We traveled to 13 cities this year to challenge people to conquer fear and harness their true potential.  Never in a million years would I have guessed the result.  I can’t take credit for what the MTH Alumni have accomplished since we first met 7 months ago.  They genuinely lived what I said: Feel the fear and do it anyway.   The feedback has blown me away. Photo below :: Jasmine Star.

One of the biggest factors in all of this success has been the community that has formed from MTH.  The support I see every single day from past attendees is just phenomenal.  There aren’t words big enough to describe what these people have done for each other to help one another conquer fear and make really big things happen in their lives and in business.  There have been countless late night phone calls, group Skype chats to offer encouragement, weekly meet-ups, a thousand encouraging texts, uplifting emails (I know all of this because I’ve been a recipient myself!), hourly Twitter messages to encourage and support, many tears, frustrations, hurdles, triumph, and remarkable advances. Photo below :: Poser

I am so excited to announce new cities for the Making Things Happen Tour!  Salt Lake City, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Maui will be making big things happen this fall!  Register here by September 1st for the early bird rate. Photo below :: Wesley Leytham

Because the seats are so limited –only 10 seats available per city instead of 20– I expect this to sell out quickly.  I wish I could visit more cities, but with the upcoming release of our new issue and a packed schedule, I simply don’t have time.  So, jump on these places!  Many are easy to travel to and are large airport hubs if you are flying in. Photo below :: Photogen

Because we’ve cut the attendee count in half for each stop to keep these groups focused and give more personal time, I am only offering one scholarship (details below) for this round of the tour (yes, really just one unlike last time). There will be no partial scholarships either, but if you would like to inquire about financing plans, email my awesome assistant, Marissa.

I’m also verrrry excited about the big MTH2010 Reunion this December in Watercolor — where all the magic began!  All past attendees are invited to join us for a weekend of inspiration, fun in the sun and a few surprises.  Yes, if you attend the Tour in November, you are of course welcome to join us at the reunion.  I. Can’t. Wait!

Heartfelt thanks to Jeff Holt (who is the reason I started this tour!), Jeremy Cowart, Nick Onken, Jose Villa, Stacie Francombe, Blair and Christy from Junebug Weddings, the amazing First Class, and all of the incredible alumni who have encouraged this powerful journey.  I am forever grateful.  And I have to send huge thanks to Katharine and Emily who celebrated their one year anniversary with me today.  I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if it wasn’t for their daily support.  They always remind me that I can do anything I am passionate about.  I love you both!

With love,

Lara

P.S. Congrats to the past post winners: Elizabeth Hafner from Vignette Photography, Katie from Intertwined Events, Briana from Wake Up, Juliet, Katherine from Solo Dot Mom, and Megan Floyd!  Email me your mailing address for your special prize.  I have read the comments on that post several times over and I never cease to be inspired!  Thank you all for your thoughts.

P.S.S.  The MTH Scholarship opportunity is LIVE!  You have till Monday August 16th to get your comment in. All the details…

So, what do you want to make happen? Tell me the city you’d like to attend in as well…

Life is just too short.  These words have been keeping me up at night, making me do things I’ve never done.   Yes, we hear that phrase a lot, but does it sink in?   I mean really sink in.  Stop right now.  You won’t die if your email, phone, twitter, editing or 10 windows you have up go untouched for a moment.  Come on!  Just stop.  Say it out loud – yes, do it – slowly, swirling each word and the visual picture in your mind around: life is just too short. We only get one chance at this.  You get one chance to breathe each day, to create, love, do good for others and experience all you are meant to do.  [image above :: film. love.]

There was a time last year after I wrote this post that I had just had it.  I was sick and tired of feeling held back, chained to my work and weighed down by a lot of negativity I couldn’t get myself to let go of.  I let myself believe I wasn’t enough.  I let it get the very best of me.

So, I woke up one morning, got on my computer, and –as if someone had taken over my body completely– booked a ticket to Jamaica.  Yes, the next morning, I left for 4 days in Jamaica… by myself.  Ari was studying for a big exam and just wanted me to feel better, so he was excited for me.  Other than him, I only told Emily, Katharine and my mom where I was headed.  Now, I realize not everyone can jet off to Jamaica at the drop of a hat.  I couldn’t either, but I had just gotten to that point where “life is too short” was pressing in, suffocating me.  I had to do something.

Jamaica was more than I expected. I had one rule there: feel whatever you are feeling. I’m constantly around other people, having to keep my positive spirit up to motivate others and set a good example. I’m a consultant, planner, coach, boss and mentor so I always have to be on my game.  I needed a break from the expectations.  I needed to be in a place where no one cared what I did or felt.  I got just that and so much more.

You can read the first part of my journey here.  I arrived in Montego Bay, cleared customs, and as soon as I stepped outside, the catcalls began. I boarded my pre-paid airport transfer to the resort- aka a bus with a bunch of half-drunk college kids smoking pot in the back. What have I gotten myself into!? I kept thinking.  This was a horrible idea! Maybe I should just go back to the airport. HELP!!! I hunkered down next to a window and tried to focus on the fast-moving scenery. We were going a good 90 miles per hour in a diesel bus from 1970.  It was a two hour ride from Montego Bay to Negril.  Longest two hours of my life.

Four Bob Marley albums later, we arrived, and I started to feel a little hope. The Sunset at the Palms staff greeted me with fresh juice and a cold towel while they checked me in.  I just about had a temper tantrum when the gentleman told me there was no wifi.  After a deep breath and kicking myself in the pants a couple times for being so tech-dependent, I realized that I got exactly what I needed: a forced break.  A kind young man took me down a long garden path to my home for the next 3 nights- a tree house. Now, granted, it was a plush tree house, but open to the elements, nonetheless.

That night I tried to just be. There was no room service, no internet, no phone service, no people around but the security guard roaming the property. It was just me and a web-less MacBook which incidentally became my journal.  So, I wrote.  I listened to the sounds of the jungle and let all my thoughts take flight. When I’m home, I find every reason not to face my feelings. I’ll distract myself with work, Twitter, Facebook, phone calls, more work and more phone calls. I had no choice here: sleep or write.  I have a box somewhere filled with dozens of full journals from years past.  How I ever had the patience to write is beyond me.  Now, my thoughts moved faster than my pen, so I type.

