We traveled to 13 cities this year to challenge people to conquer fear and harness their true potential.  Never in a million years would I have guessed the result.  I can’t take credit for what the MTH Alumni have accomplished since we first met 7 months ago.  They genuinely lived what I said: Feel the fear and do it anyway.   The feedback has blown me away. Photo below :: Jasmine Star.

One of the biggest factors in all of this success has been the community that has formed from MTH.  The support I see every single day from past attendees is just phenomenal.  There aren’t words big enough to describe what these people have done for each other to help one another conquer fear and make really big things happen in their lives and in business.  There have been countless late night phone calls, group Skype chats to offer encouragement, weekly meet-ups, a thousand encouraging texts, uplifting emails (I know all of this because I’ve been a recipient myself!), hourly Twitter messages to encourage and support, many tears, frustrations, hurdles, triumph, and remarkable advances. Photo below :: Poser

I am so excited to announce new cities for the Making Things Happen Tour!  Salt Lake City, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Maui will be making big things happen this fall!  Register here by September 1st for the early bird rate. Photo below :: Wesley Leytham

Because the seats are so limited –only 10 seats available per city instead of 20– I expect this to sell out quickly.  I wish I could visit more cities, but with the upcoming release of our new issue and a packed schedule, I simply don’t have time.  So, jump on these places!  Many are easy to travel to and are large airport hubs if you are flying in. Photo below :: Photogen

Because we’ve cut the attendee count in half for each stop to keep these groups focused and give more personal time, I am only offering one scholarship (details below) for this round of the tour (yes, really just one unlike last time). There will be no partial scholarships either, but if you would like to inquire about financing plans, email my awesome assistant, Marissa.

I’m also verrrry excited about the big MTH2010 Reunion this December in Watercolor — where all the magic began!  All past attendees are invited to join us for a weekend of inspiration, fun in the sun and a few surprises.  Yes, if you attend the Tour in November, you are of course welcome to join us at the reunion.  I. Can’t. Wait!

Heartfelt thanks to Jeff Holt (who is the reason I started this tour!), Jeremy Cowart, Nick Onken, Jose Villa, Stacie Francombe, Blair and Christy from Junebug Weddings, the amazing First Class, and all of the incredible alumni who have encouraged this powerful journey.  I am forever grateful.  And I have to send huge thanks to Katharine and Emily who celebrated their one year anniversary with me today.  I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if it wasn’t for their daily support.  They always remind me that I can do anything I am passionate about.  I love you both!

With love,

Lara

P.S. Congrats to the past post winners: Elizabeth Hafner from Vignette Photography, Katie from Intertwined Events, Briana from Wake Up, Juliet, Katherine from Solo Dot Mom, and Megan Floyd!  Email me your mailing address for your special prize.  I have read the comments on that post several times over and I never cease to be inspired!  Thank you all for your thoughts.

P.S.S.  The MTH Scholarship opportunity is LIVE!  You have till Monday August 16th to get your comment in. All the details…

So, what do you want to make happen? Tell me the city you’d like to attend in as well…

Life is just too short.  These words have been keeping me up at night, making me do things I’ve never done.   Yes, we hear that phrase a lot, but does it sink in?   I mean really sink in.  Stop right now.  You won’t die if your email, phone, twitter, editing or 10 windows you have up go untouched for a moment.  Come on!  Just stop.  Say it out loud – yes, do it – slowly, swirling each word and the visual picture in your mind around: life is just too short. We only get one chance at this.  You get one chance to breathe each day, to create, love, do good for others and experience all you are meant to do.  [image above :: film. love.]

There was a time last year after I wrote this post that I had just had it.  I was sick and tired of feeling held back, chained to my work and weighed down by a lot of negativity I couldn’t get myself to let go of.  I let myself believe I wasn’t enough.  I let it get the very best of me.

So, I woke up one morning, got on my computer, and –as if someone had taken over my body completely– booked a ticket to Jamaica.  Yes, the next morning, I left for 4 days in Jamaica… by myself.  Ari was studying for a big exam and just wanted me to feel better, so he was excited for me.  Other than him, I only told Emily, Katharine and my mom where I was headed.  Now, I realize not everyone can jet off to Jamaica at the drop of a hat.  I couldn’t either, but I had just gotten to that point where “life is too short” was pressing in, suffocating me.  I had to do something.

Jamaica was more than I expected. I had one rule there: feel whatever you are feeling. I’m constantly around other people, having to keep my positive spirit up to motivate others and set a good example. I’m a consultant, planner, coach, boss and mentor so I always have to be on my game.  I needed a break from the expectations.  I needed to be in a place where no one cared what I did or felt.  I got just that and so much more.

You can read the first part of my journey here.  I arrived in Montego Bay, cleared customs, and as soon as I stepped outside, the catcalls began. I boarded my pre-paid airport transfer to the resort- aka a bus with a bunch of half-drunk college kids smoking pot in the back. What have I gotten myself into!? I kept thinking.  This was a horrible idea! Maybe I should just go back to the airport. HELP!!! I hunkered down next to a window and tried to focus on the fast-moving scenery. We were going a good 90 miles per hour in a diesel bus from 1970.  It was a two hour ride from Montego Bay to Negril.  Longest two hours of my life.

Four Bob Marley albums later, we arrived, and I started to feel a little hope. The Sunset at the Palms staff greeted me with fresh juice and a cold towel while they checked me in.  I just about had a temper tantrum when the gentleman told me there was no wifi.  After a deep breath and kicking myself in the pants a couple times for being so tech-dependent, I realized that I got exactly what I needed: a forced break.  A kind young man took me down a long garden path to my home for the next 3 nights- a tree house. Now, granted, it was a plush tree house, but open to the elements, nonetheless.

That night I tried to just be. There was no room service, no internet, no phone service, no people around but the security guard roaming the property. It was just me and a web-less MacBook which incidentally became my journal.  So, I wrote.  I listened to the sounds of the jungle and let all my thoughts take flight. When I’m home, I find every reason not to face my feelings. I’ll distract myself with work, Twitter, Facebook, phone calls, more work and more phone calls. I had no choice here: sleep or write.  I have a box somewhere filled with dozens of full journals from years past.  How I ever had the patience to write is beyond me.  Now, my thoughts moved faster than my pen, so I type.

I remember feeling a little unemotional.  It was a strange feeling.  I thought I’d type out all my thoughts, fears, frustrations and there would be some cathartic ending… crying, laughing, something! Nothing came.  I just sat with a sort of dull feeling of unrest.  I knew I was there to learn something.  I was impatient.  Like everything in my life, I just wanted to make it happen.  I learned on this trip, that the most sensitive and valuable things for our soul just happen.  If we let them.

So I decided to do the opposite of my instinct.  It was not easy.  When I found myself trying to control my thoughts and find “the answer” I would just breathe.  Somewhere between a solo kayak journey in the ocean and a fierce tropical downpour, little grains of truth started to seep in.  I started to find clarity.  I sat out on the deck in the rain and I started to write again.

Life is just too short.  Too short to not forgive yourself when you fall.  Everyone makes mistakes. Successful people own them, learn from them, and get back up.

Life is too short not to taste, smell, touch and see everything.  Life is too short to say, “what if?”

Life is too short not to wake up every day surrounded by the people you love who lift you up and encourage you to grow.  Life is too short to have people in your life who tell you that you aren’t enough.  Life is far too short not to tell those people to kindly take a hike. Life is too short to be small.

Life is too short to short not to turn the music up, throw caution to the wind and do something out of your comfort zone.  [images below :: my first film photographs]

Life is too short to accept your limitations.  You are the only person who can give yourself permission to be great.

Life is too short not to be loved fully… for who we are… right now.

Life is too short not to give everything. So many people have so little.  You’ll leave this world with nothing anyway.

Life is too short to not laugh, play -even when things are falling apart- and give thanks for what’s right under your nose.

Life is too short not to express.  Say it.  Write that letter.  Make that call. Love deeply.

Do the thing that you fear most.  Step into it, not away.  There is life in that.

My list went on and the fire started to burn.  I gave myself permission to just let go.  I left a lot of pain and self-limiting fear on the beaches of Negril and never looked back.

A few weeks after I returned, we made a magazine.  Three weeks after that, I wrote a post that started a movement and took me around the country to meet the people who are now my best friends.

It’s time to take up a no tolerance policy on your life. You know what happens when you let go of the things that you know hinder you from soaring?  You find freedom… in business, in relationships, and in the deepest parts of your heart that have been locked away since you were small.  When you let go and do what you fear most, you are better for those around you.  You are more creative, driven, rested, clear, successful.  Your genius can finally surface.

Why, after almost a year, is this last-minute adventure in Jamaica suddenly at the front of my mind?  Lately, I’ve been weighing risk: when to dive and when to straight up cannon ball!   The risk I took to do something that was 100% for my soul has paid off a hundred times over since. 

