The first weeks of motherhood were not what I expected when expecting.  I never thought I’d be writing a post about how I weathered the baby blues and postpartum depression and how it changed me for the better in a billion ways.  I’m so grateful that this challenging journey has a very happy outcome.  It taught me more than any other period in my life.  But, 99% of me does not want to write the first part of this post.  It’s hard to write about a time you want to forget.  I just want to tell you, I went through a rough time and here’s what I learned...  I want to just skip to the good stuff.  But, there is this little voice – that 1% left over – that hopes writing this will help another new mom not feel like the only person on earth who experienced life with a newborn like I did.  So, the 1% wins.

Every new mother’s experience is different. There are lots of moms who have had a much harder time postpartum than I did and there are lots of moms who experience none of this.  No matter what you are feeling, if it doesn’t feel normal, talk to your doctor. Talk to your loved ones. Ask for help. This is just my experience and I hope and pray that sharing this will help you or someone else know that they are not alone. There is a great light at the end of the tunnel that smiles and coos and sleeps for six hours a night on occasion. As a wise friend once told me, motherhood does get better. A lot better.

I don’t remember a lot of the chronology, but I remember intense feelings. To list them all would take me the many weeks it took to get through them. So, this is just a very small collection of my experiences with some of my personal photos and a few from Nancy mixed in.  The pretty ones are Nancy’s; the blurry ones are from yours truly via my iPhone : )

Early in my pregnancy, I remember moms saying that they loved everything about being pregnant. I thought they were nuts when I was going through morning sickness. I just kept thinking, Never again! We’re adopting from now on. But, when I turned the morning sickness corner, I started to get it. I genuinely felt happy all the time. Joyful. Radiant. Hopeful and centered on what mattered most. I became one of those women. I loved being pregnant. Everything about it. Even despite any complaints I may have had about having to pee every 20 minutes round the clock. I felt great. I was in the gym every day until the day before Grace was born. I ate well and never really had any crazy cravings. Business was booming. Ari and I were closer than ever. I just felt very well and very grateful.

As Grace’s arrival grew closer, my deepest fear was postpartum depression. I went through a bout of depression early in college. I fought it hard with a great therapist and major changes in my thinking (i.e. learning how to become an “imperfectionist”). Over a long span of time, I kicked depression to the curb. I work hard to continue to build joy and focus in my life. It has not been easy. So, post-baby, I just didn’t want to go there. I feared losing the bliss of pregnancy I had come to be so grateful for. I feared things falling apart.  I tried to set myself up for success before Grace’s arrival. I pre-scheduled weekly therapy sessions again, got the house in as much order as I could, turned my email off, read every book I could find, etc. Well, it hit me like a Mack truck and no amount of preparation could have helped. God had a greater plan.

I remember those first days in the hospital, feeling like my strong healthy body was suddenly very fragile. The aftermath of my painful labor felt like recovering from major surgery and an emotional trauma at the same time. I couldn’t walk around well, I was dizzy, tired, dehydrated and I just felt off.  My center of gravity had completely changed. There was a bunch of loose tender skin where there used to be a kicking baby.  And I was sad.  It was an odd feeling. I kept thinking, This is supposed to be the most blissful time in our lives. This is supposed to be the happiest occasion ever! Why do I feel so off!? I tried to focus on the positive: my healthy baby, my caring husband, my wonderful family. God had blessed us immensely.

We would stay up all night watching Grace, making sure she was OK. She ate round the clock. Nurses would come in and out and, between that and the hospital PA system blaring pages all night, I think I got 20 minutes of [interrupted] sleep at a time. We both really wanted to go home, so we only stayed two nights. We were ready for Thanksgiving (Grace was born on November 22) at home with my family and our own bed.

The first days at home. Oh, those first days! We genuinely survived by the grace of God. I had a lot of really irrational thoughts, hormone drops and countless moments where I said to myself, “This is not normal.” People will tell you that feeling all of the “typical things” is normal. Normal? No. Common? Yes. Rarely discussed? Yes.

I remember just wanting my mom. She and my dad and brother had to fly back to Florida four days after Grace was born. The day they left, I felt like my life was over. Really, I did. While Ari took them to the airport, I sat in the living room with Grace in my arms and just cried and cried and cried. How am I going to do this by myself? I have no idea what I’m doing. What if I mess up!? I’m not cut out for this!!! Ari came home and tried to console me. He just kept reminding me that this was just my hormones changing (“baby blues”) and it would pass. When you are in the thick of it, it’s hard to believe it will pass.

Giving birth and all the emotions that followed left me feeling my most vulnerable ever. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to retreat. I wanted to protect Grace. I wanted to protect my very vulnerable heart.  I felt a strong sudden need for privacy. I didn’t want to share pictures of Grace at first or talk about her except to Ari and my mom and dad and close friends. I couldn’t write and I missed it terribly. I was really torn. I felt like I couldn’t share any of this at the time. I had a lot of social anxiety. Sweet friends would text me and I just had to ignore them all. I didn’t want to burden people with how I was feeling.  I kept hoping it was temporary – just the typical “baby blues” and it would pass in a day or so.

It didn’t pass.  I started to feel like I wasn’t meant to be a mom. When Grace cried, I felt like I was doing eternal damage to her because I didn’t know how to make her happy. I cried more than I ever have. I blamed myself. I felt helpless. I couldn’t just make it better. I couldn’t “fix” her. I remember feeling very protective. I didn’t trust anyone with her. The first weeks, I would stay up most of the night just watching her and making sure she was breathing. I’d be up every two hours or so to feed her, too. “Sleep deprived” is an understatement.

All of the “pretty” photos of me in the blue shirt were made possible by a lot of makeup and Ari watching Grace for two hours so I could shower and blow dry my hair for the first time. Grace cried for 90% of the session. I so badly wanted those cute newborn photos that everyone else had. I wanted the picture in my head of “normal”. But, I learned many weeks later that what I got was actually better. These are very real moments captured. Some of these are the “outtakes” that ended up being closer to my heart than the pretty ones. This is just how it was.

The first diaper I ever changed was Grace’s when she was three days old. I was scared I was going to do permanent emotional damage to her if I messed up her diaper. Seriously. I remember my hands shaking as I changed her for the first time. I was petrified of Pampers.

Just six days after giving birth, I was back in the gym. Before you call me crazy, I’ll do it for you! I didn’t need exercise. I just needed “normal”.  I pushed Grace around the track in her stroller at a snails pace. We could only go for about 25 minutes before she would have a meltdown and I’d be in the gym bathroom trying to nurse her to calm down. It was awful. I cried in the gym bathroom every time. I felt like I’d never ever get my life back.

It felt like my body deteriorated overnight.  The stretch marks were more like stretch gashes.  I cried over the loss of my “youth”.   I felt like I’d never be happy in my skin again. It made me feel hopeless. It ended up, like all of this, teaching me so very much. Letting go of my old self ended up giving me more true confidence than I’ve ever had.

Nursing was a huge challenge for me. It was so painful. And after my painful labor, you’d think I wouldn’t consider anything painful.  I cried when I nursed her. I was so desperate for relief. Ari took me to see the lactation consultant at the hospital, I read everything I could get my hands on and we bought everything under the sun to try to help me. Nothing helped.  I felt like a failure even though I knew I couldn’t do anything about it.  Rational thought didn’t matter to me at the time.  Being the perfect picture of what a mother is “supposed to be like” was all I focused on.  I felt weak and like I wasn’t meant to be a mom.

And then, just a week after Grace’s birth, in the thick of the worst part of the sleep deprivation and recovery, I got the flu.  Man, looking back on all of this, I am so grateful it’s over!!! I hadn’t been sick in years. And I got it bad. I didn’t get out of bed for two days. I couldn’t sit up to eat. Ari had to bring me food in bed.  I passed out in the shower.  I’m so grateful that Ari took such great care of me during that time. I don’t know what I would have done without him. Between the flu and everything else, nursing just became an impossibility in my mind. So, Ari rented me a hospital grade pump and Grace has been happily bottle-fed since. I felt such mommy guilt having stopped nursing so early, but it was the biggest blessing in disguise for so many reasons.

The day after my fever broke, Ari had to go back to work. He had paternity leave for just one week and we have no relatives near us, so I dreaded the day I’d be alone with Grace for the first time. I was so afraid to be alone I literally would not leave my bed except to get Luna Bars (because I could eat those in bed). I was afraid I was going to make her cry more or hurt her by putting her down somewhere to even take a 3 minute shower (which now terrified me having passed out there the day before). I would spend much of the day worrying and texting Ari about how hopeless I felt. Emily, Natalie and Gina were huge helps to me, too, during those weeks. Emily would text me encouraging verses every day to reassure me that this would pass. I am so grateful for that.

I would hear new moms talk about not having time to get dressed or eat or brush their teeth. I didn’t believe it. All the books say to prep easy food ahead of time and freeze it before you have a baby. I thought I had that in the bag. It only took me a couple minutes to fix some food for myself anyway, right? Well, showering became a luxury, Ari ended up having to make up huge batches of food for me and freeze it so I could eat during the day (my appetite was huge!!), I lived in my PJ’s and there were many days I didn’t get to brush my teeth till noon.

Grace looked just like daddy which was wonderful at first. I felt very connected to him. But, after a while, I started to wonder if this was really my child. I couldn’t connect with her. Newborns grunt and cry and eat and sleep. That’s about it. They say the first three months are the “Fourth Trimester”. They are. I felt like we suddenly had a little alien in our lives who couldn’t communicate with us. Every moment was like a crap shoot, trying to blindly guess what was going to make her happy. I always liked being a confident leader. I relished the ease I felt in business. There was no such confidence or ease for me in the early days of motherhood. No one really tells you that your child won’t show a whole lot of love for you until about three months. This was so hard for me. It was like loving a brick wall. A brick wall that cried a lot. But, then this thought kept creeping into my heart: that’s exactly how God feels about ME. He loves and gives and nurtures and soothes and sometimes I just don’t even acknowledge Him. But, He loves me unconditionally anyway. He gives and gives and gives, no matter what I do. That was a huge lesson that I am now really grateful for.

I wanted to be like all those moms I saw on Facebook (being on Facebook was my first mistake) who were posting pictures of their adorable little newborns and saying how grateful they all felt. I did not feel that way in the least. Those moms made me mad. Those moms would say to me, “Isn’t motherhood the greatest thing ever?!”  No.  It wasn’t at the time.  I was depressed and felt like I was the only mom on the planet with a baby I couldn’t connect with.

Truth be told, I was on Facebook because I felt alone. I was in bed all day long feeding Grace and trying not to make her cry. I desperately craved the comfort of friends and family. But, I didn’t call anyone for fear I’d wake her up or make her upset. I Googled everything under the sun to try to find help, including things like, “new mom blog when will I sleep again???”. That’s when I found this post entitled, You Will Sleep Again… Someday, and instantly wanted to high five this lady. Finally, someone felt like I did! And she had a sense of humor about it. Speaking of, I like to title the two photos below, “Yeah, Mommy Feels That Way Too” and “Lara vs. The Boppy”.

I am an INFP (introvert). I like writing because it’s just me and the computer. I work by myself most days in my office because I crave solitude.  Solitude is very different than feeling alone.  It’s a sense of peace.  Solitude, for me, is how I recharge. I need time to process thoughts. I need time to just be and let my guard down. The gym would give me this, too. I’ve always loved being there with my thoughts, headphones in, letting my mind unwind. Suddenly, there was no solitude. I had to learn to fight for it.

Marriage before Grace’s birthday was blissful. It had been our best year ever in a billion ways. Marriage in those early weeks with baby was a huge challenge. We were both sleep deprived and trying to figure out our new roles in life. Deciding what to call ourselves was weird, too. Suddenly you have new foreign titles: Mommy and Daddy. We started awkwardly referring to ourselves in the third person. Mommy is really tired and wishes that daddy could produce milk, too. It was just weird. In the desperate moments, in the wee hours of the night, completely exhausted, I remember wishing we could turn back time and go back to the pre-baby days of our marriage. I remember thinking that people who haven’t had babies would think we were insensitive or didn’t love our child for even thinking that. The moms and dads out there would get it. God sure had a plan here, though, friends. Our marriage is stronger than ever now. Imperfect but centered on what matters most… this beautiful little girl who now lights our hearts on fire.

I remember going to see my doctor for my five week postpartum checkup. Kathryn, the nurse, gave me an Edinburg postpartum assessment to fill out. As we waited for Dr. Evers to come into the exam room, Ari said, “Lara, you better be brutally honest filling that out.” Trust me, I planned to. Dr. Evers read it over and told me how surprised he was. “You are one of the happiest patients we’ve ever had. I’m surprised to read your answers.” Yes, I was surprised to be feeling those things, Doc. We talked for a while and I explained to him what I’d been feeling and that I was talking to a therapist weekly already. He thought I’d be fine with time as long as I also started to get more sleep. Agreed. Ari and I made some big changes after that. I had been staying up all night with Grace, feeding her every two hours AND pumping, so I was up for at least at hour at a time every two hours. I was miserable. The “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice didn’t work for me. I wish it had, but I am just not wired to take naps during the day. And I had to let go of feeling like I had to be up making sure she was OK every five minutes.  I had to put my trust in God 10000%. I made myself sleep with earplugs in again (I’d slept with ear plugs every single night for the last decade up until Grace was born) and we changed things so Ari was getting up to feed her and I was getting up to pump, cutting my time awake in half. This sounds like an obvious solution, but it was tough to implement. Ari had to be bright-eyed for work the next day and those early weeks took a toll on him, too. All of that left me feeling guilty that I wasn’t Super Woman. I just had to get over that. I couldn’t stay up all night with Grace without feeling like a basketcase the next day.

On top of all of this, lest I forget… I had a busy business to run. Yes, I was “on maternity leave” but, as any small business owner knows, you can’t just hang up your work hat completely and walk away for three months. As much as I worked my tail off to clear my plate 100% before Grace’s arrival and as much as my staff worked really really hard to handle things without me (they were awesome!), the realities of being the boss were still there. I took my work email off my phone, but I had to crack my laptop open a few times a week to make sure things were running smoothly. Even the tiniest work concern becomes a mountain when you are sleep deprived.  I tried to ignore it at first, but I found that tackling it made me feel better than just letting it go.