I remember feeling a little unemotional.  It was a strange feeling.  I thought I’d type out all my thoughts, fears, frustrations and there would be some cathartic ending… crying, laughing, something! Nothing came.  I just sat with a sort of dull feeling of unrest.  I knew I was there to learn something.  I was impatient.  Like everything in my life, I just wanted to make it happen.  I learned on this trip, that the most sensitive and valuable things for our soul just happen.  If we let them.

So I decided to do the opposite of my instinct.  It was not easy.  When I found myself trying to control my thoughts and find “the answer” I would just breathe.  Somewhere between a solo kayak journey in the ocean and a fierce tropical downpour, little grains of truth started to seep in.  I started to find clarity.  I sat out on the deck in the rain and I started to write again.

Life is just too short.  Too short to not forgive yourself when you fall.  Everyone makes mistakes. Successful people own them, learn from them, and get back up.

Life is too short not to taste, smell, touch and see everything.  Life is too short to say, “what if?”

Life is too short not to wake up every day surrounded by the people you love who lift you up and encourage you to grow.  Life is too short to have people in your life who tell you that you aren’t enough.  Life is far too short not to tell those people to kindly take a hike. Life is too short to be small.

Life is too short to short not to turn the music up, throw caution to the wind and do something out of your comfort zone.  [images below :: my first film photographs]

Life is too short to accept your limitations.  You are the only person who can give yourself permission to be great.

Life is too short not to be loved fully… for who we are… right now.

Life is too short not to give everything. So many people have so little.  You’ll leave this world with nothing anyway.

Life is too short to not laugh, play -even when things are falling apart- and give thanks for what’s right under your nose.

Life is too short not to express.  Say it.  Write that letter.  Make that call. Love deeply.

Do the thing that you fear most.  Step into it, not away.  There is life in that.

My list went on and the fire started to burn.  I gave myself permission to just let go.  I left a lot of pain and self-limiting fear on the beaches of Negril and never looked back.

A few weeks after I returned, we made a magazine.  Three weeks after that, I wrote a post that started a movement and took me around the country to meet the people who are now my best friends.

It’s time to take up a no tolerance policy on your life. You know what happens when you let go of the things that you know hinder you from soaring?  You find freedom… in business, in relationships, and in the deepest parts of your heart that have been locked away since you were small.  When you let go and do what you fear most, you are better for those around you.  You are more creative, driven, rested, clear, successful.  Your genius can finally surface.

Why, after almost a year, is this last-minute adventure in Jamaica suddenly at the front of my mind?  Lately, I’ve been weighing risk: when to dive and when to straight up cannon ball!   The risk I took to do something that was 100% for my soul has paid off a hundred times over since. 

You don’t have to go to Jamaica to find clarity.  But, you do have to stop yourself from just going through the motions as usual.  Change your environment, change the music, change the sheets… just do something to shake things up, force yourself to really listen and do the things you were meant to do.  Don’t know what they are?  You’ll never know unless you try.  Try, fail, forgive, and try again.  Each time you will have greater clarity.

Somewhere, sometime, someone told you that you weren’t good enough… and you believed it.  You just accepted it.  You owned it.  You can begin new right now.  You can begin anywhere.  When you are truly living, there is no such thing as someday. Life is just too short not to start.

xo

lc

Congrats to Brooke aka Mrs. Cupcake who is the winner of last post’s prize, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be. Email me and I’ll get your book to you.

Pen your own phrase and leave your thoughts here. “Life is too short to ____.” I’ll pick five random comments for a very special little surprise.

Sitting in a hospital bed two weeks ago, I was convinced I wasn’t going to Engage.  I shifted my weight a little in church, feeling a small pain in my stomach. I thought to myself, Maybe it’s the Indian food from last night. Maybe it’s the bread and grape juice from communion. It’ll go away.

It didn’t.

I texted Ari hesitantly:  I think… I need to go to the ER.  Something is wrong with me. Now, I am extremely stubborn about my health.  I have a high pain tolerance and haven’t been to an emergency room in 5 years.  I’d rather suffer than take pain killers and or go anywhere near a hospital.

I got home, barely able to walk at that point, and fell down on the couch shivering.  I couldn’t help but think of Jeff’s appendicitis story that he told at the beginning of each MTH2010.  The chills kept growing, fever came on like wildfire and within 7 minutes we were on the way to Ari’s second home.

When your husband does nothing but read CT’s, MRI’s and deal with trauma all day long and he looks worried, it’s easy for a girl to panic.  I cried.  It hurt to cry.  I stopped crying.  Not only did I have a huge event that weekend, but I had to go to Cayman in 7 days.  Miss Engage?  No way. Yes, my mind when straight to work.  Ari told me to be calm and not focus on work for a second.  He called all the docs and I stumbled into a hospital bed and a gown.  I also started to slip into more serious pain.  I told Ari to call Katharine and Emily and prepare them to take over for one of our busiest weeks to date.

I’m not sure if it was Ari’s sage advice or the morphine they injected in me, but I stopped thinking about work for a moment.  I just prayed.  I prayed for the lady in the bed next to me, too.  I couldn’t see her, but she sounded like she was in her 90’s, in a lot of pain, and very alone.   I wanted to ask the nurse to push my bed up next to hers so I could hold her hand and pray with her, but a flood of surgeons quickly squelched my spirit.  Surgery?  Surgery!? As I was poked and prodded –while dazed from pain killers that were having very adverse affects on my sensitive body– another nurse started an IV.  It all happened so fast.  The combination of stress, needles, and the word surgery quickly took the blood from my head and I was out cold.  For someone who relishes control, passing out is by far the worst feeling on earth.  It’s not a laughing gas dreamy relaxed feeling.  It feels like I am at the end of a marathon and someone just clotheslined me.

I slowly woke.  In a dreamy state, I looked at a picture of a taco in a magazine my the bedside and whispered, “that looks good.”  I barely remember this, but Ari says at that point he ordered me a CT scan.   Yeah, I was confused.  A taco looks good and I need a CT??! Explanation coming…

I was wheeled to another room.  I don’t remember much of this part.  Ari stood at the helm in front of a half-dozen monitors (I only know this because the story was recounted to me by Kyle who was in NC to shoot a wedding and had taken a taxi to the hospital).  I had downed a jug of yummy contrast and before I knew it they were injecting dye into my arm and sending me through the beast of a machine.

They wheeled me back.  An hour passed.  More pain meds.  Then…  silence.

While I waited on the results, sweaty from fever, cold the next second from chills, the movie in my mind of the last two weeks played.

