I got a surprise package in the mail today from Harmony Walton, owner of Bridal Bar, who is is one of the most genuine, giving people in the wedding business.  I can always count on her to lift me up and tell it like it is.  Inside was this book.   When I get a new book or a magazine, I immediately flip through, usually starting in the middle, just to look at pictures.   I’m not sure what that says about me, but I never start from the beginning.

The first page I flipped to…

To name your fears is to destroy them.

What are you afraid of?

Failing?

Making decisions?

Being alone?

Losing your love?

Aging?

Losing your job?

Having no money?

Death?

Not having it all?

TURN IT AROUND –

Transmute fear to energy.

Think positive.

You could be –

Starting over.

Making another decision.

Living peacefully alone.

Finding new love.

Accepting change.

Beginning a new career.

Living more frugally, harmoniously, graciously.

Understanding life and the infinity of the spirit.

Moving forward to a new phase.

Currently listening to Let Go // BarlowGirl

Fear is the biggest thing holding you back from living your best life – the life you know you should be living right now in this moment.  I will admit, I am at a crossroads in my life right now.   My fears have been bubbling to the surface lately as if they mean to stare me in the face and draw swords.  Really sharp, shiny, menacing swords.   God has recently shown me path I need to take and I’m fighting it.  I know I am.  I think I’m not good enough, too busy, too broken to follow it.  I fear how it will change me.  How crazy is that!?  I know full-well that God will protect me with every step, but fear grabs ahold of me and builds massive brick walls around me daily.  It feels like that, but the funny thing is… fear isn’t tangible.  It’s just a feeling floating around in space.  Yet, somehow it paralyzes us.  Nod your head, raise your hand, give me an “amen!” or something if you feel paralyzed or in any way help back by fear.  Why are you letting it rule you?   How much does it rule you?   If you can challenge yourself to answer those questions clearly, I promise that the simple act of defining those answers will motivate an active change in your life.  I’m not at all saying I do this well all the time or that it is easy.  I’m able to talk about this because I’m constantly wracked with fear and work actively to fight it.  I get it because I’m there with you.

Taking the blinders off brings awareness.  Our blinders keep us in our safe little bubble, not challenged or stretched, and not moving forward.

Stop right now. If you are taking the time to read this post, you can take the time to pick up your pen and write this down…

I am afraid of ____[insert fear- no natter how silly, huge, irrational, or crazy it sounds]____ because ____[insert worst-case scenario outcome… the absolute worst mental picture of the scene that would play out if this fear was realized]____.

If I wasn’t afraid of ____[insert aforementioned fear]____ I would ____[what do you know deep down that you are capable of doing or being without this fear holding you back?]____.

If this fear didn’t hold me back, I would feel ____[What would it feel like? Freedom? Light? Clear?  Yeah. I thought so.]____.

Just thinking these answers doesn’t count, folks.   You can burn, toss, or shred your paper after this.  Merely thinking them means that the fear is still floating around somewhere, taking up precious mental space that you could be using to move on.  You could perform the simple act of putting your thoughts on paper by using that pen there… and thereby igniting the flame that may fire you up to live that life you know is right at your finger tips.  There is power in small action.  I’m harping on this because every time I do it, I see the immense power in it.  Just do it.  If it doesn’t help, I’ll give you … well, nothing.   If it doesn’t help, you didn’t really do it.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship… Romans 8:15

When we feel fear –that thing inside of us that wells up and makes us want to crawl into a hole, the butterflies, the pit in our stomach– it’s a SIGN!  The big glowing neon sign reads “step into me”.   Yes, it seems counter-intuitive, but fear is a sign that there’s something there worth conquering.  Step into your fear.  Feel it.  Move towards it with care and open eyes.  Fear is meant to make us question our actions and weigh risk.  Fear is an opportunity.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

These are actual pages from my MTH notebook.  I never intended to share them, but in the spirit of naming fear, I’m laying them out for you here.  Writing these words –finding the right words– was crazy hard.  I could have just put “I’m afraid of failing” but that’s not really getting to the heart of it.  What are you afraid of failing at?

What does the simple act of naming our fears really do? I came back from the first leg of the MTH Tour with clarity.  After 80 hours of self-reflection in 10 jam-packed days, it was like a mac truck hit me.  I got back and that Monday with a massive list that I was determined to conquer ASAP.  Once you find clarity, you have no choice but to act on it.   It was like I finally had all the puzzle pieces in one place and I just had to get them put together.   I went off the radar for about a week doing the following:

First thing Monday morning, I declared it “the week of getting structured and conquering loose ends.”  We redid the office, cleared the clutter and started over.

I hired a new accountant, poured through financial records and prepared the business taxes.  I am not a numbers person.  This does not come easy for me.  I am the queen of “Sorry if this is a dumb question, but…”

When I started working in the wedding business, I started with Bliss Event Group, my wedding production company. While we still have a few select weddings on the books, as the magazine has grown, I’ve purposely phased this business out over time.  All of our accounts and legal documents were formed through Bliss, which has become confusing since we don’t operate from that business very much compared to others. So, I formed Lara Casey Media as our holding company for Bliss, Southern Weddings® (<— love that little guy) and Lara Casey Reps.  No, it’s not a new company.  It’s just the house they all live in.  This has helped so much lately with accounts and streamlining our brand.

I streamlined Twitter accounts. I got rid of the @WeddingRep twitter account and changed it to @LaraCaseyReps. I started to feel like “WeddingRep” was impersonal and I don’t just work with wedding professionals. I also got rid of about 5 other twitter accounts that were just sitting there doing nothing. This may sound like a tiny change, but it worked wonders to clarify our brand. I made clear goals for each twitter account as far as the audience I was targeting and content.   Think on this: if a new client happened on your twitter page (or Oprah, for that matter… you just never know), what would your first 10 tweets say about you?  Does your bio just say “photographer” or nothing at all?   What does your picture say about you and the experience your clients will have if they hire you? This stuff matters and if you think your clients aren’t reading your twitter feed, you’re wrong. Twitter is meant to be authentic and somewhat spontaneous, but for business use you also have to have a mission for the content you are putting out. Twitter is essentially micro-blogging. Also, remember that the number of twitter followers you have doesn’t mean much. They loyalty and interaction you have with your “Tribe” of twitter followers is exponentially valuable.

I booked all of us tickets to NY that weekend after I got back to take Katharine to Kleinfeld to see Randy and to meet with creative business consultant, Sean Low.   I was ready to invest in someone giving us a solid opinion on our business structure.  Much more about our trip to NY and our meeting with Sean in the next post. That day deserves its own series.

I toiled day and night to clear my inbox.  Many times “clearing our inbox” really means making a lot of decisions we don’t want to make yet.  Instead of returning emails we get on Twitter, facebook, and let distraction rule us.  Writing the email really takes no time at all.  Writing 100 a day on average takes a lot of time.  Wavering on decisions that hold us back from replying to those emails can take an eternity.  Like we always say around here… It is better to make a decision you are 80% sure of than no decision at all.  It’s OK to fail as long as you committed.

On a personal note, I committed to more time in the gym, more time in my Bible, less time working at night and more time doing little things for my husband to show him that –even when I’m insanely busy– he is my first priority.

I started to live my ideal day: waking up earlier, inspired environment, feeding my soul with goodness from the first moment I open my eyes, taking time to do the things that make me feel most alive and whole, and so much more.  This is a principle we teach in the MTH Intensives.  Blog post coming soon.