One thing I fervently avoided those first weeks though, was making big business decisions. I genuinely feel like that is one of the biggest benefits of taking maternity leave – to avoid making dumb decisions on two hours of sleep. I’m still on maternity leave and things have changed and grown beautifully. I’m still not checking business email except from the ladies in my office and I’m not taking meetings, but I am working very hard behind the scenes to streamline the business in powerful ways. I’ve never felt more sure of our path ahead. I’m so grateful for this time to be with Grace and build things from the ground up…. from a renewed place of focus and confidence.

There were, of course, miraculously beautiful moments in those first weeks. Those were the moments we relished because they somehow “erased” all the rest temporarily. I loved the way Grace smelled. Her little head smelled like Heaven. Her skin was so soft. That was one of the first things that struck me when she was born. Baby soft perfection. Grace was wonderful. She was healthy. I had nothing to complain about and everything to be grateful for when it came to her. The thing that is hardest to explain about all of this is that my depression really had nothing to do with the baby. It had everything to do with my expectations and control of my life before her. It had everything to do with my heart needing to change to be able to let her in.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… – Ephesians 2:8

There’s a lot more to those first weeks, but it’s time for the good stuff now!   “The past is an anchor holding us back. You have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.” On to what I learned (and some happier pictures from just a couple weeks ago when Grace was 2.5 months old.):

I’ve learned that the stretch marks are badges of honor. This body is just my earthly tent anyway.

I learned through all of this that I need solitude to be happy and I have to fight to get it. It it means putting Grace in front of the TV for an hour to watch Baby Einstein, then that’s what I do. My image of the “perfect mom” whose child didn’t watch TV had to be tossed out the window. Taking time to reset my mind gives me the ability to be a mom the other 23 hours a day.

I’ve learned to be much more compassionate and aware of others. I want to hug every woman with a stroller that I see at Target. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. - Plato  I also learned to be so much more compassionate with myself.  Done is better than perfect.

I learned that I need help. Therapy helped my thoughts settle. I’m so grateful for that. And I needed physical help, too. I needed to be able to take a shower every day. I needed to feel like a human again. I needed time to get our lives in order so I could transition to work well and be a great mommy. I needed to recover. So, I started searching for someone to help me a few days a week.  I wanted to find a nanny/assistant who could help me be the best mom possible. Financially, it was a huge decision for us and the thought of trusting Grace with anyone besides my mom and Ari (and even that was hard sometimes) seemed like an impossibility at first. I still struggle with this. But, I had to learn to face reality: Grace will not have permanent emotional damage if I leave her with Susan to take a shower or work on our family budget (so we can continue to afford said nanny) or lead my staff meetings so the business stays booming. I had to let go. Big time. I have kicked and screamed all the way there, but I have let go a lot. And I have a long way left to go, but I have become a happier more balanced confident mom in accepting the fact that I cannot do all of this alone.   Having help doesn’t solve everything though.  I still have anxiety on occasion and I fight the sleep deprivation and feeling like a failure when she cries. I get overwhelmed. I get tired of being a mom. I worry. I fight the mommy guilt off with a big stick. But, life is much much better. I am not depressed anymore.  Thank you, Lord! I am taking action even when I “fail” over and over. Fall down seven times, get up eight.  Every day as a mom holds a new challenge and a new joy.  I’m learning. I don’t feel like I have to just put on a happy face. I’ve become much more honest with myself and brutally honest with others and I feel less of a need to please people. My motto now: Honesty, Humility, God’s Peace. My happy is coming from within again and from a truly new place.  And everything is better because of it – business and life.

I learned that there are no shortcuts to any place worth going. A huge transition like this takes time to settle. Gaining mommy confidence takes time. It takes letting go every day, not just once. There are layers upon layers that have to unfold and, as much as I like fast change and quick results, I have learned that God’s timing is perfect. I just have to listen to Him and nothing else.

I learned I need community. Ari and I learned that we are not an island. We started getting involved in church more. We made new friends. We strengthened relationships. I worked hard to build support networks. Speaking of, new moms, feel free to join the New Moms group I started. Join even if you are just pregnant and want to have a supportive community around you! We even have women in the group who are just thinking about taking the leap into motherhood. I can only relate my own personal experience, but I would love to be a support to you if you need one. I’m so grateful for my dear close friends who helped me.

This is a big one. I’m learning how to say NO. And I have to say no a lot. Saying no to one thing is saying YES to another. I’ve been using the majority of maternity leave to simplify our lives so I can work less hours.  I’ve been on a warpath to simplify, streamline how we approach business and save money in radical ways (thank you, Dave Ramsey) so I can refocus my time and energy on my most important job: being a mom. This involves me saying no to a lot of opportunities and choosing my clients very carefully and setting very strong boundaries on my time with others and letting go of things I really do not need.  I’m fighting for my time. I’m on maternity leave which means I’m not answering business email or taking meetings.  (Side note: I don’t check Facebook email ever. People tell me they send me messages there and I never replied.  My “About” section has said “I don’t check Facebook email” since I first opened my account.  Between all the spam there, I just can’t keep up with it.  So, I choose not to let it distract me from using my time more wisely.  And I deleted Facebook from my phone.  Real life > Facebook.)  When I do start taking meetings again, I will not be working on Monday or Friday.  And as usual, I can’t spend time giving out free advice.  It’s not free. It costs me priceless time that I can’t get back.  I’ve also prayerfully made decisions about travel this year.  Travel is a major sacrifice now.  If an opportunity benefits Grace and our family, I’ll consider it. But, she is my non-negotiable. Time with her. Her happiness and mine so I can be the best mom to her.

I’ve learned that things that used to be important just aren’t important anymore. Goodbye fancy sports car, goodbye dinners out, goodbye working the hours I used to work, goodbye everything and anything that will make me have to work more and prevent me from spending more time with this sweet baby. In the past, my solution to needing more money was to work harder and just make more money. I’m good at that. But, that requires time and brain space, both of which I now want to give to this little munchkin. So, working more just isn’t an option.  Working smarter and simplifying is.  I’d rather make radical changes in our lifestyle and in how I approach business than miss moments I can’t buy back.  Will I be happier at the end of my days having worked more or having given my heart to her? So, hello new budget and hunting for a used car and only taking meetings one day a month and cooking every night and scaling back everything in our lives to simplify. While all of this would have felt very restrictive and confining to my pre-baby self, it has been the most liberating part of this journey.  Learning to live with less feels really really good, friends. It’s changing how I see the world and giving me so much more confidence as a mom and faith that we are on the right path.  And most of all, it’s giving me my time back.  It is setting me up to have a really incredible first year with Grace.  Even though saying no is really hard sometimes and I hate disappointing people, fighting for time with my family fires me up!  Grace is worth disappointing people.  Her smiles are like money in the bank to me. Money she will get to spend one day.  I have a lot more to tell you about this – what I’ve changed and how I’m simplifying – soon.

I learned that there are three laws of real success:

1. You cannot please everyone.

2. Rest is required.

3. Honestly always wins.

I learned that I will never be the same. I’ll be on “maternity leave” till Grace is 18 and off to college. Having a baby isn’t something that happens to you and then, after maternity leave, you go back to normal. It’s a permanent change and there is a new “normal”.

Above all, I learned just how much I need God. My priorities had a heart change. God showed me the priorities that really matter. He showed me that He will always provide what I really need. Weathering this incredibly hard time showed me just how much I had to TRUST Him. Fully. Completely. With all my soul, strength and mind. Why? Because God always has a better bigger plan than I do. I learned that every single circumstance He put me in was for my growth. God wanted to refine my spirit. Big time. More growth happened for both Ari and me in these first three months of parenthood than in our entire lives. We had to have full faith that God had designed all of this for a reason. I kept questioning Him at first, wondering why I had to be so tired and so scared and so very far from my former self.  I had to learn to completely let go of ALL control.  God had a better self in mind.

This heart change is bigger than I can possibly put into words in a single blog post. God pulled away everything I thought was comforting in my life – sleep, confidence, the youth of my body, what I thought was a really great marriage, control of my schedule, joy in connecting with others, showers, solitude, all of it. And He left us with a new love, real priorities and the knowledge that this is just the beginning of this heart change. He left us with all we ever need… He left us with Grace. And there’s a lot more I’m not writing in this post. God blew us out of the water with the blessings He poured on our family since those early days. True miracles. Dear Lara, why do you ever waste time questioning God’s plans!?!? Oh, He brought me out of depression for sure and He put me on the best clearest path I’ve ever been on.

So, if you think I’ve become one of those moms who posts a lot of cute pictures of her baby on Facebook… well, I have. I’ve been through it and I finally want to share these joyful moments. Every moment of joy now heals a moment of despair from before. As I type this, Grace is cooing away, watching Baby Einstein. It’s hilarious watching her talk to the animals. She is so happy and fascinating. I truly love being a mom now. Diapers, late nights, baby toots (like the giant one during communion this past weekend!  Ha!) and all!  Lately, she has been learning how her hands work and loves to “sing”.  Seeing her explore the simplicity of the world is just breathtaking. God is awesome.

Unending thanks to so many dear friends – and perfect strangers – who encouraged me so much during those early days.   You just never know how your kindness will affect someone else.  I’m so grateful!

xo

Lara

Every time I have tried to put this into words, it came out sounding messy. And then I realized that’s exactly the point. If I could sum up what I’ve experienced over the last 8 weeks it would be this: God breaks us down to build us back up again, new and closer to Him. I had a baby. I have a new [messy, chaotic, beautiful, fulfilling, heart-opening, exhausting] life.  Becoming a mom (typing “mom” still blows my mind!) has been a genuine rebirth for me. I didn’t expect it and I’m so grateful for all of it.  From a challenging labor and Grace entering the world to going through the baby blues and a short but trying period of postpartum depression, the sleep deprivation, stretch marks and the challenges – and enormous blessings – that being new parents can bring to marriage and so many tears and joys in between, this has been the hardest – yet most rewarding – journey I’ve taken so far. Grace is now 8 weeks old, happy and healthy as can be (thank you, sweet Lord!) and she brings us such incredible joy every day. Those first 5 weeks, I really didn’t think I’d ever feel like myself again. And I don’t. I feel – in many ways – better.  This new life means I have no choice but to let. go. of. control. Let go of life being wrapped up in a pretty bow all the time. Let go of what I thought was real joy. Because, let me tell you… there is a greater joy. And it really has nothing to do with whether you are a mom or not. It has everything to do with your heart. God gave me Grace to change my heart. So much more on the first few weeks with her soon. I have so much to share with you. So very much. And it’s going to be honest and sometimes a complete mess (gone are the days of eight hours of sleep!) and absolutely completely full of passion. The old has gone, the new has come. I find it wildly appropriate that this new journey for me starts with telling you about the birth of Grace. Here goes…

Side note: As I wrote this post and went back through the photographs from that day, this thought would not escape me…  There isn’t a single non-living item in the tangible world more valuable than a great photograph.  While my short-term memory escaped me for much of this, the photographs brought me right back to it.  Honest moments captured.  I couldn’t relive or remember the same joy and emotion through mere words. Thank you, Nancy Ray, for these priceless memories.  I’m so very grateful.  Thank you all photographers out there for what you do!

4:20am. Ari had just come to bed a few hours before. He had been up late with my brother finishing the 2000 piece puzzle we got to pass the time. Grace was 10 days late. Longest ten days of my life. My parents only had two weeks to spend with us and there were a mere four days left in their visit. Hurry up, little one! We were all getting impatient and I was very very pregnant. I stopped believing Grace was ever going to come out. Well, at 4:20am on November 22, 2011, I woke with painful cramps. Like strong period cramps. Odd. “Babe. Babe,” I said to him gently in the dark. He knew what that “Babe” meant. “I’m having cramps. They feel different.” I got up and I just knew. They hurt. Different than anything before. The adrenaline started pumping. We both got up and started timing them. 10 minutes apart quickly grew to 7 minutes apart and then 6. I was still able to walk around and function at that point. I ran through the mental checklist I’d rehearsed for so long in my head. Text Nancy. Text Emily, Gina, Natalie. Text Marissa. Take a shower if I can. Try to eat something because I didn’t know when they would let me eat again at the hospital. Get the hospital bag. Ah! Where do I begin!? I’m going to have a BABY today!!! I paced in the bathroom as Ari so calmly gathered all of my things from the list I had tacked to the fridge for a month. Phone chargers, Bible, camera, computer, etc. He was so calm. Unusually calm. I suddenly got really flustered. This was really it. “I don’t know what to do with myself,” I stuttered to him, barely able to make a sentence from my excited anxiousness. I really didn’t know what to do even though I’d mentally rehearsed those moments a dozen times. I got myself in the shower. As the water washed over me, I realized this would be the last shower I would take before becoming a mom. Wow. Out of the shower, contractions getting stronger, I put on a pair of big comfy pj’s. I had gotten them in the men’s department at Target that week since none of my maternity clothes were fitting anymore! Then, I went into the room where my parents were sleeping and excitedly whispered, “Mom… mom…” She jolted out of bed. Sat straight up and my dad did too. “I think it’s time.” She squealed and off we all went to get ready as fast as possible. By the time we all were ready to go – which felt like an eternity but it was probably just 15 minutes – I was having to bend over the couch and breathe deeply to get through the contractions. I remember that first really bad contraction, leaning on the back of the couch and my dad walking by. What a crazy sight it must be to see your own child pregnant, about to have a baby. I got in the car and the pain started to intensify really fast. Just like my mom with my brother, Stephen, and I. She told me my whole pregnancy, “Oh, you’ll know when you’re in labor! If you’re anything like me, it will come fast and furious. Like nothing you’ve ever felt. I will take you over!” As usual, mom was right. On the way to the hospital, pitch black out with just a hint of light coming through over the hills, I put on my “going to the hospital playlist” and tried to hum through the contractions. Oh, Lord Prepare Me. I tried to eat a bite of oatmeal in the car, but I was too nervous and overcome with the new and insane sensation of the contractions to eat much. I held Ari’s hand and tried to relax. As promised, I texted the girls in my office to let them know it was time. Ari texted Nancy to tell her and thankfully she said she was on her way! I was so worried that, after Grace being so late and it being Thanksgiving week, that we wouldn’t get to have Nancy there to capture Grace’s birthday.

