m fighting for my time. I’m on maternity leave which means I’m not answering business email or taking meetings.  (Side note: I don’t check Facebook email ever. People tell me they send me messages there and I never replied.  My “About” section has said “I don’t check Facebook email” since I first opened my account.  Between all the spam there, I just can’t keep up with it.  So, I choose not to let it distract me from using my time more wisely.  And I deleted Facebook from my phone.  Real life > Facebook.)  When I do start taking meetings again, I will not be working on Monday or Friday.  And as usual, I can’t spend time giving out free advice.  It’s not free. It costs me priceless time that I can’t get back.  I’ve also prayerfully made decisions about travel this year.  Travel is a major sacrifice now.  If an opportunity benefits Grace and our family, I’ll consider it. But, she is my non-negotiable. Time with her. Her happiness and mine so I can be the best mom to her.

I’ve learned that things that used to be important just aren’t important anymore. Goodbye fancy sports car, goodbye dinners out, goodbye working the hours I used to work, goodbye everything and anything that will make me have to work more and prevent me from spending more time with this sweet baby. In the past, my solution to needing more money was to work harder and just make more money. I’m good at that. But, that requires time and brain space, both of which I now want to give to this little munchkin. So, working more just isn’t an option.  Working smarter and simplifying is.  I’d rather make radical changes in our lifestyle and in how I approach business than miss moments I can’t buy back.  Will I be happier at the end of my days having worked more or having given my heart to her? So, hello new budget and hunting for a used car and only taking meetings one day a month and cooking every night and scaling back everything in our lives to simplify. While all of this would have felt very restrictive and confining to my pre-baby self, it has been the most liberating part of this journey.  Learning to live with less feels really really good, friends. It’s changing how I see the world and giving me so much more confidence as a mom and faith that we are on the right path.  And most of all, it’s giving me my time back.  It is setting me up to have a really incredible first year with Grace.  Even though saying no is really hard sometimes and I hate disappointing people, fighting for time with my family fires me up!  Grace is worth disappointing people.  Her smiles are like money in the bank to me. Money she will get to spend one day.  I have a lot more to tell you about this – what I’ve changed and how I’m simplifying – soon.

I learned that there are three laws of real success:

1. You cannot please everyone.

2. Rest is required.

3. Honestly always wins.

I learned that I will never be the same. I’ll be on “maternity leave” till Grace is 18 and off to college. Having a baby isn’t something that happens to you and then, after maternity leave, you go back to normal. It’s a permanent change and there is a new “normal”.

Above all, I learned just how much I need God. My priorities had a heart change. God showed me the priorities that really matter. He showed me that He will always provide what I really need. Weathering this incredibly hard time showed me just how much I had to TRUST Him. Fully. Completely. With all my soul, strength and mind. Why? Because God always has a better bigger plan than I do. I learned that every single circumstance He put me in was for my growth. God wanted to refine my spirit. Big time. More growth happened for both Ari and me in these first three months of parenthood than in our entire lives. We had to have full faith that God had designed all of this for a reason. I kept questioning Him at first, wondering why I had to be so tired and so scared and so very far from my former self.  I had to learn to completely let go of ALL control.  God had a better self in mind.

This heart change is bigger than I can possibly put into words in a single blog post. God pulled away everything I thought was comforting in my life – sleep, confidence, the youth of my body, what I thought was a really great marriage, control of my schedule, joy in connecting with others, showers, solitude, all of it. And He left us with a new love, real priorities and the knowledge that this is just the beginning of this heart change. He left us with all we ever need… He left us with Grace. And there’s a lot more I’m not writing in this post. God blew us out of the water with the blessings He poured on our family since those early days. True miracles. Dear Lara, why do you ever waste time questioning God’s plans!?!? Oh, He brought me out of depression for sure and He put me on the best clearest path I’ve ever been on.

So, if you think I’ve become one of those moms who posts a lot of cute pictures of her baby on Facebook… well, I have. I’ve been through it and I finally want to share these joyful moments. Every moment of joy now heals a moment of despair from before. As I type this, Grace is cooing away, watching Baby Einstein. It’s hilarious watching her talk to the animals. She is so happy and fascinating. I truly love being a mom now. Diapers, late nights, baby toots (like the giant one during communion this past weekend!  Ha!) and all!  Lately, she has been learning how her hands work and loves to “sing”.  Seeing her explore the simplicity of the world is just breathtaking. God is awesome.

Unending thanks to so many dear friends – and perfect strangers – who encouraged me so much during those early days.   You just never know how your kindness will affect someone else.  I’m so grateful!

xo

Lara

Every time I have tried to put this into words, it came out sounding messy. And then I realized that’s exactly the point. If I could sum up what I’ve experienced over the last 8 weeks it would be this: God breaks us down to build us back up again, new and closer to Him. I had a baby. I have a new [messy, chaotic, beautiful, fulfilling, heart-opening, exhausting] life.  Becoming a mom (typing “mom” still blows my mind!) has been a genuine rebirth for me. I didn’t expect it and I’m so grateful for all of it.  From a challenging labor and Grace entering the world to going through the baby blues and a short but trying period of postpartum depression, the sleep deprivation, stretch marks and the challenges – and enormous blessings – that being new parents can bring to marriage and so many tears and joys in between, this has been the hardest – yet most rewarding – journey I’ve taken so far. Grace is now 8 weeks old, happy and healthy as can be (thank you, sweet Lord!) and she brings us such incredible joy every day. Those first 5 weeks, I really didn’t think I’d ever feel like myself again. And I don’t. I feel – in many ways – better.  This new life means I have no choice but to let. go. of. control. Let go of life being wrapped up in a pretty bow all the time. Let go of what I thought was real joy. Because, let me tell you… there is a greater joy. And it really has nothing to do with whether you are a mom or not. It has everything to do with your heart. God gave me Grace to change my heart. So much more on the first few weeks with her soon. I have so much to share with you. So very much. And it’s going to be honest and sometimes a complete mess (gone are the days of eight hours of sleep!) and absolutely completely full of passion. The old has gone, the new has come. I find it wildly appropriate that this new journey for me starts with telling you about the birth of Grace. Here goes…

Side note: As I wrote this post and went back through the photographs from that day, this thought would not escape me…  There isn’t a single non-living item in the tangible world more valuable than a great photograph.  While my short-term memory escaped me for much of this, the photographs brought me right back to it.  Honest moments captured.  I couldn’t relive or remember the same joy and emotion through mere words. Thank you, Nancy Ray, for these priceless memories.  I’m so very grateful.  Thank you all photographers out there for what you do!