Ari had been on night call.  This means he worked from the time I left the office (7pm) and got home from work when I started work (8am).  We would see each other for 20 minutes at the most, like two ships passing in the night.  Previously, this has been the worst time for us.  When I did see him, he was irritable from sleep-deprivation.  I wasn’t much help either.  I’d avoid him during call weeks as to not stir the pot.  I would try to plan travel around his call schedule.

These two weeks were also production weeks for my last two weddings that I’ve had on the books for eons… read #7 on this post.  The weddings were back to back, both huge, both full production.  Needless to say, I was a little busy.

But, despite all of this on my plate, I vowed that this time – this wedding season and this call time – would be completely different.  I deep cleaned the house, did the laundry, bought gifts, deep cleaned again, had the carpets shampooed, planted new flowers, obsessively organized, cleaned his closet, his car, stocked the fridge, wrote love notes, love emails, love texts, ran a bazillion errands, paid bills, and did whatever I could think of to make his life smooth while he was a night owl.  110% worth all the effort.  One morning, I woke up to this card:

Lara, I wanted to say thank you for going out of your way to be so sweet this past week while I have been working nights.  I realize I haven’t been as grateful as I should, but I really do appreciate everything you do.  I’m also really happy to see you not so stressed during this tough week before your weddings.  I think it is a measure of your growth as a business owner.  I love you a lot and am excited to spend more time with you.  Ari

It’s that last part, about my growth as a business owner, that got me.  One reason I love him so much is that when he says something, he means it.  He never tells me something just to make me feel good.  Yes, this can cause trouble for someone like me who craves encouraging reassurance, but it has ultimately helped me to be stronger and more independent.  Last summer was the most stressful time of my life thus far.  The magazine had launched that January, I already had a ton of weddings on the books that I would never think of giving up, loads of travel, speaking engagements, photo shoots, and no concept of how to balance it all or give any of it up. This year was different. I was… gasp… relaxed!

So, just 10 hours before my hospital visit, wedding #1 went off without a hitch.  It was perfect thanks to intense pre-planning and my amazing (understatement) team.  Exhausted, I still pried myself out of bed in the morning for church.  I needed some Jesus in my life.  I needed to sing my heart out.

That morning we did something unorthodox and watched a video called “Rain”.  The message:  Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, or the way we think they will.  Sometimes we don’t even see it coming.  We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless.  That’s the way life is.  Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us.  How God can just stand by and watch us suffer.  Where is God when it really hurts?  Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think.  Maybe it’s when we’re in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much He really loves us.

I could blame the following on the morphine, but I think it was much more powerful than that.  For some reason, I pictured grandpa Cecil in a cotton field in Alabama, where he grew up.  He would go farm to farm selling milk, flour, and handing out Bibles.  Sometimes that meant trekking miles and miles between houses.  To pass the time on the long journey, he would sing hymns.  His singing lead him to become the song leader at church and later an elder and preacher.  I found myself humming one of his favorites “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” when the nurses, Ari and Kyle left my bedside for a moment.  As the melody washed over me, I started to feel peace… the peace that passes all understanding.  I knew I was going to be OK.

Ari came in with a solemn look on his face.  “The good news is…”  Am I the only person whose stomach sinks when that phrase is uttered?  It just means there is not-so-good-news.  “The good news is that you don’t have to have surgery.”   What!?  I was relieved but at the same time angry.  I couldn’t imagine a pill or an apple a day would kill this pain.  I couldn’t walk or sit up.  I needed to get better pronto.  Not that I wanted to have surgery… please refer to previous mention of passing out.  After 3 doctors and the ER chief told me that I most likely had appendicitis, I was just very confused.  “You have a mass… a benign tumor about the size of a golf ball.  It has outgrown its blood supply and is dying.  As it dies, it is releasing toxins into your body that are causing you extreme pain.”  I cried.  “You will most likely have this recur for the rest of your life.”  I cried again.  “When you said the taco looked good, I knew you had an appetite which means no appendicitis.  You never eat tacos.”  I smiled, trying not to laugh and induce more pain.  Ari was so kind as he gently explained everything to me.  I couldn’t even begin to express how proud I was of him in that moment for doing what he does best –as seemingly simple as it was– to help me.  I could barely speak, but I didn’t have to say anything.  I know he saw the gratitude in my eyes and felt it in the grip of my hand.  He pulled out a piece of paper and tried to draw a diagram of what was happening.  I felt a new kind of love for him in that moment.  We’ve been married for 4 1/2 years now and I’ve never had the chance to see him work.  (Sorry, baby…  I wasn’t listening to you as you were explaining and drawing.  I was thinking all of these nice things about you instead.  I’m pulling the morphine card again here.)  Visiting him in the ER was an unexpected blessing and a turning point in my respect for him. I am in awe of what he has on his plate every day… far more serious cases than mine.  He deals with cancer all day long.  He has to tell people they may not make it.  He has to diagnose the worst kind of incurable pain.  Then, he comes home to me and I wax poetic about brides, emails and politics.  He never says to me, “Babe, I deal with cancer all day.  You’re problems are not that big of a deal.”  He should.  I love you, Ari.  Thank you for being you and for your unending kindness and heart of gold. 

I was taken home with enough pain meds to put a cattle farm out, put in bed, and watched.  They don’t tell you how long it will take for it to go away.  They just say “self-medicate until it feels better.”  Fun, right? I like concrete solutions. This did not seem like one. Come to find out, my mother and grandmother have experienced the same thing.  I am not one for pain pills, so I took one and tossed the rest.  I would rather be in pain than not be able to make decisions.  That’s just me. Luckily, after about 4 days, the pain started to subside.

I was so fearful that I wouldn’t be able to do wedding #2 that week, but –again– thanks to my brilliant team, it was beautiful.  We all joked about me coordinating the ceremony from a gurney.  Not funny.  If you are in weddings, you know what the wedding hangover is like… swollen feet and 5 showers wouldn’t make you feel so fresh and so clean.  And then there was Cayman the day after this wedding. I can handle a lot, but I couldn’t imagine –after being in a hospital bed just days before– doing a huge wedding then getting on a plane to an island where I’d be surrounded by the who’s who in weddings.  Hello! Slow. Down. Life! Engage is the kind of event that I felt I had to be at the top of my game for.  I felt the pressure caving in on me.  I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or see that I wasn’t at my best.  I didn’t want to seem unsocial or distracted.  I just didn’t want to talk about it.  But, as I reflected on my past Engage experiences, I was overwhelmed by the thought that it is an incredible privilege to go and even if I got sick or was in pain, I wasn’t going to die. I’d kick myself if I didn’t push through.  I did not have to be perfect. I got encouraging messages from my soon-to-be room mates, Jasmine Star and Harmony Walton, who I was really looking forward to spending quality time with.  So, I started to go through the “packing motions” as best I could.  I know them well.  Suitcase out, pack the travel size toiletries, undies, socks, bras, clothes, Luna Bars and Greens Plus Bars, Jay Robb, green tea, make the bed, get the computer, charge my extra iPhone battery, take out the trash, rinse and repeat.  Even 3 hours before my flight I still hadn’t checked in.  Fear of not being my best was holding me back.

