Every time I have tried to put this into words, it came out sounding messy. And then I realized that’s exactly the point. If I could sum up what I’ve experienced over the last 8 weeks it would be this: God breaks us down to build us back up again, new and closer to Him. I had a baby. I have a new [messy, chaotic, beautiful, fulfilling, heart-opening, exhausting] life.  Becoming a mom (typing “mom” still blows my mind!) has been a genuine rebirth for me. I didn’t expect it and I’m so grateful for all of it.  From a challenging labor and Grace entering the world to going through the baby blues and a short but trying period of postpartum depression, the sleep deprivation, stretch marks and the challenges – and enormous blessings – that being new parents can bring to marriage and so many tears and joys in between, this has been the hardest – yet most rewarding – journey I’ve taken so far. Grace is now 8 weeks old, happy and healthy as can be (thank you, sweet Lord!) and she brings us such incredible joy every day. Those first 5 weeks, I really didn’t think I’d ever feel like myself again. And I don’t. I feel – in many ways – better.  This new life means I have no choice but to let. go. of. control. Let go of life being wrapped up in a pretty bow all the time. Let go of what I thought was real joy. Because, let me tell you… there is a greater joy. And it really has nothing to do with whether you are a mom or not. It has everything to do with your heart. God gave me Grace to change my heart. So much more on the first few weeks with her soon. I have so much to share with you. So very much. And it’s going to be honest and sometimes a complete mess (gone are the days of eight hours of sleep!) and absolutely completely full of passion. The old has gone, the new has come. I find it wildly appropriate that this new journey for me starts with telling you about the birth of Grace. Here goes…

Side note: As I wrote this post and went back through the photographs from that day, this thought would not escape me…  There isn’t a single non-living item in the tangible world more valuable than a great photograph.  While my short-term memory escaped me for much of this, the photographs brought me right back to it.  Honest moments captured.  I couldn’t relive or remember the same joy and emotion through mere words. Thank you, Nancy Ray, for these priceless memories.  I’m so very grateful.  Thank you all photographers out there for what you do!

4:20am. Ari had just come to bed a few hours before. He had been up late with my brother finishing the 2000 piece puzzle we got to pass the time. Grace was 10 days late. Longest ten days of my life. My parents only had two weeks to spend with us and there were a mere four days left in their visit. Hurry up, little one! We were all getting impatient and I was very very pregnant. I stopped believing Grace was ever going to come out. Well, at 4:20am on November 22, 2011, I woke with painful cramps. Like strong period cramps. Odd. “Babe. Babe,” I said to him gently in the dark. He knew what that “Babe” meant. “I’m having cramps. They feel different.” I got up and I just knew. They hurt. Different than anything before. The adrenaline started pumping. We both got up and started timing them. 10 minutes apart quickly grew to 7 minutes apart and then 6. I was still able to walk around and function at that point. I ran through the mental checklist I’d rehearsed for so long in my head. Text Nancy. Text Emily, Gina, Natalie. Text Marissa. Take a shower if I can. Try to eat something because I didn’t know when they would let me eat again at the hospital. Get the hospital bag. Ah! Where do I begin!? I’m going to have a BABY today!!! I paced in the bathroom as Ari so calmly gathered all of my things from the list I had tacked to the fridge for a month. Phone chargers, Bible, camera, computer, etc. He was so calm. Unusually calm. I suddenly got really flustered. This was really it. “I don’t know what to do with myself,” I stuttered to him, barely able to make a sentence from my excited anxiousness. I really didn’t know what to do even though I’d mentally rehearsed those moments a dozen times. I got myself in the shower. As the water washed over me, I realized this would be the last shower I would take before becoming a mom. Wow. Out of the shower, contractions getting stronger, I put on a pair of big comfy pj’s. I had gotten them in the men’s department at Target that week since none of my maternity clothes were fitting anymore! Then, I went into the room where my parents were sleeping and excitedly whispered, “Mom… mom…” She jolted out of bed. Sat straight up and my dad did too. “I think it’s time.” She squealed and off we all went to get ready as fast as possible. By the time we all were ready to go – which felt like an eternity but it was probably just 15 minutes – I was having to bend over the couch and breathe deeply to get through the contractions. I remember that first really bad contraction, leaning on the back of the couch and my dad walking by. What a crazy sight it must be to see your own child pregnant, about to have a baby. I got in the car and the pain started to intensify really fast. Just like my mom with my brother, Stephen, and I. She told me my whole pregnancy, “Oh, you’ll know when you’re in labor! If you’re anything like me, it will come fast and furious. Like nothing you’ve ever felt. I will take you over!” As usual, mom was right. On the way to the hospital, pitch black out with just a hint of light coming through over the hills, I put on my “going to the hospital playlist” and tried to hum through the contractions. Oh, Lord Prepare Me. I tried to eat a bite of oatmeal in the car, but I was too nervous and overcome with the new and insane sensation of the contractions to eat much. I held Ari’s hand and tried to relax. As promised, I texted the girls in my office to let them know it was time. Ari texted Nancy to tell her and thankfully she said she was on her way! I was so worried that, after Grace being so late and it being Thanksgiving week, that we wouldn’t get to have Nancy there to capture Grace’s birthday.

We pulled up to UNC Women’s Hospital and my parents walked me up to Labor and Delivery while Ari parked the car. It was an all-too-familiar out-of-a-movie type of scene as I made my way to the nurses desk to check in. Four nurses gazed at me, as if assessing whether or not I was “in labor enough” to be admitted. I smiled at the check in nurse and said something ridiculous like “Hi, I’m here to have a baby.” I prayed so much that I would glorify God in as many ways as possible through my birthing experience and I was determined to be as positive and grateful as possible to everyone I met. They checked me in and a nurse took me to triage.

My parents headed to the waiting room to pass some time until I was ready to deliver. Here’s where I start to not remember some things. But, what I do remember is intense and wonderful at the same time. They gave me a gown in triage and the nurse had me recline on a table as she hooked me up to all sorts of monitors. By this point, all I wanted to do was pace. Somehow pacing felt better. Reclining did not. Ari came in and held my hand as the contractions got more intense. Then, a young male doctor came in – red hair and freckles and a comforting smile. “Hi! I’m Doctor Casey.” No way. I suddenly felt the peace of God wash over me. “Doctor Casey? My dad – also Doctor Casey – is here too. I’m really glad to meet you,” I said as a contraction took me over. He spoke slowly and in such a comforting tone as he examined me to find me 5cm dilated. Yahooo! I was being admitted. “And since you can’t talk through your contractions, I would have known you were far enough along anyway,” he said kindly.

I don’t remember going to the labor room. I don’t remember anything except meeting Nurse Tori. Oh, Nurse Tori, you were our angel! Ari handed her my birth plan and explained it to her since I was beyond speaking by then. I just paced and breathed and tried not to moan. I didn’t think I’d be a moaner. Or a screamer.

So, my birth plan was to have an unmedicated birth (but I came in open to anything that was going to keep Grace and I healthy), no pitocin, no epidural, as natural as possible. I had spent months reading about the benefits of natural childbirth to the baby and I wanted to give that to Grace if I could. And I kept thinking that if my mom could do it, I could too.

But, again, I was open to anything. Any way you have a baby is remarkable!  I’d be happy with whatever plan God had. Nurse Tori was so calm and giving. She smiled as Ari read her my birth plan. As if this was right up her alley. And it certainly was.

OK…. this next part is really hard for me to write. I haven’t written about Grace’s birth yet because I needed time to process it. I didn’t want to relive it so soon. And I didn’t want to sound like a complete mess. Birth for me was one of the most humbling experiences. By 9am, the contractions were so bad that I turned into amazon woman.

Yes, it happened really really fast. I sincerely never knew sounds like that could come out of me, but the pain was so intense – a completely new pain scale for me – that I couldn’t help it.  You think that you will feel some sense of a need for privacy or some embarrassment having so many people see you in such pain, at your most vulnerable, with all your lady parts out there, but that flies out the window the second the contractions take over.  Two minutes apart, moaning at the top of my lungs for what felt like an hour, grasping Ari’s hand so tightly, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I simply can’t explain that pain. And I had read every natural med-free birth story I could find in books and on the internet. I thought I was prepared. As a former yoga instructor back in the day, I had done a ton of meditation and study on visualization. I had studied every technique out there. I thought I had this pain thing in the bag.

And there I was… I felt completely helpless. I told Ari I wanted the epidural.  He looked at me and, knowing how much I prepared not to have one, asked “Are you sure??”  YES. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW. (From Ari: All caps are very appropriate in this circumstance.)  People ask if I said anything crazy during labor. Just those words over and over and over. It was like my birth chant or something. I CAN’T DO THIS. GET THE DOCTOR. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  No one wanted to tell me that it was going to take 20 minutes for her to get there. So, Nurse Tori filled the bathtub and told me I would feel so much better if I got in it. I didn’t believe that ANYTHING could make me feel better. I thought I was beyond natural help. Wrong. The labor tub wins! I instantly felt relief when I was in the water. The contractions became more manageable, if I can call them that. Ari sat in the bathroom and just held my hand.

My husband… oh my word. I could write a book about how remarkable he was that day and how much closeness I felt to him. My love multiplied for him in those hours like never before. He never flinched. He coached me and loved on me and looked me deeply in the eyes when I just couldn’t talk. I’ve never felt so connected to someone. I digress.

The anesthesiologist finally was on her way, but by that point I didn’t want to leave the tub for fear that the time between tub and epidural would be excruciating. And being naked and wet in pain didn’t sound great to me at the time. But, I wanted that medicine! Badly. I wanted this baby to come out! Out of the tub I came and back into bed. Just as a contraction tapered off, Nancy’s sweet face appeared from behind the hospital curtain. Oh, joy!!! I was so happy to see her that I started to tear up. I think I smiled and said I was so glad to see her and then proceeded to scream in pain in the same sentence. Poor Nancy, I thought! Oh, but having her there finally was such relief. And friends, it’s not just that she takes priceless photographs. Her heart for God changed me during my pregnancy. She prayed over me and encouraged me and just was a wonderful friend. Having her there made me feel complete. The contraction subsided and Nancy came and put her hands on my face, smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess but she was so encouraging and calm! My mom soon came in, too. When I got pregnant, the first thing my mom told me was, “You’re going to be a wonderful mother!” Having mom there made me feel like I could get through this. She did it, so I could too. She coached me gently the whole time and kept smiling at me to give me strength. Thank you, Mom. Words cannot express how grateful I am for you. Thank you for giving me the confidence that I CAN do anything if God wills.  Another contraction peaked. I CAN’T DO THIS. I NEED MEDICINE NOW.  NOW!!! I grabbed the side of the bed as my mom coached me through the pain.