4:20am. Ari had just come to bed a few hours before. He had been up late with my brother finishing the 2000 piece puzzle we got to pass the time. Grace was 10 days late. Longest ten days of my life. My parents only had two weeks to spend with us and there were a mere four days left in their visit. Hurry up, little one! We were all getting impatient and I was very very pregnant. I stopped believing Grace was ever going to come out. Well, at 4:20am on November 22, 2011, I woke with painful cramps. Like strong period cramps. Odd. “Babe. Babe,” I said to him gently in the dark. He knew what that “Babe” meant. “I’m having cramps. They feel different.” I got up and I just knew. They hurt. Different than anything before. The adrenaline started pumping. We both got up and started timing them. 10 minutes apart quickly grew to 7 minutes apart and then 6. I was still able to walk around and function at that point. I ran through the mental checklist I’d rehearsed for so long in my head. Text Nancy. Text Emily, Gina, Natalie. Text Marissa. Take a shower if I can. Try to eat something because I didn’t know when they would let me eat again at the hospital. Get the hospital bag. Ah! Where do I begin!? I’m going to have a BABY today!!! I paced in the bathroom as Ari so calmly gathered all of my things from the list I had tacked to the fridge for a month. Phone chargers, Bible, camera, computer, etc. He was so calm. Unusually calm. I suddenly got really flustered. This was really it. “I don’t know what to do with myself,” I stuttered to him, barely able to make a sentence from my excited anxiousness. I really didn’t know what to do even though I’d mentally rehearsed those moments a dozen times. I got myself in the shower. As the water washed over me, I realized this would be the last shower I would take before becoming a mom. Wow. Out of the shower, contractions getting stronger, I put on a pair of big comfy pj’s. I had gotten them in the men’s department at Target that week since none of my maternity clothes were fitting anymore! Then, I went into the room where my parents were sleeping and excitedly whispered, “Mom… mom…” She jolted out of bed. Sat straight up and my dad did too. “I think it’s time.” She squealed and off we all went to get ready as fast as possible. By the time we all were ready to go – which felt like an eternity but it was probably just 15 minutes – I was having to bend over the couch and breathe deeply to get through the contractions. I remember that first really bad contraction, leaning on the back of the couch and my dad walking by. What a crazy sight it must be to see your own child pregnant, about to have a baby. I got in the car and the pain started to intensify really fast. Just like my mom with my brother, Stephen, and I. She told me my whole pregnancy, “Oh, you’ll know when you’re in labor! If you’re anything like me, it will come fast and furious. Like nothing you’ve ever felt. I will take you over!” As usual, mom was right. On the way to the hospital, pitch black out with just a hint of light coming through over the hills, I put on my “going to the hospital playlist” and tried to hum through the contractions. Oh, Lord Prepare Me. I tried to eat a bite of oatmeal in the car, but I was too nervous and overcome with the new and insane sensation of the contractions to eat much. I held Ari’s hand and tried to relax. As promised, I texted the girls in my office to let them know it was time. Ari texted Nancy to tell her and thankfully she said she was on her way! I was so worried that, after Grace being so late and it being Thanksgiving week, that we wouldn’t get to have Nancy there to capture Grace’s birthday.

We pulled up to UNC Women’s Hospital and my parents walked me up to Labor and Delivery while Ari parked the car. It was an all-too-familiar out-of-a-movie type of scene as I made my way to the nurses desk to check in. Four nurses gazed at me, as if assessing whether or not I was “in labor enough” to be admitted. I smiled at the check in nurse and said something ridiculous like “Hi, I’m here to have a baby.” I prayed so much that I would glorify God in as many ways as possible through my birthing experience and I was determined to be as positive and grateful as possible to everyone I met. They checked me in and a nurse took me to triage.

My parents headed to the waiting room to pass some time until I was ready to deliver. Here’s where I start to not remember some things. But, what I do remember is intense and wonderful at the same time. They gave me a gown in triage and the nurse had me recline on a table as she hooked me up to all sorts of monitors. By this point, all I wanted to do was pace. Somehow pacing felt better. Reclining did not. Ari came in and held my hand as the contractions got more intense. Then, a young male doctor came in – red hair and freckles and a comforting smile. “Hi! I’m Doctor Casey.” No way. I suddenly felt the peace of God wash over me. “Doctor Casey? My dad – also Doctor Casey – is here too. I’m really glad to meet you,” I said as a contraction took me over. He spoke slowly and in such a comforting tone as he examined me to find me 5cm dilated. Yahooo! I was being admitted. “And since you can’t talk through your contractions, I would have known you were far enough along anyway,” he said kindly.

I don’t remember going to the labor room. I don’t remember anything except meeting Nurse Tori. Oh, Nurse Tori, you were our angel! Ari handed her my birth plan and explained it to her since I was beyond speaking by then. I just paced and breathed and tried not to moan. I didn’t think I’d be a moaner. Or a screamer.

So, my birth plan was to have an unmedicated birth (but I came in open to anything that was going to keep Grace and I healthy), no pitocin, no epidural, as natural as possible. I had spent months reading about the benefits of natural childbirth to the baby and I wanted to give that to Grace if I could. And I kept thinking that if my mom could do it, I could too.

But, again, I was open to anything. Any way you have a baby is remarkable!  I’d be happy with whatever plan God had. Nurse Tori was so calm and giving. She smiled as Ari read her my birth plan. As if this was right up her alley. And it certainly was.

OK…. this next part is really hard for me to write. I haven’t written about Grace’s birth yet because I needed time to process it. I didn’t want to relive it so soon. And I didn’t want to sound like a complete mess. Birth for me was one of the most humbling experiences. By 9am, the contractions were so bad that I turned into amazon woman.

Yes, it happened really really fast. I sincerely never knew sounds like that could come out of me, but the pain was so intense – a completely new pain scale for me – that I couldn’t help it.  You think that you will feel some sense of a need for privacy or some embarrassment having so many people see you in such pain, at your most vulnerable, with all your lady parts out there, but that flies out the window the second the contractions take over.  Two minutes apart, moaning at the top of my lungs for what felt like an hour, grasping Ari’s hand so tightly, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I simply can’t explain that pain. And I had read every natural med-free birth story I could find in books and on the internet. I thought I was prepared. As a former yoga instructor back in the day, I had done a ton of meditation and study on visualization. I had studied every technique out there. I thought I had this pain thing in the bag.

And there I was… I felt completely helpless. I told Ari I wanted the epidural.  He looked at me and, knowing how much I prepared not to have one, asked “Are you sure??”  YES. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW. (From Ari: All caps are very appropriate in this circumstance.)  People ask if I said anything crazy during labor. Just those words over and over and over. It was like my birth chant or something. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  No one wanted to tell me that it was going to take 20 minutes for her to get there. So, Nurse Tori filled the bathtub and told me I would feel so much better if I got in it. I didn’t believe that ANYTHING could make me feel better. I thought I was beyond natural help. Wrong. The labor tub wins! I instantly felt relief when I was in the water. The contractions became more manageable, if I can call them that. Ari sat in the bathroom and just held my hand.