We pulled up to UNC Women’s Hospital and my parents walked me up to Labor and Delivery while Ari parked the car. It was an all-too-familiar out-of-a-movie type of scene as I made my way to the nurses desk to check in. Four nurses gazed at me, as if assessing whether or not I was “in labor enough” to be admitted. I smiled at the check in nurse and said something ridiculous like “Hi, I’m here to have a baby.” I prayed so much that I would glorify God in as many ways as possible through my birthing experience and I was determined to be as positive and grateful as possible to everyone I met. They checked me in and a nurse took me to triage.

My parents headed to the waiting room to pass some time until I was ready to deliver. Here’s where I start to not remember some things. But, what I do remember is intense and wonderful at the same time. They gave me a gown in triage and the nurse had me recline on a table as she hooked me up to all sorts of monitors. By this point, all I wanted to do was pace. Somehow pacing felt better. Reclining did not. Ari came in and held my hand as the contractions got more intense. Then, a young male doctor came in – red hair and freckles and a comforting smile. “Hi! I’m Doctor Casey.” No way. I suddenly felt the peace of God wash over me. “Doctor Casey? My dad – also Doctor Casey – is here too. I’m really glad to meet you,” I said as a contraction took me over. He spoke slowly and in such a comforting tone as he examined me to find me 5cm dilated. Yahooo! I was being admitted. “And since you can’t talk through your contractions, I would have known you were far enough along anyway,” he said kindly.

I don’t remember going to the labor room. I don’t remember anything except meeting Nurse Tori. Oh, Nurse Tori, you were our angel! Ari handed her my birth plan and explained it to her since I was beyond speaking by then. I just paced and breathed and tried not to moan. I didn’t think I’d be a moaner. Or a screamer.

So, my birth plan was to have an unmedicated birth (but I came in open to anything that was going to keep Grace and I healthy), no pitocin, no epidural, as natural as possible. I had spent months reading about the benefits of natural childbirth to the baby and I wanted to give that to Grace if I could. And I kept thinking that if my mom could do it, I could too.

But, again, I was open to anything. Any way you have a baby is remarkable!  I’d be happy with whatever plan God had. Nurse Tori was so calm and giving. She smiled as Ari read her my birth plan. As if this was right up her alley. And it certainly was.

OK…. this next part is really hard for me to write. I haven’t written about Grace’s birth yet because I needed time to process it. I didn’t want to relive it so soon. And I didn’t want to sound like a complete mess. Birth for me was one of the most humbling experiences. By 9am, the contractions were so bad that I turned into amazon woman.

Yes, it happened really really fast. I sincerely never knew sounds like that could come out of me, but the pain was so intense – a completely new pain scale for me – that I couldn’t help it.  You think that you will feel some sense of a need for privacy or some embarrassment having so many people see you in such pain, at your most vulnerable, with all your lady parts out there, but that flies out the window the second the contractions take over.  Two minutes apart, moaning at the top of my lungs for what felt like an hour, grasping Ari’s hand so tightly, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I simply can’t explain that pain. And I had read every natural med-free birth story I could find in books and on the internet. I thought I was prepared. As a former yoga instructor back in the day, I had done a ton of meditation and study on visualization. I had studied every technique out there. I thought I had this pain thing in the bag.

And there I was… I felt completely helpless. I told Ari I wanted the epidural.  He looked at me and, knowing how much I prepared not to have one, asked “Are you sure??”  YES. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW. (From Ari: All caps are very appropriate in this circumstance.)  People ask if I said anything crazy during labor. Just those words over and over and over. It was like my birth chant or something. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  No one wanted to tell me that it was going to take 20 minutes for her to get there. So, Nurse Tori filled the bathtub and told me I would feel so much better if I got in it. I didn’t believe that ANYTHING could make me feel better. I thought I was beyond natural help. Wrong. The labor tub wins! I instantly felt relief when I was in the water. The contractions became more manageable, if I can call them that. Ari sat in the bathroom and just held my hand.

My husband… oh my word. I could write a book about how remarkable he was that day and how much closeness I felt to him. My love multiplied for him in those hours like never before. He never flinched. He coached me and loved on me and looked me deeply in the eyes when I just couldn’t talk. I’ve never felt so connected to someone. I digress.

The anesthesiologist finally was on her way, but by that point I didn’t want to leave the tub for fear that the time between tub and epidural would be excruciating. And being naked and wet in pain didn’t sound great to me at the time. But, I wanted that medicine! Badly. I wanted this baby to come out! Out of the tub I came and back into bed. Just as a contraction tapered off, Nancy’s sweet face appeared from behind the hospital curtain. Oh, joy!!! I was so happy to see her that I started to tear up. I think I smiled and said I was so glad to see her and then proceeded to scream in pain in the same sentence. Poor Nancy, I thought! Oh, but having her there finally was such relief. And friends, it’s not just that she takes priceless photographs. Her heart for God changed me during my pregnancy. She prayed over me and encouraged me and just was a wonderful friend. Having her there made me feel complete. The contraction subsided and Nancy came and put her hands on my face, smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess but she was so encouraging and calm! My mom soon came in, too. When I got pregnant, the first thing my mom told me was, “You’re going to be a wonderful mother!” Having mom there made me feel like I could get through this. She did it, so I could too. She coached me gently the whole time and kept smiling at me to give me strength. Thank you, Mom. Words cannot express how grateful I am for you. Thank you for giving me the confidence that I CAN do anything if God wills.  Another contraction peaked. I CAN’T DO THIS. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  NOW!!! I grabbed the side of the bed as my mom coached me through the pain.

The anesthesiologist finally walked in.  Oh, thank you sweet Lord! Paperwork, consent, more of Ari asking me if I really wanted this, me asking about whether or not I’d be able to push and if I’d be able to walk. Yes on pushing. No on walking. It was the price I had to pay. The contractions were 90 seconds apart by then.   Now, to get an epidural, you have to stay completely still and hunch over to bend your back so they can insert the needle. Pretty much the opposite of what feels good. I felt like I was going to burst my belly hunching over like that. Every time a contraction hit I had to bury myself into Nurse Tori’s shoulder, as she was holding me up to support me from the front. Ari says he was supporting me at one point too, but I barely remember. The anesthesiology resident was having a hard time getting the needle in correctly. 16 tries. Seriously. That I remember. But she finally did it. I was so frustrated but again trying to be – even through all of this PAIN LIKE NEVER BEFORE – gracious. The Lord is my shepherd… I repeated the 23rd psalm over and over that day. It’s all I could do to stay focused on God being in control. I kept thinking, hurry up already medicine!!! Take ALL the pain away. And then, the craziest thing. I did not think it was possible, but the pain intensified. I was just desperate at that point and begged for someone to get the doctor again because it just. wasn’t. working. I could still feel EVERYTHING. I was so confused and just so desperate for relief. Trust me, I was working HARD to think positive thoughts, completely relax and trust God that He was in control. And He certainly was. I wanted a med-free birth and well… that’s exactly what I got. Either some other organ in my body was really relaxed that day or God is saving that pain medicine for a time when I need it more. But, God had a perfect plan and this was part of it. Looking back now, I know that He wanted me to be at my most vulnerable. He wanted to break me down to build me back up again. So, hopeless on the pain front, I started to cry. No one tells you that crying during labor just makes things worse. You instantly feel the contractions more, so you instantly stop crying. No tears for me.

I looked at Ari and saw tears welling up in his eyes. I was overcome with love – a great distraction from the pain at the time – as I saw him get overwhelmed with the thought of what was about to happen. Later, he told me he was really tearing up because he felt so bad for me and couldn’t help me. I’m not sure what happened next. All I know is I started to have a new pain. And I started to feel the urge to push. Urge meaning a no-control-I-don’t-want-to-give-in-because-it-will-hurt-so-much-more urge. It is the strangest feeling. Like a volcano in you is about to erupt! And then… the scariest moment for me… my water broke. There was no trickle or gush like they say in all the pregnancy books. It was just like a giant exploding water balloon. OK, no turning back now, I thought. That’s when I knew it was time to give in to the pushing. I knew this was going to be it. I asked Ari to pray.

“Dear God…” He started praying and mid-prayer I contracted again and moaned like never before. End of prayer. I tried to focus on the end goal.  The pain of labor is one of the only pains that is – even though excruciating – positive. It’s good to feel it because there is an end – a goal. I just kept thinking that… the more I give in to this pain, the closer I am to meeting Grace. I tried to surrender and let is wash over me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I guess that was an indication to the staff that is was just about time.  I remember a lot of hustle and bustle as the doctor on call, Dr. Ivester, and all the nurses started getting things ready. I think someone told me to look at the baby warmer that they just turned on…  OK, now I’m getting emotional thinking about it… so that I would know the end was really in sight.

I saw Tori on her phone calling other nurses and Dr. Ivester, too. He was so calm and just smiling the whole time.   I heard him chuckle and mumble something to one of the nurses like “well, this won’t take long!”

The second I overheard that, I made the decision that it was definitely time to have this baby. I had been so so so afraid to push. I was afraid of the pain. I was afraid of tearing. I was afraid to meet her. I was afraid of my life completely changing. I knew with all of my being that pushing meant a new life. Completely new. And that is exciting and completely terrifying at the same time. The anesthesiologist rushed in and, with a worried look on her face (or maybe she was just scared from my Tarzan moaning), injected something into my IV.

I didn’t ask questions. (She was definitely concerned by the screaming. It wasn’t good PR for the anesthesiology department to have a patient with an epidural screaming that loudly.) Seconds later, at 10 cm dilated, birth was upon me. I had a tiny moment during the fall of a contraction where overwhelming gratitude filled me. I looked at Ari and said, “God is good.” Next thing I knew, eight people were suddenly hovering over me. I heard Nurse Tori ask Nancy, “Are you two sisters?”

Nancy: “Close friends.”

Tori: “How close of friends are you?”

Nancy looked at her as if she knew exactly what she was going to ask and Tori handed her my left leg to hold.  There was a nurse at my left ear, Ari beside her giving me his one hand to squeeze with two of mine, Nurse Tori coaching me gently but strongly, Nancy holding my left leg (we are now much closer friends! Ha!), Dr. Ivester below waiting for Grace and working hard to adjust me as I pushed, my mom holding my right leg and then… an angel of a nurse in my right ear. She was literally there just as Grace was making her way into the world, like a fleeting vapor, but perhaps the most important person that helped me in those moments. It all happened so fast, I don’t even remember her face. She was just in my ear, telling me exactly what to do. I wish I could remember all that she said. The only thing I remember her saying is, “Lara, look down! Look down! Her head is right there!”  I can’t! I didn’t want to look down, I just wanted to PUSH! (From Ari: I saw her head and it was crazy!) They call labor labor for a reason. It’s WORK. I pushed so hard and harder than I thought I could ever push and then even harder still. Everyone in the room was telling me what to do, when to stop pushing so I wouldn’t tear and how to breathe. Pushing actually felt “good”. Good because I knew I was almost there.  With a loud cacophony of voices coaching me on, with 6 I’m-gonna-move-a-mac-truck-with-my-bare-hands pushes, Grace slid perfectly into the world.  Oh, Lord. I praise your name!   Thank you, Jesus, for my life and for your amazing grace that got me there! Grace Austin Isaacson arrived at 10.24 am after 6 hours of life-changing labor.

Finally, the grateful tears could pour out!  I heard her first cry as they placed her immediately on my chest – warm and perfect.  I just looked at her and looked at Ari and was in compete awe at this little beautiful living being that God had created in me.

I kept thinking, “We made a person!!!”   8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long with a thick head of dark hair.  She looked just like her daddy.

Seeing so much of Ari in her made me feel an intense love like no other.  The three of us were a family.

The hush of new life filled the room.  I started to shake uncontrollably right away thanks to the changes in hormone levels after birth.  Ari cut the cord and Dr. Ivester gave me three tiny stitches while they weighed her, did all the necessary quick tests and cleaned her up.  I kept apologizing to Dr. Ivester for shaking so much!  I could barely talk from the shakes.  But, I was so happy and grateful and in complete awe of what had just occurred.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found.

Was blind, but now I see!

After all the hustle and bustle of recovery, there was a stillness that I will never forget. The doctors and nurses left and it was just this beautiful silence as my mom, Ari, Nancy and I watched Grace in awe.

Seeing Ari hold her for the first time was … I just don’t have words.

He held her and slowly drank her in with his eyes.

You could see Grace fill him from top to bottom.

Nancy’s photograph captured it perfectly.  He was overcome with love.  Then, my mom held her and spoke sweetly to her and told me what a great job I had done in labor.

After all of that, her encouragement was like honey to my soul. Shortly after, my dad walked in. I didn’t know this, but Ari had gone to the waiting room to get my dad and said, “Would you like to meet your granddaughter?” Be still my heart! Some girls imagine their weddings their whole life; I imagined this moment.

When dad got to hold my baby for the first time.

It had been a trying year with my family and having my dad there, healthy and happy, was the greatest gift.  I think my dad got the first smile out of Grace : )

I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw Grace for the first time and the peace that came over him when he held her. Our perfect circle of life was complete in my heart.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. - Ephesians 2:8 Oh, what a blessed gift to have all of us there to bring her into the world!

Sweet Nancy pulled out a bottle of sparkling pink lemonade and we all toasted to Grace. A new beginning. A new life began in that moment.

More on our first moments with our hilarious and sweet daughter and the adventures of the first few weeks next.   Oh, I have so much to tell you!  In one billion ways, the best is yet to come, friends…

I am on maternity leave until March 2012. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa!

The day has come! And what a blessed day it was! Grace Austin Isaacson was born yesterday at 10:24 am EST, weighing 8lbs 9oz and 21 inches long. Lara, Ari and this beautiful new
bundle of joy are doing wonderfully and are so grateful for this amazing blessing! And now… in honor of Grace’s birthday, a very special surprise from Nancy Ray (who is currently in the hospital capturing these precious first days with the new parents!) and Inkspot Crow Films that was just completed moments ago…

Lara Casey : Birth Announcement from Inkspot Crow Films on Vimeo.

Yesterday at 5am, I received a text message from Lara: “I think I’m in labor.” I thought my heart would burst and my eyes filled up with tears knowing what goodness was about to come into the world and join Lara’s little family. We love you so much, Grace, and are so happy you are here. Your mama couldn’t wait to meet you. She’s prayed for you for many, many months. Photographs of baby Grace taken while she was just a few moments old…

We love you so much Grace, Lara and Ari!