The anesthesiologist finally walked in.  Oh, thank you sweet Lord! Paperwork, consent, more of Ari asking me if I really wanted this, me asking about whether or not I’d be able to push and if I’d be able to walk. Yes on pushing. No on walking. It was the price I had to pay. The contractions were 90 seconds apart by then.   Now, to get an epidural, you have to stay completely still and hunch over to bend your back so they can insert the needle. Pretty much the opposite of what feels good. I felt like I was going to burst my belly hunching over like that. Every time a contraction hit I had to bury myself into Nurse Tori’s shoulder, as she was holding me up to support me from the front. Ari says he was supporting me at one point too, but I barely remember. The anesthesiology resident was having a hard time getting the needle in correctly. 16 tries. Seriously. That I remember. But she finally did it. I was so frustrated but again trying to be – even through all of this PAIN LIKE NEVER BEFORE – gracious. The Lord is my shepherd… I repeated the 23rd psalm over and over that day. It’s all I could do to stay focused on God being in control. I kept thinking, hurry up already medicine!!! Take ALL the pain away. And then, the craziest thing. I did not think it was possible, but the pain intensified. I was just desperate at that point and begged for someone to get the doctor again because it just. wasn’t. working. I could still feel EVERYTHING. I was so confused and just so desperate for relief. Trust me, I was working HARD to think positive thoughts, completely relax and trust God that He was in control. And He certainly was. I wanted a med-free birth and well… that’s exactly what I got. Either some other organ in my body was really relaxed that day or God is saving that pain medicine for a time when I need it more. But, God had a perfect plan and this was part of it. Looking back now, I know that He wanted me to be at my most vulnerable. He wanted to break me down to build me back up again. So, hopeless on the pain front, I started to cry. No one tells you that crying during labor just makes things worse. You instantly feel the contractions more, so you instantly stop crying. No tears for me.

I looked at Ari and saw tears welling up in his eyes. I was overcome with love – a great distraction from the pain at the time – as I saw him get overwhelmed with the thought of what was about to happen. Later, he told me he was really tearing up because he felt so bad for me and couldn’t help me. I’m not sure what happened next. All I know is I started to have a new pain. And I started to feel the urge to push. Urge meaning a no-control-I-don’t-want-to-give-in-because-it-will-hurt-so-much-more urge. It is the strangest feeling. Like a volcano in you is about to erupt! And then… the scariest moment for me… my water broke. There was no trickle or gush like they say in all the pregnancy books. It was just like a giant exploding water balloon. OK, no turning back now, I thought. That’s when I knew it was time to give in to the pushing. I knew this was going to be it. I asked Ari to pray.

“Dear God…” He started praying and mid-prayer I contracted again and moaned like never before. End of prayer. I tried to focus on the end goal.  The pain of labor is one of the only pains that is – even though excruciating – positive. It’s good to feel it because there is an end – a goal. I just kept thinking that… the more I give in to this pain, the closer I am to meeting Grace. I tried to surrender and let is wash over me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I guess that was an indication to the staff that is was just about time.  I remember a lot of hustle and bustle as the doctor on call, Dr. Ivester, and all the nurses started getting things ready. I think someone told me to look at the baby warmer that they just turned on…  OK, now I’m getting emotional thinking about it… so that I would know the end was really in sight.

I saw Tori on her phone calling other nurses and Dr. Ivester, too. He was so calm and just smiling the whole time.   I heard him chuckle and mumble something to one of the nurses like “well, this won’t take long!”

The second I overheard that, I made the decision that it was definitely time to have this baby. I had been so so so afraid to push. I was afraid of the pain. I was afraid of tearing. I was afraid to meet her. I was afraid of my life completely changing. I knew with all of my being that pushing meant a new life. Completely new. And that is exciting and completely terrifying at the same time. The anesthesiologist rushed in and, with a worried look on her face (or maybe she was just scared from my Tarzan moaning), injected something into my IV.

I didn’t ask questions. (She was definitely concerned by the screaming. It wasn’t good PR for the anesthesiology department to have a patient with an epidural screaming that loudly.) Seconds later, at 10 cm dilated, birth was upon me. I had a tiny moment during the fall of a contraction where overwhelming gratitude filled me. I looked at Ari and said, “God is good.” Next thing I knew, eight people were suddenly hovering over me. I heard Nurse Tori ask Nancy, “Are you two sisters?”

Nancy: “Close friends.”

Tori: “How close of friends are you?”

Nancy looked at her as if she knew exactly what she was going to ask and Tori handed her my left leg to hold.  There was a nurse at my left ear, Ari beside her giving me his one hand to squeeze with two of mine, Nurse Tori coaching me gently but strongly, Nancy holding my left leg (we are now much closer friends! Ha!), Dr. Ivester below waiting for Grace and working hard to adjust me as I pushed, my mom holding my right leg and then… an angel of a nurse in my right ear. She was literally there just as Grace was making her way into the world, like a fleeting vapor, but perhaps the most important person that helped me in those moments. It all happened so fast, I don’t even remember her face. She was just in my ear, telling me exactly what to do. I wish I could remember all that she said. The only thing I remember her saying is, “Lara, look down! Look down! Her head is right there!”  I can’t! I didn’t want to look down, I just wanted to PUSH! (From Ari: I saw her head and it was crazy!) They call labor labor for a reason. It’s WORK. I pushed so hard and harder than I thought I could ever push and then even harder still. Everyone in the room was telling me what to do, when to stop pushing so I wouldn’t tear and how to breathe. Pushing actually felt “good”. Good because I knew I was almost there.  With a loud cacophony of voices coaching me on, with 6 I’m-gonna-move-a-mac-truck-with-my-bare-hands pushes, Grace slid perfectly into the world.  Oh, Lord. I praise your name!   Thank you, Jesus, for my life and for your amazing grace that got me there! Grace Austin Isaacson arrived at 10.24 am after 6 hours of life-changing labor.

Finally, the grateful tears could pour out!  I heard her first cry as they placed her immediately on my chest – warm and perfect.  I just looked at her and looked at Ari and was in compete awe at this little beautiful living being that God had created in me.

I kept thinking, “We made a person!!!”   8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long with a thick head of dark hair.  She looked just like her daddy.

Seeing so much of Ari in her made me feel an intense love like no other.  The three of us were a family.

The hush of new life filled the room.  I started to shake uncontrollably right away thanks to the changes in hormone levels after birth.  Ari cut the cord and Dr. Ivester gave me three tiny stitches while they weighed her, did all the necessary quick tests and cleaned her up.  I kept apologizing to Dr. Ivester for shaking so much!  I could barely talk from the shakes.  But, I was so happy and grateful and in complete awe of what had just occurred.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found.

Was blind, but now I see!

After all the hustle and bustle of recovery, there was a stillness that I will never forget. The doctors and nurses left and it was just this beautiful silence as my mom, Ari, Nancy and I watched Grace in awe.

Seeing Ari hold her for the first time was … I just don’t have words.

He held her and slowly drank her in with his eyes.

You could see Grace fill him from top to bottom.

Nancy’s photograph captured it perfectly.  He was overcome with love.  Then, my mom held her and spoke sweetly to her and told me what a great job I had done in labor.

After all of that, her encouragement was like honey to my soul. Shortly after, my dad walked in. I didn’t know this, but Ari had gone to the waiting room to get my dad and said, “Would you like to meet your granddaughter?” Be still my heart! Some girls imagine their weddings their whole life; I imagined this moment.

When dad got to hold my baby for the first time.

It had been a trying year with my family and having my dad there, healthy and happy, was the greatest gift.  I think my dad got the first smile out of Grace : )

I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw Grace for the first time and the peace that came over him when he held her. Our perfect circle of life was complete in my heart.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. - Ephesians 2:8 Oh, what a blessed gift to have all of us there to bring her into the world!

Sweet Nancy pulled out a bottle of sparkling pink lemonade and we all toasted to Grace. A new beginning. A new life began in that moment.

More on our first moments with our hilarious and sweet daughter and the adventures of the first few weeks next.   Oh, I have so much to tell you!  In one billion ways, the best is yet to come, friends…

I am on maternity leave until March 2012. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa!

The day has come! And what a blessed day it was! Grace Austin Isaacson was born yesterday at 10:24 am EST, weighing 8lbs 9oz and 21 inches long. Lara, Ari and this beautiful new
bundle of joy are doing wonderfully and are so grateful for this amazing blessing! And now… in honor of Grace’s birthday, a very special surprise from Nancy Ray (who is currently in the hospital capturing these precious first days with the new parents!) and Inkspot Crow Films that was just completed moments ago…

Lara Casey : Birth Announcement from Inkspot Crow Films on Vimeo.

Yesterday at 5am, I received a text message from Lara: “I think I’m in labor.” I thought my heart would burst and my eyes filled up with tears knowing what goodness was about to come into the world and join Lara’s little family. We love you so much, Grace, and are so happy you are here. Your mama couldn’t wait to meet you. She’s prayed for you for many, many months. Photographs of baby Grace taken while she was just a few moments old…

We love you so much Grace, Lara and Ari!

Lara is on maternity leave until March 2012 to spend time with her new family. If you need anything till then, feel free to email Marissa! What an exciting time! God is so good! Leave the new parents and this precious babe some love here, as Lara will not be checking her email during her maternity leave and will likely be away from her phone for a long while.

Welcome to the world, baby Grace! You are such a loved little girl. We pray your heart is filled with joy and your days are filled with love, sweet Grace.

With all my heart, Aunt Emily (and your future husband)

Welcome to The Challenge.  One month – or a week if you’re feeling extra fired up – to revolutionize your life and business.   Are you ready?   I’ve pulled out all the stops to give you all my top advice on how to make things happen.  If you are ready for big change, take The Challenge.  Take each step day by day.  By the end of this month you will be clear, fired up and so ready to make things happen!  Need some motivation?  I have a MEGA GIVEAWAY as incentive.  Read on and get movin’!

STEP 1: Download, write your three action items for the day, write tiny action steps under each, do them.

STEP 2: Next, clear more clutter in your environment and on your computer.  Work it!  Take no prisoners with that clutter!

STEP 3: Prepare for Greatness.  Set yourself up for success tomorrow, next week and next year.

STEP 4: Take a break! Active rest. Plan breaks in your day, week and month to get renewed and recharged to make things happen.

STEP 5: Leap!  Face your fear.

STEP 6: Encourage others.  Spread the love and you’ll get it right back.

STEP 7: Define and implement solid boundaries.

STEP 8: Celebrate your success and give thanks!

STEP 9: Define and DO what fires you up.

STEP 10: Don’t stop.  This is just the beginning.  God has worked intensely on my heart this last year.  I have worked hard to do the right work.  I’ve made a ton of mistakes along the way, but as my dear friend Michael always says, no mistakes; only lessons.  I’m so grateful for where my life is now from doing this work daily – de-cluttering, setting solid boundaries, giving it all, letting go, facing my fear and choosing to be remarkable – and I’m committed to just as much work in the year ahead.  Good work.  The right work.  My favorite quote as of late…  A year from now you will wish you had started today. - Karen Lamb.   I’m so glad I started a year ago.  My life is night and day from just 12 short months ago.

If you want change, choose it.  Choose to be remarkable.  Start now.  Begin anywhere. [photos above: left Jory Cordy, right Gina Zeidler]

OK, who’s ready for a MEGA GIVEAWAY!?

TO ENTER: read The Challenge posts above and comment here on your progress as you go through each step.  Comment as much as you like.  The more the better to keep yourself accountable.  Even if you started The Challenge with me a couple weeks ago, get those comments in!  Weigh in on your progress with each step.   FIVE lucky Challenge-takers will win one of the following:

1. Wedding season is kicking into full swing and, as a result, I’ve gotten a TON of consulting inquiries lately.
Prize number 1 is a half-hour one-on-one branding/business coaching session with me to help you make things happen!