My husband… oh my word. I could write a book about how remarkable he was that day and how much closeness I felt to him. My love multiplied for him in those hours like never before. He never flinched. He coached me and loved on me and looked me deeply in the eyes when I just couldn’t talk. I’ve never felt so connected to someone. I digress.

The anesthesiologist finally was on her way, but by that point I didn’t want to leave the tub for fear that the time between tub and epidural would be excruciating. And being naked and wet in pain didn’t sound great to me at the time. But, I wanted that medicine! Badly. I wanted this baby to come out! Out of the tub I came and back into bed. Just as a contraction tapered off, Nancy’s sweet face appeared from behind the hospital curtain. Oh, joy!!! I was so happy to see her that I started to tear up. I think I smiled and said I was so glad to see her and then proceeded to scream in pain in the same sentence. Poor Nancy, I thought! Oh, but having her there finally was such relief. And friends, it’s not just that she takes priceless photographs. Her heart for God changed me during my pregnancy. She prayed over me and encouraged me and just was a wonderful friend. Having her there made me feel complete. The contraction subsided and Nancy came and put her hands on my face, smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess but she was so encouraging and calm! My mom soon came in, too. When I got pregnant, the first thing my mom told me was, “You’re going to be a wonderful mother!” Having mom there made me feel like I could get through this. She did it, so I could too. She coached me gently the whole time and kept smiling at me to give me strength. Thank you, Mom. Words cannot express how grateful I am for you. Thank you for giving me the confidence that I CAN do anything if God wills.  Another contraction peaked. I CAN’T DO THIS. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  NOW!!! I grabbed the side of the bed as my mom coached me through the pain.

The anesthesiologist finally walked in.  Oh, thank you sweet Lord! Paperwork, consent, more of Ari asking me if I really wanted this, me asking about whether or not I’d be able to push and if I’d be able to walk. Yes on pushing. No on walking. It was the price I had to pay. The contractions were 90 seconds apart by then.   Now, to get an epidural, you have to stay completely still and hunch over to bend your back so they can insert the needle. Pretty much the opposite of what feels good. I felt like I was going to burst my belly hunching over like that. Every time a contraction hit I had to bury myself into Nurse Tori’s shoulder, as she was holding me up to support me from the front. Ari says he was supporting me at one point too, but I barely remember. The anesthesiology resident was having a hard time getting the needle in correctly. 16 tries. Seriously. That I remember. But she finally did it. I was so frustrated but again trying to be – even through all of this PAIN LIKE NEVER BEFORE – gracious. The Lord is my shepherd… I repeated the 23rd psalm over and over that day. It’s all I could do to stay focused on God being in control. I kept thinking, hurry up already medicine!!! Take ALL the pain away. And then, the craziest thing. I did not think it was possible, but the pain intensified. I was just desperate at that point and begged for someone to get the doctor again because it just. wasn’t. working. I could still feel EVERYTHING. I was so confused and just so desperate for relief. Trust me, I was working HARD to think positive thoughts, completely relax and trust God that He was in control. And He certainly was. I wanted a med-free birth and well… that’s exactly what I got. Either some other organ in my body was really relaxed that day or God is saving that pain medicine for a time when I need it more. But, God had a perfect plan and this was part of it. Looking back now, I know that He wanted me to be at my most vulnerable. He wanted to break me down to build me back up again. So, hopeless on the pain front, I started to cry. No one tells you that crying during labor just makes things worse. You instantly feel the contractions more, so you instantly stop crying. No tears for me.

I looked at Ari and saw tears welling up in his eyes. I was overcome with love – a great distraction from the pain at the time – as I saw him get overwhelmed with the thought of what was about to happen. Later, he told me he was really tearing up because he felt so bad for me and couldn’t help me. I’m not sure what happened next. All I know is I started to have a new pain. And I started to feel the urge to push. Urge meaning a no-control-I-don’t-want-to-give-in-because-it-will-hurt-so-much-more urge. It is the strangest feeling. Like a volcano in you is about to erupt! And then… the scariest moment for me… my water broke. There was no trickle or gush like they say in all the pregnancy books. It was just like a giant exploding water balloon. OK, no turning back now, I thought. That’s when I knew it was time to give in to the pushing. I knew this was going to be it. I asked Ari to pray.

“Dear God…” He started praying and mid-prayer I contracted again and moaned like never before. End of prayer. I tried to focus on the end goal.  The pain of labor is one of the only pains that is – even though excruciating – positive. It’s good to feel it because there is an end – a goal. I just kept thinking that… the more I give in to this pain, the closer I am to meeting Grace. I tried to surrender and let is wash over me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I guess that was an indication to the staff that is was just about time.  I remember a lot of hustle and bustle as the doctor on call, Dr. Ivester, and all the nurses started getting things ready. I think someone told me to look at the baby warmer that they just turned on…  OK, now I’m getting emotional thinking about it… so that I would know the end was really in sight.

I saw Tori on her phone calling other nurses and Dr. Ivester, too. He was so calm and just smiling the whole time.   I heard him chuckle and mumble something to one of the nurses like “well, this won’t take long!”

The second I overheard that, I made the decision that it was definitely time to have this baby. I had been so so so afraid to push. I was afraid of the pain. I was afraid of tearing. I was afraid to meet her. I was afraid of my life completely changing. I knew with all of my being that pushing meant a new life. Completely new. And that is exciting and completely terrifying at the same time. The anesthesiologist rushed in and, with a worried look on her face (or maybe she was just scared from my Tarzan moaning), injected something into my IV.

I didn’t ask questions. (She was definitely concerned by the screaming. It wasn’t good PR for the anesthesiology department to have a patient with an epidural screaming that loudly.) Seconds later, at 10 cm dilated, birth was upon me. I had a tiny moment during the fall of a contraction where overwhelming gratitude filled me. I looked at Ari and said, “God is good.” Next thing I knew, eight people were suddenly hovering over me. I heard Nurse Tori ask Nancy, “Are you two sisters?”

Nancy: “Close friends.”

Tori: “How close of friends are you?”

Nancy looked at her as if she knew exactly what she was going to ask and Tori handed her my left leg to hold.  There was a nurse at my left ear, Ari beside her giving me his one hand to squeeze with two of mine, Nurse Tori coaching me gently but strongly, Nancy holding my left leg (we are now much closer friends! Ha!), Dr. Ivester below waiting for Grace and working hard to adjust me as I pushed, my mom holding my right leg and then… an angel of a nurse in my right ear. She was literally there just as Grace was making her way into the world, like a fleeting vapor, but perhaps the most important person that helped me in those moments. It all happened so fast, I don’t even remember her face. She was just in my ear, telling me exactly what to do. I wish I could remember all that she said. The only thing I remember her saying is, “Lara, look down! Look down! Her head is right there!”  I can’t! I didn’t want to look down, I just wanted to PUSH! (From Ari: I saw her head and it was crazy!) They call labor labor for a reason. It’s WORK. I pushed so hard and harder than I thought I could ever push and then even harder still. Everyone in the room was telling me what to do, when to stop pushing so I wouldn’t tear and how to breathe. Pushing actually felt “good”. Good because I knew I was almost there.  With a loud cacophony of voices coaching me on, with 6 I’m-gonna-move-a-mac-truck-with-my-bare-hands pushes, Grace slid perfectly into the world.  Oh, Lord. I praise your name!   Thank you, Jesus, for my life and for your amazing grace that got me there! Grace Austin Isaacson arrived at 10.24 am after 6 hours of life-changing labor.