Lara is on maternity leave until March 2012 to spend time with her new family. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa! What an exciting time! God is so good! Leave the new parents and this precious babe some love here, as Lara will not be checking her email during her maternity leave and will likely be away from her phone for a long while.

Welcome to the world, baby Grace! You are such a loved little girl. We pray your heart is filled with joy and your days are filled with love, sweet Grace.

With all my heart, Aunt Emily (and your future husband)

I am technically 4 days past my estimated due date, but I am ignoring this fact for now.  50% of babies are born after their estimated due date anyway.  I’m grateful and happy and feeling wonderful today!  And what better way to keep my mind occupied while I wait on baby Grace than to launch two gigantic projects today!?  I’m convinced that God is waiting until these beauties are launched to let me go into labor, so here’s hoping…

I am sad to be missing engage!11 Cayman this week (this would have been my seventh engage!), but so happy to reveal what Emily Ley and I been working on with the incredible Rebecca Grinnals and team.  Congratulations on an exciting week ahead and…. drum roll…. the launch of the new Engaging Concepts!  We had such a wonderful time working with Rebecca and Kathryn, who have long been two of my mentors and dear friends.  It truly was an honor!  I miss you all and, while I wish I had my toes in the Cayman sand with you, I really hope that as I hit publish on this post, Grace decides to get this party started.

I couldn’t be more thrilled about this next reveal! Emily and I are over-the-moon excited to finally show you what we’ve been up to the past 12 months in our new Making Brands Happen site!  This site is packed full of goodness and showcases a year of adventures, joy and work that truly makes our hearts SING!  Read all the details on our launch here.

Enjoy the new sites and – hopefully – the next post you see here will be Grace’s birth announcement from Aunt Marissa!

The last nine months of carrying my first baby have been blessed beyond measure.   They’ve been the most challenging and rewarding months of my life so far and I know it’s just the beginning. From two pink lines to a closet packed full of tiny booties and onesies, this time has been a gift that a blog post could never quite capture fully. God has changed Ari and I in profound ways with every little baby kick, fear we’ve conquered and every “first” we’ve experienced together on this adventure. In honor of our amazing Grace, due sometime in the next 20 days, here is a quick peek into the last nine months.  Photo above by my dear friend Nancy Ray.

February: The “decision” to have a baby wasn’t an easy one.  It wasn’t like we woke up one day and everything was magically in place and the timing was perfect.  Ari started talking about wanting to have a baby and all I can say is that God did a lot of things to warm me up to it very quickly.  For one, my best friend was pregnant at the time and, the first time I felt the little baby kicks in her belly, my heart exploded!  We had always thought it would be a few more years before we’d even think about kids, but God had other plans.  Despite all the logistics ahead of us and possible changes and unknowns (and yes, there were a lot of fearful tears!), we both thought, life is too short. Sometime around Valentine’s Day, our little miracle started to grow.  It was close to my mom’s birthday and, coincidentally, I had written this to her that week.  I was in Las Vegas at the time for WPPI.  Even that early, I just had a feeling I was pregnant. An instinct. I was taking my prenatal vitamins, taking great care of myself and just felt like God was making me ready for this.  Sure enough, during a visit home to Florida on February 28th, a craving for Chiclets led me to the drugstore for a pregnancy test.  I cried tears of joy as those two pink lines appeared!!!

March: We only told my parents and my best friends at first.  There was so much excitement coupled with thoughts of a whole new life ahead of us… translation = suddenly overwhelming.  My body changed quickly and the morning sickness soon set in.  Heavens to Betsy, this was no fun at all.   From week 3 to week 16, I was miserable – in bed, nauseated, no appetite, exhausted.  I actually prayed for those crazy pregnancy cravings you always hear about to happen so I could get my appetite back!  I had to keep at my same work pace and wasn’t able to tell anyone yet why I fell off the radar for a few weeks.   I’m so grateful for my friends who prayed me through that time, Ari for holding my hand through all of it and trying everything under the sun to make me feel better and to my parents for taking care of me for a few weeks and trying to feed me all sorts of goodness. At the height of all of this nausea, we had a trip to Grand Cayman planned to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary.  I spent most of the trip, once again, in bed.  At least it was from a bed with an ocean view, though!  At the end of March, knowing that we would soon need a lot more space for baby, we also started hunting for a bigger house.   Photo below by Nancy Ray.

April: On April 5th, we finally let the cat out of the bag! What an exciting day! And such a relief. I hated keeping our big news a secret for so long! Work-wise, it was an insanely busy month. With all the morning sickness, I had no idea how I was going to get through it, but by the grace of God – and with lots of help – I did.

2011 has been the year of making a lot of things happen, including some brilliant brands.  Photo above (with me covering quite the baby bump at the time) by Gina Zeidler. By the time our little one is born in just a few days, Emily and I will have launched 35 powerful brands this year for some incredible people that we are so blessed to call friends.  What started as one of those crazy ideas (sketched on a paper bag on an airplane somewhere over the Pacific on the way to Maui last November!), turned into my favorite work ever.  It turned into a mission that Emily and I have to help creatives take wing and live life to the full.  Life is too short to play small. In a few days, Emily and I (or just Emily, if I go into labor!) will be launching our new Making Brands Happen site where you can take a peek into all we have been up to.   I am so grateful for the last year of rewarding work – that truly doesn’t feel like “work”  because I love it so much – with the magazine and our inspiring branding clients. What a gift of a journey this has been!   It’s hard to believe that just a year ago none of this existed, nor did I have any idea it would:  a baby, a new blossoming business that sets my heart on fire and a magazine and blog that have had their biggest year yet! Back to April, though.  I digress. Prego brain. In April, I completed my last wedding with my event planning company – a gorgeous Indian wedding in downtown DC. For those of you in weddings, you know this was no small feat.  It turned out beautifully and I am so grateful for over a decade of wedding planning that turned into so much more.  I’m happy to finally put my very first company, Bliss Event Group, to rest after this exciting decade.  It was hard to let go at first, but there’s so much more on the horizon! Saying “no” to one thing in our lives means saying “yes” to something else.

May: A week after our DC wedding adventure, at 13 weeks pregnant, we had a fun Southern Weddings team photo session with Millie (where I delicately tried to cover my baby bump) and then three days after that, we moved! A new house and new office!  This was a whirlwind – as anyone knows who has moved ever – and such a huge blessing for us.  More space made room for all sorts of new growth in our lives, both personally and professionally.   And then… the day I hit 16 weeks pregnant, it was like the morning sickness cloud magically lifted.  Suddenly, the nausea disappeared and I started to feel like a human being again.  Oh my goodness, I was so grateful!   I even got some high-fives from the little one growing in my belly.   Thankfully, I started to feel better just in time to speak at Engage!11 at the end of May.  Just before I headed to California, I did my first maternity shopping and even posted the first baby bump pics for all to see. I got myself on a plane, spent a couple days with my 94 year-old Grandma Bunny (who was so excited!) and then headed to San Diego for Engage!11.  Between moving and maternity clothes and business booming as usual, it was an eventful time making all sorts of things happen.

June: Coming back from Engage!11, I was so fired up.  We had an epic team meeting when I returned that became the springboard for us to have our best year to date.  It’s remarkable to type all of this out and see that all of this happened in such a short time frame.  God is so good.  We saw over 200% company growth since that meeting in early June.  That fire I felt has just gotten stronger since and my team has sprouted some pretty remarkable wings.  Thanks to the return of my appetite, I also started to sprout quite the baby belly.  I gained a good 16 pounds that month!  Go baby, go!  Photo below by Gina Zeidler.

Let’s just say it was a month of growth in more ways than one.   I ran The Challenge again. I worked hard to rid myself of excuses for not being my best.  I knew that, if I was going to have a baby and be 100% committed to this baby when he or she arrived, I wanted to know I worked my hardest up to that day to get things in place.  That meant taking my company, staff, work, life and everything with it to the next level.   Ari and I traveled to DC together for a conference where he was speaking, I had a TON of branding work that month and – after much anticipation – we found out we were having a GIRL!  Yahooo!!!!

The moment we found out that she was a she, the fun really began!   Picking names, registering, decorating, oh my!  Do not – I repeat – do not attempt to be an overachiever and do all of these in one day, though.  I got a little overwhelmed while registering.  Understatement. Registering caused my first real prego meltdown. Despite said meltdown, all became well in registry land thanks to the help of my pregnancy angel, Emily, guiding me through it.  I could write a novel about how she has truly been sent from Heaven above as I’ve navigated pregnancy.  I love you, Emily Ley!  Ari and I finished June at my parent’s home in Florida and celebrated with my sister Kathy and my whole family.  Here is my June maternity session with Ms. Nancy.

July: How did I do July!?  Looking back on it, this month was appropriately packed full of fireworks!  On the heels of that fire that started to burn inside me in June, July was my month of taking big rewarding risks. I was determined to take action and give as much as possible.  We started layout on our fourth annual issue – V4, I did the Making Things Happen July Tour (Pensacola, Atlanta and New York) and then went straight to Charleston for a big V4 shoot. Pictured below during our model fitting at Maddison Row in Charleston.

Amidst all of this travel and hard work, God was really working hard on my heart.  I started to feel a sea change come over me as pregnancy began to settle into my soul.  There is a lot of fear when you first carry a child.  There are endless unknowns and uncertainties and all of these have forced me to truly learn to trust God more than I ever have… and in ways I never thought possible.  My faith started to grow, I started to get more involved in my church, studied the Bible more and I decided to take a scary risk and write to our sweet baby girl. That was a big hurdle for me.  I had so much fear that somehow I would lose her.  Writing to her – and taking Emily, Gina and Natalie‘s advice and starting to talk to her – opened my heart to trust.  Ari and I took a tour of the labor and delivery wing at Ari’s hospital where she would be born.  It all started to become very real.  The work I did during the MTH tour in July with Emily and Gina really cracked my heart open.  What a blessing that was and such perfect timing!  I came home from the Tour fired up and so ready to surrender to the changes happening in my heart.  My July maternity session with Nancy.

August: I declared war on the month of August, as I knew it was time to start getting things in place for this little dancing baby in my belly.  I started the month by flying back to Florida to speak at the Stationery Academy.   That was supposed to be my last speaking engagement for the year (I ended up doing another branding presentation here in Chapel Hill in September) since I was about to be barred from traveling.  It taught me so many wonderful things.

On August 15th, I wrote one of my favorite posts ever where we announced our little girl’s name. I’m printing this out for Grace’s baby album because I feel so connected to every single word.  God is so good!  Grace Austin Isaacson. Oh, how I love that name!   My mom threw a wonderful shower for Grace .  August brought so much growth and gratitude in my heart, which – looking back – prepared me for a difficult personal transition in our family that we didn’t expect.  It just made me more and more grateful to God, Ari and my dear friends for so much prayer and support.  I love you Emily, Gina, Natalie and the whole MTH family! At the end of August, my parents came to visit us here in Chapel Hill.  This was a very special visit that I will never forget. My mom brought so many goodies for Grace, including many of my baby clothes, books, photographs and precious family heirlooms.   My August session with Mrs. Ray and my parents.

September: This month was marked by magazine layout, final shoots, long days at my desk and a whole lot of exciting baby kicks!

Grace started growing like a weed and, as I neared 30 weeks pregnant, new things started to consume my thoughts.  New questions.  New fears about labor, delivery and being a mom.  I started reading every book in sight.  For those of you that know me, you know this is not like me.  I readily admit that, besides reading the Bible, I’m not a big reader in general and I don’t like reading instruction manuals.  I’d rather just figure it out myself.  I like being hands-on.  But, it started to dawn on me that a baby wasn’t something I wanted to just figure out. For me, the changes in my heart have come in profound waves.  God really does have perfect timing. At first, you think nine months sounds like forever.  Turns out, it’s just right.  I’m so grateful for this time that God has used to flip my heart inside out.  I felt such deeper clarity and confidence as each day passed. The weather started to grow cooler and, seamlessly with the change in season, I started to see more what was most important in life. For me, it has been – and continues to be – a remarkable season of letting go of what I thought mattered to make room for real love and joy.  A peace that passes all understanding.  What a gift – no matter how challenging – that has been!  Ari and I both experienced this change and started to feel closer than ever. I started to set new boundaries to plan for my maternity leave and we sent V4 off to the printer at the end of the month.  Hallelujah!  My September session with Nancy.

October: October began my official transition into maternity leave. With all the hats I wear around here, I knew it would take me several weeks to get things in order for our company to essentially function without me.  It was not easy at first to think of letting go.  As with every month, new fears and questions surfaced.  From crafting my birth plan to strong realizations about my priorities to unexpected tears to the gift of Sundays and seeing the big picture to more tears and remarkable love from my husband to seeing Grace’s beautiful face for the first time (oh my stars!!!) …

… to realizing this is really happening soon, God has been stretching me to truly TRUST and let go.  I’m getting there.  And I’m so grateful for the women I work with.  Words just can’t express how they have all blessed me during these months and especially now during this transition.  Emily, Emily, Marissa, Whitney, Sierra and Nicole have truly made me – the slightly OCD control-lover – feel like I can genuinely let go soon and turn over the reins to them with confidence and calm.  It’s a gift I know Grace will thank them for someday, too.   This week, V4 is on shelves nationwide (YEEHAW!!!!!) and very soon I will be turning my email over to Marissa and the ladies here as I move into the last days of my pregnancy.   I plan to take three months of leave, so I won’t be taking on new clients, meetings or projects until likely March 2012.  I know I’ll never get this time back, so the months ahead are just for Grace.

So much has happened and I couldn’t possibly include it in one blog post.  Writing all of this out makes me see so clearly how radical change in our lives is so possible.  You just never know what God will have in store for you, but you will only know if you listen, welcome all the “failures” and mistakes along the way as lessons and just. let. go.   There have been tears and so much fear and – all the while – a new joy.  I’ve laughed more in these nine months than I ever have. Pregnancy has genuinely been nothing like what I thought it would be.  When this all began, I was scared that a part of my life that was ending.  Well, it certainly was.  I just had no idea that one chapter had to close in order for a much better chapter to open!

November: yet to be written.  Most likely to be awesome.  God is truly good and I owe all of these blessings to Christ.  From that blessed day in February to now, I have been changed.  I pray for more and more change every day.  Thank you, Jesus, for nine months of your amazing amazing grace.