2. You’re going to need some killer headphones to get those office dance parties kickin’ (read the posts to know what I’m talking about) and I’m SO excited that the fine folks at Skullcandy have given me a pair of Holua Galaxie Earbuds to give away!  I just recently purchased these rockin’ wood earbuds myself and I can’t wait for one lucky reader to hear what these babies can do.  Thank you, Skullcandy!

3. You’ll have a TON to celebrate in this challenge and you’ll need some new tunes!  So, prize #3 is a $50 iTunes card!  Download my Making Things Happen playlist is here in the meantime.

4. These are my friends TJ and Brooke.  They are awesome and they make rad t-shirts and they’ve made a lot of things happen this year.

They have given me a stash of Walk in Love T’s like the one below that I wrote about. One lucky winner gets their very own! [photo below Gina Zeidler]

I love all of their T’s because of the message behind them and how crazy comfy they are.  [P.S. head over and donate to their store opening.  They are so deserving!]  Thanks TJ and Brooke!

5. Last but not least, the raddest bow tie from Buttered Toast that we featured in our last issue!  I WANT TO WIN MY OWN GIVEAWAY.

Knowing the results so many have had from The Challenge already, you’re all going to be winners for just starting this.   It doesn’t matter how much of The Challenge you complete, so get moving!  Just make sure you START, OK?  Begin anywhere.  Remember: progress, not perfection. Comment here and spread the word (twitter, facebook, smoke signals – get people involved)!   You never know who you will inspire in the process.   UPDATED: Challenge ends April 30. Make. it. happen!

Who’s in?!

CONGRATS to the randomly-chosen winners! EVERYONE won big here just for doing The Challenge! And remember – this is not just a one month stint. Keep up the great work! One-on-one branding/business coaching session winner: Anda Marie. SkullCandy Earbud winner: Jeremiah Daniel. Buttered Toast winner: Natalie Clamp. Walk in Love T winner: Jessica Goldschmidt. iTunes gift card winner: Judith Beverly. Congrats, everyone!

Are you ready for this?  In 2010, I traveled to Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles (7 times), Minneapolis (3 times), Chicago, Atlanta (33 times), New York (4 times), Nashville (2 times), Las Vegas, Denver, Irvine, Pensacola (7 times), Indianapolis, Grand Cayman, Miami (thrice), Washington DC, Boston, Salt Lake City, West Palm Beach, St Lucia, Barbados, Trinidad, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Maui, and I’m about to head to Vail with my family.  Phew!  I earned my SkyMiles this year.

In preparing this post, I read my 2009 Year in Review and almost fell out of my chair.  So much has changed.  But, what struck me the most is what I wrote as my goal for 2010:  My wish for 2010: to listen more –in the largest sense of the word– and to take ultimate care of myself –even when I don’t feel like it– so I can be my absolute best for others.  I wish to know Christ deeply this year and that His love would live in me and shine brightly.  I wish for a year of connection and giving as much of myself as humanly possible.  Inscribed in my wedding ring is a verse that I am adopting as my mantra for 2010: “I can do all things through Christ.” – Philippians 4:13 I started going to church again early this year and worked at developing a stronger relationship with God and, in turn, myself.   As the days passed this year – no matter how busy I got or what came my way – I started to find real lasting happiness.  Photo by Brett Arthur.

The year began with an unforgettable journey: The Making Things Happen tour.  It tour kicked off in Dallas and took us to Seattle, Los Angeles, Minneapolis and Chicago.

Dallas.  [photo :: poser]

Los Angeles [photo :: Jasmine *]

We met so many incredible new friends.  I will never forget those days.  They were also full of a lot of personal growth for me as I did the MTH work myself and faced a lot of fears.

Meanwhile, V2 (Volume 2) of Southern Weddings was continuing to circulate all over the globe.  Captured below in Maui by Anna Kim.

A highlight of the year was Katharine’s engagement!  Three days after last Christmas 2009, her beau placed a ring on her finger that would soon after take us to New York to go dress shopping.  With an entourage of 13, we packed into Kleinfeld to search for The One.  I was really grateful to be a part of that day.  So special!

After our chilly NY jaunt, I headed for Hotlanta and Nashville to do the Making Things Happen intensive and have some fun in the Smilebooth at the Get Married magazine premier.

I think I was only back home in Chapel Hill for about 5 days before I had to head back to Atlanta to speak at The Simple Plan workshop.  This was my very first PowerPoint presentation (I went to school for music, theatre and design, ok!?) and the day I met some incredible friends.  Thank you Ben Vigil for this photograph below.

I made a last-minute pitstop in Nashville right after that which turned into quite the fiasco.  Let’s just say Jeremy Cowart and I had a hugemongous meeting with a potential client and losing my luggage on a 6 seater hopper plane in the snow caused me to buy a whole new Walmart wardrobe.  Ah, memories.  Sidenote:  this year, I have been incredibly inspired by this man. I’m so grateful for his friendship.

Amidst all of this travel and work, I was gearing up for WPPI and throwing the Airhorns and Lasers party with great friends.  Yes, we’re throwing the party again this year, but much much different.  Announcing: Airplanes and Blazers.

I really enjoyed speaking at Fred and Jory’s workshop on editorial work.

Loved seeing old friends and meeting new people, as always!  Jory Cordy and I below.

And I particularly loved speaking on a panel of editors at Garret Nudd’s workshop on how to get published.  It was at that moment that I saw a great need for more of this education.

After WPPI, I boarded a plane directly to Denver to do MTH there and then caught the first flight to Los Angeles to see my grandmother in the hospital.  That was a really tough time in my year.  I was exhausted from so much travel and WPPI and seeing grandma made me realize I needed to slow down.

I remember laying in her hospital bed with her, showing her all the family photos I had on my iPhone.  She said it was the first thing that made her happy in a long while.  Thankfully, she recovered and I started to make plans to cool my travel jets in 2011.  But, first… off to NY again and DC for MTH.

I visited my childhood home while I was in DC.  I’m sure many people feel this way, but it all seemed to much smaller!  I loved seeing my playhouse still intact in the backyard.

Back in the office in NC, we celebrated our Two Year Blogaversary and set out to plan V3 (Volume 3 of Southern Weddings).  Lots of brainstorming, a bajillion submissions and several big risks later, we set out with a very exciting plan.

I twittered… Who wants to shoot our next cover? After a overwhelming response, we decided to open this opportunity up.  I wrote this post asking for photographers and designers to submit proposals for our next cover.  Well, little did I know that my inbox (and mailbox … wow, y’all are creative!) would completely explode shortly after.  More on the cover in a bit.  The cover inspiration…

Y’all are going to think I’m nuts.  This year really was nuts! I got way overloaded and have since completely cut out a lot of work.  While speaking, traveling and making a magazine, we also had several large weddings on the books with my event planning company.  I said I’d give it up last year, but we couldn’t resist these wonderful families.

Becky and Scottie have a beautiful story.  Their wedding really made me think about my own marriage and pray for it to be stronger.  It was a perfect breezy beach day in Florida for their I Do’s and a gorgeous ballroom reception.

I spent a few days in Florida with my parents and even biked in a 30 mile race with my dad!  This man runs … or er… bikes circles around me.  I was so happy to share that experience with him.

From Florida to Indianapolis to speak at Eventology.  I was exciting to have Katharine and Emily join me for this.

I spoke on Building Your Team.  Being a “boss” is something I have had to work really really hard at.  I am very happy to say that this year I put a lot of my focus into integrity and changing my business structure to allow that.  The results continue to make us all very happy busy bees.  Above all other things in my business, I am most grateful for Katharine and Emily.  I could be shoveling snow for a living and be extremely happy if I had these two by my side.

It was great to speak along side such sharp women at Eventology: Sasha Souza, Katasha Butler, Terrica Skaggs and Harmony Walton.

Vacation!  Ari and I flew to Hawaii for his best friend’s wedding on Kona.  This trip was a turning point in our marriage.  Something about getting out of our environment and enjoying some sun and sand was just what we needed.

I spent 10 days in Hawaii and had some major travel problems on the way home.  So, Katharine and Emily had to run the show at our big editorial shoots with Jose Villa, who flew in just for us.  I made it back in time for the Fearrington shoot with Jose, Joel Serrato and the incredible Joy Thigpen.  I am so proud of KTW and EAA for making these shoots come to life!  The results in V3 are just awesome.

Ah yes, back to wedding season.  This is where our tightly-packed schedule started to worry me.  So, I went into overdrive.  I was the organization QUEEN, my friends.  I think I even had my Luna Bars in alphabetical flavor order.  We had our last two weddings – both gigantic – back to back.  First up, a stunning Indian wedding at Duke.  The whole office (and our beaus) came out to make Nameeta and Jacob’s wedding go off without a hitch!  Emily’s John is particularly good at chair ties.

And then, the next day, I went to the hospital.  This was a major life wakeup call.  Read all about it here.  I love this man…

The next week: Sara and Tyler’s southern soiree in Salisbury, NC.  I love these two more than I can express. Hi Sara!

These photos from Nancy Ray make my heart so happy.  Katharine and Kyle cut a rug and made us all fall in love all over again.  So sweet…

Two days later (yes, this is how fast my year has moved!), I boarded a plane for Engage10! :: Grand Cayman.  My roomies, Harmony and Jasmine, made this an unforgettable trip.

Engage was, as per usual, packed with so much great education, great friends and wonderful surprises!

A week later, I flew from NC to Florida again for a milestone in my family.  My dad had two children long before us: Kathy and Chris.  Over the years, they all lost touch.  I hadn’t seen Kathy since I was 8.  After 22 years, they all flew in for Father’s Day.  I think it was the happiest day of my dad’s life.  Paul and Mecheal Johnson were gracious enough to be there with us to capture these moments.  You can see the whole day here.

I found a new bff in my sister, Kathy, and a new spark in my dad’s smile.

We all had so much fun on the beach getting to know each other all over again!

Ari and I spent the fourth of July at the UNC Football stadium with friends.  The fireworks were awesome!  I started to love living in NC right around that time.  I don’t want to be there forever, but I’m grateful to be in such an exciting atmosphere right now.

A HUGE part of my growing happiness has been this lady right here.  Marissa Kloess does a lot for me, including encourage me through every step we take as a company.  I love you, M, and could not have weathered this year without you.

Rosalind with Two Bright Lights came to North Carolina and I was so honored to be asked to speak at her meeting.  It was a joy to meet these NC photo friends!

Summer in Chapel Hill was magical.  My Camp Lara post give you all the details.  The photograph below was taken at Duke Gardens by my dear friend, Brett Arthur, who just got married this year and wore our Sid Mashburn suit from V2!

I buckled down for six long weeks of magazine layout.  Yes, we lay this thing out ourselves.  I did not go to school for this.  I learned InDesign by playing around with it all till I figured it out – aka I learned the hard way.  More on my story with the magazine here.

Emily was an enormous help this year with layout!  We worked as a team to make this beauty come to life.  Emily below during a shoot and simultaneous filming.  Footage coming very soon!

Out of hundreds of submissions and 15 finalists, we finally chose a cover. Layout madness continued…

Through much encouragement from Emily and Katharine and many others, I committed to finding a way to blog daily with shorter posts.  I was starting to be known for consistent mega-posts, like this one.  When I discovered the ease of Tumblr – that I could do it on the StairMaster – I was hooked!  I’ve been Tumbling on my personal Tumblr and the Making Things Happen Tumblr ever since.  It has been a challenge, at times, to put myself out there and commit to this, but so worth it in the end.  I’m grateful for the gift of writing.