Most significantly, our Monday morning huddle that week was, to put it mildly, epic. I told Katharine and Emily the roles in our company that I was grooming them for and we clarified job descriptions. I’ve never seen them as focused and fired up as they are now. I realized I wasn’t tapping into even half of their potential and needed to give them more responsibility. No, I won’t tell you exactly what that means now, but you will certainly find out in time. They are brilliant women. Spend an hour with them; you’ll see.

There are 1000 other things, but my laundry list may bore you to tears.  Let’s just say, life around here is more focused and, as a result, sweeter.  It was great before, but great can always be improved.  Great has been re-defined in our office.

Doing all of those things above may seem simple and, despite barely sleeping for a week because I just wanted it all done, it was.  It was a breeze. Why?  Because I had done the work beforehand to clarify my fear and then make an active plan based on what I discovered.  Clarity creates conviction which creates action. Clarifying my fear was not easy.  At all.  As I wrote in my post last week, I spent ten days writing, crying, laughing, getting angry and getting real about my life. The veil was lifted.  While that was a luxury to have that time, I know the power of even taking 10 minutes to read this post and write those answers above.  Every time I did it, in every city, I got clearer and clearer.  Layer by layer, fear started to peel back.

No matter where you are in life or how overwhelmed you may be reading this post and thinking of those fears, just know that your fears do not define you.  You are not your thoughts.  You are not your fears.  Simon T Bailey always says, “Fear isn’t final.”  So true.  Replace fear with love and you will unlock more confidence and humble power than you can imagine.  What does that mean in a practical sense?   I leave in a few hours for Altanta to speak at The Simple Plan workshop tomorrow.  I realize this is going to sound silly, but I’m scared to give a PowerPoint presentation.  Put me in front of a crowd of thousands with no script and I’m all good.  Give me structure and I start to freak out.  Why do you think I work for myself?  So, in preparing, I’ve focused on how I can impart knowledge and really listen to each attendee rather than what they will think of me.  I’m replacing fear (paralyzing) with love (action).

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Oddly enough, 90% of the people I have met on the road are afraid of success. We are afraid of what the greatness within us will command us to do. What percentage of your potential are you functioning at right now?  Imagine if you were at even 70%.  Crazy thought, right?

A favorite quote that my bff sent me one day last week when I was having a rough day…  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

OK, off to pack and head to the airport.  I’m traveling solo this week to Hotlanta and Nashvegas.  Thanks for listening and taking this journey with me, friends.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27

xo

So, what are you afraid of? Name your fears. Destroy them. I know you can.

I’m warning you that I am not editing this post.  I usually have Emily, Katharine or Ari proof for me, but I just need to get this out tonight.  And I sure did have a completely different post planned for today, but this just couldn’t wait! 

In the last two weeks, I have received some of the most heart-felt, sincere, honest, vulnerable emails I’ve ever read.   Not just one, but dozens every day and it just keeps growing.   I’ve gone from a really busy person to needing to hire another full-time employee to manage this sudden influx.  Ever since the first MTH2010 Intensive in Watercolor (attendees pictured above) just a few short weeks ago, something happened that I did not expect.  People I don’t know write to me and pour their hearts out about real life… everything from business to death to marriage and everything in between. I feel so so grateful to be entrusted with these thoughts and at the same time feel horrible that I can’t immediately drop everything I’m doing to call these people and talk them through things. That’s what I feel they deserve, not just a return email. I will return them all be week’s end, but I just had to write this to say thank you to everyone who has written me and to tell you that I have prayed more for people this week than I ever have.  Please keep writing me. No matter how busy I get, I’m always listening.

Seeing people one-on-one is what satisfied me the most in the first MTH2010 workshop.  And while we’re at it- this is not really a “workshop.” I’m not giving people quick-fix tips and tricks.  We’re talking about real life and what it takes to take an idea or brand from concept to blow-them-out-of-the-water reality… and how to live your best life while doing it.  The letters I’m getting are exactly why I’m doing these intensives: so I can meet people in person and give them the attention these matters really need, one-on-one.  I’ve gotten to the point where I can barely read some of them through without tearing up because they tug at my heart-strings so much.  I guess y’all know that already.  I’m a sensitive person. I’ve been through a lot- far more than I share on this blog.  People want comfort, to share, to trust and for someone to tell them it’s all going to be ok.  I was a personal trainer many moons ago.  I relish the opportunity to do that. 

OK, I have to stop for a second. Yesterday… oh, yesterday.  It was one of the hardest and oddly, best days of my life. That’s all I can really say. I cried, Ari comforted me and my closest friends (who I count on less than one hand) prayed. I wish I could say more, but for me, personally, it was one of the most “connected” moments I’ve had with God. Why? Because I gave up. I let go of control of my life and just said, “Lord, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Just tell me.” Now, I realize I talk about God on my blog and that might turn some people off, but this blog is my place to tell you how I make my decisions. I pray about every single personal and business decisions. Granted, most of the time I fight it and don’t want to listen, but when I do, He never ever fails me.   And I’m always happier in the end.  So, yesterday happened.  I came home with Ari and fell asleep at about 9pm in my clothes, so tired.  A little pain woke me up around midnight and I did what I always do when I wake up- reach for my phone.  There was a message from Christopher Confero saying that he and Emily Ley had gotten together than night and decided to start a scholarship fund to bring someone to MTH2010. I welled up with tears and immediately got online to find that they had already –in just two hours– started a huge buzz on Twitter, a donation site, and raised several hundred dollars. I was floored.  Let me just tell you very clearly and honestly that I cannot take credit for what happened at that workshop. In fact, I was having probably the hardest day for me of 2009.  No joke.  They didn’t know this, but that morning as everyone was getting ready, I got some really rough news and sat on the bathroom floor crying.  Jeff came in and found me there.  He had never seen me cry or be anything but strong.  He talked me through it, brought me some hot tea, literally let me cry on his shoulder and I slowly but surely pulled myself off the floor and back together.

I summoned all of my courage and marched into that conference room, so fearful that people would see my pain.  Then… and Jeff and I still marvel at this moment… the second I asked the first question, there were tears from the attendees and suddenly I was the one being taught.  That day was such a gift and as the intensive went on and hearts opened wide, I felt all of my strength rush back to me.  All I did that day was enable the individuals in that room to find the answers that they already knew.  That was my goal.  Sometimes all it takes is answering the questions you wont take the time to answer on your own because you’re “too busy” “it won’t make a difference” you’re “scared” or you just “don’t care”. Let me ask you this… those of you who answered these questions, did it make a difference? I have an inbox full of emails I still haven’t had a moment to answer that all point to YES. Sometimes all it takes is knowing you are supported, understood, and knowing what not to invest your energy into. Sometimes, when a group of people comes together like that with open hearts, sparks fly.  Not little tiny sparkler sparks… big huge firework explosion sparks!   So, amidst the rush of the holidays, staying on top of my regular slew of business endeavors (no, I still haven’t taken a day off) and sorting through these letters, the “First Class” of MTH2010 has been doing nothing short of making HUGE things happen… even while I sleep. It’s been less than 24 hours and they’ve already collected over half of the scholarship funds needed to send someone to MTH2010. Probably all of it by the time I finish this post.  More on that in a minute…

The MTH2010 movement has begun and blows my mind every day. In one week I’ve experienced one of the hardest days of my life, turned 30 somewhere in there, Ari and I had some very sweet quality time with my family that I will never forget (if they played Apples to Apples in Vegas, my mom and I would rule the Strip!), I’ve been building the MTH2010 official site with Ross at Flosites, and at the close of this year, I’ve made some difficult and purposeful decisions to live my best life for God. This was not easy.