You don’t have to go to Jamaica to find clarity.  But, you do have to stop yourself from just going through the motions as usual.  Change your environment, change the music, change the sheets… just do something to shake things up, force yourself to really listen and do the things you were meant to do.  Don’t know what they are?  You’ll never know unless you try.  Try, fail, forgive, and try again.  Each time you will have greater clarity.

Somewhere, sometime, someone told you that you weren’t good enough… and you believed it.  You just accepted it.  You owned it.  You can begin new right now.  You can begin anywhere.  When you are truly living, there is no such thing as someday. Life is just too short not to start.

xo

lc

Congrats to Brooke aka Mrs. Cupcake who is the winner of last post’s prize, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be. Email me and I’ll get your book to you.

Pen your own phrase and leave your thoughts here. “Life is too short to ____.” I’ll pick five random comments for a very special little surprise.

Oh, hello blog.  It’s been a while.  I’ve been a little afraid of you, to be honest.  Too much on my calendar?  check.  Not enough sleep?  check.  Overextending myself as usual.  check.  A ridiculous period of severe burnout after returning from WPPI?  Yes, ma’am! (Yes, my blog is apparently a chick.)  I’m actively working on the burnout.  By “actively” I mean working my tush off to change my quality of life and ability to step. away. from. my. Mac.  Post to follow.

So, amidst my recent travels from Vegas to Denver to Los Angeles to Raleigh to New York to DC and back to NC again this past Sunday, I’ve been working diligently with my lovely team to produce Southern Weddings Volume 3… aka awesomesauce.  It has not been easy.  The more I grow and learn, the pickier I get and the harder it is to please my eye.  I’ve said “no” much more than usual on this issue.  I think Emily has started to fear showing me submissions.  Kidding.  She’s incredible and refining her eye as well.  I want great imagery, moving love stories, epic details, the best products, a ton of surprises and inspiring submissions that make me dream big. I’ve filled my desk with clippings, covers that make me swoon, and loads of inspiration.  (recent contents of my carry-on seen here)

In an effort to help you help me (hello, Jerry McGuire), I started a Twitter series last week called #GetPublished.  I want you to do well and “wow” me.  In my opinion, the more we all teach each other, the more we raise our collective level of success as an industry.  I don’t believe in competition.  I’ll tell you if a great wedding is better for another magazine or if I think you should advertise with them instead of me.  I do it all the time because I’d want the same.  So, I’m vowing to try to give as much knowledge and help away as possible in the months to come.  Anyway, I digress.

I’ve been wracking my brain over our next cover.  The stakes are set pretty high considering our last two stellar cover photographers.  (Thank you, Jose and Jeremy)

The photographer I had in mind doesn’t shoot bridal anything anymore, according to her agents.  Swoon…

Soooo… I asked a magical question that opened up the floodgates: who wants to shoot our next cover? Seconds after I asked the question and my phone buzzed and beeped so much that I had to turn it off.  It died within 30 minutes from all the activity!

So, you want to shoot our cover? The following is part exercise for you (it’s imperative that you learn to present shoot ideas with a clear vision and direction to editors/commercial clients) and a lot of help for me to get to know you as an artist.  Even if you don’t end up shooting my next cover, I’ll get to know your passion and vision for future projects.

To be considered, show me what you’ve got!

1. Put together a very short “creative”: 1 part story that you want to tell through the image, 1 part what fashion and accessories you would use, 2 parts location, and 5 parts visual storyboard for what you envision.  Pull images from various sources that paint the visual picture for me of the fashion, styling, location and atmosphere.  Wrap it all up in a nice little low-res pdf and send it on over. (Please put “V3 COVER” in the subject of your email) Nothing fancy.  If you have a vision, this should take you all of 20 minutes.  Keep the text minimal.  This is all about imagery and my gut reaction to your vision.

2. Here’s what I want out of this cover and I’m going to be vague on purpose: summer, blonde model, aqua/teal, hints of orange and gold, very fresh.  (If another magazine steals my scheme, you can see the time stamp on this post, y’all!)

3. This issue drops at the end of July.  You have to have time to do this shoot.  I prefer it is shot in the South, but that’s not necessarily a requirement.

UPDATED: We’ve decided to take the top submissions and help each photographer/stylist produce each shoot.  We’ll give you all the inside secrets on exactly what we want so you can execute the vision.  More details to come, but essentially you are guaranteed publication in either print or online if we pick you for production… and no matter what you’ll have great new material for your portfolio. So, team up with stylists, makeup artists and bridal salons to bring this cover shoot vision to life!  Please include your list of preferred vendors in your creative. If we choose you, we’ll help you get pull-letters for models if needed, guide the styling so it’s exactly what we are looking for, and help you blow it out of the water.

And just so you know, I don’t need a huge name for this cover.  That’s why I’m opening this opportunity to anyone.  I just need an epic image.  Anyone can apply.  Deadline to send me your creative brief is Monday April 12th. Bring it, y’all!  A little reminder…

If you are applying to shoot the cover, leave a comment below letting me know you’ll be submitting (tell me a little bit about what you envision while you’re at it!)  Have a question?  Put it in the comment box below so everyone can benefit.

As a bonus, I’ll choose one random comment as the winner of one of my favorite new books: It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be: The World’s Best-Selling Book (thank you, Jory, for the recommendation!) Winner will be chosen on April 15th.

Be sure to follow along with my How to #GetPublished series and stay tuned for my #GetBranded series coming next.

xo

lc

PS – Today is our 2 year blogaversary.  Thank you for two joyful years, friends.

I got a surprise package in the mail today from Harmony Walton, owner of Bridal Bar, who is is one of the most genuine, giving people in the wedding business.  I can always count on her to lift me up and tell it like it is.  Inside was this book.   When I get a new book or a magazine, I immediately flip through, usually starting in the middle, just to look at pictures.   I’m not sure what that says about me, but I never start from the beginning.

The first page I flipped to…

To name your fears is to destroy them.

What are you afraid of?

Failing?

Making decisions?

Being alone?

Losing your love?

Aging?

Losing your job?

Having no money?

Death?

Not having it all?

TURN IT AROUND –

Transmute fear to energy.

Think positive.

You could be –

Starting over.

Making another decision.

Living peacefully alone.

Finding new love.

Accepting change.

Beginning a new career.

Living more frugally, harmoniously, graciously.

Understanding life and the infinity of the spirit.

Moving forward to a new phase.

Currently listening to Let Go // BarlowGirl

Fear is the biggest thing holding you back from living your best life – the life you know you should be living right now in this moment.  I will admit, I am at a crossroads in my life right now.   My fears have been bubbling to the surface lately as if they mean to stare me in the face and draw swords.  Really sharp, shiny, menacing swords.   God has recently shown me path I need to take and I’m fighting it.  I know I am.  I think I’m not good enough, too busy, too broken to follow it.  I fear how it will change me.  How crazy is that!?  I know full-well that God will protect me with every step, but fear grabs ahold of me and builds massive brick walls around me daily.  It feels like that, but the funny thing is… fear isn’t tangible.  It’s just a feeling floating around in space.  Yet, somehow it paralyzes us.  Nod your head, raise your hand, give me an “amen!” or something if you feel paralyzed or in any way help back by fear.  Why are you letting it rule you?   How much does it rule you?   If you can challenge yourself to answer those questions clearly, I promise that the simple act of defining those answers will motivate an active change in your life.  I’m not at all saying I do this well all the time or that it is easy.  I’m able to talk about this because I’m constantly wracked with fear and work actively to fight it.  I get it because I’m there with you.

Taking the blinders off brings awareness.  Our blinders keep us in our safe little bubble, not challenged or stretched, and not moving forward.

Stop right now. If you are taking the time to read this post, you can take the time to pick up your pen and write this down…

I am afraid of ____[insert fear- no natter how silly, huge, irrational, or crazy it sounds]____ because ____[insert worst-case scenario outcome… the absolute worst mental picture of the scene that would play out if this fear was realized]____.

If I wasn’t afraid of ____[insert aforementioned fear]____ I would ____[what do you know deep down that you are capable of doing or being without this fear holding you back?]____.

If this fear didn’t hold me back, I would feel ____[What would it feel like? Freedom? Light? Clear?  Yeah. I thought so.]____.

Just thinking these answers doesn’t count, folks.   You can burn, toss, or shred your paper after this.  Merely thinking them means that the fear is still floating around somewhere, taking up precious mental space that you could be using to move on.  You could perform the simple act of putting your thoughts on paper by using that pen there… and thereby igniting the flame that may fire you up to live that life you know is right at your finger tips.  There is power in small action.  I’m harping on this because every time I do it, I see the immense power in it.  Just do it.  If it doesn’t help, I’ll give you … well, nothing.   If it doesn’t help, you didn’t really do it.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship… Romans 8:15

When we feel fear –that thing inside of us that wells up and makes us want to crawl into a hole, the butterflies, the pit in our stomach– it’s a SIGN!  The big glowing neon sign reads “step into me”.   Yes, it seems counter-intuitive, but fear is a sign that there’s something there worth conquering.  Step into your fear.  Feel it.  Move towards it with care and open eyes.  Fear is meant to make us question our actions and weigh risk.  Fear is an opportunity.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

These are actual pages from my MTH notebook.  I never intended to share them, but in the spirit of naming fear, I’m laying them out for you here.  Writing these words –finding the right words– was crazy hard.  I could have just put “I’m afraid of failing” but that’s not really getting to the heart of it.  What are you afraid of failing at?