I blocked off Blue Angel Weekend on my calendar almost a year prior.  Every July, the Blues fly right over my parent’s house for their air show.  It is quite the experience… especially when they make their low pass from behind you out of nowhere!  Ari came with me and we had a blast with my family on the beach.

Just two days later, Katharine, Emily and I drove to Wilmington, NC, for a fabulous shoot with Millie Holloman and crew.  This was so much fun!  Multiple sets created just for us, gorgeous styling, and the happiest team around, oh my!  I also had fun doing everyone’s makeup.  Office bonding to the max.  Many laughs were had.

KTW + EAA celebrated their one year anniversary working with me shortly after.  We reflected on a great year together and, as per usual, had some cupcakes… and candy for Katharine.

So, my husband is a radiology resident at UNC.  As a 3rd year, all radiology residents across the US have to attend a training month at Walter Reed in DC.  Coincidentally, this is also where my parents met.  So, Ari shipped off to DC for an entire month.  We survived 7 long months of deployment when he was in Iraq.  Somehow this was harder.

After intense layout days during the week, I decided to trek up there and visit him every weekend.  I grew up in DC and my parents even flew in one weekend for a big dinner with old friends.  It was a really special night for all of us!

Ari and I went to all the museums that month (including the butterfly house where a little friend below landed on my hat), Mount Vernon, Annapolis (loved it there!), a slew of fun restaurants, all the monuments and anything else you can think of that is touristy.  It was a wonderful summer, despite the distance.

At the end of August, right when Ari got back, we had our last week of magazine layout madness and I flew to Florida to deliver the files to the printer.  After such long hours and crazy work, it was a gift to sit and just watch the sunset with my parents when I got there.

I made the 5am drive to Panama City to start two days of color proofing and text edits.  This is a job for several, not for one.  I don’t know why I didn’t learn this the first times.  But, seeing the proofs was a great reward! My story of being a self-publisher.

I came back to NC for 24 very short hours then boarded a plane for Boston for Katharine’s big day!   I spent that night assembling all the centerpieces for the wedding and – in my magazine proofing delirium – made a few too many.  It all worked out in the end and looked beautiful, but I felt pretty silly about my over-eager centerpiece making.  Sidenote: Boston and the Harvard Club were a dream!  So beautiful.

And Katharine was so beautiful it was hard not to stare at her.  Seriously… Grace Kelly beautiful.  She and Kyle and their families made my heart sing.  The wedding was most definitely the best wedding I have ever been to.  I felt so blessed to witness it.

Ari and I had a ball on the dance floor and spending quality time together after our summer apart.  Thank you, Bryan Johnson, for these incredible photographs.

Days later, I headed to Salt Lake City to do the Making Things Happen intensive and speak at WedSmith.  I loved Salt Lake and met so many great friends there!

Tessa, Hilary, Harmony and I.  Thank you, Justin Hackworth, for these images!

The magazine pages had printed and they were just about to put the covers on when this happened.

I wrote my favorite Tumblr post this year.

The files were off to the printer, but that’s just where our work began.  Self-publishing is a beast.  We prepped pre-orders, dozens of blog posts, contributor mailings, thank you gifts and cards galore as we got ready to unleash V3 to the masses!

So, here’s something you don’t know.  These are the things I’m not supposed to blog, but I’m going to anyway.  My #1 goal with V3, besides great content, was perfect color.  I was really disappointed in some of the color in V2, so this was my mission.  I took those proofs out in the sunlight, proof light, fluorescent light, any light I could see them in to quadruple check everything.  The proofs I signed off on were perfect (cover at left).  Seriously, perfect.  I didn’t leave until they were.  If you wonder why I didn’t immediately tweet about how excited I was to get copies of V3 in the mail, it’s because of this….  The printed, bound covers were so off color.  To the normal eye, it’s unnoticeable unless you compare the two.  To me, it was what I imagine a bad hair dye job to be like: devastating.  Long story short, I panicked.  I called the printer.  Even though this was completely their error, there was no way to redo everything by our newsstand date.  I suddenly got very unexcited about V3.  This is why I didn’t blog this till now.  Again, an untrained I wouldn’t see it.  But, I sure did.  It killed me.  The one thing I wanted was perfect color.  That’s what I approved.  Thankfully, brides didn’t care one bit and the inside pages were divine…

Off to Engage!10 :: Breakers in Palm Beach with Emily to learn, connect and debut V3.

I was so so nervous to let V3 out.  But, the feedback was INCREDIBLE.  We are all – despite our now unsecret cover woes – SO proud of this issue.  It really holds our hearts and embodies our mission to inspire authentic, approachable, meaningful wedding inspiration.  I love our cover from Joey + Jessica!

At Engage!, I spoke on a panel of the best editors in weddings on one of my favorite topics: how to get published.

Rebecca and Kathryn never cease to amaze with every Engage! experience.  This was my fifth Engage! conference and definitely the best yet.

With my dear friend Randy Fenoli and Anthony Luscia of Martha Stewart Weddings.

Emily working the pink carpet with Todd Fiscus, Randy, Jeff from The Breakers and I.

A highlight of my year has been my mom finally diving into her passion again.  It took almost a decade of coercing for us to get her to leap, but my mom now has a regular food column with the paper and teaches French cooking.  I have never seen her so happy!  I got to experience one of her classes the other night and it was a dream come true!  Go mom!

Needless to say, my dad is super happy to see her following her passion, too.  He also likes the added taste-tester benefits.

Next up, my first ever Bridal Market experience in NY with Marissa and Fred Egan!

It was, to say the least, a whirlwind!  SO many familiar faces, oodles of gorgeous gowns and lots of running from show to show.  Pictured below with my friends Sylvia Weinstock and Harmony Walton.

The best part was reconnecting with great friends.  Photo below from Britt Chudleigh.

Aaaaand…. going to the Martha Stewart market party, complete with a behind-the-scenes tour of the Martha offices from Darcy Miller.  Amazing!

The Knot gala at the NY Public Library was spectacular!  Read all of the market goodness here: Part One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven and Eight. Phew!

Days later, Ari and I flew to St Lucia for a big vacation.  What started as the honeymoon we never had turned into the adventure of a lifetime.

It was there that we really reconnected with what brought us together in the first place: our passion for giving.

We experienced so many magical sights.  Pictured below in front of the Pitons.  So beautiful!

Best of all, we met a life-long friend, Chantal Antoine, and weathered a hurricane together.  It was life-changing.  Read my husband’s blog for all the details.

Thanks to Hurricane Tomas, I did not think I’d make it back for the MTH Tour.  I seriously panicked, but God made a way.  Just three days later, I miraculously (four countries and three trips through customs in one day!) made it to Houston to meet MTH alum Gina Zeidler and Emily Ley for what ended up being the best two weeks of my life.

We saddled up in Houston…

Felt the fear and did it anyway in Phoenix…

Emily Ley and I launched Making Brands Happen somewhere in between.

Woke up to this in San Fran…

And met Ari in Los Angeles (he’s from Encino)…

Highlight #1 of the Los Angeles stop was getting to see my siter, Kathy and her husband John.  Ari, Kathy, John and I had a great dinner in Brentwood and I left with a very full heart.  P.S. If you ever go to Bloomingdales in Century City, ask for Kathy Suto.  She runs the place.  Literally.

Highlight #2:  spending the weekend with Em, Gina, Ari and Grandma Bunny.

This video, created by Gina, says it all:

Grandma Bunny from lara casey on Vimeo.

Monday night, we caught a plane to Maui to meet Fred and Jory for MTH.

We shared two incredible days at the Four Seasons Maui with 32 amazing new friends.  It was AWESOME!  [in the true sense of the word]

Best of all, I left with a strong bond of friendship with Emily and Gina. Spending time with Emily and “Bman” (her beautiful baby that is due in February) also gave me a bit of baby fever.

Appropriately, Thanksgiving was the next week.  I headed home to Gulf Breeze, FL, to spend time with my parents.  Ari was on 24 hour call, but he still managed to inspire us and make us so grateful for our lives through his writing.  It was the best Thanksgiving ever.  My goal that day was to get to know my parents as people, not as my parents.  God blessed that day.  We enjoyed a wonderful meal together and…. my favorite!!!! … turned on the Christmas music and watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  Best.  Movie.  Ever.

After a whilrwind tour across the US with Gina and Em and a wonderful Thanksgiving, I headed back to NC for a few weeks to get down to business.  When you find clarity in your life, you have no choice but to act on that clarity.  I gutted our house, got a new office, wrote 77 goals and smashed about 80% of them so far, donated half of my clothes, resolved some intense old conflicts, signed up to teach Sunday School, committed myself to friendship and – among many other things – put together new Ikea furniture.  This was a true testament to the growth of our marriage.  We actually had FUN putting together Ikea furniture!

And… the big SW news!  Amidst server crashes and lots of late night prep, we launched the NEW iloveswmag.com!  The evolution of the Southern Weddings blog is pretty remarkable.  I love love love our new site and am so proud of Emily and Katharine for working so hard on it.  It makes me so happy!

December 16th, I met Gina and Em in Pensacola where we picked up Marissa and our new bff Natalie Norton for a weekend in Watercolor, Florida, with great friends.

It was an amazing time of deepening our friendships, celebrating 2010 and preparing for the new year.

It’s Christmas Eve and I am so grateful for where this year has taken us as a company and as people.  Photo below of my whole team on Santa’s lap:  Whitney, me, Sierra, Santa, Nicole, Emily and Katharine.  Ho ho ho y’all!  Want to know what we’re up to for Christmas?  Read all the details here.

This is my Christmas suit.  OK, it’s really a box of fabric with arm and foot holes.  It also has my name on it (thanks, Dad, for this rad gift!).  I wear it every Christmas Day and, since we’ll be in the airport tomorrow, I am tempted to wear it through airport secturity.  My husband may disown me when he sees me in Atlanta.  What do you think?  To Christmas suit or not to Christmas suit?

The best parts of my 2010 were not captured in photographs and, as much as I packed into this post, this is just the half of it.  There were so many remarkable little moments with Ari, big prayers, leaps of faith, tears and laughter… this year was so full.  Emily Ley gave me the best gift this year from Paloma’s Nest that sums up our friendship and adventures perfectly:

The biggest highlight of 2010 is the very reason I even got to do all of this above in the first place: marriage.  Marriage rocks. I’ll be celebrating my five year wedding anniversary in March, and I’ve never been more in love. Forget what you hear in the news – it is possible to grow in marriage and love each other more than when you first met.  I’m living it.  It was not at all easy to get here, but the work of marriage has been the best work I’ve ever done.  2010 Highlight = husband. [photo below :: Gina Zeidler]

In 2011, I’ll start the year traveling for a week on the MTH Tour and will be at WPPI in February, Engage! in June and some small things here and there.  I have purposely made no travel plans otherwise.  I’m ready to focus in and dedicate my life to my family, my team, my church and my friends.  I have no idea what God has in store for me this year, but I secretly hope I lose my Delta Platinum status.