I’ve been trying to piece together how the last two weeks happened and my mind still hasn’t caught up. But I have one overwhelming thought that I can’t shake… I’m going to be very honest here because my heart has been really heavy the last few days trying to sort all of this out.

Fact: people want to break free from pain, suffering, financial distress and major fear so their life’s work can take wings.

Fact: most people don’t want to do anything about it. Most people want someone else to come along to fix it and they will wait, complain, blame a million things until one fine day they realize they actually have to DO something to make it happen.

I told the MTH2010 First Class that what happened in the workshop really didn’t matter unless they DID something about it the second they left. Making things happen is about harnessing momentum and acting.  It’s physical. Pick up the phone, the pen, the kids, whatever you have to do to get out of your rut and move forward. Like we always say in my office, it’s better to make a decision and go for it than not make one at all because you think you might fail.  Think of the alternative to taking a risk… you could spend this year right where you were last year… stuck.  Stuck thinking, mulling it over, whining, worrying, telling yourself you’re just not good enough when in your heart of hearts you know you need to just walk the plank. The water is warm and there are loads of people swimming around waiting for you to join them in the crystal blue waters.

OK, enough metaphors. Let’s get real. You want to know how I make things happen? On top of all of these things, I educate myself and I invest. In investing, I take huge risks. Prime example: something I love about Katharine is that when something is on her mind, she goes after it right that second.  She doesn’t waste any time and she doesn’t beat around the bush. I was working on location for a shoot one morning when Katharine called.  She carefully explained that she loved her job and wanted to make a very long-term commitment to working with me. But (after expert calculations that of course only Katharine would make) she needed a raise.  Now, keep in mind she and Emily had been working for me for less than six weeks.  (By the way, If you haven’t read Emily’s story, you need to.  It paints a very clear picture of what purposefully investing in something can do.)  My first thought was “oh my goodness, I will go broke. I don’t have this money to invest in them right now.” Katharine made her case, point by point, like a good lawyer’s daughter.  She knew her value and that showed me so much about her character. She laid out the facts as to why she was a good investment and how she could help the company grow.  I knew deep down that my return on investment in she and Emily would be well-worth it and that they would bring me more personal happiness than all the money in the world could pay for.  Before I could let the fear sink in, my gut instinct said “Yes.” I remember the fear creeping up for a moment and saying, “Lara, what did you just do!? You have no choice now but to get it together and make this happen for them.” I had spent enough time with them to know they were brilliant beyond their years and that if I fostered their growth and let them soar, they 110% would.  I am so thankful every day that I hushed the fear that morning and did what I knew was right, even though it was scary and I was unsure and there was always the possibility that I could seriously fail.  I knew that I had the choice to sink or swim from that moment on.  I repeat- I had a choice.  I invested (you realize I’m not just talking money here) and continue to do so every day.  I’ve discovered that if it feels comfortable, it generally doesn’t get me very far.  The more you give, the more you are able to reap.  Just remember though, it takes calculated risk.  If you don’t know where to turn or what to do, don’t waste any more time and get solid help now.  Read the section titled “People” in this post.  You have a choice every day to make good things happen.  I walked the plank, dove right in, and I’ve never looked back.

What plank do you know you need to walk right now? Tell me. What do you know you need to do to make things happen? Who do you need to call, meet, reach out to? What do you need to write, give, share or teach? What the heck is holding you back!?!? Part of the magic of MTH2010 for me was getting individual time with each person to ask that very question and look each person in the eye. I am so grateful for the answers I got because the second they came out, people did something about them.  Have you seen what’s been happening with the First Class since December 21st? Holy cow, I can’t even believe it every day. They don’t go more than 2 minutes without all talking to each other and putting plans into action. No one is resting on their laurels and no one is holding back.  A huge part of the momentum happening with the First Class is accountability.  I stressed that from the first few moments…”by the end of today, I want you to have found someone in this room who you connect with most… someone who will stop at nothing to make sure you stay on track and who will listen to you when you have doubts.”  I offered to share Jeff, but he’s about to be really really busy.  Since the 21st, the energy doubles by the second and the First Class is already conquering 2010!  Again, I am not doing this. I’m blessed to be a part of it, but things like the MTH2010 First Class Scholarship are born out of the fire the First Class has created themselves.

This scholarship is very special. I’m just still so humbled that they all rallied together to make this come to life in just 24 hours. That’s what happens when people experience something life-changing together… they form a lifelong bond, can literally move mountains and best of all…. can make anything happen for other people.

To donate to the scholarship, click here.

To apply for the scholarship, leave a comment here telling me three things:  the city you would like to attend in, why you want to attend and what you want to make happen in 2010.

Since the tour starts in less than 2 weeks, this scholarship opportunity will end this Friday at midnight and the winner announced on Monday the 11th.  Huge thanks to Emily, Chris and the First Class of MTH2010 for being phenomenal and blessing so many with this opportunity.  What a way to start 2010!

With love,

(and Jeff!)

Working at Southern Weddings is my first job.  Ever.  I graduated in May of 2009.  Let’s all take a minute to think about that.  Okay, moment over.  Crazy, isn’t it?  I alternate between pinching myself and forgetting to pinch myself, because, in fact, my daily life seems pretty normal.

I am a wedding junkie.  I was involved in the wedding blog world long before I was in the job market.  On the one hand, it seems completely normal that I would land a job in this industry I’ve immersed myself in for so long.  But – and here’s the clincher – it could just as easily not have happened.  I could still be looking for a job six months after graduation.  Most of my classmates are, after all.

We’ve been reading Crush It! in our morning huddle the past couple weeks.  I don’t agree with everything Gary says, but his general ethos of building a personal brand does resonate with me.  Why?  It’s the reason I got my job.

So here’s the story.

The summer after my junior year of college, I had an internship at The Knot, which was a great experience.  My last week in New York, my editor took me out for lunch, and we got to talking about what we would do if we could do anything we wanted.  Eventually, I answered that I would want to have Abby of Style Me Pretty’s job.  Not only does she write a lovely little wedding blog, she founded and then sold a line of custom stationery.  It was the combo that got me.  Christa’s next question was “Well, why don’t you start a wedding blog?”  The thought had occurred to me, but it was her support that gave me the push I needed.

So I did.  I launched my own wedding, style, and design blog in September 2008, at the beginning of my senior year.  I certainly had no delusions of grandeur, but I tried to post consistently innovative and inspiring content Monday through Friday.  Most of the time I felt as though I was writing for myself, but that was okay – if nothing else, it was a great platform for me to share the ideas that were constantly circling in my head.  It kept me busy.

But then. Then! In November of that same year, Lara Casey commented on one of my posts, a random post about how much I loved Carrot & Stick journals.  I was flabbergasted (and mostly confused as to how she had found my teensy little two-month-old blog!).  In gratitude, I sent her one of the journals and a handwritten note letting her know how much her comment meant to me.  I didn’t expect to hear anything from her, and didn’t for about two weeks.

