Our son was born today at 7:17pm after a miraculous day of answered prayers. And he’s a redhead! Be still my heart. 9 lbs, 4 oz, 21.5 inches long. I wrote this while we waited on him to arrive this last week, and I’m so grateful to finally share this story. More to come on the adventure of today in a couple weeks after we settle in with this little love.. 

 

Joshua Cecil Isaacson. This name. Oh, this name. With Grace, we knew very quickly what her name would be. Grace was the undeserved gift we had been given in our marriage. A fresh start. New hearts. A shared faith. I prayed, and that’s what God told me we should name her. It was as clear as can be.

But, this little one. His name has been a test of faith and surrender. Sometimes God wants to change us before He gives us answers to our prayers. Sometimes that change is the answer. And if God is in your heart change, it means that there is a story that points right back to Him. A really good story.

Through waiting and loss and waiting some more, we surrendered and rejoiced in a new path: adoption. And then… the day we finished our adoption paperwork, there were two pink lines. The timing was unmistakably God’s. And there was no doubt in our minds that we should keep going with our adoption. Read the whole story here. Right now, we are waiting to be matched with our littlest girl.

On February 7th this year, something else happened. Another unmistakable God story. Pause right now here and go read this. Don’t read any further till you do. Come right back to this spot when you’re done. I’ll be here : )

So there you have it. It was a big day. Big surrender and life change in the months that have followed.

Back to that weekend for a minute…

Ari and I stood up in church the next morning during a moving song that our friend Beverly sang, grasping each other’s hand, knowing without a doubt that we had been set free. We had let go of the past and moved forward. I can’t even describe that feeling with adequate words. There is no freedom on earth that compares to the freedom of knowing that you have nothing to hide. Nothing to feel shame about. Nothing. You are completely forgiven. His grace is truly amazing.

If you are reading this and have no idea what I mean, or feel frustrated not having felt His grace, or want it more than words–I rarely say this but–I know how you feel. For so long I thought, “Maybe I’m not good enough, or reading my Bible enough, or mature enough as a Christian. Maybe I’ve been too bad. Maybe I’ve messed up too much. Maybe God just isn’t listening.” I felt like I didn’t get it and I never would. Then I had Grace. And God showed me that faith and a relationship with Him are not about my ability to perform well; faith is about surrender. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. Knowing that He is God and I am not and that is a very good thing. He has the power to change hearts and bring what feels dead to life (our marriage for starters), not because we are awesome, but because He is. That is why it’s called the “Good News.” We don’t deserve His grace and He gives it to us anyway. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. – Ephesians 2:8

So, whatever it is that has been holding you back from surrendering to Him and laying your burdens down…

let.

it.

go.

Choose God. Set your foot on new ground, against all odds, as Joshua did. Step into the middle of the river and watch God make a way for you. He can.

Nothing on this earth is worth carrying a burden that is holding you back from your Maker. Nothing. For me, surrender is hard. The first chapter of my book starts with giving birth to Grace because that was the most challenging physical surrender I can remember. I had no control and had to fully rely on Him. Equal to that surrender has been surrendering my pride over these years, namely this year. Dying to myself. Times of humility and confession: “God I need you and I want you. But I know something isn’t right. Please help me turn away from all the junk that’s distracting me from what matters—from You.” I’ve prayed that many times and God always answers because He wants our hearts. All of our hearts.

Moving forward means first letting something go. What is that thing God is trying to get you to let go of? Start with prayer if this feels overwhelming or you don’t know where to start. Ask God what to do and then dive in, even and especially, if it feels hard. Surrender is worth it.

Back to February. Having laid it all at His feet, we both knew that Joshua was the name the Lord had given him. God is pretty big on names. Names carried meaning and stories of faith that helped others have faith too. If God changed someone’s heart, a new name came with that heart change many times (Saul to Paul). Ari and I felt strongly that this name of his would tell a story–His story–even if we didn’t fully understand it all yet.