I can’t believe we have less than 20 or so days before we meet Grace!  The days are flying by now and I’m so excited to be a mom!  A HUGE thank you to so many friends who have cheered me on through these nine months.  Words just can’t begin to express my gratitude.  Ari and I feel so blessed to have such a supportive community of loved ones and can’t wait for this little dancing babe in my belly to meet you all very soon!   You can follow my journey daily, as Grace’s arrival grows closer, here on my Tumblr.

Love,

So, over the last few months, a lot has been happening.  understatement

We spent the first months of this year searching high and low for two wonderful women to add to our family at Southern Weddings.  I’m thrilled to say that after hundreds of resumes and interviews, we found the perfect pair!  You’ll get to meet them very soon and we can’t wait. I’m so grateful for our growth and, most of all, that I get to spend my days with these inspiring women. 

We’re bursting at the seams for more space, so we’re also moving next month! My wonderful mom is here in Chapel Hill visiting and helped us pick out the perfect new house – just a few miles away – for the three of us. Me… Ari… and…

Oh hello, tears. I don’t know how to write this post. Here goes…

I’m pregnant.

Due 11.11.11

You have no idea how good it feels so good to finally say that! Keeping this a secret for what has felt like an eternity has not been easy, friends.  Especially considering the plethora of texts like this over the last months…

The moment those pretty pink two lines appeared I wanted to shout my gratitude to the hills!  Well, I did.  In the privacy of my bathroom.  I’ve never felt such joy!  God is good and Ari and I are very grateful. Baby’s first trip on an airplane: sunny Las Vegas for WPPI (below).

A few FAQ’s and things I’ve learned so far:

We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.  We just want a happy baby.  OK, I kindof want a girl.  Only because Emily Ley and my entire staff have already decided Brady is going to marry said girl.

Morning sickness doesn’t exist.  All day sickness does.  The first stretch has been the pits, but thankfully I’ve been feeling better and better over the last couple weeks. Yesterday was my best day so far – almost back to normal! I’m so grateful for my best friends, very kind strangers, McDonald’s ice cream, my parents (who let me retreat to their house for the majority of March to take care of me!) and my amazing husband.  Thanks to aforementioned All Day Sickness, the thought of eating a Luna Bar or getting on a plane has made me ill, but I’m totally OK with that. If sickness is a barometer for a healthy baby, I am totally OK with anything.

For now, you can follow the baby details on my personal Tumblr.

My favorite person to tell I was pregnant (besides my dad who I have never seen happier) was my very Southern 93-year old Grandma Bunny.  I’ll never forget that conversation.  Listen in…

Surprise! from lara casey on Vimeo.

Best phone message after the big news: definitely from dad.  He ended the message with “Take care of yourself, Mama.”  Melt my heart.

People keep saying to me, “do you realize your life is about to change?”  It already has. Drastically.  I know it’s just the beginning and I’m so happy for all of it!  I prayed hard for this.  I am leaning on Him to guide me.   I also have some awesome friends as mommy role models – Em, Natalie and so many MTH women – that I am so grateful for.  My mom is also a pretty cool lady and has been teaching me the ropes since day 1 when I burst out in happy tears and told her I was pregnant in the kitchen while making oatmeal.  I had to tell someone. I love you, mom!  Below with grandpa…

Thank you to my sweet friends Danielle Wolfe and David Kirkaldy in Cayman for blessing us with your hospitality as Ari and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this year, to Emily (and Bryan) for making Bman and letting me feel his frog kicks in your belly and hold him – what a joy!, to my ridiculously awesome staff for being patient with my baby brain and for volunteering to name the baby (oh goodness, that deserves its own post), to Elizabeth Messina who captured my very first pregnancy photographs, to Aunt Gina and Aunt Natalie and Aunt Emily and Aunt Jessie and Aunt Marissa and Aunt Melissa and Aunt Chantal and Aunt Harmony for being the best honorary aunt’s ever, and to my mom and dad who make me excited every day.  I love you.  Special love and hugs to all the Making Things Happen women (and men!) who have encouraged me every step of the way on the journey.   I wouldn’t have had the courage to let go and let God bring this blessing into our lives without you.  My list of gratitude is endless.

My mom got to come to my ultrasound yesterday and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Having her there with me to watch the little heart beat so strongly was a miracle. I had seen it before, but something about having mom there this time… we cried… the nurse cried… my doctor loved on us! My heart feels like it’s the size of Texas, y’all. I’m not one of those people who had a mental plan for when I would get married and have kids.  Ari and I thought babies would come well after he is done with residency (2 more years).  As my heart started to open to this in a big way, I could clearly see God had other plans.  His plans are always way better than mine.  This verse has been on my heart since we found out: If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. – Luke 17:6 Carrying a child is indescribable. It has been impossible for me to not see God working in all of this. This little babe has already blessed us, humbled me and brought me to my knees.  Faith as small as a mustard seed can change everything.

Well, there you have it.  Spring has officially sprung in our little world!  Wonderful women to do this great work with, soon-to-be new bigger digs and a little southern biscuit in my oven.  The Biscuit…

Making Babies Happen,

photos (the pretty ones) by Gina Zeidler

2011 is off to a flying start! I just finished a week of Making Things Happen. Tampa, Atlanta, Charlotte and New York rocked my world.  If you haven’t been keeping up with my personal Tumblr and the Making Things Happen Tumblr, jump on it!  2011 is already the best year of my life.

My personal process for 2011 Goal Setting and my 2011 Vision Board:

1. Evaluate what didn’t work in 2010

2. Define what did work

3. Get clear and write out your fears

4. Evaluate the people you surround yourself with, cultivate vision and create an inspiring environment to flourish in.

5. Define your driving purpose.

6. Making things happen: Act.

Vision is everything.  As a creative person, you have to see where you want to go clearly in order to step into the life you want.  Every image has significant meaning to me – they make me feel something and clarify the vision I have for this year.   I have been researching scripture to support each goal and, as I do this, my goals become more clarified.  Vision isn’t achieved in just 6 steps.  This is just the beginning.  I’m committed to doing the hard work every day to uncover my full potential.  2011, I am filling you with all the love, peace and joy my heart can muster.  I am listening.  I am leaping.  I am creating.  I am standing up for my heart.  I am giving till it hurts.  I am using my gifts to serve.  I am taking the narrow road.  I choose Love.  My mission in 2011: love God, serve people.

images: I’ve been collecting these for a while, so let me know if one of these is yours and I’ll link it.  The ones I remember: bridesmaids (Stacy Reeves), the redhead (Max Wanger), couple on the blanked (Erin Hearts Court) and the woman in the desert (Dewey Nicks).

The year ahead holds a lot of mystery for me.  I have been working to clear my calendar as much as possible to make room for more family, rest, focus on my marriage, friendships and further-solidifying our brands. This year I am committed to working hard on life, giving as much as possible and walking the walk.

The SOLD OUT Making Things Happen 2011 Tour with Natalie Norton and Gina Zeidler (and the very pregnant Emily Ley just on the Tampa stop) was a powerful catapult into 2011. We’re working on adding just one more city to accommodate our huge waiting list. More info.

In a couple weeks, we’re off to Vegas for WPPI where I have several fun things lined up including Making Things Happen Vegas…

The black-tie Airplanes and Blazers party …

Harmony Walton and I have teamed up for the ultimate business, branding and marketing intensive, The Total Package.  There are only a few seats left, so jump on it and get ready to rock your business in 2011!

March 18th of this year marks our five year wedding anniversary.  We actually got married in Vegas. Yes, Vegas. Ari and I still trying to decide what to do to celebrate.

At the end of May, I’ll be speaking at Engage!11 :: Grand Del Mar with Harmony and Jasmine Star.

I’m so honored to be asked to speak again – especially with these remarkable women.

Ari is speaking at a big radiology conference in DC in June.  I’m so proud of him and I’ll be joining him there to cheer him on.  I don’t know if people cheer at radiology conferences, but I’m going to give it a whirl!   June, July and August will be photo shoot and layout madness time for V4 (Volume 4 of Southern Weddings), which drops in September.  We’ll be taking on two new full time employees this summer, too! We’re growing and I’m so excited about adding to our wonderful team.

All of this may seem like a lot, but it’s almost a tenth of the travel I had in 2010.  Yes, there’s more to be planned, but that’s all for now. Learning how to say no and work hard to clear my schedule has been incredibly powerful for my life.  I’m so excited about what’s ahead and very happy with right now.  You can stay up to date with my 2011 Travel Calendar here and find me every day on my personal Tumblr and the Making Things Happen Tumblr.

OK, lots of winners to announce…  Congrats to the business book winners, Amy Worthington, Pam Parker and April Walker!  Email me your mailing address and I’ll get your books to you ASAP!

Big congrats to the Making Brands Happen winner, Kelly Sauer!  Email me and Emily and I will get your mini sessions scheduled.  Everyone else who entered… we had the HARDEST time picking just one person for this.  You all could make huge things happen with more powerful branding!  SO, if you reserve your brand with us by this Friday, we’re giving you a $200 credit toward your new brand!  Every single entry was deserving, so we want to help make this happen for you.  Our schedule is getting packed to the max, so book ASAP if you want your brand completed quickly.  Due to high demand and the great success of this for our clients, we’ve expanded to offer three levels of service to fit your needs.  Just email me for all the details.  We can’t wait to help take your business to the next level! The process and results from this work fire Emily and I up to no end!

Oh you know I can’t do a post without another giveaway.  The fine folks at Adorama, who I love and adore, have given me a FujiFilm Instax Mini to give away!  We’ve had so much fun with Instax on the Making Things Happen Tour.  AND!  BONUS! Harmony and I are giving away ONE SEAT to The Total Package. A rad camera + the best marketing, branding, PR and business insight = Happy 2011! If you aren’t able to come to The Total Package, we’ll split this prize into two. So, just tell me if you are only interested in the camera prize.

Leave a comment here telling me about your goals for 2011 AND Tweet, Blog or post on facebook about this giveaway and link to it. Just leave a note in your comment that you posted about it and you’re all set!  Giveaway ends next Friday.  What are you making happen this year?

UPDATED: Congrats to Total Package winner Meg Perotti and camera winner Josh Ulmer!

Are you ready for this?  In 2010, I traveled to Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles (7 times), Minneapolis (3 times), Chicago, Atlanta (33 times), New York (4 times), Nashville (2 times), Las Vegas, Denver, Irvine, Pensacola (7 times), Indianapolis, Grand Cayman, Miami (thrice), Washington DC, Boston, Salt Lake City, West Palm Beach, St Lucia, Barbados, Trinidad, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Maui, and I’m about to head to Vail with my family.  Phew!  I earned my SkyMiles this year.

In preparing this post, I read my 2009 Year in Review and almost fell out of my chair.  So much has changed.  But, what struck me the most is what I wrote as my goal for 2010:  My wish for 2010: to listen more –in the largest sense of the word– and to take ultimate care of myself –even when I don’t feel like it– so I can be my absolute best for others.  I wish to know Christ deeply this year and that His love would live in me and shine brightly.  I wish for a year of connection and giving as much of myself as humanly possible.  Inscribed in my wedding ring is a verse that I am adopting as my mantra for 2010: “I can do all things through Christ.” – Philippians 4:13 I started going to church again early this year and worked at developing a stronger relationship with God and, in turn, myself.   As the days passed this year – no matter how busy I got or what came my way – I started to find real lasting happiness.  Photo by Brett Arthur.

The year began with an unforgettable journey: The Making Things Happen tour.  It tour kicked off in Dallas and took us to Seattle, Los Angeles, Minneapolis and Chicago.

Dallas.  [photo :: poser]

Los Angeles [photo :: Jasmine *]

We met so many incredible new friends.  I will never forget those days.  They were also full of a lot of personal growth for me as I did the MTH work myself and faced a lot of fears.

Meanwhile, V2 (Volume 2) of Southern Weddings was continuing to circulate all over the globe.  Captured below in Maui by Anna Kim.

A highlight of the year was Katharine‘s engagement!  Three days after last Christmas 2009, her beau placed a ring on her finger that would soon after take us to New York to go dress shopping.  With an entourage of 13, we packed into Kleinfeld to search for The One.  I was really grateful to be a part of that day.  So special!

After our chilly NY jaunt, I headed for Hotlanta and Nashville to do the Making Things Happen intensive and have some fun in the Smilebooth at the Get Married magazine premier.

I think I was only back home in Chapel Hill for about 5 days before I had to head back to Atlanta to speak at The Simple Plan workshop.  This was my very first PowerPoint presentation (I went to school for music, theatre and design, ok!?) and the day I met some incredible friends.  Thank you Ben Vigil for this photograph below.

I made a last-minute pitstop in Nashville right after that which turned into quite the fiasco.  Let’s just say Jeremy Cowart and I had a hugemongous meeting with a potential client and losing my luggage on a 6 seater hopper plane in the snow caused me to buy a whole new Walmart wardrobe.  Ah, memories.  Sidenote:  this year, I have been incredibly inspired by this man. I’m so grateful for his friendship.

Amidst all of this travel and work, I was gearing up for WPPI and throwing the Airhorns and Lasers party with great friends.  Yes, we’re throwing the party again this year, but much much different.  Announcing: Airplanes and Blazers.

I really enjoyed speaking at Fred and Jory’s workshop on editorial work.

Loved seeing old friends and meeting new people, as always!  Jory Cordy and I below.

And I particularly loved speaking on a panel of editors at Garret Nudd’s workshop on how to get published.  It was at that moment that I saw a great need for more of this education.

After WPPI, I boarded a plane directly to Denver to do MTH there and then caught the first flight to Los Angeles to see my grandmother in the hospital.  That was a really tough time in my year.  I was exhausted from so much travel and WPPI and seeing grandma made me realize I needed to slow down.

I remember laying in her hospital bed with her, showing her all the family photos I had on my iPhone.  She said it was the first thing that made her happy in a long while.  Thankfully, she recovered and I started to make plans to cool my travel jets in 2011.  But, first… off to NY again and DC for MTH.

I visited my childhood home while I was in DC.  I’m sure many people feel this way, but it all seemed to much smaller!  I loved seeing my playhouse still intact in the backyard.

Back in the office in NC, we celebrated our Two Year Blogaversary and set out to plan V3 (Volume 3 of Southern Weddings).  Lots of brainstorming, a bajillion submissions and several big risks later, we set out with a very exciting plan.