Finally, the grateful tears could pour out!  I heard her first cry as they placed her immediately on my chest – warm and perfect.  I just looked at her and looked at Ari and was in compete awe at this little beautiful living being that God had created in me.

I kept thinking, “We made a person!!!”   8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long with a thick head of dark hair.  She looked just like her daddy.

Seeing so much of Ari in her made me feel an intense love like no other.  The three of us were a family.

The hush of new life filled the room.  I started to shake uncontrollably right away thanks to the changes in hormone levels after birth.  Ari cut the cord and Dr. Ivester gave me three tiny stitches while they weighed her, did all the necessary quick tests and cleaned her up.  I kept apologizing to Dr. Ivester for shaking so much!  I could barely talk from the shakes.  But, I was so happy and grateful and in complete awe of what had just occurred.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found.

Was blind, but now I see!

After all the hustle and bustle of recovery, there was a stillness that I will never forget. The doctors and nurses left and it was just this beautiful silence as my mom, Ari, Nancy and I watched Grace in awe.

Seeing Ari hold her for the first time was … I just don’t have words.

He held her and slowly drank her in with his eyes.

You could see Grace fill him from top to bottom.

Nancy’s photograph captured it perfectly.  He was overcome with love.  Then, my mom held her and spoke sweetly to her and told me what a great job I had done in labor.

After all of that, her encouragement was like honey to my soul. Shortly after, my dad walked in. I didn’t know this, but Ari had gone to the waiting room to get my dad and said, “Would you like to meet your granddaughter?” Be still my heart! Some girls imagine their weddings their whole life; I imagined this moment.

When dad got to hold my baby for the first time.

It had been a trying year with my family and having my dad there, healthy and happy, was the greatest gift.  I think my dad got the first smile out of Grace : )

I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw Grace for the first time and the peace that came over him when he held her. Our perfect circle of life was complete in my heart.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. - Ephesians 2:8 Oh, what a blessed gift to have all of us there to bring her into the world!

Sweet Nancy pulled out a bottle of sparkling pink lemonade and we all toasted to Grace. A new beginning. A new life began in that moment.

More on our first moments with our hilarious and sweet daughter and the adventures of the first few weeks next.   Oh, I have so much to tell you!  In one billion ways, the best is yet to come, friends…

I am on maternity leave until March 2012. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa!

The day has come! And what a blessed day it was! Grace Austin Isaacson was born yesterday at 10:24 am EST, weighing 8lbs 9oz and 21 inches long. Lara, Ari and this beautiful new
bundle of joy are doing wonderfully and are so grateful for this amazing blessing! And now… in honor of Grace’s birthday, a very special surprise from Nancy Ray (who is currently in the hospital capturing these precious first days with the new parents!) and Inkspot Crow Films that was just completed moments ago…

Lara Casey : Birth Announcement from Inkspot Crow Films on Vimeo.

Yesterday at 5am, I received a text message from Lara: “I think I’m in labor.” I thought my heart would burst and my eyes filled up with tears knowing what goodness was about to come into the world and join Lara’s little family. We love you so much, Grace, and are so happy you are here. Your mama couldn’t wait to meet you. She’s prayed for you for many, many months. Photographs of baby Grace taken while she was just a few moments old…

We love you so much Grace, Lara and Ari!

Lara is on maternity leave until March 2012 to spend time with her new family. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa! What an exciting time! God is so good! Leave the new parents and this precious babe some love here, as Lara will not be checking her email during her maternity leave and will likely be away from her phone for a long while.

Welcome to the world, baby Grace! You are such a loved little girl. We pray your heart is filled with joy and your days are filled with love, sweet Grace.

With all my heart, Aunt Emily (and your future husband)

I am technically 4 days past my estimated due date, but I am ignoring this fact for now.  50% of babies are born after their estimated due date anyway.  I’m grateful and happy and feeling wonderful today!  And what better way to keep my mind occupied while I wait on baby Grace than to launch two gigantic projects today!?  I’m convinced that God is waiting until these beauties are launched to let me go into labor, so here’s hoping…

I am sad to be missing engage!11 Cayman this week (this would have been my seventh engage!), but so happy to reveal what Emily Ley and I been working on with the incredible Rebecca Grinnals and team.  Congratulations on an exciting week ahead and…. drum roll…. the launch of the new Engaging Concepts!  We had such a wonderful time working with Rebecca and Kathryn, who have long been two of my mentors and dear friends.  It truly was an honor!  I miss you all and, while I wish I had my toes in the Cayman sand with you, I really hope that as I hit publish on this post, Grace decides to get this party started.

I couldn’t be more thrilled about this next reveal! Emily and I are over-the-moon excited to finally show you what we’ve been up to the past 12 months in our new Making Brands Happen site!  This site is packed full of goodness and showcases a year of adventures, joy and work that truly makes our hearts SING!  Read all the details on our launch here.

Enjoy the new sites and – hopefully – the next post you see here will be Grace’s birth announcement from Aunt Marissa!

The last nine months of carrying my first baby have been blessed beyond measure.   They’ve been the most challenging and rewarding months of my life so far and I know it’s just the beginning. From two pink lines to a closet packed full of tiny booties and onesies, this time has been a gift that a blog post could never quite capture fully. God has changed Ari and I in profound ways with every little baby kick, fear we’ve conquered and every “first” we’ve experienced together on this adventure. In honor of our amazing Grace, due sometime in the next 20 days, here is a quick peek into the last nine months.  Photo above by my dear friend Nancy Ray.

February: The “decision” to have a baby wasn’t an easy one.  It wasn’t like we woke up one day and everything was magically in place and the timing was perfect.  Ari started talking about wanting to have a baby and all I can say is that God did a lot of things to warm me up to it very quickly.  For one, my best friend was pregnant at the time and, the first time I felt the little baby kicks in her belly, my heart exploded!  We had always thought it would be a few more years before we’d even think about kids, but God had other plans.  Despite all the logistics ahead of us and possible changes and unknowns (and yes, there were a lot of fearful tears!), we both thought, life is too short. Sometime around Valentine’s Day, our little miracle started to grow.  It was close to my mom’s birthday and, coincidentally, I had written this to her that week.  I was in Las Vegas at the time for WPPI.  Even that early, I just had a feeling I was pregnant. An instinct. I was taking my prenatal vitamins, taking great care of myself and just felt like God was making me ready for this.  Sure enough, during a visit home to Florida on February 28th, a craving for Chiclets led me to the drugstore for a pregnancy test.  I cried tears of joy as those two pink lines appeared!!!