Then, a note from Ari that morning : I hope paradise is wonderful and don’t forget to look around and be grateful for the opportunity to be in such a place.  And remember to cut yourself some slack. You are only a person who can do so much and be so many things to so many different people. Just be who you can be and if it is not enough for some, then they are asking too much. I love you.

I pulled the trigger and checked in for my flight.  Now do you see why I married him?  Thank you, Ari (and so many great friends), for encouraging me to go and just be me.

My Engage!10 Grand Cayman MegaPost is up next… so excited to share what turned out to be the best week ever.  Thanks for listening, friends.

xo

lc

images :: smilebooth …taken about 12 hours before my ER visit. It was such a fun night!

P.S. Congrats to the randomly chosen winner of the FujiFilm Instax Mini, Joe Anna Haydon! Email me your address and I’ll send your new camera right over.

P.S.S. Happy 38th anniversary to my parents! I love you both more than words. Thank you for inspiring us to love deeply every day and enjoy the best parts of life- family, friends, great food and beautiful sunsets.

P.S.S.S. I’m getting on a plane in a few hours. Excited about a little surprise weekend fun. More to come…

And yes, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know I have to give something away. Just have to. Why not?!
Leave a comment on this post telling me about the person in your life who has encouraged you the most and win a copy of one of my favorite books.

I am so proud of him, I just had to shout it to the rooftops. If anyone knows my brother, you know it’s been a long road with many unexpected challenges and blessings along the way. His graduation was probably the best gift my mom could have gotten for Mother’s Day. This was one of those weekends that I wish I had all the money in the world to fly my whole family somewhere – anywhere – to be together. Lots to celebrate in the Casey household.

Stephen, you are by far the most humble person I know. I am so inspired by your strength and brilliance. Wishing you a lifetime of taking things apart and putting them back together in ways only you know how.

Love,

your very proud sister

P.S. since my body is still on Hawaiian time, I’m giving y’all one more day to enter this.

P.S.S. So great to have “The Fab J’s” – Jose Villa, Joel Serrato, Jen Curtis, Joy Thigpen and crew here in NC doing a gorgeous editorial shoot for us for the next couple days! I love what we get the honor of doing every day and am so grateful to work with such incredible artists. Can’t wait to share this shoot in our next issue!

P.S.S.S. I’m planning the next MTH2010 stops for this coming fall.  We have a new format that will include individual personal branding sessions. I’m only doing 4 more in-person US stops and two international stops, so leave a comment here with your VOTE on the city you would like MTH to come to. Yes, I’ll still tally the votes from this post, but help me out and leave a new vote here too. We are also planning monthy virtual MTH’s, so stay posted for those details.  So excited!

I got a surprise package in the mail today from Harmony Walton, owner of Bridal Bar, who is is one of the most genuine, giving people in the wedding business.  I can always count on her to lift me up and tell it like it is.  Inside was this book.   When I get a new book or a magazine, I immediately flip through, usually starting in the middle, just to look at pictures.   I’m not sure what that says about me, but I never start from the beginning.

The first page I flipped to…

To name your fears is to destroy them.

What are you afraid of?

Failing?

Making decisions?

Being alone?

Losing your love?

Aging?

Losing your job?

Having no money?

Death?

Not having it all?

TURN IT AROUND –

Transmute fear to energy.

Think positive.

You could be –

Starting over.

Making another decision.

Living peacefully alone.

Finding new love.

Accepting change.

Beginning a new career.

Living more frugally, harmoniously, graciously.

Understanding life and the infinity of the spirit.

Moving forward to a new phase.

Currently listening to Let Go // BarlowGirl

Fear is the biggest thing holding you back from living your best life – the life you know you should be living right now in this moment.  I will admit, I am at a crossroads in my life right now.   My fears have been bubbling to the surface lately as if they mean to stare me in the face and draw swords.  Really sharp, shiny, menacing swords.   God has recently shown me path I need to take and I’m fighting it.  I know I am.  I think I’m not good enough, too busy, too broken to follow it.  I fear how it will change me.  How crazy is that!?  I know full-well that God will protect me with every step, but fear grabs ahold of me and builds massive brick walls around me daily.  It feels like that, but the funny thing is… fear isn’t tangible.  It’s just a feeling floating around in space.  Yet, somehow it paralyzes us.  Nod your head, raise your hand, give me an “amen!” or something if you feel paralyzed or in any way help back by fear.  Why are you letting it rule you?   How much does it rule you?   If you can challenge yourself to answer those questions clearly, I promise that the simple act of defining those answers will motivate an active change in your life.  I’m not at all saying I do this well all the time or that it is easy.  I’m able to talk about this because I’m constantly wracked with fear and work actively to fight it.  I get it because I’m there with you.

Taking the blinders off brings awareness.  Our blinders keep us in our safe little bubble, not challenged or stretched, and not moving forward.

Stop right now. If you are taking the time to read this post, you can take the time to pick up your pen and write this down…

I am afraid of ____[insert fear- no natter how silly, huge, irrational, or crazy it sounds]____ because ____[insert worst-case scenario outcome… the absolute worst mental picture of the scene that would play out if this fear was realized]____.

If I wasn’t afraid of ____[insert aforementioned fear]____ I would ____[what do you know deep down that you are capable of doing or being without this fear holding you back?]____.

If this fear didn’t hold me back, I would feel ____[What would it feel like? Freedom? Light? Clear?  Yeah. I thought so.]____.