But…

Insert nine months of “but!” I began agonizing over this name in the silliest ways and battled between total surrender to God and this: “Josh” sounded too young. His first name would end in a vowel and didn’t fit with the vowel that started “Isaacson.” It was a mouthful. I couldn’t think of any cute baby nicknames that went with Joshua. Joshy? J? We also loved the name and story of Daniel. So, would he be Joshua Daniel? JD? Or Daniel Joshua? DJ? You guys. The name game in my head was a mess. I spent months debating these things in my head and with Ari, and fighting God on it. You see, God wants meaningful stories to be told that point back to Him, and the enemy really doesn’t love that. At all.

  
Every time I went back to God and let go of all the name game mess, He said, “Trust me. This is my story.” And, friends, His plans have always been far better than mine. This wasn’t about choosing a baby name. It was about our hearts needing to change over the last nine months.

Letting go of our plans for His. Our comforts for others. Our fear for faith.

We told no one our thoughts through this process. We just prayed. We read scripture. The story of Joshua, Daniel, and others who trusted in the Lord. In retrospect, it was very good. It was just us and God. In it all, we were changed in a million little ways. We felt God saying, “Just keep listening…”

  

And then Kristin walked in my door. She showed up at my house all the way from Florida to surprise me during our team summer BBQ just a few weeks ago. In true Kristin fashion, she breezed in the door with a bouquet of balloons and a freshly-cooked batch of my favorite quinoa salad.

That night, we picked corn fresh from the garden, sampled just-pulled carrots, and chatted over dinner about everything from favorite summer memories to the best doughnuts in the area. And then we talked baby names.The ladies surprised me with a little shower and gave their name “guesses.”

Lisa: Jacob Cecil Isaacson

Emily: David Cecil Isaacson

These ladies know us well. They knew the name would be Biblical. They knew how much my grandpa, Cecil Austin, influenced my faith and love of gardening. It has been a year of cultivating meaningful relationships and spending lots of time getting our hands dirty in the mineral-drenched soil, just as Cecil loved to do. He loved what mattered: God first, his wife, and his vegetable garden. He didn’t care about accolades; He cared about eternity. The first paragraph of my book is about grandpa’s love for his wife, Celeste, who passed the day after we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant. It was also the same day we finished our adoption paperwork. God was undoubtedly in all of this.

And then Kristin: Joshua Cecil Isaacson

The moment Kristin said it, we knew. We didn’t have to speak about it. Ari and I tried to play it off and not look at each other when that name was spoken for the first time. His name. Dinner continued. Kristin was the last to leave. She insisted on helping me do dishes, which turned into deeper conversation about family and our hearts.

As we walked her to the door, Ari couldn’t help it. “Kristin. The name… you were right.”

Somehow it was all confirmed. We all had tears in our eyes. I had no words. Just awe.

But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

This journey hasn’t been about a name or a baby, it has been about God. About who He is. About His power to do what feels impossible. About Him being God and good, even in times of waiting and grief. Waiting on the Lord taught us so much. We waited for His perfect timing for this child to come. We waited nine months for this name to be confirmed. We waited and trusted and failed along the way a lot, but we kept going. And in the wait we were refined. Changed. Readied for whatever He has ahead for us.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. I have clung to these words from Isaiah for two years, in times of doubt and fear, and have seen them come true over and over again. God can do far more than we ask or imagine.

I don’t know where this post finds you. I don’t know your heart today or what’s weighing on you. What I do know: If you are in a season of doubt or fear or feeling lost, trust what you can’t yet see. God is listening. Even when you can’t feel it. He is. He makes streams in the wasteland. He makes all things new.

  

“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua‬ ‭1:7-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Welcome to the world, son. The Lord will be with you wherever you go.