March: We only told my parents and my best friends at first.  There was so much excitement coupled with thoughts of a whole new life ahead of us… translation = suddenly overwhelming.  My body changed quickly and the morning sickness soon set in.  Heavens to Betsy, this was no fun at all.   From week 3 to week 16, I was miserable – in bed, nauseated, no appetite, exhausted.  I actually prayed for those crazy pregnancy cravings you always hear about to happen so I could get my appetite back!  I had to keep at my same work pace and wasn’t able to tell anyone yet why I fell off the radar for a few weeks.   I’m so grateful for my friends who prayed me through that time, Ari for holding my hand through all of it and trying everything under the sun to make me feel better and to my parents for taking care of me for a few weeks and trying to feed me all sorts of goodness. At the height of all of this nausea, we had a trip to Grand Cayman planned to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary.  I spent most of the trip, once again, in bed.  At least it was from a bed with an ocean view, though!  At the end of March, knowing that we would soon need a lot more space for baby, we also started hunting for a bigger house.   Photo below by Nancy Ray.

April: On April 5th, we finally let the cat out of the bag! What an exciting day! And such a relief. I hated keeping our big news a secret for so long! Work-wise, it was an insanely busy month. With all the morning sickness, I had no idea how I was going to get through it, but by the grace of God – and with lots of help – I did.

2011 has been the year of making a lot of things happen, including some brilliant brands.  Photo above (with me covering quite the baby bump at the time) by Gina Zeidler. By the time our little one is born in just a few days, Emily and I will have launched 35 powerful brands this year for some incredible people that we are so blessed to call friends.  What started as one of those crazy ideas (sketched on a paper bag on an airplane somewhere over the Pacific on the way to Maui last November!), turned into my favorite work ever.  It turned into a mission that Emily and I have to help creatives take wing and live life to the full.  Life is too short to play small. In a few days, Emily and I (or just Emily, if I go into labor!) will be launching our new Making Brands Happen site where you can take a peek into all we have been up to.   I am so grateful for the last year of rewarding work – that truly doesn’t feel like “work”  because I love it so much – with the magazine and our inspiring branding clients. What a gift of a journey this has been!   It’s hard to believe that just a year ago none of this existed, nor did I have any idea it would:  a baby, a new blossoming business that sets my heart on fire and a magazine and blog that have had their biggest year yet! Back to April, though.  I digress. Prego brain. In April, I completed my last wedding with my event planning company – a gorgeous Indian wedding in downtown DC. For those of you in weddings, you know this was no small feat.  It turned out beautifully and I am so grateful for over a decade of wedding planning that turned into so much more.  I’m happy to finally put my very first company, Bliss Event Group, to rest after this exciting decade.  It was hard to let go at first, but there’s so much more on the horizon! Saying “no” to one thing in our lives means saying “yes” to something else.

May: A week after our DC wedding adventure, at 13 weeks pregnant, we had a fun Southern Weddings team photo session with Millie (where I delicately tried to cover my baby bump) and then three days after that, we moved! A new house and new office!  This was a whirlwind – as anyone knows who has moved ever – and such a huge blessing for us.  More space made room for all sorts of new growth in our lives, both personally and professionally.   And then… the day I hit 16 weeks pregnant, it was like the morning sickness cloud magically lifted.  Suddenly, the nausea disappeared and I started to feel like a human being again.  Oh my goodness, I was so grateful!   I even got some high-fives from the little one growing in my belly.   Thankfully, I started to feel better just in time to speak at Engage!11 at the end of May.  Just before I headed to California, I did my first maternity shopping and even posted the first baby bump pics for all to see. I got myself on a plane, spent a couple days with my 94 year-old Grandma Bunny (who was so excited!) and then headed to San Diego for Engage!11.  Between moving and maternity clothes and business booming as usual, it was an eventful time making all sorts of things happen.

June: Coming back from Engage!11, I was so fired up.  We had an epic team meeting when I returned that became the springboard for us to have our best year to date.  It’s remarkable to type all of this out and see that all of this happened in such a short time frame.  God is so good.  We saw over 200% company growth since that meeting in early June.  That fire I felt has just gotten stronger since and my team has sprouted some pretty remarkable wings.  Thanks to the return of my appetite, I also started to sprout quite the baby belly.  I gained a good 16 pounds that month!  Go baby, go!  Photo below by Gina Zeidler.

Let’s just say it was a month of growth in more ways than one.   I ran The Challenge again. I worked hard to rid myself of excuses for not being my best.  I knew that, if I was going to have a baby and be 100% committed to this baby when he or she arrived, I wanted to know I worked my hardest up to that day to get things in place.  That meant taking my company, staff, work, life and everything with it to the next level.   Ari and I traveled to DC together for a conference where he was speaking, I had a TON of branding work that month and – after much anticipation – we found out we were having a GIRL!  Yahooo!!!!

The moment we found out that she was a she, the fun really began!   Picking names, registering, decorating, oh my!  Do not – I repeat – do not attempt to be an overachiever and do all of these in one day, though.  I got a little overwhelmed while registering.  Understatement. Registering caused my first real prego meltdown. Despite said meltdown, all became well in registry land thanks to the help of my pregnancy angel, Emily, guiding me through it.  I could write a novel about how she has truly been sent from Heaven above as I’ve navigated pregnancy.  I love you, Emily Ley!  Ari and I finished June at my parent’s home in Florida and celebrated with my sister Kathy and my whole family.  Here is my June maternity session with Ms. Nancy.

July: How did I do July!?  Looking back on it, this month was appropriately packed full of fireworks!  On the heels of that fire that started to burn inside me in June, July was my month of taking big rewarding risks. I was determined to take action and give as much as possible.  We started layout on our fourth annual issue – V4, I did the Making Things Happen July Tour (Pensacola, Atlanta and New York) and then went straight to Charleston for a big V4 shoot. Pictured below during our model fitting at Maddison Row in Charleston.

Amidst all of this travel and hard work, God was really working hard on my heart.  I started to feel a sea change come over me as pregnancy began to settle into my soul.  There is a lot of fear when you first carry a child.  There are endless unknowns and uncertainties and all of these have forced me to truly learn to trust God more than I ever have… and in ways I never thought possible.  My faith started to grow, I started to get more involved in my church, studied the Bible more and I decided to take a scary risk and write to our sweet baby girl. That was a big hurdle for me.  I had so much fear that somehow I would lose her.  Writing to her – and taking Emily, Gina and Natalie‘s advice and starting to talk to her – opened my heart to trust.  Ari and I took a tour of the labor and delivery wing at Ari’s hospital where she would be born.  It all started to become very real.  The work I did during the MTH tour in July with Emily and Gina really cracked my heart open.  What a blessing that was and such perfect timing!  I came home from the Tour fired up and so ready to surrender to the changes happening in my heart.  My July maternity session with Nancy.