Just thinking these answers doesn’t count, folks.   You can burn, toss, or shred your paper after this.  Merely thinking them means that the fear is still floating around somewhere, taking up precious mental space that you could be using to move on.  You could perform the simple act of putting your thoughts on paper by using that pen there… and thereby igniting the flame that may fire you up to live that life you know is right at your finger tips.  There is power in small action.  I’m harping on this because every time I do it, I see the immense power in it.  Just do it.  If it doesn’t help, I’ll give you … well, nothing.   If it doesn’t help, you didn’t really do it.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship… Romans 8:15

When we feel fear –that thing inside of us that wells up and makes us want to crawl into a hole, the butterflies, the pit in our stomach– it’s a SIGN!  The big glowing neon sign reads “step into me”.   Yes, it seems counter-intuitive, but fear is a sign that there’s something there worth conquering.  Step into your fear.  Feel it.  Move towards it with care and open eyes.  Fear is meant to make us question our actions and weigh risk.  Fear is an opportunity.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

These are actual pages from my MTH notebook.  I never intended to share them, but in the spirit of naming fear, I’m laying them out for you here.  Writing these words –finding the right words– was crazy hard.  I could have just put “I’m afraid of failing” but that’s not really getting to the heart of it.  What are you afraid of failing at?

What does the simple act of naming our fears really do? I came back from the first leg of the MTH Tour with clarity.  After 80 hours of self-reflection in 10 jam-packed days, it was like a mac truck hit me.  I got back and that Monday with a massive list that I was determined to conquer ASAP.  Once you find clarity, you have no choice but to act on it.   It was like I finally had all the puzzle pieces in one place and I just had to get them put together.   I went off the radar for about a week doing the following:

First thing Monday morning, I declared it “the week of getting structured and conquering loose ends.”  We redid the office, cleared the clutter and started over.

I hired a new accountant, poured through financial records and prepared the business taxes.  I am not a numbers person.  This does not come easy for me.  I am the queen of “Sorry if this is a dumb question, but…”

When I started working in the wedding business, I started with Bliss Event Group, my wedding production company. While we still have a few select weddings on the books, as the magazine has grown, I’ve purposely phased this business out over time.  All of our accounts and legal documents were formed through Bliss, which has become confusing since we don’t operate from that business very much compared to others. So, I formed Lara Casey Media as our holding company for Bliss, Southern Weddings® (<— love that little guy) and Lara Casey Reps.  No, it’s not a new company.  It’s just the house they all live in.  This has helped so much lately with accounts and streamlining our brand.

I streamlined Twitter accounts. I got rid of the @WeddingRep twitter account and changed it to @LaraCaseyReps. I started to feel like “WeddingRep” was impersonal and I don’t just work with wedding professionals. I also got rid of about 5 other twitter accounts that were just sitting there doing nothing. This may sound like a tiny change, but it worked wonders to clarify our brand. I made clear goals for each twitter account as far as the audience I was targeting and content.   Think on this: if a new client happened on your twitter page (or Oprah, for that matter… you just never know), what would your first 10 tweets say about you?  Does your bio just say “photographer” or nothing at all?   What does your picture say about you and the experience your clients will have if they hire you? This stuff matters and if you think your clients aren’t reading your twitter feed, you’re wrong. Twitter is meant to be authentic and somewhat spontaneous, but for business use you also have to have a mission for the content you are putting out. Twitter is essentially micro-blogging. Also, remember that the number of twitter followers you have doesn’t mean much. They loyalty and interaction you have with your “Tribe” of twitter followers is exponentially valuable.

I booked all of us tickets to NY that weekend after I got back to take Katharine to Kleinfeld to see Randy and to meet with creative business consultant, Sean Low.   I was ready to invest in someone giving us a solid opinion on our business structure.  Much more about our trip to NY and our meeting with Sean in the next post. That day deserves its own series.

I toiled day and night to clear my inbox.  Many times “clearing our inbox” really means making a lot of decisions we don’t want to make yet.  Instead of returning emails we get on Twitter, facebook, and let distraction rule us.  Writing the email really takes no time at all.  Writing 100 a day on average takes a lot of time.  Wavering on decisions that hold us back from replying to those emails can take an eternity.  Like we always say around here… It is better to make a decision you are 80% sure of than no decision at all.  It’s OK to fail as long as you committed.

On a personal note, I committed to more time in the gym, more time in my Bible, less time working at night and more time doing little things for my husband to show him that –even when I’m insanely busy– he is my first priority.

I started to live my ideal day: waking up earlier, inspired environment, feeding my soul with goodness from the first moment I open my eyes, taking time to do the things that make me feel most alive and whole, and so much more.  This is a principle we teach in the MTH Intensives.  Blog post coming soon.

I made a mission statement for myself with my consulting clients and wrote out tactical plans for each of them.  The results have been near miraculous.  Theme here… funny what the simple act of writing things down and clarifying can do.

I have committed to being a better friend.  I can get distracted so easily and wrapped up in myself.  My friends deserve more attention and care than my emails.

Most significantly, our Monday morning huddle that week was, to put it mildly, epic. I told Katharine and Emily the roles in our company that I was grooming them for and we clarified job descriptions. I’ve never seen them as focused and fired up as they are now. I realized I wasn’t tapping into even half of their potential and needed to give them more responsibility. No, I won’t tell you exactly what that means now, but you will certainly find out in time. They are brilliant women. Spend an hour with them; you’ll see.

There are 1000 other things, but my laundry list may bore you to tears.  Let’s just say, life around here is more focused and, as a result, sweeter.  It was great before, but great can always be improved.  Great has been re-defined in our office.

Doing all of those things above may seem simple and, despite barely sleeping for a week because I just wanted it all done, it was.  It was a breeze. Why?  Because I had done the work beforehand to clarify my fear and then make an active plan based on what I discovered.  Clarity creates conviction which creates action. Clarifying my fear was not easy.  At all.  As I wrote in my post last week, I spent ten days writing, crying, laughing, getting angry and getting real about my life. The veil was lifted.  While that was a luxury to have that time, I know the power of even taking 10 minutes to read this post and write those answers above.  Every time I did it, in every city, I got clearer and clearer.  Layer by layer, fear started to peel back.

No matter where you are in life or how overwhelmed you may be reading this post and thinking of those fears, just know that your fears do not define you.  You are not your thoughts.  You are not your fears.  Simon T Bailey always says, “Fear isn’t final.”  So true.  Replace fear with love and you will unlock more confidence and humble power than you can imagine.  What does that mean in a practical sense?   I leave in a few hours for Altanta to speak at The Simple Plan workshop tomorrow.  I realize this is going to sound silly, but I’m scared to give a PowerPoint presentation.  Put me in front of a crowd of thousands with no script and I’m all good.  Give me structure and I start to freak out.  Why do you think I work for myself?  So, in preparing, I’ve focused on how I can impart knowledge and really listen to each attendee rather than what they will think of me.  I’m replacing fear (paralyzing) with love (action).