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Hi! So, yes… I’m still pregnant. Twelve days past my due date. These twelve days, as short as that may sound in the big picture, have been some of the longest days. They have been challenging and yet good and prayer-packed. It’s hard to describe what it’s like to wait on a baby to come. You want to take note of labor symptoms and get excited and prepare well, yet you have to completely let go as each day passes. You can’t plan for anything and yet you have to keep going, because sitting and thinking about it too much is perhaps the worst thing to do in waiting. And I’ve done a lot of that. Lots of tears and fears and they have all brought me back to a deeper TRUST and surrender. I’ve been learning that this is not waiting time; it is living time. God created these days on purpose, for a reason, and each day has revealed so many beautiful reasons why He has said, “Not yet…”

These photos were taken right before my due date by my sweet friend, Emily.

Photo by Emily March Photography // www.emilymarchphotography.com

God’s three answers to prayer:

Yes.

Not yet.

And…

I have something better in mind.

Photo by Emily March Photography // www.emilymarchphotography.com

What’s new: My mom has been here the last couple weeks, which has been a blessing. She and Grace have painted birdhouses, played restaurant, baked, gone swimming, puttered in the garden, and told more than a few funny kitty stories. This has been sweet time for them and us. Ari and I have had little windows of time to read together and have been loving You and Me Forever by Francis Chan. Highly recommend this book! This time has been a blessing for our marriage as we’ve supported each other in the many emotions that have come in waiting. With my mom here, we’ve been able to talk more and prepare for baby. That is such a gift. Also new: we released the Write The Word journals (so excited about them!), new desk cards, and revealed the 2016 PowerSheets options. Read all about them here.

Photo by Emily March Photography // www.emilymarchphotography.com

What’s ahead: Well, at some point in the next 72 hours, I will, Lord willing, have a baby. If he doesn’t come on his own by tomorrow morning at 8am, the docs want to induce me because my fluid is getting a little low. I am already 4cm though, so I pray he comes on his own before then! It’s all in the Lord’s hands.

Photo by Emily March Photography // www.emilymarchphotography.com

July PowerSheets Goals updates:

  • Soak in the Word – Yes! In this time of waiting I have definitely been soaking in the Word and it has sustained me and changed me. I am so grateful!
  • Transition to maternity leave – Yes! 
  • Love Ari and Grace well – Yes. Having this extra unexpected time with just the three of us has been a huge blessing. 
  • Pray, surrender, listen – I didn’t know how much I would have to do this when I first wrote these goals for July, but this has been the biggest one. I have leaned into this and found peace in the very hard moments of waiting and uncertainty.
  • Listen and lead well through an encouraging last Bible Bunch before baby – Yes, the July Bible Bunch was so wonderful!
  • Love our family group + friends well before baby – Yes, and I’ve gotten such sweet “extra” time to be with them before baby.
  • Release the Write the Word journal series – Yes! And I have been LOVING my own journal the last two weeks. I’m so grateful that y’all are as excited as I am about the Write The Word journals!
  • Pray about labor + post-partum – Well, this is an answered prayer. Before this time of waiting for baby, I was plain scared of labor. Now, I crave it. More than I can express. I can’t wait! God sure knows what He is doing in changing our hearts!

Photo by Emily March Photography // www.emilymarchphotography.comI love this photo that Grace took with Emily’s camera! : ) 

August PowerSheets Goals:

  • Have a baby : )
  • Glorify God in it all
  • Pray over and decide about Gracie’s school plan. I’ve been praying often about whether or not to keep Grace in pre-school for this fall or go ahead and move to homeschool. Still praying!

Weekly goals:

  • Continue to encourage others and build them up spiritually, even when baby comes
  • “Praise Him in the sanctuary!” The artist who sings this song escapes me right now, but I love it. The goal: be with God and praise Him in all things!

Daily goals:

  • Prayer—deep prayer
  • Write The Word
  • Read and soak in the Word
  • Love Grace and Ari well

If you are in a season of waiting–for whatever it may be–I’m with you today and praying for you now. Maybe this challenging time or place is meant for your good. Maybe this season of waiting is really a season of preparation, getting you ready for something better. Something you never expected. : )

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm‬ ‭130:5‬

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