August: I declared war on the month of August, as I knew it was time to start getting things in place for this little dancing baby in my belly.  I started the month by flying back to Florida to speak at the Stationery Academy.   That was supposed to be my last speaking engagement for the year (I ended up doing another branding presentation here in Chapel Hill in September) since I was about to be barred from traveling.  It taught me so many wonderful things.

On August 15th, I wrote one of my favorite posts ever where we announced our little girl’s name. I’m printing this out for Grace’s baby album because I feel so connected to every single word.  God is so good!  Grace Austin Isaacson. Oh, how I love that name!   My mom threw a wonderful shower for Grace .  August brought so much growth and gratitude in my heart, which – looking back – prepared me for a difficult personal transition in our family that we didn’t expect.  It just made me more and more grateful to God, Ari and my dear friends for so much prayer and support.  I love you Emily, Gina, Natalie and the whole MTH family! At the end of August, my parents came to visit us here in Chapel Hill.  This was a very special visit that I will never forget. My mom brought so many goodies for Grace, including many of my baby clothes, books, photographs and precious family heirlooms.   My August session with Mrs. Ray and my parents.

September: This month was marked by magazine layout, final shoots, long days at my desk and a whole lot of exciting baby kicks!

Grace started growing like a weed and, as I neared 30 weeks pregnant, new things started to consume my thoughts.  New questions.  New fears about labor, delivery and being a mom.  I started reading every book in sight.  For those of you that know me, you know this is not like me.  I readily admit that, besides reading the Bible, I’m not a big reader in general and I don’t like reading instruction manuals.  I’d rather just figure it out myself.  I like being hands-on.  But, it started to dawn on me that a baby wasn’t something I wanted to just figure out. For me, the changes in my heart have come in profound waves.  God really does have perfect timing. At first, you think nine months sounds like forever.  Turns out, it’s just right.  I’m so grateful for this time that God has used to flip my heart inside out.  I felt such deeper clarity and confidence as each day passed. The weather started to grow cooler and, seamlessly with the change in season, I started to see more what was most important in life. For me, it has been – and continues to be – a remarkable season of letting go of what I thought mattered to make room for real love and joy.  A peace that passes all understanding.  What a gift – no matter how challenging – that has been!  Ari and I both experienced this change and started to feel closer than ever. I started to set new boundaries to plan for my maternity leave and we sent V4 off to the printer at the end of the month.  Hallelujah!  My September session with Nancy.

October: October began my official transition into maternity leave. With all the hats I wear around here, I knew it would take me several weeks to get things in order for our company to essentially function without me.  It was not easy at first to think of letting go.  As with every month, new fears and questions surfaced.  From crafting my birth plan to strong realizations about my priorities to unexpected tears to the gift of Sundays and seeing the big picture to more tears and remarkable love from my husband to seeing Grace’s beautiful face for the first time (oh my stars!!!) …

… to realizing this is really happening soon, God has been stretching me to truly TRUST and let go.  I’m getting there.  And I’m so grateful for the women I work with.  Words just can’t express how they have all blessed me during these months and especially now during this transition.  Emily, Emily, Marissa, Whitney, Sierra and Nicole have truly made me – the slightly OCD control-lover – feel like I can genuinely let go soon and turn over the reins to them with confidence and calm.  It’s a gift I know Grace will thank them for someday, too.   This week, V4 is on shelves nationwide (YEEHAW!!!!!) and very soon I will be turning my email over to Marissa and the ladies here as I move into the last days of my pregnancy.   I plan to take three months of leave, so I won’t be taking on new clients, meetings or projects until likely March 2012.  I know I’ll never get this time back, so the months ahead are just for Grace.

So much has happened and I couldn’t possibly include it in one blog post.  Writing all of this out makes me see so clearly how radical change in our lives is so possible.  You just never know what God will have in store for you, but you will only know if you listen, welcome all the “failures” and mistakes along the way as lessons and just. let. go.   There have been tears and so much fear and – all the while – a new joy.  I’ve laughed more in these nine months than I ever have. Pregnancy has genuinely been nothing like what I thought it would be.  When this all began, I was scared that a part of my life that was ending.  Well, it certainly was.  I just had no idea that one chapter had to close in order for a much better chapter to open!

November: yet to be written.  Most likely to be awesome.  God is truly good and I owe all of these blessings to Christ.  From that blessed day in February to now, I have been changed.  I pray for more and more change every day.  Thank you, Jesus, for nine months of your amazing amazing grace.

I can’t believe we have less than 20 or so days before we meet Grace!  The days are flying by now and I’m so excited to be a mom!  A HUGE thank you to so many friends who have cheered me on through these nine months.  Words just can’t begin to express my gratitude.  Ari and I feel so blessed to have such a supportive community of loved ones and can’t wait for this little dancing babe in my belly to meet you all very soon!   You can follow my journey daily, as Grace’s arrival grows closer, here on my Tumblr.

Love,

Between making babies happen, making brands happen, making things happen, making a magazine, a new house, new staff, shoots, consulting, travel and everything in between, there has been a whole lot happening since I last wrote here!  Hello, friends.  Hello, blog.  Nice to see you.  Sit a spell with me and I’ll quickly get you updated.

I was so honored (OK, really… I squealed and did some form of a really hilarious happy dance in getting the invite from R+ K!) and grateful to get the opportunity to speak on a branding panel at Engage!11 in San Diego recently.  Alongside my incredibly inspiring roomies Harmony Walton and Jasmine Star, I was so fired up to get to speak on a subject that fuels me beyond words… and to a group of professionals who inspires me to no end!  Full recap coming soon in my Engage!11 MegaPost, but I just had to say thank you again to the two women (and team) who gave me the remarkable gift to teach and learn and spend a week getting my heart and mind cracked wide open: Rebecca Grinnals and Kathyrn Arce.  If you know these two phenomenal women, you know what I mean!  There aren’t words large enough to express my gratitude.  This was my 6th Engage! and it just keeps getting better.  From the moment I got there, my mind started buzzing with new ideas that resulted in powerful changes taking place in our office since I’ve been back.  Big changes.  Remarkable advances.  And it’s just the beginning.  Thank you, Rebecca, Kathryn and all of the incredible professionals we shared that magical week with!  I wish I was going to be in Cayman for the next Engage!, but I will likely be in labor.  Literally, labor is the ONLY reason I would ever miss an Engage!  This video from Cloud Nine Creative says it all really…

Engage 11: Grand Del Mar // Wrap Film from Cloud Nine Creative on Vimeo.

Making Brands Happen makes my days light up!  Emily and I talk about 20 times a day and exchange an average of 80 emails every afternoon, making people’s authentic powerful creative brands come to life.  What started as an idea sketched out on a Delta barfbag somewhere over the Pacific on the way to Maui (really) to merge our two loves – design and branding -  turned into something we never dreamed possible!  We had no idea this would take off like it has with clients we adore more than words, but it just further confirms what I’ve always believed:  when you harness your core – your driving passion – nothing is impossible. 