I will tell you that I plan to write a small book and teach Sunday school.  I want to sing more and get in the best shape of my life by our five year wedding anniversary on March 18th.  I want to make our brand solid and to really make our company growth take wing.  I’m ready to get down to business in my office instead of out of it.   I’ve titled 2011 as my year to serve and give it all.  I don’t expect this to be easy, but truly nothing great ever is.  And Drumroll…   God willing, Ari and I are going to try to have a baby at some point in the next couple years. This is very scary to even type, but exciting to think about Ari and I growing in our love for each other. (cue happy dance from Katharine!)

I turn 31 two days after Christmas.  I can’t wait to be on the slopes with my family in Vail in 24 hours to celebrate a miraculous year and the miracle of Christmas that made all of this possible.  30 was the year I reconnected, shed my skin, learned to forgive, let go and felt a lot of fear and did it anyway.  I’m open.  I’m as ready as I can be.  I want the same thing as last year, but now it has a whole new meaning:  to listen more –in the largest sense of the word– and to take ultimate care of myself so I can be my absolute best for others.  I wish to know Christ deeply this year and that His love would live in me and shine brightly.  I wish for a year of connection and giving as much of myself as humanly possible.  Inscribed in my wedding ring is a verse that I am adopting as my mantra: “I can do all things through Christ.” – Philippians 4:13 Thank you, friends, for taking this journey with me and for encouraging me through so many challenges. I am so grateful.

To kick-start the new year, I’m giving away 9 of my favorite business books…

What was your highlight of 2010? Leave a comment here and three random winners will split the biz book loot.  Happy New Year y’all!

xo

My mentor list: my pastor, best friends, Ari and – among several others – my friend, Jeremy Cowart.  I love learning from his actions: creativity, humility, integrity, humor, passion for his family and an insatiable drive to leave the world be a better place than when he found it.  Voices of Haiti and Help Portrait are just two of his many ventures that started as “crazy” ideas in the middle of the night and turned into international movements. Jeremy never ceases to inspire. Help Portrait is December 4. Get involved in something powerful this holiday season:

I’ve loved getting to know him over the last two years since we first met when he was passing through NC on the road with Britney Spears.

We were so blessed to have Jeremy shoot our V2 cover and an eight page spread that I still can’t get over.

It was incredible to watch him work.

…and see the final product come to life.

Stunning. At our V2 launch party I also discovered something many of you may not know about Mr. Cowart: he is an insanely good breakdancer. No, really. Do not challenge this guy. He will win.

I’m not even a photographer, and I’ve never been so excited about this opportunity to learn what makes him tick. LifeFinder, Jeremy’s new educational DVD, is about to launch and he has given me two copies to give away! But first, the inside scoop from the man himself:

Why did you create LifeFinder? For 5 years now, ever since I started, I’ve been asked by so many people “Can I come on a shoot and watch you do your thing?”. I’ve always had to turn them down due to the complicated logistics involved. I wanted to finally put something out there to help people out.  My mission is to get people thinking about Photography again. I’m getting a little weary hearing people lose focus on the work itself. I mean, yes marketing is important. Social media is important, branding, logos, websites, etc.. But make sure your work is good first! It seems like this message is getting lost. I want to help people re-focus on creating amazing images.

If you could boil those 4 hours of footage down to your best advice for photographers and creatives in once sentence, what would it be? Well, in vein of the title, “LifeFinder“, I’d tell creatives to go find their passion and truly pursue it with everything they have. Life is too short to be doing something you’re not in love with. This may sound like a generic answer but it’s true. I get so sad when I see people investing 8-10 hours a day into something they’re not interested in. I was there once too. But I took the risk. I jumped. And I’ve never regretted it for one second.

What has been your most memorable experience as an artist? Gosh, these questions are TOUGH!! Well done. My first initial reaction to this question is my “Voices of Haiti” project. I’ve never experienced every emotion at once. That’s what Haiti was for me. I was in culture-shock, devastated, grieving, hopeful, joyful (for brief moments), worried, frightened, disgusted, you name it. It was a very, very surreal experience.

Which image is your favorite that you have created recently and why? Well, on that same note, I’d have to say this image from Haiti. (And hey, it’s a wedding photo! How appropriate :) It’s possibly the most powerful photo I’ve taken and it has nothing to do with me. I mean, for this young couple to stand there just days after the earthquake, amongst their destroyed church behind them (where they were supposed to get married that day), their home destroyed, their relatives missing and to send a message that says “Love Conquers All??? Are you kidding me? Whew. This photo gives me chills to this day.

What’s next? 2011 will continue my scattered ways of pursuing multiple things at once. I want to develop some iPhone apps. I want to hit the reset button on my photography career. I want to do a lot more fine art. I want to get started on a book idea that’s been on the backburner. I’d like to pursue a new idea with Help-Portrait. And most importantly I want to get in as much time with my family as possible. You know, just a few things haha.

See more of Jeremy’s work, follow him on Twitter and catch a glimpse of LifeFinder yourself:

LifeFinder DVD Trailer from Jeremy Cowart on Vimeo.

Thank you so much, Jeremy, for being such an encouragement to me and so many others. Life is definitely too short not to harness the passion we were created to share. Thank you for doing just that!

To win one of two copies of LifeFinder before it is released on December 14th, leave a comment telling us what inspires your creativity. What gets you fired up?

**UPDATED** WINNERS (chosen at random): Zachary Long and Carl Spring Photo. Please email me to claim your DVD’s! Thank you to everyone who entered! Such inspiration!

30 days, 30 planes, 30,000+ miles and I came home alive.  Alive as in AWAKE.   The Making Things Happen Tour – (preceded by travel to Salt Lake City, Palm Beach, New York, St. Lucia, Atlanta, Barbados, Trinidad, and Miami) took us from Raleigh to Houston to Phoenix to San Francisco to Los Angeles to Maui and back again.  It rocked my core.  My experiences gave me fierce clarity that I never thought I’d find.  You can read our complete daily adventures on the MTH Tumblr page, but I’ve pulled a few highlights for you here from my journey with two incredible women and 100+ new great friends.  “Friends” is a mild word for what these people are to me.  Everyone I have met in the last two weeks is family now – a deep part of my heart.  There were rivers of tears, triumphs, and bold moves toward joy and wholeness.   It was the best two weeks of my life so far and it keeps getting better!  The adventure continues in our daily lives back at home (and on our Tumblr page) every day.

November 4: Houston. I want to know Christ. I want to be rested. I want to find joy in simplicity. Joy in breath, running, laughter and letting go.  A year from now, you will wish you had started today. Today could be the day. The day it all begins. Begin anywhere.  lc  [video]

November 5: I am praying for Haiti. I am ready to face my fears. For once, I know exactly what they are today. A text message I never thought I’d get this morning has me feeling all sorts of things. I surrender all. A song from that won’t leave me: I give it all away… so You can use me.

November 5: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world…’

November 5: Houston. April, Jenae, Debra, Elizabeth, Amber, Angela, Cynthia, Danielle, Emily, Lauren, Judith, Lisa, Lara, Carrie, Caroline, Jenny – Yesterday was just the beginning. Today, now, in this moment you have the choice to be remarkable. Give yourself license to dream bigger, as you did together just hours ago. Make the choice to be remarkable. Life is just too short to settle for anything less than the greatness – giving, loving, creating – that you were created for. xo Lara, Emily and Gina

November 6: Houston Airport.  I am immersed. The last time I was in Phoenix was when Ari came home from deployment. He encourages me to love, to give, to forgive. Time to do something about what I uncovered yesterday. Thank you, new friends. I’m so grateful for yesterday. Time to act.  lc

November 6: ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.’

November 6: Phoenix is warm so we dove in.  147 photos.

November 7: I am refreshed. Sermon on forgiveness kicked me this morning. ‘Bless those who persecute you.’ I am so ready to take some big risks. Risk is the stuff real life is made of. Let’s do this Phoenix. lc

November 7: I want new. Ari said to me this morning, “So, I was reading pre-natal ultrasounds today and I was thinking I wish one was yours.” My heart melted. Being around Emily makes me excited about that. One day. For now, I want new life. I want to live what has been so clearly laid out for me with abandon. I don’t want to ignore it anymore. I want so badly to break through, to stop fearing the greatness inside of me. I want so badly to just. let. go. Currently listening to All Things New | Watermark. ‘Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old had gone, the new has come.’ 2 Cor 5:17

November 7: I want to take a big huge bite out of life right now. ‘For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.’ – 2 Timothy 1:7 My heart is so full from today. I wanted to freeze time. Thank you, new friends, for the real, raw, honest, unabashed love. You make me want to own my life without fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Risk big. Run fast. Love deeply. Do not sell yourself short. EVER. You’ve got this. There is no fear in love. You are powerful beyond measure. lc

November 7: Phoenix. Erika, Jen, Carlee, Tiesha, Heidi, Kara, Heather, Wendy, Melissa and Leah: Don’t ever forget those tears. You flooded the desert and sprouted new wings just hours ago. It’s just the beginning. Now it’s time to act. You owe this to yourself and everyone around you. Walk the plank. When you get to the edge, there are friends waiting for you in the water. Baby steps. Bold steps. Then leap!  [video]

November 8: I am useless when I’m tired. I need sleep and/or Pinkberry. Meditating on: ‘Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.’ Matt 11:28 When I’m spent, I focus on gratitude. So grateful that Ari is meeting me in LA on Thursday and cannot wait for dinner with my sister Kathy on Friday and spending the weekend with my grandma in Irvine before I leave for MTH Maui on Monday. Family is good for the soul. So grateful for the women who have changed my heart in the last four days. So grateful for the women I work with. Miss you KTW and EAA. So grateful for change. God is good. Time to fly. Time to rest. lc

November 8: San Francisco. I want to bathe in mayo. My skin is so dry from Phoenix, y’all. Then I want someone to walk all over my back and a cold shower. And the sugar in Emily’s purse. I need a Mentos moment.

November 8: Making a Chinese feast happen.