I twittered… Who wants to shoot our next cover? After a overwhelming response, we decided to open this opportunity up.  I wrote this post asking for photographers and designers to submit proposals for our next cover.  Well, little did I know that my inbox (and mailbox … wow, y’all are creative!) would completely explode shortly after.  More on the cover in a bit.  The cover inspiration…

Y’all are going to think I’m nuts.  This year really was nuts! I got way overloaded and have since completely cut out a lot of work.  While speaking, traveling and making a magazine, we also had several large weddings on the books with my event planning company.  I said I’d give it up last year, but we couldn’t resist these wonderful families.

Becky and Scottie have a beautiful story.  Their wedding really made me think about my own marriage and pray for it to be stronger.  It was a perfect breezy beach day in Florida for their I Do’s and a gorgeous ballroom reception.

I spent a few days in Florida with my parents and even biked in a 30 mile race with my dad!  This man runs … or er… bikes circles around me.  I was so happy to share that experience with him.

From Florida to Indianapolis to speak at Eventology.  I was exciting to have Katharine and Emily join me for this.

I spoke on Building Your Team.  Being a “boss” is something I have had to work really really hard at.  I am very happy to say that this year I put a lot of my focus into integrity and changing my business structure to allow that.  The results continue to make us all very happy busy bees.  Above all other things in my business, I am most grateful for Katharine and Emily.  I could be shoveling snow for a living and be extremely happy if I had these two by my side.

It was great to speak along side such sharp women at Eventology: Sasha Souza, Katasha Butler, Terrica Skaggs and Harmony Walton.

Vacation!  Ari and I flew to Hawaii for his best friend’s wedding on Kona.  This trip was a turning point in our marriage.  Something about getting out of our environment and enjoying some sun and sand was just what we needed.

I spent 10 days in Hawaii and had some major travel problems on the way home.  So, Katharine and Emily had to run the show at our big editorial shoots with Jose Villa, who flew in just for us.  I made it back in time for the Fearrington shoot with Jose, Joel Serrato and the incredible Joy Thigpen.  I am so proud of KTW and EAA for making these shoots come to life!  The results in V3 are just awesome.

Ah yes, back to wedding season.  This is where our tightly-packed schedule started to worry me.  So, I went into overdrive.  I was the organization QUEEN, my friends.  I think I even had my Luna Bars in alphabetical flavor order.  We had our last two weddings – both gigantic – back to back.  First up, a stunning Indian wedding at Duke.  The whole office (and our beaus) came out to make Nameeta and Jacob’s wedding go off without a hitch!  Emily’s John is particularly good at chair ties.

And then, the next day, I went to the hospital.  This was a major life wakeup call.  Read all about it here.  I love this man…

The next week: Sara and Tyler’s southern soiree in Salisbury, NC.  I love these two more than I can express. Hi Sara!

These photos from Nancy Ray make my heart so happy.  Katharine and Kyle cut a rug and made us all fall in love all over again.  So sweet…

Two days later (yes, this is how fast my year has moved!), I boarded a plane for Engage10! :: Grand Cayman.  My roomies, Harmony and Jasmine, made this an unforgettable trip.

Engage was, as per usual, packed with so much great education, great friends and wonderful surprises!

A week later, I flew from NC to Florida again for a milestone in my family.  My dad had two children long before us: Kathy and Chris.  Over the years, they all lost touch.  I hadn’t seen Kathy since I was 8.  After 22 years, they all flew in for Father’s Day.  I think it was the happiest day of my dad’s life.  Paul and Mecheal Johnson were gracious enough to be there with us to capture these moments.  You can see the whole day here.

I found a new bff in my sister, Kathy, and a new spark in my dad’s smile.

We all had so much fun on the beach getting to know each other all over again!

Ari and I spent the fourth of July at the UNC Football stadium with friends.  The fireworks were awesome!  I started to love living in NC right around that time.  I don’t want to be there forever, but I’m grateful to be in such an exciting atmosphere right now.

A HUGE part of my growing happiness has been this lady right here.  Marissa Kloess does a lot for me, including encourage me through every step we take as a company.  I love you, M, and could not have weathered this year without you.

Rosalind with Two Bright Lights came to North Carolina and I was so honored to be asked to speak at her meeting.  It was a joy to meet these NC photo friends!

Summer in Chapel Hill was magical.  My Camp Lara post give you all the details.  The photograph below was taken at Duke Gardens by my dear friend, Brett Arthur, who just got married this year and wore our Sid Mashburn suit from V2!

I buckled down for six long weeks of magazine layout.  Yes, we lay this thing out ourselves.  I did not go to school for this.  I learned InDesign by playing around with it all till I figured it out – aka I learned the hard way.  More on my story with the magazine here.

Emily was an enormous help this year with layout!  We worked as a team to make this beauty come to life.  Emily below during a shoot and simultaneous filming.  Footage coming very soon!

Out of hundreds of submissions and 15 finalists, we finally chose a cover. Layout madness continued…

Through much encouragement from Emily and Katharine and many others, I committed to finding a way to blog daily with shorter posts.  I was starting to be known for consistent mega-posts, like this one.  When I discovered the ease of Tumblr – that I could do it on the StairMaster – I was hooked!  I’ve been Tumbling on my personal Tumblr and the Making Things Happen Tumblr ever since.  It has been a challenge, at times, to put myself out there and commit to this, but so worth it in the end.  I’m grateful for the gift of writing.

I blocked off Blue Angel Weekend on my calendar almost a year prior.  Every July, the Blues fly right over my parent’s house for their air show.  It is quite the experience… especially when they make their low pass from behind you out of nowhere!  Ari came with me and we had a blast with my family on the beach.

Just two days later, Katharine, Emily and I drove to Wilmington, NC, for a fabulous shoot with Millie Holloman and crew.  This was so much fun!  Multiple sets created just for us, gorgeous styling, and the happiest team around, oh my!  I also had fun doing everyone’s makeup.  Office bonding to the max.  Many laughs were had.

KTW + EAA celebrated their one year anniversary working with me shortly after.  We reflected on a great year together and, as per usual, had some cupcakes… and candy for Katharine.

So, my husband is a radiology resident at UNC.  As a 3rd year, all radiology residents across the US have to attend a training month at Walter Reed in DC.  Coincidentally, this is also where my parents met.  So, Ari shipped off to DC for an entire month.  We survived 7 long months of deployment when he was in Iraq.  Somehow this was harder.

After intense layout days during the week, I decided to trek up there and visit him every weekend.  I grew up in DC and my parents even flew in one weekend for a big dinner with old friends.  It was a really special night for all of us!

Ari and I went to all the museums that month (including the butterfly house where a little friend below landed on my hat), Mount Vernon, Annapolis (loved it there!), a slew of fun restaurants, all the monuments and anything else you can think of that is touristy.  It was a wonderful summer, despite the distance.

At the end of August, right when Ari got back, we had our last week of magazine layout madness and I flew to Florida to deliver the files to the printer.  After such long hours and crazy work, it was a gift to sit and just watch the sunset with my parents when I got there.

I made the 5am drive to Panama City to start two days of color proofing and text edits.  This is a job for several, not for one.  I don’t know why I didn’t learn this the first times.  But, seeing the proofs was a great reward! My story of being a self-publisher.

I came back to NC for 24 very short hours then boarded a plane for Boston for Katharine’s big day!   I spent that night assembling all the centerpieces for the wedding and – in my magazine proofing delirium – made a few too many.  It all worked out in the end and looked beautiful, but I felt pretty silly about my over-eager centerpiece making.  Sidenote: Boston and the Harvard Club were a dream!  So beautiful.

And Katharine was so beautiful it was hard not to stare at her.  Seriously… Grace Kelly beautiful.  She and Kyle and their families made my heart sing.  The wedding was most definitely the best wedding I have ever been to.  I felt so blessed to witness it.

Ari and I had a ball on the dance floor and spending quality time together after our summer apart.  Thank you, Bryan Johnson, for these incredible photographs.

Days later, I headed to Salt Lake City to do the Making Things Happen intensive and speak at WedSmith.  I loved Salt Lake and met so many great friends there!

Tessa, Hilary, Harmony and I.  Thank you, Justin Hackworth, for these images!

The magazine pages had printed and they were just about to put the covers on when this happened.

I wrote my favorite Tumblr post this year.

The files were off to the printer, but that’s just where our work began.  Self-publishing is a beast.  We prepped pre-orders, dozens of blog posts, contributor mailings, thank you gifts and cards galore as we got ready to unleash V3 to the masses!

So, here’s something you don’t know.  These are the things I’m not supposed to blog, but I’m going to anyway.  My #1 goal with V3, besides great content, was perfect color.  I was really disappointed in some of the color in V2, so this was my mission.  I took those proofs out in the sunlight, proof light, fluorescent light, any light I could see them in to quadruple check everything.  The proofs I signed off on were perfect (cover at left).  Seriously, perfect.  I didn’t leave until they were.  If you wonder why I didn’t immediately tweet about how excited I was to get copies of V3 in the mail, it’s because of this….  The printed, bound covers were so off color.  To the normal eye, it’s unnoticeable unless you compare the two.  To me, it was what I imagine a bad hair dye job to be like: devastating.  Long story short, I panicked.  I called the printer.  Even though this was completely their error, there was no way to redo everything by our newsstand date.  I suddenly got very unexcited about V3.  This is why I didn’t blog this till now.  Again, an untrained I wouldn’t see it.  But, I sure did.  It killed me.  The one thing I wanted was perfect color.  That’s what I approved.  Thankfully, brides didn’t care one bit and the inside pages were divine…

Off to Engage!10 :: Breakers in Palm Beach with Emily to learn, connect and debut V3.

I was so so nervous to let V3 out.  But, the feedback was INCREDIBLE.  We are all – despite our now unsecret cover woes – SO proud of this issue.  It really holds our hearts and embodies our mission to inspire authentic, approachable, meaningful wedding inspiration.  I love our cover from Joey + Jessica!

At Engage!, I spoke on a panel of the best editors in weddings on one of my favorite topics: how to get published.

Rebecca and Kathryn never cease to amaze with every Engage! experience.  This was my fifth Engage! conference and definitely the best yet.

With my dear friend Randy Fenoli and Anthony Luscia of Martha Stewart Weddings.

Emily working the pink carpet with Todd Fiscus, Randy, Jeff from The Breakers and I.

A highlight of my year has been my mom finally diving into her passion again.  It took almost a decade of coercing for us to get her to leap, but my mom now has a regular food column with the paper and teaches French cooking.  I have never seen her so happy!  I got to experience one of her classes the other night and it was a dream come true!  Go mom!

Needless to say, my dad is super happy to see her following her passion, too.  He also likes the added taste-tester benefits.

Next up, my first ever Bridal Market experience in NY with Marissa and Fred Egan!

It was, to say the least, a whirlwind!  SO many familiar faces, oodles of gorgeous gowns and lots of running from show to show.  Pictured below with my friends Sylvia Weinstock and Harmony Walton.

The best part was reconnecting with great friends.  Photo below from Britt Chudleigh.

Aaaaand…. going to the Martha Stewart market party, complete with a behind-the-scenes tour of the Martha offices from Darcy Miller.  Amazing!

The Knot gala at the NY Public Library was spectacular!  Read all of the market goodness here: Part One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven and Eight. Phew!

Days later, Ari and I flew to St Lucia for a big vacation.  What started as the honeymoon we never had turned into the adventure of a lifetime.

It was there that we really reconnected with what brought us together in the first place: our passion for giving.

We experienced so many magical sights.  Pictured below in front of the Pitons.  So beautiful!

Best of all, we met a life-long friend, Chantal Antoine, and weathered a hurricane together.  It was life-changing.  Read my husband’s blog for all the details.

Thanks to Hurricane Tomas, I did not think I’d make it back for the MTH Tour.  I seriously panicked, but God made a way.  Just three days later, I miraculously (four countries and three trips through customs in one day!) made it to Houston to meet MTH alum Gina Zeidler and Emily Ley for what ended up being the best two weeks of my life.

We saddled up in Houston…

Felt the fear and did it anyway in Phoenix…

Emily Ley and I launched Making Brands Happen somewhere in between.

Woke up to this in San Fran…

And met Ari in Los Angeles (he’s from Encino)…

Highlight #1 of the Los Angeles stop was getting to see my siter, Kathy and her husband John.  Ari, Kathy, John and I had a great dinner in Brentwood and I left with a very full heart.  P.S. If you ever go to Bloomingdales in Century City, ask for Kathy Suto.  She runs the place.  Literally.

Highlight #2:  spending the weekend with Em, Gina, Ari and Grandma Bunny.

This video, created by Gina, says it all:

Grandma Bunny from lara casey on Vimeo.

Monday night, we caught a plane to Maui to meet Fred and Jory for MTH.

We shared two incredible days at the Four Seasons Maui with 32 amazing new friends.  It was AWESOME!  [in the true sense of the word]

Best of all, I left with a strong bond of friendship with Emily and Gina. Spending time with Emily and “Bman” (her beautiful baby that is due in February) also gave me a bit of baby fever.

Appropriately, Thanksgiving was the next week.  I headed home to Gulf Breeze, FL, to spend time with my parents.  Ari was on 24 hour call, but he still managed to inspire us and make us so grateful for our lives through his writing.  It was the best Thanksgiving ever.  My goal that day was to get to know my parents as people, not as my parents.  God blessed that day.  We enjoyed a wonderful meal together and…. my favorite!!!! … turned on the Christmas music and watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  Best.  Movie.  Ever.

After a whilrwind tour across the US with Gina and Em and a wonderful Thanksgiving, I headed back to NC for a few weeks to get down to business.  When you find clarity in your life, you have no choice but to act on that clarity.  I gutted our house, got a new office, wrote 77 goals and smashed about 80% of them so far, donated half of my clothes, resolved some intense old conflicts, signed up to teach Sunday School, committed myself to friendship and – among many other things – put together new Ikea furniture.  This was a true testament to the growth of our marriage.  We actually had FUN putting together Ikea furniture!

And… the big SW news!  Amidst server crashes and lots of late night prep, we launched the NEW iloveswmag.com!  The evolution of the Southern Weddings blog is pretty remarkable.  I love love love our new site and am so proud of Emily and Katharine for working so hard on it.  It makes me so happy!