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Oddly enough, 90% of the people I have met on the road are afraid of success. We are afraid of what the greatness within us will command us to do. What percentage of your potential are you functioning at right now?  Imagine if you were at even 70%.  Crazy thought, right?

A favorite quote that my bff sent me one day last week when I was having a rough day…  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

OK, off to pack and head to the airport.  I’m traveling solo this week to Hotlanta and Nashvegas.  Thanks for listening and taking this journey with me, friends.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27

xo

So, what are you afraid of? Name your fears. Destroy them. I know you can.

UPDATED: Scholarship Opportunity for Making Things Happen Las Vegas at WPPI and Making Things Happen Denver! Simply leave a comment here telling me why you want to attend and what you want to make happen. Also, be sure to tell me which intensive you’d like to attend. Scholarship opp closes at midnight this Wednesday. Winners announced Thursday morning. Good luck! *Scholarship is for the full $700 intensive fee, travel not included.

My good friend Nick Onken continuously blows me away with his drive and brilliant ability to take a concept to reality.  This guy really makes things happen.  (read his great post on it here)  His images are remarkable, his work ethic is like no one I’ve ever known, and his innate sense of branding is spot on.  He just launched a brand new site and blog that has garnered rave reviews.  I remember sitting in his office seeing unfinished previews and having to pull my jaw off the floor.  It may look simple and sleek, but it’s a beast of a site!  My favorite feature (besides just the ridiculous images): click on any image and add it to a lightbox, tweet it or download a larger version.  Simple.  Perfect.

On a personal note, he inspires me to truly live with all five senses.  I share Nick’s love for experiencing new places, tastes and laughter with great friends.  When we get the rare chance to see each other and go out to dinner with friends, Nick does all the ordering.  This has been officially titled “Onken Family Dinners” or “OFD”.  If you get the chance to experience an OFD with Nick, run to get your seat.  My mother is a trained French chef, so I grew up with adventurous taste buds, but Nick blows mine out of the water.  Jeff, Nick, Sandi, Ari and I recently had what I have dubbed the best meal of my life thus far.  After eight courses at NY’s Graffiti, I was in foodie heaven.  This place was the size of my bedroom.  There was no walking room between the some 40 people that were packed into this little hole in the wall.  The food was expertly prepared and plated and, just like much of New York, you would never know this place existed or that one of the best chefs in the city was behind it.  Did I mention he also waited on us?  Best.  Meal.  Ever.

OK, my stomach digressed.

I’m excited to fly to NY in March for Nick’s book release party and I’ve asked him to be a featured speaker with Jeff and I at Making Things Happen New York that week.  His book, Photo Trekking, has been a labor of love for him and the result is incredible.  After seeing an advance copy on a recent visit, I asked Mr. Onken to shed some light on the creation of his first book and share a few favorite images…

What is Photo Trekking about? Photo Trekking is an educational travel photography book that gives insights to a range of audiences from the amateur looking to take better photos, to photographers wanting to learn a little more about the travel photography business. The book is written from my perspective of how I shoot travel work and what I see. It contains stories of images I’ve shot from around the world. The book is derived from my passion of travel and photography combined.

Why did you decide to undertake this project? I undertook this project in big part because it’s a lot of who I am and what I love. My biggest passions in life are travel and photography. Sharing what I’ve learned along the way is another part of who I am as a person and a brand. When someone threw the idea at me to write an educational book on travel photography it was everything combined.

What was the most difficult part about the process of making Photo Trekking, from beginning to end? The most difficult part of the process was not realizing how much of an undertaking this project actually was. Curating images, prepping them for press, and most of all sitting down to write the manuscript. All these things proved to be more time consuming than you could ever think. Isn’t that always the case for us artists though?

What was the best part about making Photo Trekking? The best part of making Photo Trekking was curating the images, because it conjured up all the memories around the images. Where I was, the people I was with, the smells, the sounds etc. That is the amazing thing about being a photographer and experiencing new places. The photographs take you back and paint vivid memories. In creating the book, I had to look at these images and remember the stories that took place around them. It became very reminiscent.

Who is Photo Trekking for? There are a range of audiences the book can appeal to, the amateur photographer looking to take better photos, avid travelers with that desire to learn to see travel in a different way, and prosumers who want a glimpse into the business of photography. Also, people who just enjoy looking at pretty travel photos from around the world.

Would you like to put together another book?  What about? I would love to put together another book. About what I haven’t quite decided yet. I’m still working on getting this one out the door which has proven to be a lot of hard work. My next book will probably be a more specific project in the travel realm. We’re looking at doing a book on the charity project I just shot in Laos.

Why Pencils of Promise? Pencils of Promise is the charity I just shot for in Laos. They build schools for kids in Laos, and are spreading to countries around the world. A big part of my philosophy which is talked about in the book is teaming up with NGO’s or non-profits to A: give back and B: to travel to places deeper in a country that you normally would. When I met with the founder of PoP we clicked right away. We both have similar outlooks on life as well as passions. After talking to him, I was pumped to be a part of the organization and work with him. We set up a time that he would be there to go travel and do the 6 day shoot. We went to the little villages where they have schools built and are building them. We went to document and build branding imagery for them. It was an amazing experience. See images from this shoot at: http://bit.ly/nickonken_PoP

What most excites you about the months ahead? I’m excited for more travels and more adventures to come. My commercial career is really taking off, and another passion of mine. I’m really loving the big productions for big brands and the energy that goes along with the shoots. I’m excited to experience more of the world, new foods, new cultures and the unknown to come. The beauty of my life and career is that I’ve designed it to be able to do what I want and love. I can choose to hop a plane to another country in the drop of a hat if I want to. It’s taken a crazy amount of hard work to get to this point in my life, but it’s been worth it. It will always be hard work, but if you choose a job you love you’ll never work a day in your life.

Favorite moment you’ve had on a shoot recently. One of my favorite moments was on the Pencils of Promise shoot. We rented motorcycles and drove to one of the villages about an hour from town. You don’t really feel like you’re traveling till you hop on a motorcycle and weave through the madness of a third world country’s roads.