November 9: Good morning San Francisco. Today you have a choice: stay comfortable (aka stuck) or step out of your comfort zone and make things happen. Open, accept, give, act, forgive and choose to be the remarkable you that you KNOW you are. Don’t waste another gorgeous full day. Life is too short to wait for tomorrow. Start the wheels turning. Tiny steps build to big momentum and create new life. Make it happen. lc

November 9: San Francisco.  ‘I don’t want to be stuck anymore.’  Geomyra, Caitlin, Marin, Briana, Jen, Sarah, Ashley, Melissa: you are powerful beyond measure.  ‘Life is too short to do something that you hate all day long.’  Life is too short.  You are unstuck, my beautiful radiant udderly beautiful friends.  Make it happen.  We’re all together in this. [video]

November 9: Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace. When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay”. And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed. When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain. And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.  And let your best be for your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness. And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. – Khalil Gibran

November 9: Today I had this picture in my mind of running on the beach. Running hard, fast, pushing. Breaking through. I’ve been carrying a deep pain by myself. Until today when I realized God is bigger than any pain I have. God has this. I cried. I sobbed. The well sprang up as I envisioned myself running on the beach, free from the past, fully present in the NOW. I’ll be in Maui in a week and I. Will. Run. Strong, hard, fast. I will break through. I will not settle for anything less. Thank you, friends, for believing in me. Thank you, God, for clarity. Thank you. lc

November 10: Just one week ago we started in Houston then off to Phoenix, San Francisco and now here we are in Los Angeles – exhausted in the best way and fired up like never before. More clarity was uncovered in one week than an entire year. I’m so excited for the women I’m with, how my marriage has already grown from this work opening me and for all that is ahead. This is just the beginning. I’m so crazy behind on work from being on this trip, but I’m suddenly grateful that my inbox resembles tangled spaghetti. My eyes are clearer, my heart is new and I’m coming at life from a perspective I’ve never had. I’m so grateful for this work and how all things are made new when we just let go – when we fully surrender. When we drop in. When we get real, face our shadows and see that we are enough – right now in this moment. I am enough. I am full, clear, free and I can do the hard things today. I can send the difficult emails, have the challenging conversations and I can feel this fear and act on it. As I picture every set of eyes I’ve looked into in the last seven days, I know I’m not alone. Life is too short to go through the motions. Life is too short to wait another day – another hour – to accept the fact that I’ve changed. Life is too short to play small. Let’s do this, friends. Watercolor, Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, Minneapolis, DC, New York, Atlanta, Nashville, Chapel Hill, UNC, Salt Lake City, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Los Angeles and everyone who has been a part of this Making Things Happen journey – whether you’ve been to the intensive yet or not – let’s DO THIS. Today is the only day we have. Strike the match in your life. It’s so time. Everything is going to be alright. I’m ALL in. Are you? lc

November 10: Los Angeles.  I want to run out of this hotel and straight into my husband’s arms. I can’t wait till he gets here tomorrow night. My intense sense memory kicked in the moment we landed in Los Angeles and got my heart all tangled. I did not see it coming. I like to be in control of my feelings. God instantly took me out of my comfort zone. Living here for three years, so many visits as a child to see family, work, Navy life, growing up, relationships and memories of my last trip here – staying at this same hotel, grandmother in the hospital, exhausted from too much travel, heart completely torn apart – instinctively made me want to run. Sprint. But, I’m here. Gina and Emily listen so well. Praying at dinner with them gave my heart courage. I’m feeling this fear. It’s not fun but it’s time to rewrite this memory in my body. I am so grateful that God makes all things new. All I have to do is let go and let God. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Cor 5:17

November 11: I am feeling all sorts of on fire today. Dealing with pain, facing fear and giving it up to God is where it’s at. So grateful to wake up energized, clear, ready to live life with all five senses. I am humbled and thankful beyond words for all of the inspiring friends we’ve met this week and will meet today. I am so grateful for this work and to witness people grow and break through. My eyes are wide open. My heart is so full. I’m ready to break out some hula moves with Em, Gina, Fred and Jory on Monday. For now, let’s do this, Los Angeles!

November 11: Make things happen, Los Angeles.  She believed she could, so she did.

November 11: Los Angeles. What a powerful, honest, life-changing day. Skip – the best guy in LA – Kate, Samantha, Katie, Helena, Elizabeth, Carissa, Melissa, Eve, Meghan, Amber, Tami, Carrie, Sharon, Katie and Kat – you are at the top of a rollercoaster that’s about to get awesome. All hands up!

November 12: I am so excited to be in LA with the man I love on a day that makes my heart sing. My grandpa Cecil – who left for Heaven 7 years ago today – was the most influential person in my life. He taught me who Jesus is. He lived a humble life – at one time selling flour and Bibles to farmers. He was a man of God, passionate beyond words to preach the good news. Father, farmer, tomato and eggplant lover, thick Alabama drawl, song leader, preacher and my grampa. He baptized me in our pool when I was old enough to listen and understand what it meant to be loved just as I am. Grandpa, I miss you, but you are always here. Every day. You are in my heart with the Christ you introduced me to so long ago.

I was just at lunch in West LA with Ari and my mother in law and I couldn’t help but tear up – and look up – when the waiter brought out grandpa’s favorite… boiled peanuts. Amazing. So grateful that grandpa Cecil lived the life he lived. Tonight I’ll have dinner with the sister I hadn’t seen since I was 8. Late tonight I’ll play in the city with the two women below who have opened my heart wide. Tomorrow we’ll spend the day with Cecil’s beautiful bride – Grandma Bunny. God is good. Today, I stand in awe. lc

November 12: Dinner with my half-sister, Kathy, who my dad hadn’t seen in almost 20 years until recently.  An email to Dad: Just letting you know I’m hanging out with Kathy and John this Friday. Ari is flying out and meeting me in LA and we’re all having dinner on Friday at a place she said she took you. I’m so excited! Then we’re headed to grandmas. I just wanted to say that I’m so happy you pushed through and tried for so long to be close with them despite their initial resistance. It was so worth it and I’m grateful to have more family. I just wanted to say thank you. Love you! It was one of the most memorable nights of my life.  God is so good to bring us together.  I love you, Kathy.  Thank you for making us, dad.  All that heart ache was worth it to get us to today.  I love you.

Grandma Bunny from lara casey on Vimeo.

November 13: We all visited Grandma Bunny in Irvine. Such a special day.

At 92, she is who I want to be when I grow up.  Heart explosions!

November 13: Gina photographed Ari and I.  More heart explosions.  I’m so grateful for how our love has grown.  The greatest work of my life thus far has been on my marriage.  The photos from today day are my favorites ever.  Thank you, G!

November 14: Church in Irvine with Gina, Em, B man and Grandma Bunny. Lots of grateful tears as we sang Amazing Grace and reflected on the last week. It has been a powerful time in our hearts. ‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears released.’  I don’t think I will ever forget watching Emily – full with new life in her tummy – walk down the church aisle to take communion.  We were all so humbled and floored by God’s work in our lives.  That night we all had dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousin in Laguna Beach.  It was a magical weekend, but it left my heart torn in ways I didn’t expect.

November 15: Back in Los Angeles.  I am in the hotel lobby waiting to see great friends – Harmony Walton and Steven Taylor. I am joyful yet nervous to write this. I feel happy – and at the same time – broken. Like my good friend Jen said to me, broken is a good place to be. Hard, but it means there is clarity and strength on the other side. For the first time in her 92 years, my grandmother showed her age. Amidst great laughs and some good conversation this weekend, she was oddly difficult and senile. It was hard for me to cope with. I felt angry and not like myself. It showed me how weak I am and, like Gina said below, how much I need God to direct my steps. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it, but the second we got to our hotel last night the tears bubbled up. It’s funny how tears start as one thing and, when we let go, they flow for so many others. I cried about loss and lots of hurt endured this year, my own weakness, being overwhelmed with so much work from traveling so much, exhaustion, missing my parents, open family wounds that Ari and I had to heal this weekend and I cried for grandma. Ari hugged me and wiped away my tears. This tour has been wonderful in more ways than I can describe, but honestly I am in need of stillness and rest. I have so much joy in my heart to give. I need the peace that passes all understanding. Time to make rest happen. Boarding a plane to Maui soon. I can’t wait to feel the ocean lapping over me. Stepping off that plane to smell the plumeria in the air will be a turning point for me. I’m ready to take that deep breath in. Currently listening to Captivated // Watermark.

November 16: Woke up with the Maui sun with two women who make me want to be my best me, in a place I never dreamed I’d visit, about to do the work that makes my heart sing. I am so proud of Emily and Gina for the power they’ve owned in their lives in the last ten days and the authenticity they have uncovered. I’m so fired up by a long conversation we had on our five hour flight last night…

I’m also really grateful to spend time with Fred and Jory here to renew our friendships. I just can’t believe we are here…

Changed from ten days ago. I almost can’t let myself enjoy this. Sometimes I hold onto moments so tightly so I can’t feel them. It’s just too much clarity and, if I let it wash over me, I know it would change me. My honest [irrational] thought: I don’t want to let go of the pain. I catch myself feeling like I deserve to carry this burden on my heart, as if I don’t deserve forgiveness or joy. I know full well that isn’t true, but that plays in my head for a moment as I gaze out at this ocean, recounting the last year. ‘Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure.’…

How did I get here to this place in my life? Why? What do you want me to do today, Lord? I’m open. Currently listening to the song that won’t leave me: Mutemath // Odds. And now… to act on the little grain of truth I discovered in San Francisco. I’m ready to run on this beach, hard and fast, and just let go. I’m ready to break through. Here goes… lc

November 17: I have been in full on dance party mode since I woke up at 6am. As we go through this process, peeling back the layers of fear day by day, feeling the fear wash over me, I have started to find a new clarity. Clarity breeds action and acting on fear – breaking through – brings immeasurable joy. But, it first takes getting real with yourself, putting the fear out there, surrendering to it and letting whatever emotions come up wash through you. It takes dropping in and seeing yourself as whole, no matter where you are, no matter what ‘mistakes’ you have made. There are no mistakes, only lessons. It takes brutal authenticity. Brutal because sometimes it means you aren’t pretty or perfect or right. I am so grateful. More than ever. God is so good and my heart is so full. So much to celebrate today, starting with the 91 new friends I have made in the last 10 days. 91 because one of them is me. Dance party ON! lc

November 18: Maui changed my life forever.  Friends, you are powerful beyond measure.  I will never forget this day.  God is so good.

November 18: Came back to the room to discover a note tucked in my laptop that changed my heart. A river of grateful tears. Just hit purchase on my life.

November 19: Last day in Maui, reflecting on 14 days of Making Things Happen.  My heart has never been so full!

November 19: Emily and Gina, I never imagined in these 10,000 miles we’ve traveled together that you would become part of me. Genuinely part of me. Me that I never thought I’d see again – or for the first time. I love you more than my heart can express, but you already know the depth of that. I feel it from you too – unabashed, authentic, real, new love. Thank you. See that thank you written on this Maui sky, because words will never hold my gratitude in the magnitude I feel it.

Through big belly laughs, baby kicks, grateful tears, bittersweet sadness, intense fear that we pushed through together, enough adventure to keep my heart happy for a lifetime, and the hope in things unseen – the hope and faith in Christ that we were gifted by unending grace – I have seen you and in-turn seen myself. Broken and whole in Him.

The change I’ve seen in you leaves me speechless. Do not play small. Ever. You have this. The authentic, whole you has this. Gina, dance it out and feel your immeasurable beauty. Emily, be still and know. You aren’t leaving for another 10 hours and I’m already so sad this day has to end. So many memories in these 14 powerful days ingrained on my heart.

No matter where we are in the world, we are together. IT’S JUST THE BEGINNING. No goodbyes. Go and do. All my heart, Lara

And today: There is only one word big enough to explain what we experienced in these two weeks: God.  God worked in my heart, in Emily and Gina’s hearts and in all of the 110+ people that we had the pure joy of knowing on this journey.  I couldn’t be more full of gratitude this Thanksgiving for all that was, is, and is to come.  Thank you, Gina, Em, and everyone who is a part of my life for making me look UP.

Many thanks to Gina for most of the images you see here.  To see all of the photographs from the whole tour, click here.

A year ago today, I took a big risk and wrote this blog post. Hitting publish on that post – feeling the fear and doing it anyway – is why I’m here today. Maui marked my 20th city doing the Making Things Happen intensive.  So grateful for that leap of faith.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Go and do. (Thank you, brilliant Natalie, for that!)