December 16th, I met Gina and Em in Pensacola where we picked up Marissa and our new bff Natalie Norton for a weekend in Watercolor, Florida, with great friends.

It was an amazing time of deepening our friendships, celebrating 2010 and preparing for the new year.

It’s Christmas Eve and I am so grateful for where this year has taken us as a company and as people.  Photo below of my whole team on Santa’s lap:  Whitney, me, Sierra, Santa, Nicole, Emily and Katharine.  Ho ho ho y’all!  Want to know what we’re up to for Christmas?  Read all the details here.

This is my Christmas suit.  OK, it’s really a box of fabric with arm and foot holes.  It also has my name on it (thanks, Dad, for this rad gift!).  I wear it every Christmas Day and, since we’ll be in the airport tomorrow, I am tempted to wear it through airport secturity.  My husband may disown me when he sees me in Atlanta.  What do you think?  To Christmas suit or not to Christmas suit?

The best parts of my 2010 were not captured in photographs and, as much as I packed into this post, this is just the half of it.  There were so many remarkable little moments with Ari, big prayers, leaps of faith, tears and laughter… this year was so full.  Emily Ley gave me the best gift this year from Paloma’s Nest that sums up our friendship and adventures perfectly:

The biggest highlight of 2010 is the very reason I even got to do all of this above in the first place: marriage.  Marriage rocks. I’ll be celebrating my five year wedding anniversary in March, and I’ve never been more in love. Forget what you hear in the news – it is possible to grow in marriage and love each other more than when you first met.  I’m living it.  It was not at all easy to get here, but the work of marriage has been the best work I’ve ever done.  2010 Highlight = husband. [photo below :: Gina Zeidler]

In 2011, I’ll start the year traveling for a week on the MTH Tour and will be at WPPI in February, Engage! in June and some small things here and there.  I have purposely made no travel plans otherwise.  I’m ready to focus in and dedicate my life to my family, my team, my church and my friends.  I have no idea what God has in store for me this year, but I secretly hope I lose my Delta Platinum status.

I will tell you that I plan to write a small book and teach Sunday school.  I want to sing more and get in the best shape of my life by our five year wedding anniversary on March 18th.  I want to make our brand solid and to really make our company growth take wing.  I’m ready to get down to business in my office instead of out of it.   I’ve titled 2011 as my year to serve and give it all.  I don’t expect this to be easy, but truly nothing great ever is.  And Drumroll…   God willing, Ari and I are going to try to have a baby at some point in the next couple years. This is very scary to even type, but exciting to think about Ari and I growing in our love for each other. (cue happy dance from Katharine!)

I turn 31 two days after Christmas.  I can’t wait to be on the slopes with my family in Vail in 24 hours to celebrate a miraculous year and the miracle of Christmas that made all of this possible.  30 was the year I reconnected, shed my skin, learned to forgive, let go and felt a lot of fear and did it anyway.  I’m open.  I’m as ready as I can be.  I want the same thing as last year, but now it has a whole new meaning:  to listen more –in the largest sense of the word– and to take ultimate care of myself so I can be my absolute best for others.  I wish to know Christ deeply this year and that His love would live in me and shine brightly.  I wish for a year of connection and giving as much of myself as humanly possible.  Inscribed in my wedding ring is a verse that I am adopting as my mantra: “I can do all things through Christ.” – Philippians 4:13 Thank you, friends, for taking this journey with me and for encouraging me through so many challenges. I am so grateful.

To kick-start the new year, I’m giving away 9 of my favorite business books…

What was your highlight of 2010? Leave a comment here and three random winners will split the biz book loot.  Happy New Year y’all!

xo

30 days, 30 planes, 30,000+ miles and I came home alive.  Alive as in AWAKE.   The Making Things Happen Tour – (preceded by travel to Salt Lake City, Palm Beach, New York, St. Lucia, Atlanta, Barbados, Trinidad, and Miami) took us from Raleigh to Houston to Phoenix to San Francisco to Los Angeles to Maui and back again.  It rocked my core.  My experiences gave me fierce clarity that I never thought I’d find.  You can read our complete daily adventures on the MTH Tumblr page, but I’ve pulled a few highlights for you here from my journey with two incredible women and 100+ new great friends.  “Friends” is a mild word for what these people are to me.  Everyone I have met in the last two weeks is family now – a deep part of my heart.  There were rivers of tears, triumphs, and bold moves toward joy and wholeness.   It was the best two weeks of my life so far and it keeps getting better!  The adventure continues in our daily lives back at home (and on our Tumblr page) every day.

November 4: Houston. I want to know Christ. I want to be rested. I want to find joy in simplicity. Joy in breath, running, laughter and letting go.  A year from now, you will wish you had started today. Today could be the day. The day it all begins. Begin anywhere.  lc  [video]

November 5: I am praying for Haiti. I am ready to face my fears. For once, I know exactly what they are today. A text message I never thought I’d get this morning has me feeling all sorts of things. I surrender all. A song from that won’t leave me: I give it all away… so You can use me.

November 5: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world…’

November 5: Houston. April, Jenae, Debra, Elizabeth, Amber, Angela, Cynthia, Danielle, Emily, Lauren, Judith, Lisa, Lara, Carrie, Caroline, Jenny – Yesterday was just the beginning. Today, now, in this moment you have the choice to be remarkable. Give yourself license to dream bigger, as you did together just hours ago. Make the choice to be remarkable. Life is just too short to settle for anything less than the greatness – giving, loving, creating – that you were created for. xo Lara, Emily and Gina

November 6: Houston Airport.  I am immersed. The last time I was in Phoenix was when Ari came home from deployment. He encourages me to love, to give, to forgive. Time to do something about what I uncovered yesterday. Thank you, new friends. I’m so grateful for yesterday. Time to act.  lc

November 6: ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.’

November 6: Phoenix is warm so we dove in.  147 photos.

November 7: I am refreshed. Sermon on forgiveness kicked me this morning. ‘Bless those who persecute you.’ I am so ready to take some big risks. Risk is the stuff real life is made of. Let’s do this Phoenix. lc

November 7: I want new. Ari said to me this morning, “So, I was reading pre-natal ultrasounds today and I was thinking I wish one was yours.” My heart melted. Being around Emily makes me excited about that. One day. For now, I want new life. I want to live what has been so clearly laid out for me with abandon. I don’t want to ignore it anymore. I want so badly to break through, to stop fearing the greatness inside of me. I want so badly to just. let. go. Currently listening to All Things New | Watermark. ‘Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old had gone, the new has come.’ 2 Cor 5:17

November 7: I want to take a big huge bite out of life right now. ‘For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.’ – 2 Timothy 1:7 My heart is so full from today. I wanted to freeze time. Thank you, new friends, for the real, raw, honest, unabashed love. You make me want to own my life without fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Risk big. Run fast. Love deeply. Do not sell yourself short. EVER. You’ve got this. There is no fear in love. You are powerful beyond measure. lc

November 7: Phoenix. Erika, Jen, Carlee, Tiesha, Heidi, Kara, Heather, Wendy, Melissa and Leah: Don’t ever forget those tears. You flooded the desert and sprouted new wings just hours ago. It’s just the beginning. Now it’s time to act. You owe this to yourself and everyone around you. Walk the plank. When you get to the edge, there are friends waiting for you in the water. Baby steps. Bold steps. Then leap!  [video]

November 8: I am useless when I’m tired. I need sleep and/or Pinkberry. Meditating on: ‘Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.’ Matt 11:28 When I’m spent, I focus on gratitude. So grateful that Ari is meeting me in LA on Thursday and cannot wait for dinner with my sister Kathy on Friday and spending the weekend with my grandma in Irvine before I leave for MTH Maui on Monday. Family is good for the soul. So grateful for the women who have changed my heart in the last four days. So grateful for the women I work with. Miss you KTW and EAA. So grateful for change. God is good. Time to fly. Time to rest. lc

November 8: San Francisco. I want to bathe in mayo. My skin is so dry from Phoenix, y’all. Then I want someone to walk all over my back and a cold shower. And the sugar in Emily’s purse. I need a Mentos moment.

November 8: Making a Chinese feast happen.

November 9: Good morning San Francisco. Today you have a choice: stay comfortable (aka stuck) or step out of your comfort zone and make things happen. Open, accept, give, act, forgive and choose to be the remarkable you that you KNOW you are. Don’t waste another gorgeous full day. Life is too short to wait for tomorrow. Start the wheels turning. Tiny steps build to big momentum and create new life. Make it happen. lc

November 9: San Francisco.  ‘I don’t want to be stuck anymore.’  Geomyra, Caitlin, Marin, Briana, Jen, Sarah, Ashley, Melissa: you are powerful beyond measure.  ‘Life is too short to do something that you hate all day long.’  Life is too short.  You are unstuck, my beautiful radiant udderly beautiful friends.  Make it happen.  We’re all together in this. [video]

November 9: Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace. When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay”. And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed. When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain. And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.  And let your best be for your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness. And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. – Khalil Gibran

November 9: Today I had this picture in my mind of running on the beach. Running hard, fast, pushing. Breaking through. I’ve been carrying a deep pain by myself. Until today when I realized God is bigger than any pain I have. God has this. I cried. I sobbed. The well sprang up as I envisioned myself running on the beach, free from the past, fully present in the NOW. I’ll be in Maui in a week and I. Will. Run. Strong, hard, fast. I will break through. I will not settle for anything less. Thank you, friends, for believing in me. Thank you, God, for clarity. Thank you. lc

November 10: Just one week ago we started in Houston then off to Phoenix, San Francisco and now here we are in Los Angeles – exhausted in the best way and fired up like never before. More clarity was uncovered in one week than an entire year. I’m so excited for the women I’m with, how my marriage has already grown from this work opening me and for all that is ahead. This is just the beginning. I’m so crazy behind on work from being on this trip, but I’m suddenly grateful that my inbox resembles tangled spaghetti. My eyes are clearer, my heart is new and I’m coming at life from a perspective I’ve never had. I’m so grateful for this work and how all things are made new when we just let go – when we fully surrender. When we drop in. When we get real, face our shadows and see that we are enough – right now in this moment. I am enough. I am full, clear, free and I can do the hard things today. I can send the difficult emails, have the challenging conversations and I can feel this fear and act on it. As I picture every set of eyes I’ve looked into in the last seven days, I know I’m not alone. Life is too short to go through the motions. Life is too short to wait another day – another hour – to accept the fact that I’ve changed. Life is too short to play small. Let’s do this, friends. Watercolor, Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, Minneapolis, DC, New York, Atlanta, Nashville, Chapel Hill, UNC, Salt Lake City, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Los Angeles and everyone who has been a part of this Making Things Happen journey – whether you’ve been to the intensive yet or not – let’s DO THIS. Today is the only day we have. Strike the match in your life. It’s so time. Everything is going to be alright. I’m ALL in. Are you? lc

November 10: Los Angeles.  I want to run out of this hotel and straight into my husband’s arms. I can’t wait till he gets here tomorrow night. My intense sense memory kicked in the moment we landed in Los Angeles and got my heart all tangled. I did not see it coming. I like to be in control of my feelings. God instantly took me out of my comfort zone. Living here for three years, so many visits as a child to see family, work, Navy life, growing up, relationships and memories of my last trip here – staying at this same hotel, grandmother in the hospital, exhausted from too much travel, heart completely torn apart – instinctively made me want to run. Sprint. But, I’m here. Gina and Emily listen so well. Praying at dinner with them gave my heart courage. I’m feeling this fear. It’s not fun but it’s time to rewrite this memory in my body. I am so grateful that God makes all things new. All I have to do is let go and let God. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Cor 5:17

November 11: I am feeling all sorts of on fire today. Dealing with pain, facing fear and giving it up to God is where it’s at. So grateful to wake up energized, clear, ready to live life with all five senses. I am humbled and thankful beyond words for all of the inspiring friends we’ve met this week and will meet today. I am so grateful for this work and to witness people grow and break through. My eyes are wide open. My heart is so full. I’m ready to break out some hula moves with Em, Gina, Fred and Jory on Monday. For now, let’s do this, Los Angeles!

November 11: Make things happen, Los Angeles.  She believed she could, so she did.

November 11: Los Angeles. What a powerful, honest, life-changing day. Skip – the best guy in LA – Kate, Samantha, Katie, Helena, Elizabeth, Carissa, Melissa, Eve, Meghan, Amber, Tami, Carrie, Sharon, Katie and Kat – you are at the top of a rollercoaster that’s about to get awesome. All hands up!

November 12: I am so excited to be in LA with the man I love on a day that makes my heart sing. My grandpa Cecil – who left for Heaven 7 years ago today – was the most influential person in my life. He taught me who Jesus is. He lived a humble life – at one time selling flour and Bibles to farmers. He was a man of God, passionate beyond words to preach the good news. Father, farmer, tomato and eggplant lover, thick Alabama drawl, song leader, preacher and my grampa. He baptized me in our pool when I was old enough to listen and understand what it meant to be loved just as I am. Grandpa, I miss you, but you are always here. Every day. You are in my heart with the Christ you introduced me to so long ago.

I was just at lunch in West LA with Ari and my mother in law and I couldn’t help but tear up – and look up – when the waiter brought out grandpa’s favorite… boiled peanuts. Amazing. So grateful that grandpa Cecil lived the life he lived. Tonight I’ll have dinner with the sister I hadn’t seen since I was 8. Late tonight I’ll play in the city with the two women below who have opened my heart wide. Tomorrow we’ll spend the day with Cecil’s beautiful bride – Grandma Bunny. God is good. Today, I stand in awe. lc

November 12: Dinner with my half-sister, Kathy, who my dad hadn’t seen in almost 20 years until recently.  An email to Dad: Just letting you know I’m hanging out with Kathy and John this Friday. Ari is flying out and meeting me in LA and we’re all having dinner on Friday at a place she said she took you. I’m so excited! Then we’re headed to grandmas. I just wanted to say that I’m so happy you pushed through and tried for so long to be close with them despite their initial resistance. It was so worth it and I’m grateful to have more family. I just wanted to say thank you. Love you! It was one of the most memorable nights of my life.  God is so good to bring us together.  I love you, Kathy.  Thank you for making us, dad.  All that heart ache was worth it to get us to today.  I love you.

Grandma Bunny from lara casey on Vimeo.

November 13: We all visited Grandma Bunny in Irvine. Such a special day.

At 92, she is who I want to be when I grow up.  Heart explosions!