Favorite moment shooting something other than work recently. One of my other passions is food. If eating was a sport I’d be a pro. We’ve created a little thing called Onken Family Dinners where we get a small group of people together and go to a great restaurant. Good food, good wine and good people create great memories. We’ve had a few great ones recently. Other moments that stand out are New York moments. It’s a great phenomenon where you stand beside yourself in this city and you feel like you’re in a movie. I’ve had many of those in the last 7 months of living here. Sometimes it’s the being on a train, walking down a classic ny street, or sitting in a quaint little ny restaurant with great friends as the snow is covering everything in white outside the window. I love experiencing life with the five senses.

You are close friends with some phenomenal photographers.  Tell us about how those relationships have affected you. I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with people that push you to be a better person, and better at what you do. I enjoy having friends that are talented photographers because it pushes me to take better photos and be better at business. With all higher profile photographer friends Jeremy Cowart, Joey L, Stephanie Rausser, Chase Jarvis, Jeff Lipsky we all inspire each other by doing what we do and all in different ways. Mad respect to them for doing what they do, and doing it well.

Tell us a funny photography story. When Jeff Holt and I were traveling in Iceland, and deciding to forge rivers in our rented Ford Escape. I decide to video him driving through the river. He decided to floor it in the middle causing the front end to dive under water and almost submerge the vehicle. It almost killed the engine and we would have been stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Dream celeb client. Here’s four: Sienna Miller, Jessica Alba, Brad Pitt, Johnny Dep.

Describe your work in one word. Moments.

Finish the sentence: I’m dying to shoot Sienna Miller.

What you feel you’re good at: taking pictures and business development/branding.

What you feel you’re bad at: Administrative work.

What inspires you? New cultures, new experiences, great food, passionate, smart, motivated and driven people.

What is your most significant photography achievement thus far? I would have to say this book. It’s not every day you get a book published by a major publishing house like Random House.

What’s in your camera bag? Smart answer: Cameras.  Tech answer: Canon 1Ds MKIII, Canon 5DMKII, Canon 20mm f2.8, Canon 35mm f1.4L, Canon 50mm f1.2L, Canon 85mm f1.2L, Canon 70-200mm f2.8, Sekonic Light Meter, Sharpie Pens, Customs form, a couple of pocket hard drives, lens cloths, battery chargers, model release forms, flashlight, card reader, gum.

Tell us something we don’t know about you. I used to be a knife salesman.

Three most valuable things to you in business. Talent, Hard work, Branding

Best advice for photographers who want to learn. Keep shooting, work hard, and know you want it.

What’s next for you? More travels and more adventures. I don’t plan much more than 2 weeks in advance because the commercial world is so crazy like that. I could be in Brazil next week for all I know.

Lastly, Nick… this image is from me to you. Thank you for inspiring me daily and for always creating the best party in my tummy ever.

Win an exclusive autographed copy of of Nick’s new book before it even hits shelves! How to enter:

Requirement 1: leave a comment here with the link to your favorite image on Nick’s new site and why you love it.  I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!  I had such a hard time picking a favorite, but the header image in this post always makes me happy.

Get bonus entries by: Tweeting your favorite image (it’s easy- just click the image and click “tweet”), leaving a comment on Nick’s facebook fan page, following @NickOnken, or tweeting this post (that’s easy too… click the link below to tweet this!)

The winner will be chosen at random on March 3. Get inspired. Get on it!

xo

lc

WPPI, the largest wedding and portrait photography convention, is coming up in about 3 short weeks. Going to WPPI last year changed my life. I met the people who are now my best friends, including Jeff and Jory, plus so many others.  The dinner above was a huge turning point.  It was the first time I felt I was surrounded by creative people who just got me.   They were as passionate and driven as I was.  If you are on the fence about coming to WPPI, I have three things that I hope will entice you to join us…

1. I met a young man through twitter last week named Spencer Brodsky.  Spencer is a remarkable high school senior who has started a movement called Tents in Haiti. It’s raining in Haiti today which means further devastation for the some one million homeless Haitians.  They need shelter and, until homes are rebuilt, they need tents…. strong, sturdy tents that can withstand the Haitian downpour.

All proceeds from his efforts go straight to CF International who is providing the tents for displaced Haitians.  I’m so floored by the philanthropic work this young man has done and I instantly reached out to him.  I thought I did a lot in high school, but I can’t say I started charities for Darfur and Haiti and interviewed dozens of celebrities and world leaders by the time I was 18.  Thank you, Spencer, for all you are doing to inspire change!

Inspired by what Spencer is doing with Tents in Haiti, Katharine decided to auction me off. All proceeds will go to Tents in Haiti.

2. I’m not doing the mentor session on Sunday the 7th because we’ll be knee-deep in MTH2010 Las Vegas from 10-4 and…

3. AIRHORNS!!! You may have heard of this little party that’s sweeping the WPPI world like wildfire. Airhorns and Lasers, created by myself and Whitney and Jesse from OLOL, is going to be off the chain.  Yes, off the chain!!!   It sold out in a matter of a week, so we officially decided to change venues to accommodate the some 400 emails we got in the last 24 hours.   It’s nuts!  So, ticket sales are back open as of just now, the venue is still secret, and you are not going to believe what we have planned for this shindig. “Epic” doesn’t even cut it.

Want to WIN A PAIR OF TICKETS to Airhorns and Lasers? Leave a comment here telling me your favorite dance move that you plan to do at the party.  Contest ends next Friday the 26th.  If you win, we’ll expect to see a live demonstration on Sunday March 7th : )

Don’t forget to bid on the Tents in Haiti Mentor Auction which is now LIVE.  Please help me spread the word, friends.

See you at WPPI!

xo

lc

PS Thanks to everyone who joined us today for our live Valentine’s Day party in the Southern Weddings office.  Missed the fun?  You can watch all the action here. Thanks to my mom and dad who apparently tuned in.  Too fun! Happy Valentine’s weekend!

I’m a little embarrassed at my apparent addiction to the Smilebooth.  After a dozen encounters with said Smilebooth, I’ve come to realize playing in that thing makes me laugh more than anything. 

After a long day of deep reflection, it was great to just let loose and have some silly fun!  Whitney and I really want one for the office just so we can spend 10 minutes every day laughing our faces off.

Whitney (from OLOL… aka raddest guy in ATL), Jesse (raddest gal in ATL) and Ashley (she’s rad too. She’s been so helpful with this little party we are throwing in Vegas.) sure know how to make me have a good time!   Thank you Atlanta and Nashville for making this week so life-changing for Jeff and I.