Then one day I hopped on my Google Reader dum-di-dum let’s see what the ladies of Southern Weddings are up to — whahh?!  What did I spy but a post about ME and MY NOTE and MY BLOG and how much my note meant to LARA. That day was enough to sustain me through several more months of blogging obscurity.  And it was enough to get my foot in the SW door.

Lara loved the Carrot and Stick journals so much that she put them in the premiere issue of Southern Weddings right before they went to press. I was elated.

In February of 2009, I decided that I would apply to work with Southern Weddings.  Had they posted an open position?  No.  Had I graduated yet?  No.  But I did it anyway. And I didn’t just send in a resume.

I used the knowledge I had stored up as a long-time reader to make my application as appealing as possible.  I sent a fairly standard resume.  I sent a cover letter, but not a stiff and overly-formal one – I used the same conversational tone found on the SW blog, but built an effective case for my skills and attributes.  The form letter found in career advice books?  That wouldn’t have worked for this company or for this opportunity.  At all.

I also filled out the “get to know me” questionnaire that each of the current SW employees had filled out and posted to the site – I wanted to show Lara that in addition to having superior experience and skills, I was an interesting and exciting person.  This also gave me a chance to show her more of my writing ability.

And to top it off, I hand wrote an introductory note reminding her of our previous encounter.  And I sent this all through the mail, because I knew how easily an application could be lost in the sea of emails Lara received every day.

And you know what?  It worked.  It wasn’t quite as simple as I’m making it out to be, and there was a fair amount of luck involved.  But it worked.  I have a job.  I’m doing what I love straight out of college.  And I’m earning money doing it.  That is, unfortunately, a lot more than most of my fellow 2009 graduates can say.  And I believe the success of my plan rested largely on the success of my personal brand.

From Lara: I remember the day I got Emily’s note.  I remember thinking “this girl really knows who she is.”    She wrote and acted from such an authentic, genuine place, that I was honestly a little intimidated.  At the time, business was crazy.  I had just launched the magazine, was about to dive into an intense wedding season and was traveling more than ever.  On the surface, everything was hunky dory, but underneath I was unhappy with work and felt drained every day.  In the back of my mind, I knew that bringing someone like Emily on could change everything.  After her note and resume sat on my desk for four months and wedding season died down, I finally pulled the trigger and called her for an interview.  Around this same time, I got a glowing email from Katharine who had just graduated from Harvard.  Harvard!?  I was terrified.  Two brilliant-on-paper women who I knew had the potential to change my life.   I was so busy, that I wasn’t even able to meet them in person before hiring them.  I had long phone conversations with each of them and just had to trust my gut.  In July of this year, Katharine and Emily made Chapel Hill –and my office– their new home.  Not gonna lie, I’m tearing up typing this.  They have blessed my life far more than I ever could have expected and each day is better than the last.  Whitney, Kath and Em made me believe in myself again.

Lara was able to see me as a person – a multifaceted, talented potential employee, but also a person.  She saw me in many different mediums, over a period of a few months, not just in one cover letter on a sheet of copier paper.  And that, I believe, made all the difference.

From Lara: Knowing your personal brand and acting authentically on it creates real opportunity and genuine success. In today’s era of transparency, people want real connection and will see right through you if your heart isn’t in it.  There will always be someone doing it better than you.  But, no one can do better what only you can do.  So, what is that thing?  What is your unique brand?  Do you feel like you are just getting by in your work and in your relationships?  Stop now.  Just stop.

I made a seemingly simple, but bold, move and it paid off.  Many of my classmates are suffering because they are doing things someone else expected of them instead of living authentically and putting their heart into every move they make.  The more we exert, the more reward we are able to feel as its equal and opposite reaction.  Risk is just opportunity dressed up in scary clothes.

Lara tells the story of her move to California several years ago when she opened the back of Grace Ormonde and circled all the people she really wanted to work for.  She went straight for the top first, and ended up working for all of them just by taking that simple step – she studied them and knew what they wanted, emailed them, sent a glowing resume, then flew to meet them and show them what she was made of, despite shaking with fear. “Why waste my time on a stepping stone when I wanted to go so much farther than that?  I knew I wouldn’t be happy settling for anything less.”

In my job now, one of the things that energizes me most is interacting with other people in the industry.  I don’t discriminate.  I love talking with vendors – hearing their stories, how they got in the business, why they love their jobs, what they want to do next.  I love talking with brides – what they love about planning their weddings, what they hate about it, what they would do in a perfect world and how I could help make that happen. images above :: nancy ray

Every day I make a point to make at least one connection.  It doesn’t take much time out of my day.  It makes me feel good.  It’s good for business. It’s led to new vendor relationships, deeper vendor relationships, products being sent to us for photo shoots that we never thought we’d have the chance to feature, unexpected opportunities for collaboration, and true friendships.

But you know why I really do it?  I know how important that connection can be firsthand.  It can make someone’s day, it can fire someone up, it can change someone’s life.  I know it can.  It changed mine.

Who can you connect with right now? Leave a comment, send that email, make that call.  As Lara always says to us… “stop wasting time and just pull the trigger.”

There are two rules to this post:  1.  you need a pen and paper, and  2. put on some great music.  Rule number 1 is because this post is interactive.  Don’t read any further if you’re not up for the challenge.  Rule number 2 is because you only live once.  You might as well enjoy it!

In my inbox today: “How do you “make things happen?”. I love what I do and I’m really driven but also really shy and think that is kind of holding me back from really breaking into the industry and building great relationships.  Do you have any advice?”

I wrote this post like I talk to myself and, while I could have padded it more, lots of people have been coming to me recently in dire need of “straight talk”.  This post is dedicated to my dear friends and clients who have shared their lives and fears with me lately.  What is it about the fall?  It’s a season of change, reflection, and getting charged for the year ahead.  It’s a time for transformation.  If you really want to make things happen, you have to ask yourself some hard questions first.  While this isn’t the complete formula, here’s a kick-start:  it takes 1 part Nike (aka “Just Do It”), 1 part people, 2 parts discipline, 2 parts humility, and 5 parts crazy.  Read on, friends.

Fear. Every “big” thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life I was terrified of at one point.  Fear is the biggest thing preventing you from really making things happen.  Right now, you already know the answers.  You know not-so-deep down what you have to do.  You just have a million excuses and fears as to why you can’t get there.  My job as a consultant is to hear the fear. I was a personal trainer in Manhattan for several years, during which time I learned more about self-imposed limitations than I care to share.  I have heard every excuse for living an unhappy life and the truth of the matter is (and no one likes to hear this)… it’s all in your head.  Face real facts, not the constant mental chatter that holds you back from living the life of success you deserve.  When you simply identify your fear, worlds of possibility open up.

Write down what you are really afraid of and get as specific as possible… “I’m afraid of ___ because ___.”   Sounds easy, but did you actually do it just now?  I have a favorite phrase:  feel the fear and do it anyway.  That does not mean blindly dive in.  Fear does exist for a reason.  It makes us question ourselves, weigh the pros and cons, and get connected with our gut instincts.  Listen to that; there’s the feel the fear part.  Then, accept it as fear, not fact.  Act on it strategically, purposefully, and with support.  Which brings me to my next point…

People. You are a product of your environment and the people you surround yourself with.  This was a big point of discussion in Outliers.  Our level of success is directly related to the people we interact with on a daily basis.  “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” –Jim Rohn I’m sure, as you are reading this, you may be thinking of that one person who sucks your energy dry.  How is that affecting you?  Why are they in your life?  Yes, there are some people we can’t wish away in our lives, but we can surround ourselves with others to balance that out.  Surround yourself with people who inspire you, and work hard to inspire them, too.  Creating an environment where you can learn and, at the same time, infuse others is the most fulfilling way to grow.