November 13: Gina photographed Ari and I.  More heart explosions.  I’m so grateful for how our love has grown.  The greatest work of my life thus far has been on my marriage.  The photos from today day are my favorites ever.  Thank you, G!

November 14: Church in Irvine with Gina, Em, B man and Grandma Bunny. Lots of grateful tears as we sang Amazing Grace and reflected on the last week. It has been a powerful time in our hearts. ‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears released.’  I don’t think I will ever forget watching Emily – full with new life in her tummy – walk down the church aisle to take communion.  We were all so humbled and floored by God’s work in our lives.  That night we all had dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousin in Laguna Beach.  It was a magical weekend, but it left my heart torn in ways I didn’t expect.

November 15: Back in Los Angeles.  I am in the hotel lobby waiting to see great friends – Harmony Walton and Steven Taylor. I am joyful yet nervous to write this. I feel happy – and at the same time – broken. Like my good friend Jen said to me, broken is a good place to be. Hard, but it means there is clarity and strength on the other side. For the first time in her 92 years, my grandmother showed her age. Amidst great laughs and some good conversation this weekend, she was oddly difficult and senile. It was hard for me to cope with. I felt angry and not like myself. It showed me how weak I am and, like Gina said below, how much I need God to direct my steps. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it, but the second we got to our hotel last night the tears bubbled up. It’s funny how tears start as one thing and, when we let go, they flow for so many others. I cried about loss and lots of hurt endured this year, my own weakness, being overwhelmed with so much work from traveling so much, exhaustion, missing my parents, open family wounds that Ari and I had to heal this weekend and I cried for grandma. Ari hugged me and wiped away my tears. This tour has been wonderful in more ways than I can describe, but honestly I am in need of stillness and rest. I have so much joy in my heart to give. I need the peace that passes all understanding. Time to make rest happen. Boarding a plane to Maui soon. I can’t wait to feel the ocean lapping over me. Stepping off that plane to smell the plumeria in the air will be a turning point for me. I’m ready to take that deep breath in. Currently listening to Captivated // Watermark.

November 16: Woke up with the Maui sun with two women who make me want to be my best me, in a place I never dreamed I’d visit, about to do the work that makes my heart sing. I am so proud of Emily and Gina for the power they’ve owned in their lives in the last ten days and the authenticity they have uncovered. I’m so fired up by a long conversation we had on our five hour flight last night…

I’m also really grateful to spend time with Fred and Jory here to renew our friendships. I just can’t believe we are here…

Changed from ten days ago. I almost can’t let myself enjoy this. Sometimes I hold onto moments so tightly so I can’t feel them. It’s just too much clarity and, if I let it wash over me, I know it would change me. My honest [irrational] thought: I don’t want to let go of the pain. I catch myself feeling like I deserve to carry this burden on my heart, as if I don’t deserve forgiveness or joy. I know full well that isn’t true, but that plays in my head for a moment as I gaze out at this ocean, recounting the last year. ‘Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure.’…

How did I get here to this place in my life? Why? What do you want me to do today, Lord? I’m open. Currently listening to the song that won’t leave me: Mutemath // Odds. And now… to act on the little grain of truth I discovered in San Francisco. I’m ready to run on this beach, hard and fast, and just let go. I’m ready to break through. Here goes… lc

November 17: I have been in full on dance party mode since I woke up at 6am. As we go through this process, peeling back the layers of fear day by day, feeling the fear wash over me, I have started to find a new clarity. Clarity breeds action and acting on fear – breaking through – brings immeasurable joy. But, it first takes getting real with yourself, putting the fear out there, surrendering to it and letting whatever emotions come up wash through you. It takes dropping in and seeing yourself as whole, no matter where you are, no matter what ‘mistakes’ you have made. There are no mistakes, only lessons. It takes brutal authenticity. Brutal because sometimes it means you aren’t pretty or perfect or right. I am so grateful. More than ever. God is so good and my heart is so full. So much to celebrate today, starting with the 91 new friends I have made in the last 10 days. 91 because one of them is me. Dance party ON! lc

November 18: Maui changed my life forever.  Friends, you are powerful beyond measure.  I will never forget this day.  God is so good.

November 18: Came back to the room to discover a note tucked in my laptop that changed my heart. A river of grateful tears. Just hit purchase on my life.

November 19: Last day in Maui, reflecting on 14 days of Making Things Happen.  My heart has never been so full!

November 19: Emily and Gina, I never imagined in these 10,000 miles we’ve traveled together that you would become part of me. Genuinely part of me. Me that I never thought I’d see again – or for the first time. I love you more than my heart can express, but you already know the depth of that. I feel it from you too – unabashed, authentic, real, new love. Thank you. See that thank you written on this Maui sky, because words will never hold my gratitude in the magnitude I feel it.

Through big belly laughs, baby kicks, grateful tears, bittersweet sadness, intense fear that we pushed through together, enough adventure to keep my heart happy for a lifetime, and the hope in things unseen – the hope and faith in Christ that we were gifted by unending grace – I have seen you and in-turn seen myself. Broken and whole in Him.

The change I’ve seen in you leaves me speechless. Do not play small. Ever. You have this. The authentic, whole you has this. Gina, dance it out and feel your immeasurable beauty. Emily, be still and know. You aren’t leaving for another 10 hours and I’m already so sad this day has to end. So many memories in these 14 powerful days ingrained on my heart.

No matter where we are in the world, we are together. IT’S JUST THE BEGINNING. No goodbyes. Go and do. All my heart, Lara

And today: There is only one word big enough to explain what we experienced in these two weeks: God.  God worked in my heart, in Emily and Gina’s hearts and in all of the 110+ people that we had the pure joy of knowing on this journey.  I couldn’t be more full of gratitude this Thanksgiving for all that was, is, and is to come.  Thank you, Gina, Em, and everyone who is a part of my life for making me look UP.

Many thanks to Gina for most of the images you see here.  To see all of the photographs from the whole tour, click here.

A year ago today, I took a big risk and wrote this blog post. Hitting publish on that post – feeling the fear and doing it anyway – is why I’m here today. Maui marked my 20th city doing the Making Things Happen intensive.  So grateful for that leap of faith.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Go and do. (Thank you, brilliant Natalie, for that!)

Love,

[a very happy, grateful, joyful] Lara

P.S. Want to make things happen in 2011?  Join us for the last 2010 Tour stop in Watercolor (we just opened 5 more seats for those of you who just can’t wait!) OR leave a comment here telling us where you want us to go next. Here’s to a brilliant new year!

Hello from NY Bridal Market! It’s been a whirlwind few weeks for me – from press proofing the new issue of Southern Weddings to Katharine’s wedding at Harvard to Salt Lake City for WedSmith and kicking off the MTH Tour to launching V3 and jetting off to The Breakers, I haven’t slowed down much. And now, here I am in my NYC hotel room catching a quick break from the runway to bring you this special post about a very exciting week at Engage! This was my fifth Engage! conference and second time as a speaker.  Pinch me!  I feel so honored to speak and even more elated to attend.  I wrote a post on my daily Tumblr on the way there about preparing for Engage and how much this conference means to me. Rebecca Grinnals, Kathryn Arce and their incredible crew have created a genuine shift in the wedding world with this conference.  I’m just so grateful to know them and for their constant encouragement.  Emily joined me this time for an unforgettable week on Palm Beach at the Breakers Hotel.  You can read Emily’s recaps of all the festivities here:  Day 1, Day 2, Day 3.  Since she covered all the speakers and fabulous goodies, I’m going to tell you a little more about what made this Engage! so special for me.  I’ve been known to write a Mega Post or 4 (Past recaps: Engage08 :: Celebration, Engage09 :: Cayman MegaPost!, Engage09 :: Encore Las Vegas, Engage!10 :: Grand Cayman), so this time I put together a little something special with my friends Lori and Matt of I Do Films and Stevi Savage from Avery House.  I was super sick the whole week of Engage!10 Breakers, but the atmosphere made me forget.  (Hence the puffy eyes and lack o’ voice in what you are about to view.)  Enjoy, y’all!

Southern Weddings Magazine from I Do Films on Vimeo.

A few highlights from this magical week:

V3 makes its debut!

There was so much going on at Engage – great friends, so much learning, new friends, stunning scenery – (and I was perhaps taking a lot of Sudafed to keep the sniffles away) that I didn’t have much time for the big launch to sink in.  I’m still not sure it really has.  I haven’t been home for more than a few days since the beginning of October! In the brief free moments I had, it was wonderful to reflect on all the hard work Katharine, Emily and I put into V3. I’m so happy with the heart of what we created together.

Day one kicked off with a great welcome session led by my roomie, Harmony Walton of the Bridal Bar, Ali Phillips of Engaging Events by Ali, Lienne Stevens of Think Splendid Communications, and Donna VonBruening of DBV Photographers — all six-time attendees sharing their accumulated wisdom as to how to get the most from the conference.  We broke into small groups to get to know each other better.  I was happy to help get the crowd excited and lead one of the groups.

Below with the beautiful Kathryn Arce. I don’t know how she and Rebecca outdo themselves every time!  Seriously, can you start selling whatever magic potion you two use!?

With Emily and Ceci Johnson of CECI New York

The adorable swag bags packed with goodies from The Artcraft Company, Ashley Brooke Designs, Blue Magpie, CECI New York, Checkerboard, Christopher Confero, Engaging Concepts, Fuz, Gifts for the Good Life, GO! Tie the Knot kit, Laura Hooper Calligraphy, liveBooks, Louella Press, Mindy Weiss for Two’s Company, Momental Designs, OPI, Personal Wine, Ring Finger Studio, Sandals Resorts Flip Outs, Savannah Wedding Professionals, Simply You Creations, Superfine Bakery, The Breakers, The Sugar Suite, TullaBelles, WED by Caroline Long, and Wedding Cake Pedestals.

Whew! My favorite surprise was the lovely sketches done by my good friend Kristy Rice from Momental Designs.

Kristy is such a genuine, giving soul and a fabulous artist.  I was so honored to be captured by her brush!  Thank you so much, Kristy!  You inspire me daily with your warmth and passion.

A little peek at my bed at The Breakers.  I love the wave bedspread and pretty much everything in our room. I wanted to take it all home.

Walking the pink carpet with Emily, Todd of todd.events, Randy Fenoli, Laurie Arons, and my bud, Jeff from The Breakers.  Loving Emily’s outfit from Florida-based designer, Caroline Long.

Below :: Cortnie Purdy of Canvas and Canopy Events, my roomie Harmony Walton of The Bridal Bar and Lindsay Pitt of TOAST Events who has a gorgeous spread in V3!

I am very grateful for the gentleman below, Chris Confero.  He has been a close friend and support since we met at the first Making Things Happen conference in Watercolor.  We enjoyed a fabulous “box lunch” in boxes designed by Smock and DK Designs.  So fun!

With my dear friends, Simon T Bailey and Jeff Fowler.  Love you both so much.

At the dessert reception with stunning Marcy Blum, Mel Barlow, Jeff from The Breakers, Emily and Harmony.

Like I said, read Emily’s recaps to fill in all the gorgeous gaps I’m missing: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3. There was so much goodness to enjoy! Fast forward to the closing night gala.  I have genuinely never been so wowed by an event.  WOW WOW WOW!

Can you believe this below!?  Emily said it best: “To say that The Breakers culinary and design staff pulled out all the stops is really not doing it justice.  When we entered the ballroom, there was a chandelier of hanging champagne glasses about twelve feet up in the air.  Oh yes, and there were waiters on STILTS waiting to cut one down for you!  I know this phrase is used a lot, but we all really couldn’t stop ooohing and aaaahing.”  It was extraordinary!

Below with Carol Poon from Bride and Bloom and Harmony.  SW!

Below with Marilyn from Inside Weddings and Christopher and Randy.

Below with Sharon Alexander of Sweet Sensations.  She makes the best red velvet cake on earth, y’all!

Below with Jeff from The Breakers, Cameron Keating from The Breakers, Edward Neary of Joseph Edwards Wedding Filmmakers, and gorgeous Miss Emily!

With Todd Fiscus, and Xoua Vang of Preston Bailey Designs.

Table 8! — Brian Callaway of Callaway Gable, Laura Hooper, Beth Helmstetter, Alexandra Rembac of Sterling Engagements, Leslie Maynor of Fantasy Frostings, Carol Poon, Harmony, and Vanessa Van Wieren of Alchemy Fine Events & Invitations

My favorite moment all night… a slow spin around the dance floor with Randy to “Embraceable You”.  He makes me love life more.

I’m not sure there is anyone who makes women feel more empowered than this man.  He makes everyone feel beautiful.

Two of my favorite men in weddings below: Anthony Luscia from Martha Stewart Weddings and Randy from Say Yes to the Dress.

And perhaps my favorite photograph… another slow spin around the dance floor with my friend, Jeff, who I met at Engage!09 :: Grand Cayman.  I feel so blessed to have such great friends in my life.  Thank you, Jeff, and the entire Breakers crew for making Engage!10 such an unforgettable experience!

Images courtesy of Avery House, DVB Photographers, Mel Barlow, my iPhone and my LX3.

If you’ve read any of my past recaps, you know how much going to this conference means to me. I attribute so much of our success and my personal growth to the roots Engage! has planted and to the friends I have met there. Rebecca and Kathryn, I am so grateful for all you do. Thank you for including me in the magic that is Engage! I am forever grateful!

For all the magic in action, watch these unbelievable edits from Cloud Nine Creative. Day 1:

Engage 10 {Day One} from Cloud Nine Creative on Vimeo.

Day 2:

Engage ’10 {Day 2 + 3} from Cloud Nine Creative on Vimeo.

OK, dashing back to the runway y’all! Follow me on Twitter for all the bridal market goodness. Here are a few behind-the-scenes pics to tide you over before it all hits the blog!

Congrats to the bow tie giveaway winner, MiaMoreFoto. Email me to pic your bow! Up next, leave a comment telling me what you are most excited about in 2011 (yes, sir, it’s only 11 weeks away!) and win one of my travel essentials.

I’m about to embark on so much travel it makes my head spin and I couldn’t live without these. The amazing folks at Skullcandy, Red Envelope, SmartWater, Cliff Bars (Luna Bars), and Molton Brown are once again giving me one of each of the following to giveaway! So, tell me what excites you about 2011/what you want most in the new year!