Love,

[a very happy, grateful, joyful] Lara

P.S. Want to make things happen in 2011?  Join us for the last 2010 Tour stop in Watercolor (we just opened 5 more seats for those of you who just can’t wait!) OR leave a comment here telling us where you want us to go next. Here’s to a brilliant new year!

We traveled to 13 cities this year to challenge people to conquer fear and harness their true potential.  Never in a million years would I have guessed the result.  I can’t take credit for what the MTH Alumni have accomplished since we first met 7 months ago.  They genuinely lived what I said: Feel the fear and do it anyway.   The feedback has blown me away. Photo below :: Jasmine Star.

One of the biggest factors in all of this success has been the community that has formed from MTH.  The support I see every single day from past attendees is just phenomenal.  There aren’t words big enough to describe what these people have done for each other to help one another conquer fear and make really big things happen in their lives and in business.  There have been countless late night phone calls, group Skype chats to offer encouragement, weekly meet-ups, a thousand encouraging texts, uplifting emails (I know all of this because I’ve been a recipient myself!), hourly Twitter messages to encourage and support, many tears, frustrations, hurdles, triumph, and remarkable advances. Photo below :: Poser

I am so excited to announce new cities for the Making Things Happen Tour!  Salt Lake City, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Maui will be making big things happen this fall!  Register here by September 1st for the early bird rate. Photo below :: Wesley Leytham

Because the seats are so limited –only 10 seats available per city instead of 20– I expect this to sell out quickly.  I wish I could visit more cities, but with the upcoming release of our new issue and a packed schedule, I simply don’t have time.  So, jump on these places!  Many are easy to travel to and are large airport hubs if you are flying in. Photo below :: Photogen

Because we’ve cut the attendee count in half for each stop to keep these groups focused and give more personal time, I am only offering one scholarship (details below) for this round of the tour (yes, really just one unlike last time). There will be no partial scholarships either, but if you would like to inquire about financing plans, email my awesome assistant, Marissa.

I’m also verrrry excited about the big MTH2010 Reunion this December in Watercolor — where all the magic began!  All past attendees are invited to join us for a weekend of inspiration, fun in the sun and a few surprises.  Yes, if you attend the Tour in November, you are of course welcome to join us at the reunion.  I. Can’t. Wait!

Heartfelt thanks to Jeff Holt (who is the reason I started this tour!), Jeremy Cowart, Nick Onken, Jose Villa, Stacie Francombe, Blair and Christy from Junebug Weddings, the amazing First Class, and all of the incredible alumni who have encouraged this powerful journey.  I am forever grateful.  And I have to send huge thanks to Katharine and Emily who celebrated their one year anniversary with me today.  I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if it wasn’t for their daily support.  They always remind me that I can do anything I am passionate about.  I love you both!

With love,

Lara

P.S. Congrats to the past post winners: Elizabeth Hafner from Vignette Photography, Katie from Intertwined Events, Briana from Wake Up, Juliet, Katherine from Solo Dot Mom, and Megan Floyd!  Email me your mailing address for your special prize.  I have read the comments on that post several times over and I never cease to be inspired!  Thank you all for your thoughts.

P.S.S.  The MTH Scholarship opportunity is LIVE!  You have till Monday August 16th to get your comment in. All the details…

So, what do you want to make happen? Tell me the city you’d like to attend in as well…

Life is just too short.  These words have been keeping me up at night, making me do things I’ve never done.   Yes, we hear that phrase a lot, but does it sink in?   I mean really sink in.  Stop right now.  You won’t die if your email, phone, twitter, editing or 10 windows you have up go untouched for a moment.  Come on!  Just stop.  Say it out loud – yes, do it – slowly, swirling each word and the visual picture in your mind around: life is just too short. We only get one chance at this.  You get one chance to breathe each day, to create, love, do good for others and experience all you are meant to do.  [image above :: film. love.]

There was a time last year after I wrote this post that I had just had it.  I was sick and tired of feeling held back, chained to my work and weighed down by a lot of negativity I couldn’t get myself to let go of.  I let myself believe I wasn’t enough.  I let it get the very best of me.

So, I woke up one morning, got on my computer, and –as if someone had taken over my body completely– booked a ticket to Jamaica.  Yes, the next morning, I left for 4 days in Jamaica… by myself.  Ari was studying for a big exam and just wanted me to feel better, so he was excited for me.  Other than him, I only told Emily, Katharine and my mom where I was headed.  Now, I realize not everyone can jet off to Jamaica at the drop of a hat.  I couldn’t either, but I had just gotten to that point where “life is too short” was pressing in, suffocating me.  I had to do something.

Jamaica was more than I expected. I had one rule there: feel whatever you are feeling. I’m constantly around other people, having to keep my positive spirit up to motivate others and set a good example. I’m a consultant, planner, coach, boss and mentor so I always have to be on my game.  I needed a break from the expectations.  I needed to be in a place where no one cared what I did or felt.  I got just that and so much more.

You can read the first part of my journey here.  I arrived in Montego Bay, cleared customs, and as soon as I stepped outside, the catcalls began. I boarded my pre-paid airport transfer to the resort- aka a bus with a bunch of half-drunk college kids smoking pot in the back. What have I gotten myself into!? I kept thinking.  This was a horrible idea! Maybe I should just go back to the airport. HELP!!! I hunkered down next to a window and tried to focus on the fast-moving scenery. We were going a good 90 miles per hour in a diesel bus from 1970.  It was a two hour ride from Montego Bay to Negril.  Longest two hours of my life.

Four Bob Marley albums later, we arrived, and I started to feel a little hope. The Sunset at the Palms staff greeted me with fresh juice and a cold towel while they checked me in.  I just about had a temper tantrum when the gentleman told me there was no wifi.  After a deep breath and kicking myself in the pants a couple times for being so tech-dependent, I realized that I got exactly what I needed: a forced break.  A kind young man took me down a long garden path to my home for the next 3 nights- a tree house. Now, granted, it was a plush tree house, but open to the elements, nonetheless.

That night I tried to just be. There was no room service, no internet, no phone service, no people around but the security guard roaming the property. It was just me and a web-less MacBook which incidentally became my journal.  So, I wrote.  I listened to the sounds of the jungle and let all my thoughts take flight. When I’m home, I find every reason not to face my feelings. I’ll distract myself with work, Twitter, Facebook, phone calls, more work and more phone calls. I had no choice here: sleep or write.  I have a box somewhere filled with dozens of full journals from years past.  How I ever had the patience to write is beyond me.  Now, my thoughts moved faster than my pen, so I type.

I remember feeling a little unemotional.  It was a strange feeling.  I thought I’d type out all my thoughts, fears, frustrations and there would be some cathartic ending… crying, laughing, something! Nothing came.  I just sat with a sort of dull feeling of unrest.  I knew I was there to learn something.  I was impatient.  Like everything in my life, I just wanted to make it happen.  I learned on this trip, that the most sensitive and valuable things for our soul just happen.  If we let them.

So I decided to do the opposite of my instinct.  It was not easy.  When I found myself trying to control my thoughts and find “the answer” I would just breathe.  Somewhere between a solo kayak journey in the ocean and a fierce tropical downpour, little grains of truth started to seep in.  I started to find clarity.  I sat out on the deck in the rain and I started to write again.

Life is just too short.  Too short to not forgive yourself when you fall.  Everyone makes mistakes. Successful people own them, learn from them, and get back up.

Life is too short not to taste, smell, touch and see everything.  Life is too short to say, “what if?”

Life is too short not to wake up every day surrounded by the people you love who lift you up and encourage you to grow.  Life is too short to have people in your life who tell you that you aren’t enough.  Life is far too short not to tell those people to kindly take a hike. Life is too short to be small.

Life is too short to short not to turn the music up, throw caution to the wind and do something out of your comfort zone.  [images below :: my first film photographs]

Life is too short to accept your limitations.  You are the only person who can give yourself permission to be great.

Life is too short not to be loved fully… for who we are… right now.

Life is too short not to give everything. So many people have so little.  You’ll leave this world with nothing anyway.

Life is too short to not laugh, play -even when things are falling apart- and give thanks for what’s right under your nose.

Life is too short not to express.  Say it.  Write that letter.  Make that call. Love deeply.

Do the thing that you fear most.  Step into it, not away.  There is life in that.

My list went on and the fire started to burn.  I gave myself permission to just let go.  I left a lot of pain and self-limiting fear on the beaches of Negril and never looked back.

A few weeks after I returned, we made a magazine.  Three weeks after that, I wrote a post that started a movement and took me around the country to meet the people who are now my best friends.

It’s time to take up a no tolerance policy on your life. You know what happens when you let go of the things that you know hinder you from soaring?  You find freedom… in business, in relationships, and in the deepest parts of your heart that have been locked away since you were small.  When you let go and do what you fear most, you are better for those around you.  You are more creative, driven, rested, clear, successful.  Your genius can finally surface.

Why, after almost a year, is this last-minute adventure in Jamaica suddenly at the front of my mind?  Lately, I’ve been weighing risk: when to dive and when to straight up cannon ball!   The risk I took to do something that was 100% for my soul has paid off a hundred times over since. 

You don’t have to go to Jamaica to find clarity.  But, you do have to stop yourself from just going through the motions as usual.  Change your environment, change the music, change the sheets… just do something to shake things up, force yourself to really listen and do the things you were meant to do.  Don’t know what they are?  You’ll never know unless you try.  Try, fail, forgive, and try again.  Each time you will have greater clarity.

Somewhere, sometime, someone told you that you weren’t good enough… and you believed it.  You just accepted it.  You owned it.  You can begin new right now.  You can begin anywhere.  When you are truly living, there is no such thing as someday. Life is just too short not to start.

xo

lc

Congrats to Brooke aka Mrs. Cupcake who is the winner of last post’s prize, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be. Email me and I’ll get your book to you.

Pen your own phrase and leave your thoughts here. “Life is too short to ____.” I’ll pick five random comments for a very special little surprise.

Sitting in a hospital bed two weeks ago, I was convinced I wasn’t going to Engage.  I shifted my weight a little in church, feeling a small pain in my stomach. I thought to myself, Maybe it’s the Indian food from last night. Maybe it’s the bread and grape juice from communion. It’ll go away.

It didn’t.

I texted Ari hesitantly:  I think… I need to go to the ER.  Something is wrong with me. Now, I am extremely stubborn about my health.  I have a high pain tolerance and haven’t been to an emergency room in 5 years.  I’d rather suffer than take pain killers and or go anywhere near a hospital.

I got home, barely able to walk at that point, and fell down on the couch shivering.  I couldn’t help but think of Jeff’s appendicitis story that he told at the beginning of each MTH2010.  The chills kept growing, fever came on like wildfire and within 7 minutes we were on the way to Ari’s second home.

When your husband does nothing but read CT’s, MRI’s and deal with trauma all day long and he looks worried, it’s easy for a girl to panic.  I cried.  It hurt to cry.  I stopped crying.  Not only did I have a huge event that weekend, but I had to go to Cayman in 7 days.  Miss Engage?  No way. Yes, my mind when straight to work.  Ari told me to be calm and not focus on work for a second.  He called all the docs and I stumbled into a hospital bed and a gown.  I also started to slip into more serious pain.  I told Ari to call Katharine and Emily and prepare them to take over for one of our busiest weeks to date.