OK ok, so we attempted to record this video a couple weeks ago in Chicago and got so busy we never posted it.  Goodness!  You’d think we were traveling the country or something??  So, break out the DeLorean and take a little trip back to the future with us… (and you’ve been warned: this is what happens when you travel to 6 cities in 10 days and do 80 hours of deep soul-searching work)

There are just a small handful of cities on the books left for the Making Things Happen Intensive Tour, so we want your input on where we should go next.  Leave a comment here with the city you want us to visit. Keep in mind that we really will pick the next stops based on your comments.   If there are votes from at least ten people in one city, we’re there!

PS Klienfeld was AMAZING and Katharine’s dress is to die for! Pics from our NY adventure coming soon.

PSS I have a very exciting auction I’m announcing tomorrow.  Get your auction paddles ready, y’all!

PSSS I’m headed back to Hotlanta in 10 days to speak at this little shindig.  You should come.

PSSSS I’ll have a little time in ATL for individual mentoring sessions.  Want one?  Email me.

PSSSSS We’re having a Valentine’s Day party tomorrow and you’re invited.

PSSSSSS AIRHORNS!!!

[Smilebooth hair thrash action above with my bff Sandi and dear friend Annette Thurmon of Chaviano Couture. Annette was also a model in our Watercolor shoot for Southern Weddings V2 shot by Fred Egan]

If you took an hour per week to get clear about your direction, make an active plan for the future, and voice your fears, what would that do to your life?  Imagine doing that for over 80 hours in 10 days.  Friends, I essentially went through group therapy for 10 solid days on the first leg of the Making Things Happen tour: Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Chicago.  In giving the intensive and asking the simple but tough questions, I asked them of myself every time.  I cried, I laughed, I got angry, I got clear.  Jeff and I publicly challenged each other.  Every time, our answers boiled down and revealed more and more with every city we visited.  Some two weeks later, Jeff and I are back on the road and currently in snowy Nashville to experience the intensive with a man I admire beyond words, Jeremy Cowart.  We are also both sitting here trying to finally blog. (Go, Jeff, go!)  The last 36 hours in Atlanta were so powerful for me.  The brilliant people we met gave me the courage to finally break my blogging silence.  Thank you, friends.

My main goal from the start of this tour was simple: I wanted to learn how to tell my story.  I’ve always feared what people would think of me if I told all of it.  So, up until Minneapolis, I left out several major parts.  It’s funny- I wasn’t even conscious of it.  I had subconsciously blocked certain experiences out of my vocabulary.  I must have said to myself a long time ago, “you just don’t talk about that.”  They were simple experiences, somewhat common, but I won’t tell them here on the blog.  I don’t feel like I can honor those milestones with typed out words.  I’d rather tell you face to face so you can look me in the eyes and see what I experienced and how it shaped me.

In Minneapolis, I was moved by the courage of a couple people in that room who laid it all out.  I said to myself, “ok, if they are going to take that risk, I can and should too.”  So, for the first time ever, I told a a deeper part of my story… but still not all of it.  I felt a shift the first time I let myself answer a hard question and give the not-so-easy real answer. By the time I got to Chicago, something in me knew it was time to tell my whole story… start to finish.  Jeff hadn’t even heard it all.  As the words fell out of my mouth, something in me started to heal, fall away, emerge.  I started to see that, for me, the painful things I’ve experienced are meant to be gently shared so that others can hopefully learn from them and so I can heal through telling them.  Thank you, dear friends, for sharing so much of yourselves and teaching me that being me (aka flawed) is ok in the process.  [insert words big enough to explain what the simple act of telling my story has done to heal my heart]

Let’s be clear about one thing though … Nothing magically happened to me in those 10 days.  I wasn’t struck by lightning or forced to do anything.  I chose to do the work.  I chose to take those 10 days to let myself go there.  I did it because I started to see the me I was as a child- carefree, happy, whole.  I have started to remember who I am at my core. I did it because the people I met on the tour did it too… many times, they did it first. They laid out all their fears, and I followed suit. I did it because, in finally telling my whole story, I realized that life is short and we can’t get these days back. Life is short, but our days and hours are long enough to make a difference… to make good things happen for other people.

A big part of me hasn’t yet processed all of this. I hadn’t blogged since that day in Chicago. I knew I’d never find words big enough to explain my feelings here. But, I couldn’t stay silent forever. So, here I am trying…  It was a daily decision I battled with on the road- do I wake up and live my best life authentically, no holds barred, even if I get hurt?  Or do I shrink?

Stepping into and through our fear starts with a very tiny moment.  It feels like pain, but it dissipates almost instantly… as quickly as fleeting breath.  I let the fear wash over me.  I just got it all out- whether through words, writing, running, singing or laughing.  Somehow, there has been a lot of child-like genuine belly laughter through this process.  I felt the fear and did it anyway.  I let myself open up and trust that God has me in the palm of His hand at every moment. 

There is an incredible power in having our lives simply witnessed.  The power of accountability is in being seen, accepted, and realized as we are right now… sometimes broken, weary and lost.  I’ve started to see that one of the gifts of marriage is that witnessing.  Sometimes you just need someone to listen and see where you are… no advice, no fixing… just understanding.  I now see myself moving forward in ways I never thought possible. I’m so grateful to Ari, Jeff, Sandi, Katharine, Emily and dozens of new genuine friends who have given me that gift in the last 7 or so weeks since this journey began. When I say I’m grateful for the people that have come into my life in that time, there are –again– no words big enough to describe how they have inspired, taught, motivated, humbled and flat out changed me at first sight.

I wake up every day with the choice to continue to do the work or just go through the motions.  It is not easy.  It’s 2:50am and I have a big day tomorrow, but I’m choosing to finish this post -edited or not- because it’s a fear I need to get through so I can move forward. I know full well that this is just the beginning and I don’t even have 1% of the answers.  There are a thousand layers to peel back and I’ve just barely scratched the surface.  But, in simply scratching the surface, my whole perspective has changed.  That 1% has made all the difference.  I know in writing this post, it’s not perfect.  There are volumes inside my heart that just don’t have the words to speak yet.  They will eventually.

I will never forget finishing the Chicago intensive and standing for a moment in the conference room with Jeff.  I said, “Jeff, how did we get here?”  He just pointed up.

Love from snowy Nashvegas,

lc

Love,

Jeff, Sandi and Lara