Who are the people you spend your days with and how do they make you feel?  Write them down right now. Do not read the rest of this post, do not pass go, and do NOT collect your $200 until you make your “inner circle” list.  This may just be your most important step to achieving a “making things happen” breakthrough.  This is a step I have been bad at taking in the past.  I let those energy leeches stay in my environment for way. too. long.  I’m not good at cutting ties with people because I always feel like I can just “make it work”.  No, I can’t, and you can’t either.  You cannot change people.  All you have the power to do is invite people into your inner circle (I use the word “invite” purposefully here because you need to put a lot of thought into crafting this life guest list) who uplift you, share your life’s visions, ideals, and whom you can really trust.  Kick the life-suckers to the curb and get on the train with people who dream like and with you.  Jeff Holt and I have had this conversation a hundred times over and every time we talk about surrounding ourselves with people we believe in and who believe in us, magic happens.

This is why I have made a great effort to go to conferences and events where I know I will be surrounded by people who I can learn from.  The first Engage I attended completely blew my mind. (You can read my last two recaps here and here.)  Meeting people like Rebecca Grinnals and Sean Low made me want to raise the bar.  I credit them with helping me dream bigger, opening up worlds of opportunity for me, and unknowingly encouraging me with every step.  If you can’t invest in going to conferences, get out and meet people where you are.  Get on the phone, iChat, whatever it takes to connect with people who dream like you do.

I am a firm believer in the power of counsel.  “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”  Proverbs 12:15 Who do you bounce ideas off of?  Who gives you sound advice? My sounding board is about 10 people deep, starting with my husband.  We are the yin to each other’s yang.  I am innately the active big picture thinker and he’s the logical realist.  I have a team of dear friends and paid experts that I trust to tell me when I’m out of line so I can get back on track to making the right things happen.  In 2010, I plan on adding a few more people to my team to help take us to the next level.  You are not an island.  Get help…  especially if you think you are one of those people who just doesn’t need it.

Discipline. Making things happen isn’t about setting goals, having a strong cup of coffee and diving in. Back up 20 steps.  It’s about giving yourself the ability to make clear, intuitive choices by having your life together.  I make my best, most successful decisions when I feel a sense of health, wholeness and clarity.   A verse I always think of when I get overwhelmed: “Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Peter 4:1-7. Same goes for all of life – be clear minded and disciplined so that you can make the right things happen.  For me, this involves several factors: sleeping enough, eating well, laughing often and working out every day even when I’m tired.  If I don’t practice extreme self-care, I am no good for the people around me.  I say “extreme” because you have to be a parent to yourself and stay disciplined. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 What are the 5 essential things that make you feel whole and like you have your life together?  Write them down.

Some notes on discipline, drive, and staying up until 6am:  For one, the latter should not be in your vocabulary.  There are things I twitter and share here because I want you to know what really goes into this.  I wouldn’t have to stay up until 6am editing a magazine for a week if I had planned better, had a staff of designers working for me, hadn’t overloaded my schedule with projects I’m passionate about and clients I want to see soar, and (insert million reasons here).  I am not the best example when it comes to work balance.  I’m working actively on this.  I have lots of people helping me work on it.  I am generally a very happy healthy person, but when it comes to getting what I really want, I tend to go to extremes.  Please refer to the very first post I wrote on this blog.

So, do you have to be innately driven or can you harness that type-A mentality and still make things happen? First of all, define where you fall on the Type-A vs. Type BCDXYZ spectrum.  I fall into the former category, unfortunately.  Minus that time I got a C in handwriting in 2nd grade, I was always driven.  I get it from both of my parents.  I grew up with my mom being superwoman in the kitchen and my dad superman in the operating room.  They work hard and make it seem effortless.  My dad, the man who starts his day by biking 30 miles before sunrise, is 76 and has no plans to retire.  A lot to live up to.  I went to my first Yale class for summer school when I was 17.  I double-majored in college with 56 credit hours a semester.  Insanity.  I was at school from 8am to 11pm most weekdays and rehearsals on weekends.  Every day of college, I’d say to myself “nothing will be as bad as this.  When I’m done here, I’ll be able to handle anything!”  Well, I can’t handle anything, but I sure can endure a lot of [self-imposed] stress.  I was taught to push myself and lived in a world where that was the norm.

Since many of you B, C, and XYZ personalities are now about to leave this blog post in search of greener pastures, I’ll give you the good news.  You don’t have to be born with a color-coded to-do list in your hand.  Some of the most successful people I know did not grow up with instilled discipline.  In fact, quite the contrary.  But, one thing is certain.  All successful people start with a spark of passion.  They discover what makes them tick and will stop at nothing to get it.  They develop the ability to make decisions and follow through, even if the result is a major bomb.  Living in NC, I think of the Wright brothers.  Fail fail fail fail fail fail fail and then finally… success.  All because they discovered a passion, made clear decisions, went full force with each, accepted defeat, and tried and tried again.  Something we always talk about here in the office:  it’s better to make a clear decision about something and fail, then make no decision at all.

Some tough love for the XYZ’s.  (I have a few XY#!Q$E#X’s as clients.)  My advice to them is always as follows: stop making excuses.  I get the laundry list of excuses accompanied with lots of whining and in the end… “buuuut Lara… ok, ok, I know you’re right buuut… I just… I…”.  Get over the idea that you just aren’t good enough, you’ll never get caught up, and you’ll never be great.  You are, you will and you have the choice to be.  If you don’t believe that, first of all, I want to give you a hug, then a swift kick in the pants because you have much more potential than you give yourself credit for.  On my bulletin board:  “The greatest human temptation is to settle for too little.” – Thomas Merton Are you settling for too little?  What excuses do you make on a regular basis?  If you need help with this one, be brave and ask your spouse or your best friend to tell you the excuses they hear you make often.  Write them down. Time to get real, friends.

Humility. Humility’s purpose in making things happen is to allow us the freedom to fail.  It’s about letting go.  If you aren’t failing on occasion, you aren’t dreaming big enough.  You are hiding from your true potential.  I’ve failed more times than I can count.  You know why I’m speaking on “Taking Interns to Associates” at Eventology?  Because I’ve made every mistake in the book and it has taken years of learning the hard way to get me to the right way.  I now have a team of equals that infuses me as much as I infuse them.  Granted, I don’t take credit for them being so awesome.  Katharine, Emily and Whitney arrived on the awesome train together.  But, we’ve made a conscious effort to create an environment that allows us to fail and not fall.