What does the simple act of naming our fears really do? I came back from the first leg of the MTH Tour with clarity.  After 80 hours of self-reflection in 10 jam-packed days, it was like a mac truck hit me.  I got back and that Monday with a massive list that I was determined to conquer ASAP.  Once you find clarity, you have no choice but to act on it.   It was like I finally had all the puzzle pieces in one place and I just had to get them put together.   I went off the radar for about a week doing the following:

First thing Monday morning, I declared it “the week of getting structured and conquering loose ends.”  We redid the office, cleared the clutter and started over.

I hired a new accountant, poured through financial records and prepared the business taxes.  I am not a numbers person.  This does not come easy for me.  I am the queen of “Sorry if this is a dumb question, but…”

When I started working in the wedding business, I started with Bliss Event Group, my wedding production company. While we still have a few select weddings on the books, as the magazine has grown, I’ve purposely phased this business out over time.  All of our accounts and legal documents were formed through Bliss, which has become confusing since we don’t operate from that business very much compared to others. So, I formed Lara Casey Media as our holding company for Bliss, Southern Weddings® (<— love that little guy) and Lara Casey Reps.  No, it’s not a new company.  It’s just the house they all live in.  This has helped so much lately with accounts and streamlining our brand.

I streamlined Twitter accounts. I got rid of the @WeddingRep twitter account and changed it to @LaraCaseyReps. I started to feel like “WeddingRep” was impersonal and I don’t just work with wedding professionals. I also got rid of about 5 other twitter accounts that were just sitting there doing nothing. This may sound like a tiny change, but it worked wonders to clarify our brand. I made clear goals for each twitter account as far as the audience I was targeting and content.   Think on this: if a new client happened on your twitter page (or Oprah, for that matter… you just never know), what would your first 10 tweets say about you?  Does your bio just say “photographer” or nothing at all?   What does your picture say about you and the experience your clients will have if they hire you? This stuff matters and if you think your clients aren’t reading your twitter feed, you’re wrong. Twitter is meant to be authentic and somewhat spontaneous, but for business use you also have to have a mission for the content you are putting out. Twitter is essentially micro-blogging. Also, remember that the number of twitter followers you have doesn’t mean much. They loyalty and interaction you have with your “Tribe” of twitter followers is exponentially valuable.

I booked all of us tickets to NY that weekend after I got back to take Katharine to Kleinfeld to see Randy and to meet with creative business consultant, Sean Low.   I was ready to invest in someone giving us a solid opinion on our business structure.  Much more about our trip to NY and our meeting with Sean in the next post. That day deserves its own series.

I toiled day and night to clear my inbox.  Many times “clearing our inbox” really means making a lot of decisions we don’t want to make yet.  Instead of returning emails we get on Twitter, facebook, and let distraction rule us.  Writing the email really takes no time at all.  Writing 100 a day on average takes a lot of time.  Wavering on decisions that hold us back from replying to those emails can take an eternity.  Like we always say around here… It is better to make a decision you are 80% sure of than no decision at all.  It’s OK to fail as long as you committed.

On a personal note, I committed to more time in the gym, more time in my Bible, less time working at night and more time doing little things for my husband to show him that –even when I’m insanely busy– he is my first priority.

I started to live my ideal day: waking up earlier, inspired environment, feeding my soul with goodness from the first moment I open my eyes, taking time to do the things that make me feel most alive and whole, and so much more.  This is a principle we teach in the MTH Intensives.  Blog post coming soon.

I made a mission statement for myself with my consulting clients and wrote out tactical plans for each of them.  The results have been near miraculous.  Theme here… funny what the simple act of writing things down and clarifying can do.

I have committed to being a better friend.  I can get distracted so easily and wrapped up in myself.  My friends deserve more attention and care than my emails.

Most significantly, our Monday morning huddle that week was, to put it mildly, epic. I told Katharine and Emily the roles in our company that I was grooming them for and we clarified job descriptions. I’ve never seen them as focused and fired up as they are now. I realized I wasn’t tapping into even half of their potential and needed to give them more responsibility. No, I won’t tell you exactly what that means now, but you will certainly find out in time. They are brilliant women. Spend an hour with them; you’ll see.

There are 1000 other things, but my laundry list may bore you to tears.  Let’s just say, life around here is more focused and, as a result, sweeter.  It was great before, but great can always be improved.  Great has been re-defined in our office.

Doing all of those things above may seem simple and, despite barely sleeping for a week because I just wanted it all done, it was.  It was a breeze. Why?  Because I had done the work beforehand to clarify my fear and then make an active plan based on what I discovered.  Clarity creates conviction which creates action. Clarifying my fear was not easy.  At all.  As I wrote in my post last week, I spent ten days writing, crying, laughing, getting angry and getting real about my life. The veil was lifted.  While that was a luxury to have that time, I know the power of even taking 10 minutes to read this post and write those answers above.  Every time I did it, in every city, I got clearer and clearer.  Layer by layer, fear started to peel back.

No matter where you are in life or how overwhelmed you may be reading this post and thinking of those fears, just know that your fears do not define you.  You are not your thoughts.  You are not your fears.  Simon T Bailey always says, “Fear isn’t final.”  So true.  Replace fear with love and you will unlock more confidence and humble power than you can imagine.  What does that mean in a practical sense?   I leave in a few hours for Altanta to speak at The Simple Plan workshop tomorrow.  I realize this is going to sound silly, but I’m scared to give a PowerPoint presentation.  Put me in front of a crowd of thousands with no script and I’m all good.  Give me structure and I start to freak out.  Why do you think I work for myself?  So, in preparing, I’ve focused on how I can impart knowledge and really listen to each attendee rather than what they will think of me.  I’m replacing fear (paralyzing) with love (action).

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Oddly enough, 90% of the people I have met on the road are afraid of success. We are afraid of what the greatness within us will command us to do. What percentage of your potential are you functioning at right now?  Imagine if you were at even 70%.  Crazy thought, right?

A favorite quote that my bff sent me one day last week when I was having a rough day…  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

OK, off to pack and head to the airport.  I’m traveling solo this week to Hotlanta and Nashvegas.  Thanks for listening and taking this journey with me, friends.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27

xo

So, what are you afraid of? Name your fears. Destroy them. I know you can.

UPDATED: Scholarship Opportunity for Making Things Happen Las Vegas at WPPI and Making Things Happen Denver! Simply leave a comment here telling me why you want to attend and what you want to make happen. Also, be sure to tell me which intensive you’d like to attend. Scholarship opp closes at midnight this Wednesday. Winners announced Thursday morning. Good luck! *Scholarship is for the full $700 intensive fee, travel not included.

Thinking back on all the things I’ve done over the last year, I keep asking myself, “How do I know when to trust my gut and ACT?” Why do some risks make me experience failure in order to grow and other risks immediately sprout wings? Believe it or not, the former is always more valuable to my growth. I’ve learned more from failure than accidental or even calculated triumph. Either way, knowing when to take a risk is about weighing the investment vs. return. Solid relationships are the most valuable thing worth risking for and it’s nearly impossible to put an investment price tag on them.

My good friend, Nick Onken, lives in NY. My MTH2010 Tour Co-Pilot, Jeff Holt, lives in Charlotte. Jeff flew to NY this week to help Nick with some major office projects and a shoot today. My web designer, Ross from Flosites, was in NY all the way from Moldova. Although I talk to him almost daily about dozens of projects, I had never before met Ross in person. Ross was staying with young superstar photographer Joey L, who I had heard of through Nick and Jeremy Cowart. I am, to say the least, inspired by what this barely-twenty photographer is doing with his life.

So…  this past Tuesday night. 5pm. Twitter.

Me: I just bought a Rolodex. Yeah, you heard me.

Ross: what about a ticket to NY :)

Me: ok… you, @nickonken & @jeffholt KNOW that I want to come.

Ross: @nickonken @youpluswephoto @joeyldotcom & @jeffholt all want you to come :) do something crazy for the beginning of 2010 ;)

Nick: If @flosites can’t tempt you, then @jeffholt and I will. Come come come to NY!