I’m not sure if it was Ari’s sage advice or the morphine they injected in me, but I stopped thinking about work for a moment.  I just prayed.  I prayed for the lady in the bed next to me, too.  I couldn’t see her, but she sounded like she was in her 90’s, in a lot of pain, and very alone.   I wanted to ask the nurse to push my bed up next to hers so I could hold her hand and pray with her, but a flood of surgeons quickly squelched my spirit.  Surgery?  Surgery!? As I was poked and prodded –while dazed from pain killers that were having very adverse affects on my sensitive body– another nurse started an IV.  It all happened so fast.  The combination of stress, needles, and the word surgery quickly took the blood from my head and I was out cold.  For someone who relishes control, passing out is by far the worst feeling on earth.  It’s not a laughing gas dreamy relaxed feeling.  It feels like I am at the end of a marathon and someone just clotheslined me.

I slowly woke.  In a dreamy state, I looked at a picture of a taco in a magazine my the bedside and whispered, “that looks good.”  I barely remember this, but Ari says at that point he ordered me a CT scan.   Yeah, I was confused.  A taco looks good and I need a CT??! Explanation coming…

I was wheeled to another room.  I don’t remember much of this part.  Ari stood at the helm in front of a half-dozen monitors (I only know this because the story was recounted to me by Kyle who was in NC to shoot a wedding and had taken a taxi to the hospital).  I had downed a jug of yummy contrast and before I knew it they were injecting dye into my arm and sending me through the beast of a machine.

They wheeled me back.  An hour passed.  More pain meds.  Then…  silence.

While I waited on the results, sweaty from fever, cold the next second from chills, the movie in my mind of the last two weeks played.

Ari had been on night call.  This means he worked from the time I left the office (7pm) and got home from work when I started work (8am).  We would see each other for 20 minutes at the most, like two ships passing in the night.  Previously, this has been the worst time for us.  When I did see him, he was irritable from sleep-deprivation.  I wasn’t much help either.  I’d avoid him during call weeks as to not stir the pot.  I would try to plan travel around his call schedule.

These two weeks were also production weeks for my last two weddings that I’ve had on the books for eons… read #7 on this post.  The weddings were back to back, both huge, both full production.  Needless to say, I was a little busy.

But, despite all of this on my plate, I vowed that this time – this wedding season and this call time – would be completely different.  I deep cleaned the house, did the laundry, bought gifts, deep cleaned again, had the carpets shampooed, planted new flowers, obsessively organized, cleaned his closet, his car, stocked the fridge, wrote love notes, love emails, love texts, ran a bazillion errands, paid bills, and did whatever I could think of to make his life smooth while he was a night owl.  110% worth all the effort.  One morning, I woke up to this card:

Lara, I wanted to say thank you for going out of your way to be so sweet this past week while I have been working nights.  I realize I haven’t been as grateful as I should, but I really do appreciate everything you do.  I’m also really happy to see you not so stressed during this tough week before your weddings.  I think it is a measure of your growth as a business owner.  I love you a lot and am excited to spend more time with you.  Ari

It’s that last part, about my growth as a business owner, that got me.  One reason I love him so much is that when he says something, he means it.  He never tells me something just to make me feel good.  Yes, this can cause trouble for someone like me who craves encouraging reassurance, but it has ultimately helped me to be stronger and more independent.  Last summer was the most stressful time of my life thus far.  The magazine had launched that January, I already had a ton of weddings on the books that I would never think of giving up, loads of travel, speaking engagements, photo shoots, and no concept of how to balance it all or give any of it up. This year was different. I was… gasp… relaxed!

So, just 10 hours before my hospital visit, wedding #1 went off without a hitch.  It was perfect thanks to intense pre-planning and my amazing (understatement) team.  Exhausted, I still pried myself out of bed in the morning for church.  I needed some Jesus in my life.  I needed to sing my heart out.

That morning we did something unorthodox and watched a video called “Rain”.  The message:  Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, or the way we think they will.  Sometimes we don’t even see it coming.  We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless.  That’s the way life is.  Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us.  How God can just stand by and watch us suffer.  Where is God when it really hurts?  Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think.  Maybe it’s when we’re in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much He really loves us.

I could blame the following on the morphine, but I think it was much more powerful than that.  For some reason, I pictured grandpa Cecil in a cotton field in Alabama, where he grew up.  He would go farm to farm selling milk, flour, and handing out Bibles.  Sometimes that meant trekking miles and miles between houses.  To pass the time on the long journey, he would sing hymns.  His singing lead him to become the song leader at church and later an elder and preacher.  I found myself humming one of his favorites “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” when the nurses, Ari and Kyle left my bedside for a moment.  As the melody washed over me, I started to feel peace… the peace that passes all understanding.  I knew I was going to be OK.

Ari came in with a solemn look on his face.  “The good news is…”  Am I the only person whose stomach sinks when that phrase is uttered?  It just means there is not-so-good-news.  “The good news is that you don’t have to have surgery.”   What!?  I was relieved but at the same time angry.  I couldn’t imagine a pill or an apple a day would kill this pain.  I couldn’t walk or sit up.  I needed to get better pronto.  Not that I wanted to have surgery… please refer to previous mention of passing out.  After 3 doctors and the ER chief told me that I most likely had appendicitis, I was just very confused.  “You have a mass… a benign tumor about the size of a golf ball.  It has outgrown its blood supply and is dying.  As it dies, it is releasing toxins into your body that are causing you extreme pain.”  I cried.  “You will most likely have this recur for the rest of your life.”  I cried again.  “When you said the taco looked good, I knew you had an appetite which means no appendicitis.  You never eat tacos.”  I smiled, trying not to laugh and induce more pain.  Ari was so kind as he gently explained everything to me.  I couldn’t even begin to express how proud I was of him in that moment for doing what he does best –as seemingly simple as it was– to help me.  I could barely speak, but I didn’t have to say anything.  I know he saw the gratitude in my eyes and felt it in the grip of my hand.  He pulled out a piece of paper and tried to draw a diagram of what was happening.  I felt a new kind of love for him in that moment.  We’ve been married for 4 1/2 years now and I’ve never had the chance to see him work.  (Sorry, baby…  I wasn’t listening to you as you were explaining and drawing.  I was thinking all of these nice things about you instead.  I’m pulling the morphine card again here.)  Visiting him in the ER was an unexpected blessing and a turning point in my respect for him. I am in awe of what he has on his plate every day… far more serious cases than mine.  He deals with cancer all day long.  He has to tell people they may not make it.  He has to diagnose the worst kind of incurable pain.  Then, he comes home to me and I wax poetic about brides, emails and politics.  He never says to me, “Babe, I deal with cancer all day.  You’re problems are not that big of a deal.”  He should.  I love you, Ari.  Thank you for being you and for your unending kindness and heart of gold. 

I was taken home with enough pain meds to put a cattle farm out, put in bed, and watched.  They don’t tell you how long it will take for it to go away.  They just say “self-medicate until it feels better.”  Fun, right? I like concrete solutions. This did not seem like one. Come to find out, my mother and grandmother have experienced the same thing.  I am not one for pain pills, so I took one and tossed the rest.  I would rather be in pain than not be able to make decisions.  That’s just me. Luckily, after about 4 days, the pain started to subside.

I was so fearful that I wouldn’t be able to do wedding #2 that week, but –again– thanks to my brilliant team, it was beautiful.  We all joked about me coordinating the ceremony from a gurney.  Not funny.  If you are in weddings, you know what the wedding hangover is like… swollen feet and 5 showers wouldn’t make you feel so fresh and so clean.  And then there was Cayman the day after this wedding. I can handle a lot, but I couldn’t imagine –after being in a hospital bed just days before– doing a huge wedding then getting on a plane to an island where I’d be surrounded by the who’s who in weddings.  Hello! Slow. Down. Life! Engage is the kind of event that I felt I had to be at the top of my game for.  I felt the pressure caving in on me.  I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or see that I wasn’t at my best.  I didn’t want to seem unsocial or distracted.  I just didn’t want to talk about it.  But, as I reflected on my past Engage experiences, I was overwhelmed by the thought that it is an incredible privilege to go and even if I got sick or was in pain, I wasn’t going to die. I’d kick myself if I didn’t push through.  I did not have to be perfect. I got encouraging messages from my soon-to-be room mates, Jasmine Star and Harmony Walton, who I was really looking forward to spending quality time with.  So, I started to go through the “packing motions” as best I could.  I know them well.  Suitcase out, pack the travel size toiletries, undies, socks, bras, clothes, Luna Bars and Greens Plus Bars, Jay Robb, green tea, make the bed, get the computer, charge my extra iPhone battery, take out the trash, rinse and repeat.  Even 3 hours before my flight I still hadn’t checked in.  Fear of not being my best was holding me back.

Then, a note from Ari that morning : I hope paradise is wonderful and don’t forget to look around and be grateful for the opportunity to be in such a place.  And remember to cut yourself some slack. You are only a person who can do so much and be so many things to so many different people. Just be who you can be and if it is not enough for some, then they are asking too much. I love you.

I pulled the trigger and checked in for my flight.  Now do you see why I married him?  Thank you, Ari (and so many great friends), for encouraging me to go and just be me.

My Engage!10 Grand Cayman MegaPost is up next… so excited to share what turned out to be the best week ever.  Thanks for listening, friends.

xo

lc

images :: smilebooth …taken about 12 hours before my ER visit. It was such a fun night!

P.S. Congrats to the randomly chosen winner of the FujiFilm Instax Mini, Joe Anna Haydon! Email me your address and I’ll send your new camera right over.

P.S.S. Happy 38th anniversary to my parents! I love you both more than words. Thank you for inspiring us to love deeply every day and enjoy the best parts of life- family, friends, great food and beautiful sunsets.

P.S.S.S. I’m getting on a plane in a few hours. Excited about a little surprise weekend fun. More to come…

And yes, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know I have to give something away. Just have to. Why not?!
Leave a comment on this post telling me about the person in your life who has encouraged you the most and win a copy of one of my favorite books.

I am so proud of him, I just had to shout it to the rooftops. If anyone knows my brother, you know it’s been a long road with many unexpected challenges and blessings along the way. His graduation was probably the best gift my mom could have gotten for Mother’s Day. This was one of those weekends that I wish I had all the money in the world to fly my whole family somewhere – anywhere – to be together. Lots to celebrate in the Casey household.

Stephen, you are by far the most humble person I know. I am so inspired by your strength and brilliance. Wishing you a lifetime of taking things apart and putting them back together in ways only you know how.

Love,

your very proud sister

P.S. since my body is still on Hawaiian time, I’m giving y’all one more day to enter this.

P.S.S. So great to have “The Fab J’s” – Jose Villa, Joel Serrato, Jen Curtis, Joy Thigpen and crew here in NC doing a gorgeous editorial shoot for us for the next couple days! I love what we get the honor of doing every day and am so grateful to work with such incredible artists. Can’t wait to share this shoot in our next issue!

P.S.S.S. I’m planning the next MTH2010 stops for this coming fall.  We have a new format that will include individual personal branding sessions. I’m only doing 4 more in-person US stops and two international stops, so leave a comment here with your VOTE on the city you would like MTH to come to. Yes, I’ll still tally the votes from this post, but help me out and leave a new vote here too. We are also planning monthy virtual MTH’s, so stay posted for those details.  So excited!