We learn together and communicate honestly and openly about fears, mistakes, money, family, and all the hard stuff I used to hate talking about.  We all put in an equal effort to keep the atmosphere positive, encouraging, and honest.  We have built trust to the point where I can say, “I made a mistake.  I’m sorry.  Here’s how I intend to fix and learn from it.”  It takes failing gracefully –and sometimes not so gracefully– to start to “get it.”  It’s a practice, an awareness, and for me, a life-long journey that I’m excited to take because with every wall I break down, I feel more genuine pride.  Healthy pride.  Humility is not about being timid.  Don’t confuse the two.  Practicing true humility means embodying one’s strengths and God-given gifts with grace, allowing for self-reflection, keying into the ability to listen to the feedback the world is giving us, and -here’s the kicker- doing something about it.  What are your unique strengths?  Write them down.  Get specific. For example, I know I am great at motivating and encouraging people.  Specifically, I have the ability to see people’s potential and can define active steps for them to get there.  It’s important to know what your strengths are when facing failure so the pain of facing it doesn’t paralyze you.

I know when I’m exercising humility, I can feel it.  It’s a very silent moment.  I’ll get mad about criticism or a comment, start to feel my blood boil and that defensive lawyer emerge in me and I just have to stop.  I stop, breathe, and there is a small painful moment of letting go when I pause to consider “maybe they are right and I am dead wrong”.  Let yourself at least consider it.  Most of the time, the things that anger us the most about others, are a reflection of ourselves.  I can’t emphasize enough how much learning how to stop in those moments has helped me in business.

As an INFP (translate that to sensitive person), I like to put up walls to protect myself from the vulnerability that comes with true humility.  It gets me nowhere.  Anger, I have learned, is a call to action.  I can do something about it or continue to ride my high horse in circles.  Do you always feel like you are on the defense with clients?  Are you going in circles with your progress?  If so, it’s time for a reality check.  No one is perfect.   You are not your thoughts.   You are not your fears.  You are not defined by past actions and missteps.  You are defined by how you express them in this moment and in every moment from hereon out.  Practicing humility is just that… it’s a process.  Accept that you make mistakes and resolve to fix them, one baby step at a time.  You’ll fail a thousand times, but every single failure is worth experiencing if it brings you to greater clarity and renewed genuine confidence.

Crazy. Last and greatest: this is the part of the formula entitled “5 parts crazy”.  You have to have a little wild card in you to experience the success you deserve.  I’m pretty sure that if you are reading this post, you do.  I love when a client starts a conversation with “I have this crazy idea…”  Those are always the ones that take wings because they take a deeply-rooted passion to even dream up!  Seize them and run with them.  Everything I’ve accomplished started as one of those “I have this crazy idea” moments.  Talking about creating a blog many years ago, starting an event planning firm, being a consultant for luxury wedding pros and hello.. starting my own magazine all seemed ludicrous at the time!  What are your big ideas?  What are the things you want to make happen?  Write them down.

Sometimes making things happen is simply about showing up.  You have to seize opportunity when it knocks.  I learned this year that taking too much opportunity and always saying yes can hinder happiness, but if you want to play with the big boys, you have to act like it.  Get off the couch and get out there.  Opportunity doesn’t exactly come and find you while you are holed up in your office messing with Aperture.  Opportunity is born out of relationships and you can’t make those in front of a computer screen.  [side note:  Twitter and social media of all forms are not a replacement for one-on-one time, but are valuable because they can help start the conversation.  When I meet people at events, I have a great point of reference and feel like I know them a little, even though we’ve never actually met in person. I have met 90% of the people I follow on Twitter now and have real relationships with many of them, not just “tweelationships”.

This post took me two weeks to write because I was afraid to put it out there.  In the end, I had to take my own advice and “feel the fear and do it anyway.”  These thoughts are the real deal…  the things I think about all day long.

A final thought:  if you’re not having fun along this journey, just stop.  Running a busy business makes me want to cry and fall to my knees at times, but experiencing life with the inspiring women I work with and laughing every step of the way makes it all worth it.  Asking yourself these questions is not at all easy and accepting facts about where you are can be daunting, but just remember that you don’t have to figure it all out today.  Take time to celebrate your successes.  Laugh, dance, sing, and play along the way.  What’s the phrase? …  work hard, play hard?   Yeah.  Do that.  You’ll thank yourself.

Since making things happen is so individual and cannot possibly be explained in a single blog post, I have a big announcement coming up next.

Happy Thanksgiving week!

xo lc

image credits :: Our Labor of Love epic Smilebooth from our issue launch party at Bridal Bar Atlanta.  Amazing backdrop by Dolci Odille.

One of my favorite clients, and a dear new friend, Caroline, from Paloma’s Nest sent me this special keepsake above last week. I was in such a rush to get to the airport to go to Vegas that I brought my mail with me.  Opening this was such perfect timing and exactly what I needed.

In all transparency, going to Vegas for Engage was horrible timing for me.  I knew I should be here in my office working.  Emily was supposed to come with me, but we decided at the last minute she should stay here with Katharine and Whit to hold down the fort.  I wasn’t going to miss Engage for the world though and I’m so glad I didn’t. I met some incredible people that I can’t wait to connect with after this print rush is over. You can read my mini-recap here.

Back to reality, I stepped off the five hour return flight from Vegas and immediately called Ari.  At midnight: “Hi, just letting you know I won’t see you for a few days.  I’m locking myself in my office.  Love you.”   That’s not an easy call to make after already having been away from each other for two weeks (he went to LA then I went to Vegas).  Learning to deal with these intense time periods has made us stronger and made me so appreciative of him for his patience.  So, I locked myself in my office all weekend and cranked out as much layout as possible.   (Yes, I publish this magazine and lay it out too. We’re small y’all. It’s me, two fabulous full-time genius women, one part-time fabulous assistant and two sometimes interns.)

I’ve got 48 hours left. 48 hours to be wildly proud of a huge investment. After showing Ari, Kath, and Em the whole thing today –missing a few bits here and there– I’m very proud. Finishing touches are next and then off to the printer. This is the hard part…

I love when people say “Oh, how great, you’re sending it to the printer, so now you can relax!” Not so fast, y’all. “Off to the printer” means linking thousands of high res files, getting them uploaded to their FTP, a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo that would bore you to tears, then we get draft proofs, press proofs, FEDEX them back, more press proofs, FEDEX them back, revisions, FEDEX them back, color check once, color check twice, and that’s just the beginning.

Yes, this is fun. It’s hard, fun, exciting, scary, powerful, crazy, exhilarating, and just plain awesome all rolled into one.

Thanks to all of my friends and family for so much support and sweet words this week.  Thank you photographers who have submitted your incredibly inspiring work to us.  Thank you brides for sharing your love stories that make this all worth it.  Thank you Katharine, Emily, and Whitney for being you… brilliant, beautiful, and the engine that keeps me going.  We’re in the home stretch and can’t wait for our big launch party in Atlanta on November 6th! (details to come)

You can follow the next steps in this crazy process with me on Twitter, if you dare.

Making things happen (with a whole lotta prayer, love support and laughter),

lc

PS- want a sneak peek at our cover?

Hi my name is Whitney and I have a problem. No, I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol. I could go to AA for that. This problem invades every part of my life, creating unnecessary stress and demanding far too much of my time. My problem?I lack a strong organizational method. I’m organizationally challenged.  image above :: kyle barnes

A mental to-do list just doesn’t seem to work when the to-dos begin to pile up. My brain is a soup of ideas and to-do’s floating around and just never getting done. Writing it down doesn’t help if I forget to go back and read it. What is a girl to do?

I have two choices. I can either continue to live in a state of disarray and stress, or I can vow to organize myself both professionally and personally. As of this moment, I declare this the year that I transform myself from a forgetful girl to an ultra organized success.