What is the most important component to making things happen?  People. The people you surround yourself with can 100% change the course of your life, teach you, mold you, and give you the opportunity to love.  We had all just gotten back from Christmas break this week and I was busier than ever with an unusually full inbox and dozens of calls to make. I was exhausted. What trumped all of this was the thought that I could be changed by surrounding myself with these people.  I hit a point early this week where I knew I needed a change in environment to shift my thinking. After writing my last post, I felt a little too vulnerable and woke up thinking… what did I just write?  It is not easy to put myself out there.  I felt an overwhelming need to rein it in, get focused, and surround myself with the people who just get me.  Ari, Katharine, Emily and Whitney certainly do get me. More than I realize sometimes. After all I experienced in the last two weeks, they told me to just go. Ari and Katharine said the exact same thing to me… “You need this. It will be good for you.” I’m so thankful for their honesty and care for me. So, around 2am, I took a deep breath and hit “purchase” on a ticket to NY.

Me: @nickonken @jeffholt @flosites @joeyldotcom @danielkudish #peerpressure You win. What’s for dinner tomorrow? How’s that for #MTH2010!?

I do not say this with the slightest bit of exaggeration … the 24 hours I spent in NY completely changed the game for me. My perspective took a major shift and I left NY Thursday night with more confidence in my direction than I have ever felt. I was ready for it.

How? It started the second I made the choice to go. The moment I purchased the ticket, I had a responsibility to take my decision –my investment– and run with it.  If you’re going to do something, do it 100%.   Otherwise, why make the investment in the first place?  The more we risk, the more we stand to gain. Financially it was a big investment, my time was a big investment, spending a night away from Ari was a big investment, being away from my office and my work for a day was a big investment, and the thought that I’m traveling to 6 cities starting next week and could exhaust myself crept up on me in the form of fear. Everything you invest in should have a return — whether that means learning from a failure or soaring from a strategic choice–  it is your responsibility to make that happen. If you’re going to take a vacation, take a vacation.  I have, over time, learned this the hard way.  Unplug, leave the laptop at home, do whatever it takes to use that time wisely. It’s an investment. When you come back to work, you will be refreshed and ultimately benefit from having let yourself take a break from your inbox. Your perspective will have shifted. I knew that no matter how great the investment, taking 24 hours to go to NY could shift mine and make me better, clearer, more focused in the end, help me step away and figure out what has happened in the last weeks, and give me the opportunity to possibly ignite a fire in people I care about.

Nick and Jeff are two of the people I count in my very small “inner circle”.  They have become like my family… with a sense of “Dead Poet Society” adventure.   We share something I’ve never experienced before and I’m just starting to recognize this in myself: we want to truly experience life with all five senses, encouraging everyone we meet along the way to do the same.  As Nick said in his recent blog post about making things happen, “What do I want out of 2010? A well balanced passionate life with great people, great food, and great wine. I want to be a better photographer, grow my business, start more business, build better relationships, and much more.  Live life for the epic moments. Life is short and who knows how long it will be.”   Amen.  Live life for the epic moments. I want to experience life with my eyes wide open, authentically, with people I can share my life’s passions with.  I trust them.  That’s rare. And I never would have solidified these thoughts had I not taken a risk and clicked “purchase” on Orbitz Tuesday night. Yes, that kind of investment is money.   Money most people don’t have to spend, including myself.  But, what price can you put on friendship, inspiration in its highest form, and building relationships that make this journey of life worth experiencing?  You just can’t.  It’s priceless.

How can 24 hours change you?  You have to let it. I got to Nick’s place and immediately we jumped into conversation about our futures, adventures and vision, friendship and pushing the limits with our work, possibility and change… over nachos in Nick’s kitchen.  I got to see his new book that comes out in March.  It’s a gem.  It will rock the photography world and encourage so many to travel, to adventure, to — to use the book’s title — “Photo Trek.”

We headed out in the crisp cold NY air to dinner at Alta and met Ross and his wife; photographer Angelica Glass; my new buddy Ben Spell; Joey L; Lindsey Thorne; and Daniel and Davina, who drove from Canada to be there at dinner with us.  With Joey to my left and Nick to my right, dinner ensued with passionate conversation, laughter, and a sense that we were all among game changers.  I sat back at one moment, looked around the table, and thought to myself, “how did I get here?”  I took a risk.  As Gary Vaynerchuck says in Crush It, I valued legacy over currency.  I wanted to experience life with good friends and be there to build them up.  I wanted to ignite a shift.  If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen me tweet this around 10pm:

Me: We just ordered the whole menu. Seriously. The whole shebang.

We really did.  All 50+ items on the menu.  OK, ok, it’s a casual tapas place and there really is an option to order one of everything called “The Whole Shebang”.   But, it gave us a good laugh to say that we “ordered the whole menu.”  That was oddly symbolic for me and summed up my entire trip:  experience all of life, with eyes wide open, surrounded by people who encourage and build you up, who you do the same for 100 fold, and taste, smell, touch everything along the journey.  Live for the epic moments.  Building a business is great.  Building an empire is fantastic.  Building a life is what making things happen is all about.

Someone said to me today that if they are meant to do something, the money they will need will come without them trying too hard to get it.  Like “fate”.   I disagree.  If you are really meant to do something, you figure out how to make it happen.  You build a plan, a strategy, you ask for help, you educate yourself, you just get it done.  When you find that clarity of knowing you are really “meant” to do something, you have no choice but to act.   Life doesn’t just happen to us, we make, act, do, choose, compose, plan, activate, cause things to happen.  Happiness (and money) will come when you are living your passion, living a balanced whole life, living your personal brand with authenticity and when you have a solid business structure to back it up.

Sean Low. Oh, Sean Low.  Let me count the ways…

A few days before NY, I had a conversation with Nick and Jeff about Sean Low.  I met Sean for the first time at Engage08… what feels like eons ago.  I’ve said it before and continue to see it in action; Sean shifts my perspective every time I listen to him.  I’ve been telling Jeff for a while about Sean’s brilliance and his gift with creative businesses.  I told them the story of how Sean took Preston Bailey from major debt to planning for royalty and taking in an average of $600,000 for his design fee.  Yes, just for design.  For his art.  Sean knows how to monetize and add value to people’s creative genius.  I emailed Sean that morning to see if he was available to meet.  I knew that bringing he and Nick together would create those once-in-a-lifetime sparks that fly when creative minds align and challenge each other.  Bringing my three favorite creatives together at one table was like magic.  I just sat back and watched our lives change with each word that was uttered.  If you’ve met Sean, you know what I mean.  If you’ve met Nick and Jeff, then you really know what I mean. I wish I had a recording of those three mind-opening hours!  Unreal.  Sean was thrilled to hear about what we are doing with MTH2010 and solidified for me that we are on the right path.  He tells his clients, “I don’t want to work with you if you don’t want to change the world.”  That stuck with me.  That’s where my heart is.  I want to enable people to change the world through my life’s work.  I want to invest every part of me into this… which means making a lot of adjustments in my life.  I have to live this to teach it and I’m committed to that.   I have friends like Nick and Jeff who keep my mind in the right place and my heart open to whatever comes next.  I have found my passion.  Sean looked at me and said, “Lara, you’re there.”  Thank you, Sean.  I am taking those words and running with them.  I’m hitting “purchase” on my life starting here and now and every breath I take will not be taken for granted.  I know that sounds like a grand statement, and well, it is.  I feel it.  This is new for me.

More to come… I’m still processing it all.  As Nick said after we met with Sean, “I think my head still has smoke coming out of it.”

OK, now, I have to start packing for the whirlwind ahead next week.  Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Chicago, here we come!

images :: my iPhone

P.S. I’ll be announcing the MTH2010 First Class Scholarship winner on Monday.  Thanks to everyone who entered!

A little surprise giveaway… we just finished Crush It here in the office.  Leave a comment here and enter to win our office copy with a note of encouragement in it from all of us.  Giveaway ends next Friday, January 15th at midnight.

I’m warning you that I am not editing this post.  I usually have Emily, Katharine or Ari proof for me, but I just need to get this out tonight.  And I sure did have a completely different post planned for today, but this just couldn’t wait! 

In the last two weeks, I have received some of the most heart-felt, sincere, honest, vulnerable emails I’ve ever read.   Not just one, but dozens every day and it just keeps growing.   I’ve gone from a really busy person to needing to hire another full-time employee to manage this sudden influx.  Ever since the first MTH2010 Intensive in Watercolor (attendees pictured above) just a few short weeks ago, something happened that I did not expect.  People I don’t know write to me and pour their hearts out about real life… everything from business to death to marriage and everything in between. I feel so so grateful to be entrusted with these thoughts and at the same time feel horrible that I can’t immediately drop everything I’m doing to call these people and talk them through things. That’s what I feel they deserve, not just a return email. I will return them all be week’s end, but I just had to write this to say thank you to everyone who has written me and to tell you that I have prayed more for people this week than I ever have.  Please keep writing me. No matter how busy I get, I’m always listening.

