Every day, I’d put my hands on my belly to feel your kicks grow stronger. You’d dance and tickle me and make me laugh long before I saw your beautiful face. I don’t deserve you, Grace. But, that’s the funny thing. You are the living daily reminder for me of exactly what God gifts us – His grace. His love unending. His joy. His rest. We don’t deserve it, but He pours His grace in us at the perfect time, saying to us, “you are enough. You are loved fully and deeply. Everything is going to be alright. Better than alright. I have a place prepared for you.” What an awesome friend we have in God.
It’s so hard to say anything other than the following words about what has happened to your dad and I in these last nine months with you: everything changed. It keeps changing. My life becomes a little less mine every day. I fight it sometimes. I get frustrated. I cry. I get angry that things are hard at moments. And then… pow! God pours on His love… His grace. He shows me why I have to go through challenging times so I can draw near to Him. So that I can find a greater joy. My life is not my own anymore and I would have it no other way. I happily give it away and pray daily for God to keep showing me the right way to live and give and love and forgive and accept His grace.
I’ve changed several thousand diapers by now. I’ve crafted my life around feeding you. I’ve been pooped on, peed on, thrown up on, tooted on and oh my those moments make me laugh now! I’ve also been hugged and looked at in a way I cannot describe. Grace, you look at me lately with the sweetest inquisitive smile as if to say, “I love you Mommy. God loves you too. Stop worrying. Just look up. God has everything under control.” I love your smile and your amazing belly laugh and the way you get so excited to see me that, if you had wings, you’d probably fly.
Sweet baby, you are only a baby for three short more months. Oh my. How did we get here? How am I a mama? How did God give us such a beautiful sweet little love for a daughter? Grace. His grace is the answer. A gift from above for no other reason than the fact that God is good. He is, sweet pea. No matter what challenges you face in your life – and there will be many – He is always there to listen and guide you. You don’t have to be perfect or pretty or smart or funny – you just have to come as you are and lay your heart at His feet. Let Him do the rest and you’ll be A OK : )
I love you, Grace. I am so grateful for the gift of being your mommy. God is good.
P.S. I’ve been radio silent on the blog here because I’ve been working on creating a whole new one over the last year. I can’t wait to launch it this fall! Till then, you can find me on Instagram (LaraACasey) or playing with that sweet babe above : )