The time has come to find a strong organizational method that works. My sources of inspiration will be my coworkers (Lara, Katharine, and Emily), my friends (at least the put-together ones), my family, and I might just add a few books in there to liven things up.

Weekly, I will be sharing tips and tricks to how I’m pulling my life together. My goal is to not only clean up my own life, but to be able to help others create a more streamlined workflow. This is a journey that I do not want to take alone… I invite you to take it with me.

For my inaugural post, I am turning to one of the women I work with and admire each and every day. This woman has her own style of organization that allows for a productive, successful office environment. I am constantly amazed at my co-worker’s intelligence, beauty, and above all, her established organizing methods. Give a big, hearty welcome to Emily Ayer, our own organizational guru.

What is your top organizational secret weapon?

I have 5 or 6 small but recurring features for the variety of blogs I write
for (the SW blog, the Bliss blog, and the LC blog).  I was always neglecting one or the other because I couldn’t keep them all in my head at the same time while also juggling all of the larger, more long-term features I work on.  My solution?  Post-its.  I recently set up a post-it board on the wall to the left of my desk.  It’s very simple – five post-its in a row across the top, labeled Monday through Friday, then five post-its in a row across the bottom, labeled with each of the features I work on – Branding Beauties, Etiquette with Emily, Print Preview, etc.  This way, I can move them around in my schedule without forgetting about any of them, and know at a glance what I should be working on on any particular day.

How is your work space set up?

I really like to work with my laptop on my lap, and I like my desk to be as clear as possible.  On the wall to the left of my desk I have my post-it board.  In front of me is a window (yay!) and a whiteboard for jotting notes and holding important info I’m likely to forget, like the SW office number and my intern’s schedule.  On my desk I have a lamp, a tiny little candy jar, and my white ruled notepads.  On a good day, that’s it.  Underneath my desk I have back issues of magazines, SW stationery, a copy of the book we’re reading as an office, and discs of images from photographers.

What do you see as the benefits to being organized?

As cheesy and feng-shui as it sounds, when the physical space around me is organized, it is so much easier for my “mental space” to feel organized, meaning I can tackle projects in a more clear-headed way.  I try to get as much out of my head and onto paper as possible so I don’t have to worry about forgetting something that’s swimming around in my brain.  That’s a really helpful tool that Lara’s really hammered into our heads.

What advice would you give to those looking to increase productivity
and reduce stress?

Take some time to figure out what works for you.  Everyone is different, everyone’s workflow is different, and, even in our small office, the tasks that everyone is working on are different.  It makes sense that we would each have a different way of tackling organizational issues.

Be sure to read Emily’s Branding Beauties posts as well as her work on the Bliss Event Group blog and on the Southern Weddings BlogSite. Man, that girl keeps herself busy!

Messy closet, messy inbox, messy to-dos, messy dishes in the sink… all of these are about to be a distant memory.

I’m taking the high road to organizational bliss to further my own productivity and happiness and you’re coming with me! Tune in next week for more words of wisdom!

Whitney

You’ve heard about our daily (and surprisingly enjoyable) morning huddle, the comfy couch and plush pillows, but what can four girls possibly have to talk about for a half hour every day, right?  (Right…)  For a group of twenty-something-year-olds (happy almost-30th, Lara!) who like to believe they have rich and intriguing personal lives, we’re surprisingly all-business and matter-of-fact when it comes to discussing the day’s laundry list of to-do’s and planning for those daunting and exciting projects on the horizon (can our second print issue really be coming out on November 3?!).  Meticulous Emily, who always has her list prepared and enumerated in ascending order of importance (I’m almost certain she plans out her daily tasks months in advance), helps keep everyone on track at these daily get-togethers while Lara is unnaturally full of energy, enthusiasm and new ideas for a 10:00 a.m. meeting.  By the time I’ve settled into my sugar fix for the day (think jumbo size bags of Sour Patch Kids or millions of tiny Nerds) and stifled a yawn, my co-workers have already launched into the official SW plan of attack: the blog needs to be updated, images collected for print, international photographers called for cover shoots and vendors consulted about tablescaping brilliance.  We get things done.

If this sounds like a too normal, too mainstream morning ritual for Lara Casey, then you probably know our editor-in-chief pretty well.  Sure, she’s all about getting things done and making things happen and, naturally, our morning meeting is the perfect place to get the ball rolling.  But we don’t end the meeting and start the work day with mere to-do lists and a set schedule.  “Who has reading prepared?”  Lara asks, looking from me to Emily, over to Whitney and back to me.  I feel like I’m back in school again (gulp) and, for a split second, I’m nervously panicking that I’ve forgotten my book (again), left my notes at home or, worse yet, missed the entire point of the assignment.  Yes, we have assigned nightly readings; homework, if you will, that, at first glance, has nothing to do with the blog, the magazine or the day-to-day of Southern Weddings.  Or does it?

We’ve just finished Seth Godin’s Tribes (more on that later!) and now have started on Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers.  We’re learning how to build a following, to perfect our brand and to set aside the fear that goes hand-in-hand with anything worth doing.  We’ve seen that there may be no such thing as the self-made man (or woman, as politically correct Emily likes to remind me), that success is largely a product of our own individual environment, upbringing and personal history and that the bad is just as (if not more) important than the good in our lives.  Best of all, I’ve come to appreciate now more than ever how intelligent, insightful and dynamic Lara, Emily and Whitney are, all thanks to a small daily huddle and a few chapters.  Not your average morning meeting, huh?

While I’m starting to see the benefit of these nightly reading assignments, I’ve come to appreciate another aspect of our morning ritual: positive praise.  If we’re being honest here (and I think that’s my main job: to give you and honest and unbiased glimpse into the real lives of the SW ladies), I’m not usually of fan of the sentimental, of talking about one’s feelings or of sharing details from my personal life.  Though I consider myself a generally warm, friendly and empathetic individual, it makes me nervous to think that my co-workers are going to find out something that they won’t like or that they can’t relate to, and that they then might not like me as much as I like (love) them.  So last week when Lara, sensing the group’s low energy and high stress, told us to take out a pen and started passing around multi-colored note cards, I wasn’t totally convinced that making a list about my problems was really going to solve anything.  No offense, Lara, but isn’t the best way to solve any problem a matter-of-fact, all-business approach that gets things done?

“I want you to write down five things you know you’re good at and that you like about yourself,” Lara starts.  Better, I thought, but how is this really going to help me get through my mountain of email or the pile of work starting at me from my desk?  Don’t I have a deadline coming up this Friday?  Despite the positive nature of the exercise (who doesn’t like thinking highly of himself?), I suspect there are very few people who actually would feel comfortable with let alone enjoy defining the five things they’re good at or like best about themselves.  Trying to get through the assignment as quickly as possible, I jotted down the first things that came to mind: usually happy, like to write, try to have a good attitude, great personal life and family-oriented.  Sure, I’d played it a bit safe when it came to brainstorming about the things I’m really good at or that make me an asset to SW, but this was something I felt I could rush through, set aside and then get back to my life.