Seeing people one-on-one is what satisfied me the most in the first MTH2010 workshop.  And while we’re at it- this is not really a “workshop.” I’m not giving people quick-fix tips and tricks.  We’re talking about real life and what it takes to take an idea or brand from concept to blow-them-out-of-the-water reality… and how to live your best life while doing it.  The letters I’m getting are exactly why I’m doing these intensives: so I can meet people in person and give them the attention these matters really need, one-on-one.  I’ve gotten to the point where I can barely read some of them through without tearing up because they tug at my heart-strings so much.  I guess y’all know that already.  I’m a sensitive person. I’ve been through a lot- far more than I share on this blog.  People want comfort, to share, to trust and for someone to tell them it’s all going to be ok.  I was a personal trainer many moons ago.  I relish the opportunity to do that. 

OK, I have to stop for a second. Yesterday… oh, yesterday.  It was one of the hardest and oddly, best days of my life. That’s all I can really say. I cried, Ari comforted me and my closest friends (who I count on less than one hand) prayed. I wish I could say more, but for me, personally, it was one of the most “connected” moments I’ve had with God. Why? Because I gave up. I let go of control of my life and just said, “Lord, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Just tell me.” Now, I realize I talk about God on my blog and that might turn some people off, but this blog is my place to tell you how I make my decisions. I pray about every single personal and business decisions. Granted, most of the time I fight it and don’t want to listen, but when I do, He never ever fails me.   And I’m always happier in the end.  So, yesterday happened.  I came home with Ari and fell asleep at about 9pm in my clothes, so tired.  A little pain woke me up around midnight and I did what I always do when I wake up- reach for my phone.  There was a message from Christopher Confero saying that he and Emily Ley had gotten together than night and decided to start a scholarship fund to bring someone to MTH2010. I welled up with tears and immediately got online to find that they had already –in just two hours– started a huge buzz on Twitter, a donation site, and raised several hundred dollars. I was floored.  Let me just tell you very clearly and honestly that I cannot take credit for what happened at that workshop. In fact, I was having probably the hardest day for me of 2009.  No joke.  They didn’t know this, but that morning as everyone was getting ready, I got some really rough news and sat on the bathroom floor crying.  Jeff came in and found me there.  He had never seen me cry or be anything but strong.  He talked me through it, brought me some hot tea, literally let me cry on his shoulder and I slowly but surely pulled myself off the floor and back together.

I summoned all of my courage and marched into that conference room, so fearful that people would see my pain.  Then… and Jeff and I still marvel at this moment… the second I asked the first question, there were tears from the attendees and suddenly I was the one being taught.  That day was such a gift and as the intensive went on and hearts opened wide, I felt all of my strength rush back to me.  All I did that day was enable the individuals in that room to find the answers that they already knew.  That was my goal.  Sometimes all it takes is answering the questions you wont take the time to answer on your own because you’re “too busy” “it won’t make a difference” you’re “scared” or you just “don’t care”. Let me ask you this… those of you who answered these questions, did it make a difference? I have an inbox full of emails I still haven’t had a moment to answer that all point to YES. Sometimes all it takes is knowing you are supported, understood, and knowing what not to invest your energy into. Sometimes, when a group of people comes together like that with open hearts, sparks fly.  Not little tiny sparkler sparks… big huge firework explosion sparks!   So, amidst the rush of the holidays, staying on top of my regular slew of business endeavors (no, I still haven’t taken a day off) and sorting through these letters, the “First Class” of MTH2010 has been doing nothing short of making HUGE things happen… even while I sleep. It’s been less than 24 hours and they’ve already collected over half of the scholarship funds needed to send someone to MTH2010. Probably all of it by the time I finish this post.  More on that in a minute…

The MTH2010 movement has begun and blows my mind every day. In one week I’ve experienced one of the hardest days of my life, turned 30 somewhere in there, Ari and I had some very sweet quality time with my family that I will never forget (if they played Apples to Apples in Vegas, my mom and I would rule the Strip!), I’ve been building the MTH2010 official site with Ross at Flosites, and at the close of this year, I’ve made some difficult and purposeful decisions to live my best life for God. This was not easy.

I’ve been trying to piece together how the last two weeks happened and my mind still hasn’t caught up. But I have one overwhelming thought that I can’t shake… I’m going to be very honest here because my heart has been really heavy the last few days trying to sort all of this out.

Fact: people want to break free from pain, suffering, financial distress and major fear so their life’s work can take wings.

Fact: most people don’t want to do anything about it. Most people want someone else to come along to fix it and they will wait, complain, blame a million things until one fine day they realize they actually have to DO something to make it happen.

I told the MTH2010 First Class that what happened in the workshop really didn’t matter unless they DID something about it the second they left. Making things happen is about harnessing momentum and acting.  It’s physical. Pick up the phone, the pen, the kids, whatever you have to do to get out of your rut and move forward. Like we always say in my office, it’s better to make a decision and go for it than not make one at all because you think you might fail.  Think of the alternative to taking a risk… you could spend this year right where you were last year… stuck.  Stuck thinking, mulling it over, whining, worrying, telling yourself you’re just not good enough when in your heart of hearts you know you need to just walk the plank. The water is warm and there are loads of people swimming around waiting for you to join them in the crystal blue waters.

OK, enough metaphors. Let’s get real. You want to know how I make things happen? On top of all of these things, I educate myself and I invest. In investing, I take huge risks. Prime example: something I love about Katharine is that when something is on her mind, she goes after it right that second.  She doesn’t waste any time and she doesn’t beat around the bush. I was working on location for a shoot one morning when Katharine called.  She carefully explained that she loved her job and wanted to make a very long-term commitment to working with me. But (after expert calculations that of course only Katharine would make) she needed a raise.  Now, keep in mind she and Emily had been working for me for less than six weeks.  (By the way, If you haven’t read Emily’s story, you need to.  It paints a very clear picture of what purposefully investing in something can do.)  My first thought was “oh my goodness, I will go broke. I don’t have this money to invest in them right now.” Katharine made her case, point by point, like a good lawyer’s daughter.  She knew her value and that showed me so much about her character. She laid out the facts as to why she was a good investment and how she could help the company grow.  I knew deep down that my return on investment in she and Emily would be well-worth it and that they would bring me more personal happiness than all the money in the world could pay for.  Before I could let the fear sink in, my gut instinct said “Yes.” I remember the fear creeping up for a moment and saying, “Lara, what did you just do!? You have no choice now but to get it together and make this happen for them.” I had spent enough time with them to know they were brilliant beyond their years and that if I fostered their growth and let them soar, they 110% would.  I am so thankful every day that I hushed the fear that morning and did what I knew was right, even though it was scary and I was unsure and there was always the possibility that I could seriously fail.  I knew that I had the choice to sink or swim from that moment on.  I repeat- I had a choice.  I invested (you realize I’m not just talking money here) and continue to do so every day.  I’ve discovered that if it feels comfortable, it generally doesn’t get me very far.  The more you give, the more you are able to reap.  Just remember though, it takes calculated risk.  If you don’t know where to turn or what to do, don’t waste any more time and get solid help now.  Read the section titled “People” in this post.  You have a choice every day to make good things happen.  I walked the plank, dove right in, and I’ve never looked back.

What plank do you know you need to walk right now? Tell me. What do you know you need to do to make things happen? Who do you need to call, meet, reach out to? What do you need to write, give, share or teach? What the heck is holding you back!?!? Part of the magic of MTH2010 for me was getting individual time with each person to ask that very question and look each person in the eye. I am so grateful for the answers I got because the second they came out, people did something about them.  Have you seen what’s been happening with the First Class since December 21st? Holy cow, I can’t even believe it every day. They don’t go more than 2 minutes without all talking to each other and putting plans into action. No one is resting on their laurels and no one is holding back.  A huge part of the momentum happening with the First Class is accountability.  I stressed that from the first few moments…”by the end of today, I want you to have found someone in this room who you connect with most… someone who will stop at nothing to make sure you stay on track and who will listen to you when you have doubts.”  I offered to share Jeff, but he’s about to be really really busy.  Since the 21st, the energy doubles by the second and the First Class is already conquering 2010!  Again, I am not doing this. I’m blessed to be a part of it, but things like the MTH2010 First Class Scholarship are born out of the fire the First Class has created themselves.

This scholarship is very special. I’m just still so humbled that they all rallied together to make this come to life in just 24 hours. That’s what happens when people experience something life-changing together… they form a lifelong bond, can literally move mountains and best of all…. can make anything happen for other people.

To donate to the scholarship, click here.

To apply for the scholarship, leave a comment here telling me three things:  the city you would like to attend in, why you want to attend and what you want to make happen in 2010.

Since the tour starts in less than 2 weeks, this scholarship opportunity will end this Friday at midnight and the winner announced on Monday the 11th.  Huge thanks to Emily, Chris and the First Class of MTH2010 for being phenomenal and blessing so many with this opportunity.  What a way to start 2010!

With love,

(and Jeff!)