The golden question in the SW office: How do we connect great vendors to the right brides to give them the experience of a lifetime on their big day?  My gut reaction answer is always: educate brides and build better businesses!  Great matchmaking and powerful experiences start at the core.  My mission is to change the wedding industry for the better from the inside out.  Building authentic, flourishing businesses gets me fired up! When a brand message is crystal clear, you attract the ideal clients who understand your true value.  When a company has built a remarkable client experience and brand culture based on that core brand message, fireworks happen!  That’s what I want for brides.  Fireworks!  The kind that are so brilliant and big that your parents didn’t want you to light them on your own when you were a kid.  Life-long memories and unforgettable experiences.  True authentic love to the power of infinity!   Oh, Heavens, don’t get me started!  I. love. this. work.  We’re now completely sold out for 2011 brand launches and have a waiting list for 2012 when I get back from maternity leave.  Get on the 2012 List.

I’ll be launching my own new branding soon that I can’t wait to share.  A little low-res iPhone peek at my new cards below.  Much more to come…

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, V4 aka Volume Four of Southern Weddings Magazine is set to be our biggest and best issue yet!  Heavens to Betsy, is it ever! We’re still accepting PRINT SUBMISSIONS for this issue, so jump on it and send us your best! Shoot season is in full swing for us and our office is abuzz with deliveries, prop styling, brainstorming sessions, sketches and swatches.  Our Art Director, Emily Ayer, and our divine team are making all sorts of Southern wedding goodness happen.  I’m so grateful for the women I work with.  Photo below from our Southern Weddings charity yard sale by Nancy Ray.

Y’all need to come visit our office one day to fully understand their awesomeness.   Come on over!  Seriously.  We have a full fridge of sweet tea and Cheerwine ready for you.  A little sneak peek at our new team shoot from Millie Holloman below.  Love you, ladies!

I know you want baby updates.  UPDATED: We’re having a GIRL!!! SO grateful to have my first maternity session with the lovely Nancy Ray this week.  More to come…

Travel time! I’ll be back to my hometown to speak at The Stationery Academy in August.  Very excited about this… except it’s the last speaking engagement I’m letting myself do for the year before this baby arrives.  I love to speak more than anything and have had to – sadly – turn down 14 wonderful opportunities this fall all over the world, including two in Ireland!  My dream!  I know God has designed this plan for a perfect reason, though.  Said reason is currently kicking my bellybutton : )

Aaaaand my favorite news besides baby…  Emily, Gina and I are headed out on the road for a very short Making Things Happen tour!  All of the past 27 cities have SOLD OUT, so we expect this to as well.  We purposely chose places that are easy to travel to so you can make it happen.  With le bebe on the way, this is the last tour I’ll be able to do for likely a good year or so.  We’re headed to Pensacola, Atlanta and New York in just a few short weeks.   We’re also hosting a big alum event in Florida!   I couldn’t be more excited. I love this work more than I currently love black cherry popsicles (that’s a lot of love, people!) and can’t wait to see everyone soon to make some big things happen.  Seats are already filling fast.  Register before July 1 for the early-bird rate while you still can.

A soon-to-be-attendee recently asked me if any of the MTH alum keep in touch.  I told her that I had to giggle a little at her question.  Why?  For a year and a half, we’ve been lucky enough to be a part of 29 private Facebook groups – one for each MTH class, one for a student class from UNC and one big group for all MTH alum that we just launched.  Oh my word, these groups buzz with activity – encouragement, collaboration, feedback, motivation, updates, etc., etc. – on a minute to minute basis.  I always wish I could give people a peek into these private groups.  They motivate me to no end!  Accountability and continuing guidance are a cornerstone to lasting success.  Many thanks to the powers of Facebook technology and to the 400+ alum who inspire all of us every single day.  We love y’all so very much!  Be sure to follow MTH2011 on Tumblr and Twitter for daily inspiration and read the post that started it all.

SCHOLARSHIP: So, in the continuing spirit of giving back through Making Things Happen, we are opening one scholarship for this final 2011 tour.  Leave a comment here telling us what you want to make happen in 2011 (and which city you would like to attend).  Why do you want this? What is your passion? Deadline to comment is JULY 4th at midnight. One scholarship seat will be announced that week!   Life is too short to play small.  So, spread the word and get on it.  We cannot wait to meet you soon!

OK, back to making all of this happen, friends. 

Blessings,

P.S. Happy 39th wedding anniversary, Mom and Dad! I love you!

P.P.S. Happy Father’s Day weekend, y’all! Join the Father of the Bride gushfest…

So, over the last few months, a lot has been happening.  understatement

We spent the first months of this year searching high and low for two wonderful women to add to our family at Southern Weddings.  I’m thrilled to say that after hundreds of resumes and interviews, we found the perfect pair!  You’ll get to meet them very soon and we can’t wait. I’m so grateful for our growth and, most of all, that I get to spend my days with these inspiring women. 

We’re bursting at the seams for more space, so we’re also moving next month! My wonderful mom is here in Chapel Hill visiting and helped us pick out the perfect new house – just a few miles away – for the three of us. Me… Ari… and…

Oh hello, tears. I don’t know how to write this post. Here goes…

I’m pregnant.

Due 11.11.11

You have no idea how good it feels so good to finally say that! Keeping this a secret for what has felt like an eternity has not been easy, friends.  Especially considering the plethora of texts like this over the last months…

The moment those pretty pink two lines appeared I wanted to shout my gratitude to the hills!  Well, I did.  In the privacy of my bathroom.  I’ve never felt such joy!  God is good and Ari and I are very grateful. Baby’s first trip on an airplane: sunny Las Vegas for WPPI (below).

A few FAQ’s and things I’ve learned so far:

We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.  We just want a happy baby.  OK, I kindof want a girl.  Only because Emily Ley and my entire staff have already decided Brady is going to marry said girl.

Morning sickness doesn’t exist.  All day sickness does.  The first stretch has been the pits, but thankfully I’ve been feeling better and better over the last couple weeks. Yesterday was my best day so far – almost back to normal! I’m so grateful for my best friends, very kind strangers, McDonald’s ice cream, my parents (who let me retreat to their house for the majority of March to take care of me!) and my amazing husband.  Thanks to aforementioned All Day Sickness, the thought of eating a Luna Bar or getting on a plane has made me ill, but I’m totally OK with that. If sickness is a barometer for a healthy baby, I am totally OK with anything.

For now, you can follow the baby details on my personal Tumblr.

My favorite person to tell I was pregnant (besides my dad who I have never seen happier) was my very Southern 93-year old Grandma Bunny.  I’ll never forget that conversation.  Listen in…

Surprise! from lara casey on Vimeo.