“Now, write down the five things you like best about your co-workers.”  Interesting.  This I could do.  Unlike the first task, Lara now was asking me to brag about the girls I respect, like and admire so much.  Easy.  (Or so I thought.)   How do I put the best of Emily Ayer (and trust me, there really is a lot) on a tiny piece of paper?  How do I express my appreciation for Lara’s taking a risk and hiring me, inexperience and all, directly out of college?  Can five words really sum up Whitney Davis?  I did the assignment, trying my best to praise my co-workers while being as sincere and concise as possible, all the while plagued by the nagging sense that I couldn’t possibly do the girls justice.

We generally never share the lists we make during our morning meetings but that day Lara asked us to give the cards we had just written to each of our co-workers.  Apparently Lara knew something I didn’t: while I was afraid that this brainstorming activity was going to put me even further behind at work, Lara knew the impact five genuine and thoughtful comments can have, not only on someone’s day but on the rest of their week, month and maybe even on the rest of their lives.  I’m not going to tell you what the girls wrote on my note cards; more important than the specific compliments they paid me was the fact that they had taken the time to say something nice and that they, for whatever reason, truly believed the things they had said.   I’ve been blessed with many positive, happy experiences in my life, but there are few times I’ve ever felt better than I did in those five minutes immediately after receiving Lara, Emily and Whitney’s Five Things.  They liked me!  They valued me!  They thought of me as a proficient colleague, as someone worth knowing and even as a friend!

Take it from me: as a skeptic and a pragmatist (my boyfriend’s euphemism for the pessimist he thinks I am), warm-fuzzies aren’t always my thing.  But there’s something about the “5 Things Exercise,” especially when sent from individuals not bound by blood or romance to love me, that impacted me in a surprisingly profound a way.  If I could recommend one thing, I’d suggest that you pick three people in your life and jot down the five things you like best about them.  Then, if you’re brave enough, leave the list on their desk on in their inbox.  Corny?  Yes.  Overly-sentimental? Maybe.  Risky?  Definitely.  But imagine how it would feel to wake up to find someone’s five favorite things about you.  It’s an incredible feeling and one that only breeds exponential good will, camaraderie and human connection.  Remember: it’s not what you say but the sentiment behind what you’re saying that really matters.  Do this and I promise you will love life.

And just to prove I, indeed, practice what I preach, here are the five things I like best about my job here at Southern Weddings:

(above: yesterday afternoon, across from our office, meeting with the brilliant author and speaker Simon T Bailey)

1.  The people!  In college, I was surrounded by some of the most intelligent and talented people in the world, but here, more so than ever, I am challenged, inspired and fulfilled on a daily basis by my talented co-workers. ps- welcome to our new interns, Alyssa and Sydney!

2.  What I do.  I get paid to write, to look at pretty pictures and to share my thoughts with all of you.  That’s kind of a no-brainer, right?

3.  Human interaction: If you’ve ever twittered, emailed or spoken on the phone with me, you know how often the SW girls get to interact with some of the best professionals in the industry.  I’ve always wanted a job where I was working with other people and not in isolation by myself.

4.  Lara’s humanism.  Though definitely my boss in every sense of the word, she’s every bit a real person: kind, thoughtful and empathetic.  It’s nice to work somewhere you are valued and for someone who tries to create an office environment that reinforces that sense of self-worth.

5.  My quality of life.  Sometimes I send my boyfriend, Kyle, random texts telling him how much I love my life.  I think it’s hard to truly love your life if you don’t love your job.  And you really can’t beat that!

love*love,

Katharine

Something I think too-easily (and too-often) gets left out of reviews of a new job is the office culture you step into, the set of company values you embrace and, of course, the people you work with. Beyond the routine and seemingly all-important concerns of salary, work assignments and enviable office views, what are our co-workers like and, more importantly, what is it like actually working with these new and unfamiliar people toward a common goal?

As many of you know, I’m (brand) new not only to Southern Weddings specifically but also to the wedding industry in general. I’m learning about the print world and wedding realm simultaneously, discovering new things about myself, my talents and my interests and, not surprisingly, making my fair share of mistakes along the way. But when it comes to really learning about a company, there’s no one quite like a newcomer to give you a fresh glimpse into the daily life, culture and people behind the pretty logo. Over the next weeks, I’ll be sharing with you more about the fabulous women of SW: how they live, work, interact and, most importantly, how they make things happen.

image :: David Murray Weddings

Indeed, here at SW, we are our own newer (and younger) Sex and the City foursome. And just like the iconic Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbs, we each have our own unique history, personality and special skills. At any other company, large or small, I’m convinced we would be judged, defined and even remembered by our resumes, job titles and work experience alone. But while I certainly could rattle off my colleagues’ impressive stats and polished credentials (Lara, as the founder and owner of Bliss Event Group, publisher and editor-in-chief of Southern Weddings and front-woman of Lara Casey Reps, is the definition of a self-made and uber-successful entrepreneur; Emily, the recent summa cum laude Phi Beta Kappa grad from Wheaton, specializes both in discovering the most visionary and sought-after weddings for print and in creating truly inspirational inspiration boards; and Whitney, a rising sophomore at UNC Chapel Hill, is nothing short of Lara Casey’s right-hand woman), I see these amazing women in a slightly different and more personal light. And herein, I believe, lies the magic, novelty and genius of Southern Weddings.

image :: our labor of love

As a company, an office and a brand, Southern Weddings (and its women) are something special. We want to be real and approachable (not corporate) and strive for openness and transparency. Naturally, with our unique work focus comes an even more original office culture. Lara Casey is not only the founder, owner, editor and my boss, but also my mentor, teacher and inspiration. We start our day with a morning huddle. Most people dread going to their morning meetings, but this is my favorite part of day. We sit in the “office living room” – aka the comfy couch decked with designer pillows, several pedestal-esque ottomans and overstuffed chairs – and build excitement and a plan for the day. We end each morning huddle by reading something inspiring. Right now we’re into Tribes and are loving its effect on our daily attitude and approach. These morning huddles build a sense of community and solidify our shared purpose. My co-workers are not my competition but my counterparts, simultaneously integral and essential to my own success and the continued success of our work product and public image. What I cannot do, Emily does flawlessly and effortlessly; what comes slowly and painfully to me is second-nature to Whitney. We’re learning each day how to fill in the gaps for each other.

Certainly, every company insists they are a team and that their success is built on the strength and talent not of individuals but of the group as a whole. If we don’t connect as a team every day and feel renewed when we walk in the door (details on how we do that coming in future posts), we wouldn’t make things happen as often as we do… or have as much fun in the process! After only a short time here, I already can see that we are unique: we are not simply a small office that has no choice but to depend on one another to complete the day’s tasks, the month’s assignments and the year’s projects, but a group of women that is conditioned to treat our company, our work and, importantly, our relationships with both colleagues and clients differently than the rest of the working world. Quite simply: we break all the rules and succeed because of it.

image :: David Murray Weddings

I wish I could take credit for my sudden and admittedly radical change in perspective on the working world, but there’s something about working for Lara that encourages and, in fact, almost demands one completely revamp and revise her perspective of the professional world and her place in it. She has gone through quite a transition in the last few months and it’s so exciting to see the fruits of her many efforts beginning to show. We’re pushing new boundaries. It is precisely by pushing these boundaries and challenging accepted conventions of how business is done and how employees should interact with one another that allows Southern Weddings to grow, thrive and continue to wow!

Still want to know more about the girls behind the magazine? Check back for all the exciting details about our professional and personal lives together as the lovely ladies of Southern Weddings.

Love from the Southland,

Katharine