I did a Twitter poll asking people which cities they most want the Making Things Happen™ Intensive tour to visit. Here’s what you told me, starting with cities that got the most votes. (I only included places that got more than one vote)

Los Angeles, New York City, Chicago, Atlanta, Nashville, Dallas, Las Vegas, Houston, Denver, Pittsburgh, Hawaii, Raleigh, San Francisco, Austin, Charlotte, Orlando, Cayman, Washington DC, Minneapolis, Portland, Orange County, Monterey Bay, San Diego, Tampa, Saratoga, Santa Cruz, Seattle, Charleston, Richmond, Australia, Costa Rica, Wilmington, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Baltimore, Traverse City, Telluride, Little Rock, Philadelphia, Miami, Memphis, Indianapolis, Berkley, Oakland, Puerto Rico, Jacksonville, Savannah, Eugene, Napa, and Jackson Hole.

I listened.  The top cities have been confirmed!  Until January 1st, I’m giving early bird registration pricing for the following cities.  After January 1st, pricing will increase.  Each city has a different size limit and some cities may be broken up into two days depending on demand (highly possible for LA and Atlanta).

Dallas :: January 14th *the entire Southern Weddings team will be there for this one!

Seattle :: January 16th *guest speakers: Blair and Christy from Junebug Weddings

Los Angeles :: January 18th *guest speaker: Jose Villa

Minneapolis :: January 20th

Chicago :: January 22nd

Atlanta :: February 8th *guest speaker: Stacie Francombe of Get Married

Nashville :: February 10th *guest speaker: Jeremy Cowart

Las Vegas :: March 7th during WPPI

Denver :: March 11th

New York City :: March 22nd *guest speaker: Nick Onken

Washington DC :: March 24th

Raleigh :: March 29th

Hawaii :: TBD

Pittsburgh (Go CMU!) :: TBD

This is your year and my goal is to make sure you harness it to its fullest potential.  Why am I doing this?  Because I’ve come to realize that life is just too short.  Every moment should be lived with a sense of adventure, excitement, and knowing that you are on the right path in your life’s work.  It’s time, ya’ll.  It’s time to make big things happen in your business.  You know where you want to go.  Let’s do this.

Want the inside scoop from someone who has experienced #MTH2010? Watch this and check out what people are saying.

I can’t wait to start this journey and meet everyone on the way!  Who’s coming with me?

xo lc

image credit :: kyle barnes shot at the Winter Shoot last week in Breckenridge, Colorado

I’ve been dreaming of this for a year now and am thrilled to announce the first-ever Making Things Happen™ workshop :: an intensive designed to fire you up for the coming year.  I invite you to spend an afternoon with me making a clear, active, successful plan for 2010.

I’ve been blessed to be overwhelmed with new consulting clients since I started Lara Casey Reps in June and have had the honor of working with some incredible artists and professionals.  In order to accommodate the influx of new requests and my ever-growing schedule, I’ll be cutting back on individual consults in 2010 and traveling the country with my amazing team to give these workshops.

From branding to bold moves and everything in between, I’m inviting 30 people to join me December 21st (two weeks from yesterday!) in Watercolor, FL, for an intensive like no other.  I’m fired up and intend to make sure you leave feeling the same way.  I’ll be asking attendees vital (i.e., hard) questions and require that this intimate group be ready to lay it all out on the table.  This workshop is not for the faint of heart, but for wedding professionals (photographers, planners and entrepreneurs) who really want to change, grow, and harness their full potential in the new year.

I am offering this first workshop at half the cost of future workshops as a thank-you to the people in my hometown who have supported me in my personal and professional growth. But, I’ve already had several people inquire about flying in for this first one, so this isn’t just limited to locals. Future dates and locations will be announced soon.  Because this is a small group, I also will be taking the time to evaluate each attendee’s individual brand, from websites to blogs and social media presence, and everything in between.  In some ways, I believe I give my best advice in the first 5 minutes of a regular consult, and that’s the same sort of gut reaction and individual attention I’ll offer in my workshops.

December 21st, 2009 at the Watercolor Resort in Watercolor, Florida.  1-4pm.  I invite you to join me for dinner afterward at my favorite restaurant in the world, Fish Out of Water.  :: details + reservations ::

If you are planning to travel from out of town, this is an ideal location to spend a winter weekend.  Be sure to call Carla to reserve your room or house rental.

[UPDATED: SCHOLARSHIP CLOSED. CLICK HERE TO SEE THE WINNERS] I also am offering one scholarship spot.  The Making Things Happen™ scholarship winner will be announced via my WeddingRep twitter tomorrow night at midnight.  Simply leave a comment here telling me what you want to make happen in 2010 and why you need — not want, but need, yearn, and have – to attend the Making Things Happen™ Intensive.

I’m so excited about the upcoming year and can’t wait to kick it off with you!

images :: rae leytham photography

There are two rules to this post:  1.  you need a pen and paper, and  2. put on some great music.  Rule number 1 is because this post is interactive.  Don’t read any further if you’re not up for the challenge.  Rule number 2 is because you only live once.  You might as well enjoy it!

In my inbox today: “How do you “make things happen?”. I love what I do and I’m really driven but also really shy and think that is kind of holding me back from really breaking into the industry and building great relationships.  Do you have any advice?”

I wrote this post like I talk to myself and, while I could have padded it more, lots of people have been coming to me recently in dire need of “straight talk”.  This post is dedicated to my dear friends and clients who have shared their lives and fears with me lately.  What is it about the fall?  It’s a season of change, reflection, and getting charged for the year ahead.  It’s a time for transformation.  If you really want to make things happen, you have to ask yourself some hard questions first.  While this isn’t the complete formula, here’s a kick-start:  it takes 1 part Nike (aka “Just Do It”), 1 part people, 2 parts discipline, 2 parts humility, and 5 parts crazy.  Read on, friends.

Fear. Every “big” thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life I was terrified of at one point.  Fear is the biggest thing preventing you from really making things happen.  Right now, you already know the answers.  You know not-so-deep down what you have to do.  You just have a million excuses and fears as to why you can’t get there.  My job as a consultant is to hear the fear. I was a personal trainer in Manhattan for several years, during which time I learned more about self-imposed limitations than I care to share.  I have heard every excuse for living an unhappy life and the truth of the matter is (and no one likes to hear this)… it’s all in your head.  Face real facts, not the constant mental chatter that holds you back from living the life of success you deserve.  When you simply identify your fear, worlds of possibility open up.

Write down what you are really afraid of and get as specific as possible… “I’m afraid of ___ because ___.”   Sounds easy, but did you actually do it just now?  I have a favorite phrase:  feel the fear and do it anyway.  That does not mean blindly dive in.  Fear does exist for a reason.  It makes us question ourselves, weigh the pros and cons, and get connected with our gut instincts.  Listen to that; there’s the feel the fear part.  Then, accept it as fear, not fact.  Act on it strategically, purposefully, and with support.  Which brings me to my next point…

People. You are a product of your environment and the people you surround yourself with.  This was a big point of discussion in Outliers.  Our level of success is directly related to the people we interact with on a daily basis.  “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” –Jim Rohn I’m sure, as you are reading this, you may be thinking of that one person who sucks your energy dry.  How is that affecting you?  Why are they in your life?  Yes, there are some people we can’t wish away in our lives, but we can surround ourselves with others to balance that out.  Surround yourself with people who inspire you, and work hard to inspire them, too.  Creating an environment where you can learn and, at the same time, infuse others is the most fulfilling way to grow.

Who are the people you spend your days with and how do they make you feel?  Write them down right now. Do not read the rest of this post, do not pass go, and do NOT collect your $200 until you make your “inner circle” list.  This may just be your most important step to achieving a “making things happen” breakthrough.  This is a step I have been bad at taking in the past.  I let those energy leeches stay in my environment for way. too. long.  I’m not good at cutting ties with people because I always feel like I can just “make it work”.  No, I can’t, and you can’t either.  You cannot change people.  All you have the power to do is invite people into your inner circle (I use the word “invite” purposefully here because you need to put a lot of thought into crafting this life guest list) who uplift you, share your life’s visions, ideals, and whom you can really trust.  Kick the life-suckers to the curb and get on the train with people who dream like and with you.  Jeff Holt and I have had this conversation a hundred times over and every time we talk about surrounding ourselves with people we believe in and who believe in us, magic happens.

This is why I have made a great effort to go to conferences and events where I know I will be surrounded by people who I can learn from.  The first Engage I attended completely blew my mind. (You can read my last two recaps here and here.)  Meeting people like Rebecca Grinnals and Sean Low made me want to raise the bar.  I credit them with helping me dream bigger, opening up worlds of opportunity for me, and unknowingly encouraging me with every step.  If you can’t invest in going to conferences, get out and meet people where you are.  Get on the phone, iChat, whatever it takes to connect with people who dream like you do.