Best phone message after the big news: definitely from dad.  He ended the message with “Take care of yourself, Mama.”  Melt my heart.

People keep saying to me, “do you realize your life is about to change?”  It already has. Drastically.  I know it’s just the beginning and I’m so happy for all of it!  I prayed hard for this.  I am leaning on Him to guide me.   I also have some awesome friends as mommy role models – Em, Natalie and so many MTH women – that I am so grateful for.  My mom is also a pretty cool lady and has been teaching me the ropes since day 1 when I burst out in happy tears and told her I was pregnant in the kitchen while making oatmeal.  I had to tell someone. I love you, mom!  Below with grandpa…

Thank you to my sweet friends Danielle Wolfe and David Kirkaldy in Cayman for blessing us with your hospitality as Ari and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this year, to Emily (and Bryan) for making Bman and letting me feel his frog kicks in your belly and hold him – what a joy!, to my ridiculously awesome staff for being patient with my baby brain and for volunteering to name the baby (oh goodness, that deserves its own post), to Elizabeth Messina who captured my very first pregnancy photographs, to Aunt Gina and Aunt Natalie and Aunt Emily and Aunt Jessie and Aunt Marissa and Aunt Melissa and Aunt Chantal and Aunt Harmony for being the best honorary aunt’s ever, and to my mom and dad who make me excited every day.  I love you.  Special love and hugs to all the Making Things Happen women (and men!) who have encouraged me every step of the way on the journey.   I wouldn’t have had the courage to let go and let God bring this blessing into our lives without you.  My list of gratitude is endless.

My mom got to come to my ultrasound yesterday and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Having her there with me to watch the little heart beat so strongly was a miracle. I had seen it before, but something about having mom there this time… we cried… the nurse cried… my doctor loved on us! My heart feels like it’s the size of Texas, y’all. I’m not one of those people who had a mental plan for when I would get married and have kids.  Ari and I thought babies would come well after he is done with residency (2 more years).  As my heart started to open to this in a big way, I could clearly see God had other plans.  His plans are always way better than mine.  This verse has been on my heart since we found out: If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. – Luke 17:6 Carrying a child is indescribable. It has been impossible for me to not see God working in all of this. This little babe has already blessed us, humbled me and brought me to my knees.  Faith as small as a mustard seed can change everything.

Well, there you have it.  Spring has officially sprung in our little world!  Wonderful women to do this great work with, soon-to-be new bigger digs and a little southern biscuit in my oven.  The Biscuit…

Making Babies Happen,

photos (the pretty ones) by Gina Zeidler

Welcome to The Challenge.  One month – or a week if you’re feeling extra fired up – to revolutionize your life and business.   Are you ready?   I’ve pulled out all the stops to give you all my top advice on how to make things happen.  If you are ready for big change, take The Challenge.  Take each step day by day.  By the end of this month you will be clear, fired up and so ready to make things happen!  Need some motivation?  I have a MEGA GIVEAWAY as incentive.  Read on and get movin’!

STEP 1: Download, write your three action items for the day, write tiny action steps under each, do them.

STEP 2: Next, clear more clutter in your environment and on your computer.  Work it!  Take no prisoners with that clutter!

STEP 3: Prepare for Greatness.  Set yourself up for success tomorrow, next week and next year.

STEP 4: Take a break! Active rest. Plan breaks in your day, week and month to get renewed and recharged to make things happen.

STEP 5: Leap!  Face your fear.

STEP 6: Encourage others.  Spread the love and you’ll get it right back.

STEP 7: Define and implement solid boundaries.

STEP 8: Celebrate your success and give thanks!

STEP 9: Define and DO what fires you up.

STEP 10: Don’t stop.  This is just the beginning.  God has worked intensely on my heart this last year.  I have worked hard to do the right work.  I’ve made a ton of mistakes along the way, but as my dear friend Michael always says, no mistakes; only lessons.  I’m so grateful for where my life is now from doing this work daily – de-cluttering, setting solid boundaries, giving it all, letting go, facing my fear and choosing to be remarkable – and I’m committed to just as much work in the year ahead.  Good work.  The right work.  My favorite quote as of late…  A year from now you will wish you had started today. - Karen Lamb.   I’m so glad I started a year ago.  My life is night and day from just 12 short months ago.

If you want change, choose it.  Choose to be remarkable.  Start now.  Begin anywhere. [photos above: left Jory Cordy, right Gina Zeidler]

OK, who’s ready for a MEGA GIVEAWAY!?

TO ENTER: read The Challenge posts above and comment here on your progress as you go through each step.  Comment as much as you like.  The more the better to keep yourself accountable.  Even if you started The Challenge with me a couple weeks ago, get those comments in!  Weigh in on your progress with each step.   FIVE lucky Challenge-takers will win one of the following:

1. Wedding season is kicking into full swing and, as a result, I’ve gotten a TON of consulting inquiries lately.
Prize number 1 is a half-hour one-on-one branding/business coaching session with me to help you make things happen!

2. You’re going to need some killer headphones to get those office dance parties kickin’ (read the posts to know what I’m talking about) and I’m SO excited that the fine folks at Skullcandy have given me a pair of Holua Galaxie Earbuds to give away!  I just recently purchased these rockin’ wood earbuds myself and I can’t wait for one lucky reader to hear what these babies can do.  Thank you, Skullcandy!

3. You’ll have a TON to celebrate in this challenge and you’ll need some new tunes!  So, prize #3 is a $50 iTunes card!  Download my Making Things Happen playlist is here in the meantime.

4. These are my friends TJ and Brooke.  They are awesome and they make rad t-shirts and they’ve made a lot of things happen this year.

They have given me a stash of Walk in Love T’s like the one below that I wrote about. One lucky winner gets their very own! [photo below Gina Zeidler]

I love all of their T’s because of the message behind them and how crazy comfy they are.  [P.S. head over and donate to their store opening.  They are so deserving!]  Thanks TJ and Brooke!

5. Last but not least, the raddest bow tie from Buttered Toast that we featured in our last issue!  I WANT TO WIN MY OWN GIVEAWAY.

Knowing the results so many have had from The Challenge already, you’re all going to be winners for just starting this.   It doesn’t matter how much of The Challenge you complete, so get moving!  Just make sure you START, OK?  Begin anywhere.  Remember: progress, not perfection. Comment here and spread the word (twitter, facebook, smoke signals – get people involved)!   You never know who you will inspire in the process.   UPDATED: Challenge ends April 30. Make. it. happen!

Who’s in?!

CONGRATS to the randomly-chosen winners! EVERYONE won big here just for doing The Challenge! And remember – this is not just a one month stint. Keep up the great work! One-on-one branding/business coaching session winner: Anda Marie. SkullCandy Earbud winner: Jeremiah Daniel. Buttered Toast winner: Natalie Clamp. Walk in Love T winner: Jessica Goldschmidt. iTunes gift card winner: Judith Beverly. Congrats, everyone!