I am a firm believer in the power of counsel.  “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”  Proverbs 12:15 Who do you bounce ideas off of?  Who gives you sound advice? My sounding board is about 10 people deep, starting with my husband.  We are the yin to each other’s yang.  I am innately the active big picture thinker and he’s the logical realist.  I have a team of dear friends and paid experts that I trust to tell me when I’m out of line so I can get back on track to making the right things happen.  In 2010, I plan on adding a few more people to my team to help take us to the next level.  You are not an island.  Get help…  especially if you think you are one of those people who just doesn’t need it.

Discipline. Making things happen isn’t about setting goals, having a strong cup of coffee and diving in. Back up 20 steps.  It’s about giving yourself the ability to make clear, intuitive choices by having your life together.  I make my best, most successful decisions when I feel a sense of health, wholeness and clarity.   A verse I always think of when I get overwhelmed: “Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Peter 4:1-7. Same goes for all of life – be clear minded and disciplined so that you can make the right things happen.  For me, this involves several factors: sleeping enough, eating well, laughing often and working out every day even when I’m tired.  If I don’t practice extreme self-care, I am no good for the people around me.  I say “extreme” because you have to be a parent to yourself and stay disciplined. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 What are the 5 essential things that make you feel whole and like you have your life together?  Write them down.

Some notes on discipline, drive, and staying up until 6am:  For one, the latter should not be in your vocabulary.  There are things I twitter and share here because I want you to know what really goes into this.  I wouldn’t have to stay up until 6am editing a magazine for a week if I had planned better, had a staff of designers working for me, hadn’t overloaded my schedule with projects I’m passionate about and clients I want to see soar, and (insert million reasons here).  I am not the best example when it comes to work balance.  I’m working actively on this.  I have lots of people helping me work on it.  I am generally a very happy healthy person, but when it comes to getting what I really want, I tend to go to extremes.  Please refer to the very first post I wrote on this blog.

So, do you have to be innately driven or can you harness that type-A mentality and still make things happen? First of all, define where you fall on the Type-A vs. Type BCDXYZ spectrum.  I fall into the former category, unfortunately.  Minus that time I got a C in handwriting in 2nd grade, I was always driven.  I get it from both of my parents.  I grew up with my mom being superwoman in the kitchen and my dad superman in the operating room.  They work hard and make it seem effortless.  My dad, the man who starts his day by biking 30 miles before sunrise, is 76 and has no plans to retire.  A lot to live up to.  I went to my first Yale class for summer school when I was 17.  I double-majored in college with 56 credit hours a semester.  Insanity.  I was at school from 8am to 11pm most weekdays and rehearsals on weekends.  Every day of college, I’d say to myself “nothing will be as bad as this.  When I’m done here, I’ll be able to handle anything!”  Well, I can’t handle anything, but I sure can endure a lot of [self-imposed] stress.  I was taught to push myself and lived in a world where that was the norm.

Since many of you B, C, and XYZ personalities are now about to leave this blog post in search of greener pastures, I’ll give you the good news.  You don’t have to be born with a color-coded to-do list in your hand.  Some of the most successful people I know did not grow up with instilled discipline.  In fact, quite the contrary.  But, one thing is certain.  All successful people start with a spark of passion.  They discover what makes them tick and will stop at nothing to get it.  They develop the ability to make decisions and follow through, even if the result is a major bomb.  Living in NC, I think of the Wright brothers.  Fail fail fail fail fail fail fail and then finally… success.  All because they discovered a passion, made clear decisions, went full force with each, accepted defeat, and tried and tried again.  Something we always talk about here in the office:  it’s better to make a clear decision about something and fail, then make no decision at all.

Some tough love for the XYZ’s.  (I have a few XY#!Q$E#X’s as clients.)  My advice to them is always as follows: stop making excuses.  I get the laundry list of excuses accompanied with lots of whining and in the end… “buuuut Lara… ok, ok, I know you’re right buuut… I just… I…”.  Get over the idea that you just aren’t good enough, you’ll never get caught up, and you’ll never be great.  You are, you will and you have the choice to be.  If you don’t believe that, first of all, I want to give you a hug, then a swift kick in the pants because you have much more potential than you give yourself credit for.  On my bulletin board:  “The greatest human temptation is to settle for too little.” – Thomas Merton Are you settling for too little?  What excuses do you make on a regular basis?  If you need help with this one, be brave and ask your spouse or your best friend to tell you the excuses they hear you make often.  Write them down. Time to get real, friends.

Humility. Humility’s purpose in making things happen is to allow us the freedom to fail.  It’s about letting go.  If you aren’t failing on occasion, you aren’t dreaming big enough.  You are hiding from your true potential.  I’ve failed more times than I can count.  You know why I’m speaking on “Taking Interns to Associates” at Eventology?  Because I’ve made every mistake in the book and it has taken years of learning the hard way to get me to the right way.  I now have a team of equals that infuses me as much as I infuse them.  Granted, I don’t take credit for them being so awesome.  Katharine, Emily and Whitney arrived on the awesome train together.  But, we’ve made a conscious effort to create an environment that allows us to fail and not fall.

We learn together and communicate honestly and openly about fears, mistakes, money, family, and all the hard stuff I used to hate talking about.  We all put in an equal effort to keep the atmosphere positive, encouraging, and honest.  We have built trust to the point where I can say, “I made a mistake.  I’m sorry.  Here’s how I intend to fix and learn from it.”  It takes failing gracefully –and sometimes not so gracefully– to start to “get it.”  It’s a practice, an awareness, and for me, a life-long journey that I’m excited to take because with every wall I break down, I feel more genuine pride.  Healthy pride.  Humility is not about being timid.  Don’t confuse the two.  Practicing true humility means embodying one’s strengths and God-given gifts with grace, allowing for self-reflection, keying into the ability to listen to the feedback the world is giving us, and -here’s the kicker- doing something about it.  What are your unique strengths?  Write them down.  Get specific. For example, I know I am great at motivating and encouraging people.  Specifically, I have the ability to see people’s potential and can define active steps for them to get there.  It’s important to know what your strengths are when facing failure so the pain of facing it doesn’t paralyze you.

I know when I’m exercising humility, I can feel it.  It’s a very silent moment.  I’ll get mad about criticism or a comment, start to feel my blood boil and that defensive lawyer emerge in me and I just have to stop.  I stop, breathe, and there is a small painful moment of letting go when I pause to consider “maybe they are right and I am dead wrong”.  Let yourself at least consider it.  Most of the time, the things that anger us the most about others, are a reflection of ourselves.  I can’t emphasize enough how much learning how to stop in those moments has helped me in business.

As an INFP (translate that to sensitive person), I like to put up walls to protect myself from the vulnerability that comes with true humility.  It gets me nowhere.  Anger, I have learned, is a call to action.  I can do something about it or continue to ride my high horse in circles.  Do you always feel like you are on the defense with clients?  Are you going in circles with your progress?  If so, it’s time for a reality check.  No one is perfect.   You are not your thoughts.   You are not your fears.  You are not defined by past actions and missteps.  You are defined by how you express them in this moment and in every moment from hereon out.  Practicing humility is just that… it’s a process.  Accept that you make mistakes and resolve to fix them, one baby step at a time.  You’ll fail a thousand times, but every single failure is worth experiencing if it brings you to greater clarity and renewed genuine confidence.

Crazy. Last and greatest: this is the part of the formula entitled “5 parts crazy”.  You have to have a little wild card in you to experience the success you deserve.  I’m pretty sure that if you are reading this post, you do.  I love when a client starts a conversation with “I have this crazy idea…”  Those are always the ones that take wings because they take a deeply-rooted passion to even dream up!  Seize them and run with them.  Everything I’ve accomplished started as one of those “I have this crazy idea” moments.  Talking about creating a blog many years ago, starting an event planning firm, being a consultant for luxury wedding pros and hello.. starting my own magazine all seemed ludicrous at the time!  What are your big ideas?  What are the things you want to make happen?  Write them down.

Sometimes making things happen is simply about showing up.  You have to seize opportunity when it knocks.  I learned this year that taking too much opportunity and always saying yes can hinder happiness, but if you want to play with the big boys, you have to act like it.  Get off the couch and get out there.  Opportunity doesn’t exactly come and find you while you are holed up in your office messing with Aperture.  Opportunity is born out of relationships and you can’t make those in front of a computer screen.  [side note:  Twitter and social media of all forms are not a replacement for one-on-one time, but are valuable because they can help start the conversation.  When I meet people at events, I have a great point of reference and feel like I know them a little, even though we've never actually met in person. I have met 90% of the people I follow on Twitter now and have real relationships with many of them, not just "tweelationships".  (Kyle Barnes, you might have "wediting" but I just coined that one.  25 cents, please.)]

This post took me two weeks to write because I was afraid to put it out there.  In the end, I had to take my own advice and “feel the fear and do it anyway.”  These thoughts are the real deal…  the things I think about all day long.

A final thought:  if you’re not having fun along this journey, just stop.  Running a busy business makes me want to cry and fall to my knees at times, but experiencing life with the inspiring women I work with and laughing every step of the way makes it all worth it.  Asking yourself these questions is not at all easy and accepting facts about where you are can be daunting, but just remember that you don’t have to figure it all out today.  Take time to celebrate your successes.  Laugh, dance, sing, and play along the way.  What’s the phrase? …  work hard, play hard?   Yeah.  Do that.  You’ll thank yourself.

Since making things happen is so individual and cannot possibly be explained in a single blog post, I have a big announcement coming up next.

xo lc

Happy Thanksgiving week!   I’m giving away 2 copies of Outliers and 2 copies of Tribes, books that have really fired me up.  Simply leave a comment here.  Winners announced December 1st via Twitter.

image credits :: Our Labor of Love epic Smilebooth from our issue launch party at Bridal Bar Atlanta.  Amazing backdrop by Dolci Odille.

I had an interesting conversation with Jeremy Cowart and Caroline from Paloma’s Nest at our launch party dinner this past Friday about checking email first thing in the morning. It really got me thinking about how much work rules my life and how hard it is to find balance when you feel pulled in 1000 directions.  Admittedly, I am hard on myself, but I have an insatiable ambition that has created a lot of responsibility in my life.  People need things from me and I have to follow-through.  I still have a hundred flagged emails patiently waiting for my attention from last month.  They don’t seem to end.  I’m not complaining, just frustrated that some things drain the potential that I know I have to affect real change in people’s lives.  I feel like I walked the plank for the last thirty days and dove into ice-cold water somewhere in the last 24 hours.  Wake-up call.  It’s all over.  This magazine is done.  And now, the dust settles.  This month happened way too fast and I’m left feeling like I want some of that time back.

I’ve come to realize that I always leave events, including our launch party this weekend (launch party blog post to follow this), feeling regret.  Why regret?  Because, as hard as I try, I never end up getting to spend quality time with everyone I want to spend time with.  I always fear forgetting to thank someone important, remembering a face and not being able to place the name, and even not being able to simply say hello to everyone because I get pulled in so many directions.  Spending quality time with people makes me feel most fulfilled. I relish real connection, and sharing my life with people I love.  So many people do amazing things for me–go so far out of their way–and I never feel like I can say enough thank you’s or give enough hugs.  As I leap into the last six weeks of my 20’s I can’t help but ask myself “how can I do this life better?”  I want to clone myself so I can be there for everyone and do the things I have on my heart to do.

My daily life is relatively boring by most standards. You’ve been warned. Read further if you think my life is glamorous. The real deal: I’m grateful for my work, but it rules most everything I do. I sleep with earplugs in every night.  Jeremy, Caroline and I talked about how if we wake up in the middle of the night, our minds start stirring about work and there’s no falling back asleep.  What is it about creative driven people?  I crack open one eye (typically just before my alarm goes off) and reach for my iPhone. I check texts first and emails even before I can get both eyes open. I check Twitter (thank you to those who are so chipper in the morning- you’re my coffee), get up and make the bed, open all the windows, and get dressed to work out. I try to get a good 45 minutes to an hour in at the gym (the whole time replying to emails and making a plan for the day) rush back to shower and then walk in my office to greet the girls. We have our morning huddle, laugh a lot all day amidst phone calls and meetings, and usually wonder how the day flies by so fast.  I do love those hours with Katharine, Emily, and Whitney.  At 5:45pm we have our afternoon huddle to plan for the next day, recount the day’s accomplishments, and then everyone goes home. It’s usually in those moments, after everyone leaves, that how much I did (or didn’t) get to during the day sinks in. Things always come up to throw my plans off for the day.  I work in a culture of the unexpected. I’ve learned to just roll with it and resolve to finish it all at night.

Depending on Ari’s call/boxing/gym/poker-night-with-the-guys schedule, I don’t see him much except at night.  We knew this is how it would be when he entered residency, but it’s still tough.  We talk for a few minutes before he goes to the gym after work. I try not to talk too much to him about my work.  I deal with so many challenges each day that overwhelm people who aren’t used to it. To me it’s just normal business. To him, it’s emotionally taxing. This perplexes me considering he deals with dying cancer patients all day –real life– and I deal with personalities, paperwork and unending projects.  So, I keep my work issues to myself.  I work most nights till about midnight when I tuck myself into bed to check email again and read the Bible until I get sleepy.  A couple times a week I go grocery shopping (ie- I do “the grocery marathon” to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and Harris Teeter.) I signed up for a membership at Massage Envy so I would force myself to at least take an hour every week to breathe.  I love that hour. Weekends Ari is usually working. I try to travel on those weekends because, honestly, it’s no fun being home alone.  Rather than get out and be social if I’m here by myself, I tend to, well… work.  I warned you before about this post, friends.  My daily life, even though I’m a very content grateful person, is intense yet not so glamorous.  My staff can attest that I never even bother to wear makeup.  I shower and throw on jeans and a t-shirt most of the time.  I think Ari has seen me in makeup 3 times in the last 6 months.  When I travel or go to events, I make myself take the time to do my hair and get dressed.  Most people think I am always decked out because those are the only pictures that get posted anywhere.  Granted, I love getting gussied up for a night or two.  It’s like playing dress up and it makes you feel good.  But, I’m always happy to come home and put the heels on a shelf for a while.

Now that this issue of the magazine is out, people are already asking me “what’s next?”  I’m about to make a big confession here and in making it, I know I’m starting to turn the wheels of change in my life: I need to get a life.  Yes, we’re completely redoing the SW site and already working on the next issue that comes out on Valentine’s Day, but I have a full roster of consulting clients that I want to devote more time to and a nagging feeling that I’m not really living.   My rep clients are where my work heart is and I frankly haven’t had enough space in my life for them recently because of the magazine.  For those of you who know me well, you know I’m not just going to put something out that I am not 100% invested in.  I had to get this magazine done and done well.  We prepped this issue for a long while, but because of how busy I’ve been, I was forced to lay it out in 11 days.  The last one took me 11 weeks.  Remember that blog post I wrote about how I was feeling rested and making sure not to over-work?  Yeah, that was funny.  Minus those 11 days, I was doing really well.  I stayed up till 6am five out of those eleven days and nearly thought I would faint from exhaustion at least ten of those days.  Thank God it’s done.  I won’t lie and say that next I’m slowing down.  I’ll take this week to sleep a little more and reflect, but I know myself better than that.  I’m refocusing.  I’m changing.  I’m doing a lot of praying.

This whole last month was a miracle.  I remember twittering “dear miracles, I need a few of you today.”  Well, I certainly got more than one.  Truth:  I didn’t think this issue would happen.  It did… mostly thanks to these amazing ladies and daily encouragement from so many generous friends.  Two weeks ago, I didn’t think we’d have a launch party.  Thanks to Rebecca and countless others, we certainly did.  I didn’t think I’d have any energy to celebrate at the launch party.  (please refer back to staying up till 6am working and feeling like I was going to pass out from exhaustion) When the Mammoth Men transformed the after party into the best dance party I’ve ever experienced and I was surrounded by all the people I love most, I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders.  They have no idea how much that meant to me… to just let loose and dance away everything you just read.  It felt like pure gold.  I didn’t think I’d love this issue.  I don’t yet (there’s the hyper-critical in me again), but I’m head over heels for the cover.  I can’t stop staring at it.  Thank you for that, Jeremy.  I didn’t think I’d write any of this, but something in me knows I need to.  I need to get this out so I don’t waste any more time feeling regret.

I know this post is all over the place and I could try to re-write it so it isn’t, but this is just how I feel right now.  I’m invigorated, tired, relieved, hopeful, sad, excited, restless, madly in love, and so grateful and humbled that it brings me to tears.  My best friend told me to go to the playground and slide down the slide, feel like a kid again and just relax a little now that the issue is done. My husband told me the same thing.  My mom told me the same thing.  I’m not really sure what to do yet but I know I need to do something. You’re all going to tell me to just take a day off and “slow down.” I could do that, but it’s not a long-term solution. I’m not looking for a vacation, I’m contemplating a complete change in how I approach my life’s work so I don’t allow myself to enter the “11 days mode.” I want to feel the freedom of being at the playground, letting go, yet still harnessing the creative gifts I’ve been given that help other people flourish in life.

Thank you to the people who celebrated with us this week.  My words don’t do justice to how blessed I feel to have such support and encouragement.  I have much more to say but for now, it’s time for work.

xo lc

P.S. my mom took this pic with her old Minolta film camera right after a storm outside of our house in Florida recently.  There’s a storm brewing in the gulf right now and my mom is having a pretty significant (non-life threatening, so don’t worry) surgery tomorrow.  I wish I was there with her.  This picture makes me think of the brilliant calm that God gives us after we’ve weathered the storm.  Thanks for this, Mom.  I love you.

P.S.S. this.